Funny Sexy Quotes

#1. Started out, Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho ... What is zaftig? Isn't that German for big fat pig? I guess I was lucky- zaftig is kind of a nice word. It could have been, Funny, sexy, OBESE Margaret Cho.

Margaret Cho

#2. The musical stuff I'd go up for was always funny, sexy, tough-as-nails, heart-of-gold characters.

Bebe Neuwirth

#3. At once, it's clear I cannot gush. We try me playing cocky, but I just don't have the arrogance. Apparently, I'm too "vulnerable" for ferocity. I'm not witty. Funny. Sexy. Or mysterious By the end of the session, I am no one at all.

Suzanne Collins

#4. Henry Miller is a famous writer whose work has fallen out of fashion, but I strongly recommend that readers who don't know his work pick up a book and experience this writer's zealous, crazy, inventive, funny, sexy, often delirious prose.

Siri Hustvedt

#5. Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all.

Neil Simon

#6. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.

Kendall Ryan

#7. She held her hand out in front of her. "Wait."
"No," I groaned and then cleared my throat. "I mean okay, I can wait.

Kenya Wright

#8. I might be able to walk away from sexy, dangerous shifters, but chocolate had me at its beck and call.

Meghan Ciana Doidge

#9. Real sex is as much about reciprocity as it is exploration and if you need a reason to resent a man later on, just consider the guy who doesn't believe in cunnilingus ...

Roberto Hogue

#10. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

Dustin Hoffman

#11. Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?" the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. "Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired.

John Green

#12. Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed.

Marcello Mastroianni

#13. It was like my uterus was tapping out a happy dance on the rest of my organs. God, I was dying the longest, most tortuous, and arousing death in the history of the world.

Cora Carmack

#14. Here." He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. "You'll be warmer, and I promise I won't grope you or anything."

Yes, because getting groped by a handsome, charming man hours after getting dumped by a workaholic iceberg was such a repulsive notion.

Meg Maguire

#15. I think there's something really sexy about being funny and being quirky and weird. I think we're in a generation where we're accepting weirdness and individuality, and I think that's the most important part.

Denise Bidot

#16. I'm 27. I feel like I get it. I'm OK with being sexy if I feel like it. Some days I'm brainy, some days I'm funny, some days I'm sexy, and sometimes, I just want to dance.

Nelly Furtado

#17. Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you'd sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need?

Jayde Scott

#18. She's smart, she's funny and she's not afraid to take risks. Not to mention that she's beautiful, sexy and charming. You know it, I know it, and soon everyone else will know it. The only person who doesn't know it is her because of archaic fuckheads like yourself telling her otherwise.

Karina Halle

#19. Bella,leave the aggressive stuff to me."
My heart quirks in my chest. I may not like this guy but that sounded so hot. "Um ... " Focus,focus. "What?

Jenny B. Jones

#20. Josh squeezed her arm. "I'll behave," he murmured. "For now."
She's going to pickle your cucumbers."
"He has more than one?" Natalie whispered.
"That's between me and Kimmie," Josh replied.

Jamie Farrell

#21. People would be in hysterics if they saw that. It's like, wow, he's a superhuman moron ... So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant, and does little circus acts as well. Oh, he's so sexy.

Robert Pattinson

#22. I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

Olivia Munn

#23. You ever tried sixty-nine, Lola? I think you'd like it. You're a good multi-tasker.

Bianca Giovanni

#24. Suzanne glanced over at her, eyebrow raised. "Is there an anaconda?" she asked, like it had suddenly occurred to her she could be totally wrong.
Tamara should only be so lucky. "No, there's no anaconda, I can promise you that." Not even a garden snake.

Erin McCarthy

#25. Being sexy is kind of funny to me. You know, I can get kind of spunky or I can get tough, you know, that kind of tough, sexy look. But sexy? No, I don't think so.

Reba McEntire

#26. Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.

S.K. Logsdon

#27. I don't want to dig him or his sexy self. But I keep losing my clothes when I'm with him.

Jill Shalvis

#28. Being sexy is kind of funny to me.

Reba McEntire

#29. This wonderful, sexy, funny guy was completely psychotic. And I was still holding his hand.
Even more surprisingly, I still didn't want to let go.

Katherine Pine

#30. In third grade I thought I loved her - by sixth grade, I was sure of it

Emma Chase

#31. Stupid is never that entertaining. You can be stupid and sexy, stupid and funny but he's just plain stupid. That is not remarkable, that's what I mean.

John Waters

#32. I'm actually pretty good at stripping, which makes me wonder what happened in my previous life. Funny enough, I don't wear a lot of clothes when I dance and it's very sexy, so it wasn't too hard to get into the motion of it.

Julianne Hough

#33. I'm a whore!"
Miki hit the brakes ... her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"
Sara let out a strangled squeal ...

Shelly Laurenston

#34. When you started this engagement farce I thought I was going to hate every minute of it. Instead I loved every minute of it. I loved every minute of being with you. You're bright, sexy, funny, confident, sexy, strong, warm - did I say sexy?

