Funny Get Out Of Bed Quotes

#1. So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land

Richard Llewellyn

#2. You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

Daniel Tosh

#3. If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK.

John Pinette

#4. Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark.

Chris Owen

#5. When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

Jim Gaffigan

#6. Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.

Charles M. Schulz

#7. What was that?" Taylor snapped, suddenly alert.
"Oh, sorry," Paige said, standing up and rubbing her eyes, "I fell off the bed."
Suddenly, I couldn't help it
I giggled.
"Oh, shut up, Tess," Taylor said at the same time as Paige snapped, "It's not funny!

Embee

#8. He thinks I'm beautiful and told me so. He thinks I'm funny because I make him laugh all the time. He's fantastic in bed and when I say that not once, not even once have we been together where he's not taken care of me and it's not unheard of he takes care of me twice in one go.

Kristen Ashley

#9. So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.

Tommy Cooper

#10. Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.

Daniel Tosh

#11. I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

Frankie Boyle

#12. Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. Hey, Dark Princess? Here's your crap. Also, bite me.

Rachel Caine

#13. I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

Steven Wright

#14. Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a can of Mace in one hand and pepper spray in the other." - Katie
Jorlan's expression turned mocking. "Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a feather in one hand and massage oil in the other.

Gena Showalter

#15. Shaga: How would you like to die, little man?
Tyrion: In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock.

George R R Martin

#16. It doesn't seem fair," he murmured, once again smoothing out her messy bed head. "You get all the morning sickness, the kicks in the ribs and the bloated stomach and swollen ankles, and I get nine months of sex without condoms.

Linda Kage

#17. I had no idea what time it was, but I felt boneless and it would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. Or chocolate.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#18. She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.

Richelle Mead

#19. You ... you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."
"I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."
And then he took me to the bed.

Richelle Mead

#20. He always smelled like warm wood and brandy, even when he hadn't had a drop of drink. Funny how he managed that. Funny how his smell was in her bed.
Henry's eyelids fluttered open.
Funny how he was in her bed.

Julia Quinn

#21. My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

Chic Murray

#22. You're starting to look like you did before, and that's not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I'm growing breasts? - Kye

Krista Alasti

#23. Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me!

Jim Carrey

#24. Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed.

Marcello Mastroianni

#25. A snap of Rhys's fingers, and my nightclothes - and some flimsy underthings - appeared on the bed. "I couldn't decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from."
"Pig," I barked

Sarah J. Maas

#26. If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>

Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

#27. It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!?

Jeff Hirsch

#28. Let me see if I have this quite correct", said Tessa after a pause. "Jessamine found youth the invitation in your hand, so you struck her over the head with a mirror and tied her to her bed?"
Sophie nodded.
"Good Lord,

Cassandra Clare

#29. This man dresses like an unmade bed.

Henny Youngman

#30. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Mitch Hedberg

#31. Do you sleep in a coffin?" Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny.
"Of course not," he laughs loudly. "I sleep in a bed." A pause. "Would you like to see it?

L. H. Cosway

#32. Go to bed, Cammie," my aunt ordered, sounding exactly like my mother.
"No," I said, sounding exactly like my aunt.

Ally Carter

#33. I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed.

Brooke Nevin

#34. Lying in bed with Johnny Depp sussing out which males are what kind of pet from their clothes.

Diane Messidoro