Julie Halpern Quotes

#1. I have always kept a stack of library books next to my bed as a lifeline. If I ever woke in the middle of the night too scared to move or too sad to roll over, the books were my saviors.

Julie Halpern

#2. So I carried on, waiting for what ever was to come, with or without God's help

Julie Halpern

#3. Raisins again. I like raisins, but I have a habit of losing one or two on the floor every time I eat them. I always find them later and think they are: a) a mouse turd or b) a cockroach. Then I figure out it's a raisin and sigh with relief. This pretty much happens every time I find a lost raisin.

Julie Halpern

#4. When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!

Julie Halpern

#5. I can't buy the idea that we're supposed to live and learn from horrible things. That somehow these things happen so we can grow as people

Julie Halpern

#6. Char bought a pack of clove cigarettes, claiming they tasted good, to which I ask why doesn't she just go suck on a clove so I don't have to inhale her perfumed second hand smoke?

Julie Halpern

#7. I'm probably the only person on earth who had to be committed to a mental hospital to find a date.

Julie Halpern

#8. I didn't have a boyfriend. I had someone to watch horror movies with while my best friend was too sick with cancer.

Julie Halpern

#9. I did it. Who leaves a message like that? Who is so paranoid that they have to be so cryptic? If this wasn't day one of my Summer of Nothing, I might be in a hurry to figure this out. but first: breakfast.

Julie Halpern

#10. What if I have bad breath?' I asked.
'Chew on some gum,' she said.
'What if I can't find his tongue?'
'Back off on your tongue until you can feel his.'
'What if he throws up in my mouth?'
'Um, that would just be gross.

Julie Halpern

#11. Is it the boiler room? Is this the part where we both fall asleep and Freddy comes after us? 'Cause I could so kick his ass.

Julie Halpern

#12. So love is possible at the Loony Bin. Or, at least, lust.

Julie Halpern

#13. I wished I could erase the message, suck the word "sorry" from the En glish language, and hack it to pieces with a rusty ax.

Julie Halpern

#14. I hardly think it wise to put the idea of flying into the heads of impressionable teenagers who are already battling the challenges of lunacy.

Julie Halpern

#15. I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so I will refrain.

Julie Halpern