Great Joke Quotes

#1. There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage.

Judy Gold

#2. Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

Dane Cook

#3. I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

Lewis Black

#4. Here's a professional tip: If you have to say you're kidding, it might not be a great joke.

Ellen DeGeneres

#5. More than anything I have learned that we are all frail people, vulnerable and wounded; it is just that some of us are more clever at concealing it than others! And of course the great joke is that it is O.K. to be frail and wounded because that is the way the almighty transcendent God made people.

Sheila Cassidy

#6. I always joke that my kids' favorite holiday is Father's Day. They love the way I celebrate the occasion by writing each of them a thank-you letter and a generous check. It's my way of letting them know how much I appreciate the great pleasure and privilege of being their dad.

Wayne Dyer

#7. They tell us that we live in a great free republic; that our institutions are democratic; that we are a free and self-governing people. This is too much, even for a joke. But it is not a subject for levity; it is an exceedingly serious matter.

Eugene V. Debs

#8. The truth is, my dad was a great driver. I mean, he could handle an automobile. He loved speed. He used to joke that his one regret was he didn't join the volunteer fire service so he could drive the ambulance.

Joe Biden

#9. What is the universe? Is it a great 3D movie in which we are the unwilling actors? Is it a cosmic joke, a giant computer, a work of art by a Supreme Being or simply an experiment? The problem in trying to understand the universe is that we have nothing to compare it to.

Heinz Pagels

#10. I've heard the joke a million times that "Jews in Sports" must be the thinnest book in the world. Actually, I've seen a lot of great players working at the Maccabi Games.

Dolph Schayes

#11. God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage

Mark Twain

#12. Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.

Reba McEntire

#13. The extraordinary mystique of hers made you think she lived on rose petals and listened to nothing but Mozart, but it wasn't true. She was quite funny and ribald. She could tell a dirty joke. She played charades with a great sense of fun and vulgarity, and she could be quite bitchy.

Andre Previn

#14. God's great, holy joke about the messiah complex is this: Every human being who has ever lived has suffered from it--except one. And he was the Messiah.

John Ortberg

#15. I have got acquainted with Lofty John. Ilse is a great friend of his and often goes there to watch him working in his carpenter shop. He says he has made enough ladders to get to heaven without the priest but that is just his joke.

L.M. Montgomery

#16. Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters.

Bret Easton Ellis

#17. It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!

Kevin Nealon

#18. I still love a well-crafted joke. Twitter's been great for that.

Kyle Kinane

#19. I told a joke and people laughed and it was the best feeling. I knew I wanted to do this as a career. I never knew I could get such a high from telling a joke. There's something so extraordinary about having people listening to you and hanging onto your words - it's a great feeling.

Chris Tucker

#20. When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death, My life has been one great big joke, A dance that's walked, A song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke, When I think about myself. Sixty

Maya Angelou

#21. Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing.

Travis Nichols

#22. "What a joke: Tiny living entities crawling on a little planet and are thinking, "I am Great". "

Radhanath Swami

#23. A great many of us engage in this kind of climate change denial. We look for a split second and then we look away. Or we look but then turn it into a joke ("more signs of the Apocalypse!"). Which is another way of looking away.

Naomi Klein

#24. The deepest motivation for a lot of artists is obviously the one they all share: their great fear they are a fraud. It's a joke. In my case the problem is not that I don't question myself. It's just that I question other people even more ...

Philip-Lorca DiCorcia

#25. So, great. This is Camp ... what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?"
Aphros frowned. "I hope that was a joke. This is Camp ." He made a sound that was a series of sonar pings and hisses.

Rick Riordan

#26. And suddenly it wasn't a joke. The further she went, the more serious Lassiter got, and the shakier Wrath's shellan became, as if the words she were speaking were ones of great value and meaning. This was tradition for her, he realized.

J.R. Ward

#27. I have a great pic of my father and Rev. Graham laughing hysterically at some joke with George Pratt Shultz looking on back in 1972 or so.

Ben Stein

#28. New York was at the forefront of rap, so because of all the great people who have gone before me, being a rapper from Queens, I have to live up to those standards. I'm basically just a regular guy who says what he feels and likes to joke. I like long walks on the beach ... and I love rap.

Action Bronson

#29. Chance could share shit like that with his brother. Chance shared everything with his brother. To him, Quinn was some sort of superhero who occasionally got knee-walking drunk, told great stories, could crack a joke, and pissed him off from time to time.

Alex Morgan

#30. Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming out of the character. If you don't have that, jokes are just empty and I think that people rely too much on jokes.

Brett Gelman

#31. Just don't ask me to deliver any more satyr babies and we'll get along great.

Rick Riordan

#32. I come from a town of great musicians: Washington, D.C. It's no joke, that history.

Henry Rollins

#33. Watching movies in the U.S. is great fun because they get every joke, they smile, they laugh so much; it's a great feeling.

Jet Li

#34. A great door opened by God for work, but while I'm doing the work, all Hell breaks loose. Oh! The idea that when God opens a door and He's with you, you don't have to fight. Oh, what a joke. That is a joke. In fact, if you don't feel the devil fighting against you, that's a bad sign.

Jim Cymbala

#35. I watch children a great deal; their idea is that rules are always negotiable, whereas you absolutely cannot joke at the airport about your toothpaste, and you cannot rollerblade in Grand Central Station. I keep running up against these things.

Natalie Jeremijenko

#36. Then he walked in, the Great Mystery Man, now known as Cabe "Hawk" Delgado.
I'd fallen in love with him at first sight. No joke. He was hot but it wasn't lust. It was love.
Okay, it was part lust but it was mostly love.

Kristen Ashley

#37. A man and a woman cannot live together without having against each other a kind of everlasting joke. Each has discovered that the other is not only a fool, but a great fool.

Dean Koontz

#38. I think when the joke comes from the situation in a horror film, it's really great. I don't like jokey horror films like where people are cracking a joke or being post-modern about it.

Guillermo Del Toro

#39. It's a joke to think that anyone is one thing. We're all such complex creatures. But if I'm going to be a poster child for anything, anger's a gorgeous emotion. It gets a bad rap, but it can make great changes happen.

Alanis Morissette

#40. By seeing the way a joke worked in the horseplay of a printing shop two centuries ago, we may be able to recapture that missing element - laughter, sheer laughter, the thigh-slapping, rib-cracking Rabelaisian kind, rather than the Voltairian smirk with which we are familiar.

Robert Darnton

#41. Billy (Martin) was a great one for jokes. He liked to play a joke more than anyone I ever knew.

Mickey Mantle

#42. My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked,
A song that's spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke,
When I think about myself.

Maya Angelou

#43. That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

Alan King

#44. I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.

Luke Wilson

#45. I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.

Rainn Wilson

#46. Matter of fact, the way we got a path, a great friend, Arlen Specter, I convinced him to switch parties. Not a joke. Not a joke. He was the deciding vote.

Joe Biden

#47. There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you're pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.

John Mulaney

#48. If you think the worst you'll get the worst, but if you think the best ... "
"and then everything will blow up in your face anyway. Don't you get the punchline yet? Its the great cosmic practical joke: Knock knock, who's there? Big kick in the Ass.

Brad Meltzer

#49. I love doing great entertainment, but I like the joke to be on me. I don't want to take advantage of some poor person and dog 'em out and let the chips fall.

Terry Crews

#50. Before YouTube, I used to show videos at film festivals, and that was good and constructive. Watching things with an audience is a great way to gauge - it's pretty clear what's working in comedy when there's a joke and people laugh or don't laugh.

Jason Woliner