Honest Humor Quotes

#1. You know what make me laugh? Good, clean, honest humor. Not-trying-to-be-funny humor. Like Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell got that kind of humor.

Redman

#2. Mrs. Jennings wrote to tell the wonderful tale, to vent her honest indignation against the jilting girl, and pour forth her compassion towards poor Mr. Edward, who, she was sure, had quite doted upon the worthless hussy ...

Jane Austen

#3. How ya doing?" Gabby's face came into view, and she grinned down at me. She'd stopped doing her healing thing, and the pain rushed in.
"I'm just peachy," I quipped, throat scratchy. "Only hurts when I breathe or blink or exist, if I'm being honest.

Laura Kreitzer

#4. They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever.

Mike Judge

#5. Wit, after all, is a mighty tart, pungent ingredient, and much too acid for some stomachs; but honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting.

Washington Irving

#6. Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?

Chelsea Handler

#7. If I could make it better I would, he says. In some ways it's a stupid, obvious thing to say, but the way he said it, so honest and simple like it's the truest thing there is, makes the tears prick in my eyes. (Before I Fall)

Lauren Oliver

#8. If we're being honest, then, yeah, it's going to suck donkey ass. But we'll get to the other side, and we'll be together.

Eli Easton

#9. I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to humor.

Mort Sahl

#10. Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":
"Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy"
"Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma."
"But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don't shoot anyone.

Darynda Jones

#11. If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent.

Christy Hall

#12. To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#13. Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.

Chuck Klosterman

#14. A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it.

Ivan Reitman

#15. Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

Robert Orben

#16. I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.

Joseph Heller

#17. [C]hildren were a much more difficult audience than adults because no on had yet had a chance to teach them that it was better to be polite than honest.

Patricia Briggs

#18. She's a poker player's wet dream. Sorry, sweetheart, you can't bluff for anything.

Katherine McIntyre

#19. The devoutest person could have rendered no greater homage to the efficacy of an honest prayer than he did in this distrust of his wife. It was as if a professed unbeliever in ghosts should be frightened by a ghost story.

Charles Dickens

#20. Some honest people think it is better to know the ways of the devil without being evil.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#21. I love you like my own sister. Which is why I won't hesitate to tell you that I don't believe it.

Emma Bull

#22. They say that writers face the blank page. That's not true. It's more like 200 hundred blank pages!

R.S. Mellette

#23. Master: When a human being asks 'WHO AM I?', the honest answer is eternal silence.
Disciple: Do we make noise to feel that silence, Master?

Saurabh Sharma

#24. Monday isn't that bad to be honest, What makes it bad is living in it.

Day

#25. He opened the first letter, No "Dear Mr. Woods." It was a page full of profanities. There was something oddly refreshing about honest, to-the-point hate mail. No hypocrisy and forced politeness. Too many letters ripped you to shreds, then closed off 'Sincerely yours.

Randy Alcorn

#26. Things I had come to find humor in would make your honest man swoon.

Patrick DeWitt

#27. How to live spiritually:
- Love and appreciate yourself
- Be honest with yourself
- Express yourself truthfully
- Know you are abundance
- Remember to use humor
- Don't forget to choose

Rene Gaudette

#28. But I could never see what was so awful and wrong about being honest. And I didn't think it had anything to do with being an only child. I believed it had more to do with the fact that I had an inherently low bullshit tolerance, and what the hell is wrong with that?

Josie Bloss

#29. Rarely is the pain of losing someone expressed with such directness, energy, and, yes, humor. The grief in Evan Kuhlman'sWolf Boyis palpable, and so is the flawed, honest humanity of his characters. Here is real loss and somehow, real catharsis.

Peter Orner

#30. Nor would anybody suspect. If was one thing all people took for granted, was conviction that if you feed honest figures into a computer, honest figures come out. Never doubted it myself till I met a computer with a sense of humor.

Robert A. Heinlein

#31. Perhaps I'll start calling myself The Invisible Queen. Sometimes just having a title helps.

J.C. Carleson

#32. There were a few things scarier than a bipolar vampire off his meds, but to be honest, not that many.

Rachel Caine

#33. To be honest, I almost never use the dictionary. I just don't like dictionaries. I don't like the way they look, and I don't like what they say inside.

Haruki Murakami

#34. There is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo.

Caitlin Moran

#35. My friend Kathy is the only person who'll be halfway honest with me. 'Did you ever see a cowboy film, where someone has been caught by the Indians and tied between two wild stallions, each pulling in opposite directions?' she asked.
I nodded mutely.
'That's a bit what giving birth is like.

Marian Keyes

#36. I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

Craig Benzine

#37. He wanted more, as did I, but we still had a ways to go. I wasn't a tease and my demands seemed pretty reasonable: always be honest and try not to eat me.

