Top 75 Humor Education Quotes
#1. British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
Peter Ustinov
#2. The wizards were civilized men of considerable education and culture. When faced with being inadvertently marooned on a desert island they understood immediately that the first thing to do was place the blame
Terry Pratchett
#3. I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Jerry Seinfeld
#4. Come forward as servants of Islam, organize the people economically, socially, educationally and politically and I am sure that you will be a power that will be accepted by everybody.
Muhammad Ali Jinnah
#5. A word says more than a thousand images. Exercises for the visually inclined: illustrate "appreciation", "humor", "software", "education", "inalienable rights", "elegance", "fact".
Erik Naggum
#6. By the time a student gets to college, he's spent a decade curating a bewilderingly diverse resume to prepare for a completely unknowable future. Come what may, he's ready--for nothing in particular.
Peter Thiel
#8. She described to us six lanes' worth of unadulterated fear, populated exclusively by motorists whose driving education had been paid for by the blood of pedestrians.
Jeff Deck
#9. My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education ... because they were both druids.
Milton Jones
#10. Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?
Bauvard
#11. The Germans have a wonderful combination of pathos, energy, and humor. They are like Californians with an education.
Joan Juliet Buck
#12. Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.
Bauvard
#13. Applied war is where the money's at. I don't mean that figuratively. Defense is 140% of the UVE budget. Offense is twice that. This is possible because there is no budget for math education.
Zach Weinersmith
#14. Try not to have a good time ... this is supposed to be educational.
Charles M. Schulz
#15. That's the trouble with cookbooks. Like sex education and nuclear physics, they are founded on an illusion. They bespeak order, but they end in tears.
Anthony Lane
#16. An empty skull is the vanitas symbol of modern education.
Bauvard
#17. Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers!
Calvin: I just don't test well.
Bill Watterson
#19. Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.
Bauvard
#20. As for my own truncated secondary education, my head was in the clouds as my mom would say, or if you asked my father, up my ass.
Michael J. Fox
#21. Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
Pete Seeger
#22. All that I've learned, I've forgotten. The little that I still know, I've guessed.
Nicolas Chamfort
#23. Yeah. Floyd is his batman."
His what?"
Batman, like in the British army, each officer had a batman, a personal servant."
You spend too much time reading, Spenser. You know more stuff that don't make you money than anybody I know.
Robert B. Parker
#24. Got it. You're fourteen. I'm proud you can count that high. It's a testament to the modern American education system. But I should probable point out that you're not the only one. I'm told you go to a school with a whole class of-get this-kids who are fourteen.- Ash
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#25. Hey, maybe instead of going to college, you should drop out and I could quit my job and we can form an all-girl band with Lane, you know, like Bananarama. We could call it Tangerinarama or Banana-fana-fo-fana-rama ... or something.
Daniel Palladino
#27. I couldn't claim that I was smarter than sixty-five other guys
but the average of sixty-five other guys, certainly!
Richard Feynman
#28. I can think of another quickie education for a child, which, in its way, is almost as salutary: Meeting a human being who is tremendously respected by the adult world, and realizing that that person is actually a malicious lunatic.
Kurt Vonnegut
#29. When a child reaches puberty, parents become so curious about their sex lives and whereabouts, put them behind bars to their own detriment. When such a child breaks free, don't be surprised to see him/her in porn movies.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#30. I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
Tallulah Bankhead
#31. Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.
Flannery O'Connor
#32. Jack Woodson is currently living and working in Dallas, TX. He has forty children, and all of them have different mothers.
John Pearson
#33. Happy is the woman who can laugh at herself. She will never cease to be amused.
Charlene Vermeulen
#34. I dislike the idea of a murderer employing children,' said Holmes darkly. 'It is, I agree, bad for their morals, and interferes with their sleep.' 'And their schooling,' added Holmes sententiously.
Laurie R. King
#35. I had been to school most all the time, and could spell, and read, and write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six times seven is thirty-five, and I don't reckon I could ever get any further than that if I was to live forever. I don't take no stock in mathematics, anyway.
Mark Twain
#36. To fit the individual to live and to function in the institutional life of his day.