Sarah Morgan

#35. I had gotten to a place where I truly believed everything I was called: 'not sexy,' 'not funny,' 'too intense,' desperate.' All those labels they gave me, I took them because there wasn't a trace of my true self left.

Naomi Watts

#36. Woah, their gorgeous not so fast I haven't even catched your name or your number - Jaxson Evans

Brit Gosik

#37. I can be dramatic. I can be funny. I can be sexy. I can be sad. I can be glad.

Kimberly Elise

#38. I think he fucked me stupid- McKenzie Matthews- Being Beckett's

P.S. Berryman

#39. Hello, beautiful. Just wrap those long, sexy legs around me and I'll ride you anywhere, any time you want." Talfryn
"This one's all yours. Go ahead, brother, wrap your long, sexy legs right around his waist and ride him all night long." Cadegan

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#40. A little vanilla never hurt anybody." He nipped her ankle. "Great shoes by the way. Sexy as hell.

Hanna Lui

#41. We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did.

Emma Chase

#42. Be honest, but don't hurt anyone's feelings be independent, but not a loner be smart, but not a nerd be sexy, but not a slut be skinny, but don't barf up your burger be funny, but not to hide some other deficiency.

Wendy Mass

#43. It's hard to believe someone who walks around commanding so much attention with his acute cockiness, hard muscles, and tattoos would ever let someone like me bring him to his knees-and make no mistake, I bring him to his knees. I bring him to his knees, hard.

Skyla Madi

#44. Sex is always funny. I don't find it sexy, I find it really horrifying. But it's an act that we need. And that need, that desire, is what makes it really funny.

Elizabeth Banks

#45. She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.

Sarah Mayberry

#46. I tapped my cup to his, grateful to have found Shaun, because for a minute there, I'd thought I was going to have to save myself. Instead, I'd wandered into the protective care of a sexy older man.

Becca Fitzpatrick

#47. I've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the
sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.
"Fuck."
Ellie giggled.
I squinted an eye at him. "Is that a good fuck?"
He grinned. "Well you're that too, babe.

Samantha Young

#48. Being sexy is just one component. It's not a thing I am. It's a thing I can be. It's a side of myself I can tap into, just like I can tap into my funny side, my quirky side or my dramatic side. It's not what I am.

Eva Mendes

#49. I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

Henny Youngman

#50. She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left.

Tami Lund

#51. They drove towards the city and Dan handed Lyssa a loose Hermes scarf.
'Yours?' she teased.
'Mum's,' he answered as Lyssa tied it over her eyes. 'You look very sexy like that.'
'And you sound really creepy right now,' Lyssa said, laughing.

Kate Forster

#52. What they saw was a hero baby. That's what you are. A survivor. A strong woman. Beautiful... Funny as hell... Sexy... Sweet...

Lucian Bane

#53. Are we going to be stupid?" she whispered.
"Define stupid."
"Anything that involves either one of us exposing our favorite body parts." Or their hearts ...
"I want to hear about your favorite body part," he said. "In great detail.

Jill Shalvis

#54. Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Robin Williams

#55. The funny thing is, London is an incredibly interesting city. It's very sexy and it's very different, with the Thames winding through it like a snake.

Mel Smith

#56. What is it about Paris that I just can't keep my hands off of you?" I ask him in between kisses.
"It has nothing to do with Paris and everything to do with my raw sexuality, baby. I'm fucking irresistible," he growls just before he shoves his tongue down my throat.
I can't argue with that.

Ella Dominguez

#57. Two things are not debatable: eroticism, and comedy. If you don't think it's sexy, or funny, there's no way I can change your mind.

Gene Siskel

#58. In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. "Oh! You have a KitchenAid."
"If you're planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode," he said from behind her.
Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. "That would be awkward.

Jamie Farrell

#59. Who doesn't love a funny girl who can look sexy at the same time?

Malin Akerman

#60. If your partner is consistently unhappy, it won't matter if they're incredibly sexy, wildly funny, impressively successful, adorably charismatic - your relationship will be weighed down under the heaviness of their moods.

Karen Salmansohn

#61. If I could play any role in any musical, it would be Desiree in 'A Little Night Music' - Oh my, it is perfection. The character gets to be funny, beautiful, sexy and smart all at the same time and have two men fighting over her. The show is Stephen Sondheim at his absolute best ... need I say more?

Nancy Allen

#62. This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they also like to eat snails.

Dave Barry

#63. You know what you are, Sam Brody?" she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "A big, fat tease." They both knew there wasn't an ounce of fat on him. They also both knew exactly what she meant.

Jill Shalvis

#64. Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I'm fine with wither, so it doesn't matter to me.

Katie MacAlister

#65. I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Mariah Gonzales

#66. I drank to be funny, or sexy. I drank because I was afraid or happy or sad, and I drank for anything that required emotional commitment ... I had chosen a profession that thrives on insecurity, and is never far from some source of social intercourse that involves alcohol or drugs.