~ Sam, Living Violet

Jaime Reed

#38. The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

Mark Twain

#39. CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?
CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you.
CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets.

William Shakespeare

#40. To be honest, your crap fascinates me. Having you here is like visiting a foreign land.

Samanthe Beck

#41. Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#42. Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.

Cathy Guisewite

#43. Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'

Marc Maron

#44. Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist.

Laurie Notaro

#45. He looked okay. No, to be honest. He looked a lot better than okay. He looked ... fine. Fine, as in get the Chiffons over here to sing a chorus.

Josh Lanyon

#46. She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#47. I often calculate odds on horse races; the civil service computermen frequently program such requests. But the results are so at variance with expectations that I have concluded either that the data is too meager, or the horses or riders are not honest. Possibly all three.

Robert A. Heinlein

#48. I tried all kinds of approaches: sexy, friendly, intimidating - nothing worked. I'm starting to think there's an invisible force field that prevents honest communication between X and Y chromosomes.

Jody Gehrman

#49. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.

Ricky Gervais

#50. Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial.

Jasper Fforde

#51. Honest change? Honest? Has someone altered the definition of the word while my back was turned, or have you recently developed a sense of humor?

Ellen Kushner

#52. I'll keep it in my bedside drawer, in case I'm woken in the middle of the night and mistake the cat for an intruder. An honest accident."
"You're not shooting the cat. It would leave a mess.

Kelley Armstrong

#53. (aside) Oh, you are well tuned now,
But I'll set down the pegs that make this music,
As honest as I am.

William Shakespeare

#54. Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

Washington Irving

#55. I liked the premise of this material. I love the marriage relationship. They kind of keep each other honest, and they enjoy each other's sense of humor. Kind of a sexy but boring relationship.

Patricia Arquette

#56. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

#57. I know I'm not an easy She-dragon to. not fear." "I'm not afraid of you, Ghleanna. I've never been afraid of you. To be quite honest. I think you're amazing. I always have. Since the first time you ignored me.

G.A. Aiken

#58. Besides, I kind of like my face intact like this, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, a full set of teeth, which, if I'm being honest, is one of my better features.

Jennifer Niven

#59. He ... " Richard began. "The marquis. Well, you know, to be honest, he seems a little bit dodgy to me."
Door stopped. The steps dead-ended in a rough brick wall. "Mm," she agreed. "He's a little bit dodgy in the same way that rats are a little bit covered in fur.

Neil Gaiman

#60. To be honest, I thought of you as an amateur - a spoiled, entitled, runaway princeling bent on revenge who would get caught and then complicate my elegant scheme. I figured the less you knew, the better."
"I hate it when you sugarcoat things," Ash said.

Cinda Williams Chima

#61. I'm a writer. I'm a Christian. I like sex. But I haven't had it. I believe in waiting until marriage. But that doesn't mean I want my characters to.

Michelle N. Onuorah

#62. You okay, chuck?
I nodded, or tried to, anyway. To be honest, I was pretty confused and disorientated. The three thoughts circling round my head were How was I going to get to my toilet now?, Oh my God, I can see Evan's cock! and Did Rai just say he wanted untying?

Josephine Myles

#63. I've been on jobs like that before, everyone stuck on the money not the work, watching their backs every minute. Bad for your health and your business. We'll do this civilised, or not at all. What do you say?
"I say civilised," said Shenkt. "For pity's sake, let's kill like honest men.

Joe Abercrombie

#64. A girl has to have a beautiful smile, Beautiful eyes and she should have a good sense of humor. She should be honest, loving and trustworthy.

Justin Bieber

#65. Oh, God, oh, God. A sense of humor. She'd thought the hardly-even-a-hint she'd caught of it a while back had been a one-off thing, but that was a joke he'd just made. An honest-to-God joke! She wanted to have his baby.

Susan Andersen

#66. It was probably easier in the old days when the bad guys rode into town wearing black capes or whatever bad guys wore and the milk cows were ownded by honest people. Right off the bat, you'd know who you were dealing with. Now everybody dresses alike.

Joan Bauer

#67. An honest politician is an oxymoron.

Mark Twain

#68. Also, I think I felt something come loose back there. I'm not trying to overreact or anything but I think it was my uterus. Honest. I think my uterus jiggled free. My uterus is just going to come out between my legs and I'm going to look like I'm walking around with an enormous load in my pants.

Meg Cabot

#69. The Americans called theirs the Officers Club but the Canadians called ours the Officers Mess. The American term was the more honest; ours the more accurate. Drunken officers at play are messy.

R.J. Childerhose

#70. If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that's too much reality for me to admit.

S.L. Scott

#71. As far as I know, I'm the most honest person I've met in this life.

Pat R

#72. Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does.

Karl Germain

#73. Would any of you like to share your career aspirations within the class? Jim?

I dunno, to be honest, I was just hoping to be able to keep the demons away...

Jillian Tamaki