Max Braithwaite
#38. A lecture has been well described as the process whereby the notes of the teacher become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either.
Mortimer J. Adler
#39. We followed the bondage Bobbsey Twins across the crowded dance floor. Those leather shorts were an adventure from behind, let me tell you.
And the pictures of Elvis decorating the walls were an education, too. It wasn't often you ran into a bondage/Elvis/ whorehouse-themed vampire
club.
Charlaine Harris
#40. The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.
Bauvard
#41. Punctuation was, it is sad to say, invented a very long time ago. Even more frustrating, it has remained with us ever since.
Anne Elizabeth Moore
#43. What did Mira show your attacker last week? he asked, desperate to turn the attention away from himself now. Yakut shrugged. Only he can know. The girl has no knowledge of what her eyes reflect. Thank God for that. Niko hated to think of the education she might have just gotten otherwise.
Lara Adrian
#44. Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?
Bruce Coville
#45. Your mission statement says Galer Street is based on global "connectitude." (You people don't just think outside the box, you think outside the dictionary!)
Maria Semple
#46. Lack of education," old Mrs. Sharpe said thoughtfully, "is an extraordinary handicap when one is being offensive. They had no resources at all.
Josephine Tey
#47. Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a reform in higher education. A School of Comparative Irrelevance, where useless or impossibe courses are given. The school's aim is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects.
Umberto Eco
#48. College is a different scene than it was ten years ago. It used to be all about sex and drugs. Now it's all about texting and fast food.
Aaron B. Powell
#50. You show up at these meetings to stay sober and you walk out with a fucking education.
Lawrence Block
#51. My profanity has a certain religious flavor that can only be learned through a lifetime of Catholic education.
Emma Chase
#52. He was afflicted with an education and a sense of humor. He was inspired by a purpose. He was armed with a phone book. He was doomed.
Alfred Bester
#53. I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
Charles M. Schulz
#54. Let me tell you something, I have never stated this, but you idiots refer to me as some moroon, I have a aster and a lwa degree. I simply cannot take the bar because of my stupid past in my 20's. You people do not want to go up against m on education because most of you will lose badly.
Larry Sinclair
#55. I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time.
Mary Ann Shaffer
#56. [Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]
"Don't they teach you anything in your schools?"
"Not about this."
"Pity. I suppose that's what comes of your main education flowing from Google.
Rachel Caine
#57. When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head.
Thomas Love Peacock
#58. College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
David Wood
#59. Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars.
Richard Halliburton
#60. What a slacker. Just because daddy paid for his college education, he thinks he can avoid dying for his country."
Willie "Drafted
Rich Allan
#61. Hey there, Hallie, welcome to the next place we need a Deer Crossing sign.'
I didn't know that deers could read.'
They can in Cosgrove County. It's part of the No Deer Left Behind program.
Laura Pedersen
#62. Eragon looked back at him, confused. "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't," said Brom impatiently. "That's why I'm teaching you and not the other way around.
Christopher Paolini
#63. American grammar doesn't have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm
Stephen King
#64. Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.
Edward Griffith Begle
#65. I used my history degree about twice a year whether I needed to or not.
Patricia Briggs
#66. In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
#67. It wasn't all that different from any particularly demanding boarding school, except that of course nobody ever went home for the holidays and we had a lot of brain surgery.
Kage Baker
#69. Pheromones didn't care about tomorrow. They didn't care about education or employment or age.
Tracy Brogan
#70. Now, I have nothing against the public school system as it is presently organized, once you allow the humor of its basic assumption about how it is possible to teach things to children ...
Shirley Jackson
#71. George," said Fred, "I think we've outgrown full-time education."
"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself," said George lightly.
J.K. Rowling
#72. Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
Chris Rock
#73. If you can read this, thank a teacher.
Anonymous
#74. It turns out that we're not the only ones who go out on a scientific limb as we discuss or attempt to discuss cars, car repairs and scientific education in America today.
Tom Magliozzi
#75. Education always continues. We all know that beauty fades, but what stays is a person's personality, their sense of humor, their wit, what they're interested in. That's what really shines.
Stephanie Seymour
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