Lynda Bellingham

#67. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

Sophia Loren

#68. You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!" Kennedy hisses.
"And you have the chest of one.

Emma Chase

#69. Damn! Beautiful and funny. I can't wait to see what else you're hiding behind that sexy smile.

M. Leighton

#70. But as an escort it's our duty to hold their attention and play with their heads. The one between their ears and the one in their pants.

S.K. Logsdon

#71. To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong!

Chad Michael Murray

#72. Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
"Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer." he mutters

Bec Botefuhr

#73. No sex is better than bad sex.

Germaine Greer

#74. There's nothing about the times when she wasn't funny or sexy, or when she talked too much or about her pissing or shitting. There's no way to really preserve a person when they're gone and that's because whatever you write down it's not the truth, it's just a story.

Steven Hall

#75. Oh God, I've unleashed a monster, haven't I?"
"Nope. Just a red-blooded man, darlin'.

Leah Braemel

#76. I made a tactical error tonight with Wyatt." She paused "Horizontally."
Sara laughed. "Again?

Jill Shalvis

#77. Okay, first of all, I didn't sleep with you to make amends. I slept with you because I wanted to."
He still didn't say anything, and she pointed at him again. "And you know what? It was your own damn fault. It was those jeans you wear, and the tool belt. It was the size of your hammer!

Jill Shalvis

#78. If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.

Jody Wallace

#79. When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

Nenia Campbell

#80. He'd use this opportunity to impress Rick and show him that he did, in fact, have more to offer than just being a sexy skanktart. To show that he wasn't just a brainless bimfoon, that's when a bimbo breeds with a buffoon, resulting in a true, hot mess.

Kyle Adams

#81. Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them.

Mae West

#82. jenna had felt sexy-funny, like lucille ball with flour streaks on her face, a crumb-covered apron that didn't exactly flatter her, and yet nick had kissed her like a prom king falling for the reinvented girl in a movie.

Emily Franklin

#83. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

Sharon Stone

#84. Whatcha do to Ricky Ricardo? Found him talking real fast in Spanish."

"Nothing." She looked at Tony. "He's just moody, and the moodier he gets, the less you can understand him.

Sidney Halston

#85. Alright, good night," he said, his words a little slurred. "But before I pass out, I want you to know that you're the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.

Erin McCarthy

#86. I know what party you're talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you're going to be there in a costume." He winked and leaned back in his seat.
"I'm going as a homeless person."
"Sexy.

Chanelle Gray

#87. So hologram means
" I finally said.
"It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now.

Rachel Hawkins

#88. If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

George Carlin

#89. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

Robert De Niro

#90. You look good as a Pirate." Erin
"Ahoy, matey," he said, laying her back against the grass. "Me cap'n's ship needs a port." V' Aidan
"Me cap'n's port needs a ship." Erin

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#91. The keys that unlock the heart are made of funny materials: a disarming phrase that comes out of the blue, nowhere, a certain sexy walk that sends you reeling, the way someone hums when she is alone. My father said it was the way my mother danced with him.

Jonathan Carroll

#92. Very Nice to meet you all"
They all floated in silence as if waiting on something when it dawned on me that they were waiting for me to get in. I pulled off my shirt and tossed it with my towel. When I turned around their mouths were agape.
"What?"
"N-nothing" Finley said, her eyes wide.

Fisher Amelie

#93. I already apologized for that."
"No, you didn't."
"Then I'm sorry.""
"Fuck your sorry."
"Fine. Fuck my sorry.

Kenya Wright

#94. I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.
- Simon Hunt

Dannika Dark

#95. I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia Loren, or funny and humorous, a la Woody Allen. Getting to do things along those lines would be extremely wicked and a dream come true.

Azita Ghanizada

#96. I want you to know, chickens aren't sexy. Not to me."
This was met with silence.
"Are you there?" She was slurring her words now, which was embarrassing, so she took a deep breath. "Cam? Can you hear me?"
"Yes, chickens aren't sexy. Uh ... I don't think they're meant to be.

Jill Shalvis

#97. You're a lot of things, Nell Hawthorne. You're complex. You're cute. You're lovely. You're funny. You're strong. You're beautiful." She seems to be struggling with words and emotions. I keep going. "You're tortured. You're hurting. You're amazing. You're talented. You're sexy as fuck.

Jasinda Wilder

#98. Mew - mew. Mew." I jump back from her finger swipes. "I am fluent in pussy, but I have no idea what this fucking means, Georgia.

Pella Grace

#99. So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?"
"What?"
"All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?"
"You think Warner is sexy?"
"That is not what I said.

Tahereh Mafi

#100. And she looks at me with her eyes open wide and a face that says: Oh my God, I'm muckin' around in my sexy Jesus-boots, in my crazy dreamworld, and I've opened the door and let you in on my crazy dreamworld and that's so embarrassing but, actually, who cares? because it's funny.

Jaclyn Moriarty