Family Humor Quotes

#1. We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment.

Bil Keane

#2. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.

F.K. Preston

#3. Huh! Mankind always comes up with ideas to make up for the follies of the status quo. But what happens if those ideas are inflexible and fail to respond to the changing times. They end up betraying the people who believed in them.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#4. I think we should wean Grandma.

Renata Suerth

#5. My dark comic edge is the end result of trying to use humor to maintain my sanity growing up in a dysfunctional family in Honolulu.

Kirby Wright

#6. Hold onto your creativity, that idealism that is rooted in some degree of innocence and a firm belief in something finer than the things we already have.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#7. I was struck by the image of Daddy still dressed in that same plaid shirt and undershirt with the bloodstains below the neck, the one I had first seen him wearing in the jail the previous day.

Earl B. Russell

#8. Remember these, Sons! Truth presented with tenderness enriches the soul of man and enhances humanity in the process. A Franco-Cameroonian relation based on truth and nurtured with tenderness will be to the benefit not only of Kamerun and France, but also of mankind as a whole.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#9. There was pie on the table when Tugs returned. Pie in the Button family meant trouble.

Anne Ylvisaker

#10. All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.

F.K. Preston

#11. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

#12. But having people meet my family was a secret fear. It would be like taking someone to a dark room to show them my anal fissures, and you can't just go introducing everybody to your anal fissures. Only special people get to see such as that.

Harrison Scott Key

#13. I'm not very domestic. For years my family thought mold was a frosting.

Martha Bolton

#14. Most people live lives that are full of mysteries, lives whose ultimate purpose we may never really understand. But for the sake of serenity, we must believe in life's nobleness.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#15. The best way to learn Japanese is to be born as a Japanese baby, in Japan, raised by a Japanese family.

Dave Barry

#16. While you've been gadding about the countryside, we've held a meeting, and we've all of us decided that you must go.'
In short, we've voted you out of the family,' Daffy said. 'It was unanimous.

Alan Bradley

#17. It was deflating to realize how much my own family's quality of life might improve if I replaced myself with a Fundamentalist stay-at-home daughter.

Quinn Cummings

#18. True heroes and ideas never fall in the final sense of the word. They can only encounter temporary setbacks in their difficult journey to progress and success,

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#19. My dad's sense of humor was direct and sometimes surreal - his quick wit is well known amongst our family and friends. He raised me on Spike Jones records and W.C. Fields movies, and his sense of humor fell somewhere in between.

Tony Visconti

#20. Just because a woman is good at something doesn't necessarily mean it's what she should do in life. If that were the case most of the women in the Belle family would be hookers.

Paula Wall

#21. ...A canonical leader is someone whose exemplary rule might have appeared to be for the alleviation of the pains and miseries of a particular group, but which in reality is for the advancement of humanism...

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#22. We need the wisdom to accept the fact that this world abounds with issues we cannot solve; and we need to part ways with those people, ideas and things that are a vexation to the soul.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#23. Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born.

Dakota Dawn

#24. My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen.

Chelsea Handler

#25. A nationalist will blindly follow his country to his death out of love for it. A patriot will stand up for and even against his country to his death out of love for it.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#26. Thorn, Gardener, get it? More skeptical people tended to believe that the Thorn family simply named itself after their high position in the Gardeners. I had my own theory. I thought his name was Thorn because he's a giant prick.

Erica Lindquist

#27. Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Will Rogers

#28. Mom stood over the still thrashing ghost with the bat and brought it down on its head again and again. "Leave him alone, leave my family alone!" she screamed. "We are not going to die in a stupid gas station in the middle of nowhere!

C.A. Marshall

#29. I thought my family was really funny. Everybody in my family was funny. My mom and dad both have great senses of humor and really saw the funny in stuff, so I think that's probably where it came from. I always try to see the funny in things.

Christine Ebersole

#30. Xavier, you have given me more grey hairs than all my sons put together.' Saul frowned, then corrected himself. 'To be fair, you and Zed. Just try not to add to them tonight.

Joss Stirling

#31. I hate when I'm not done with my cup but my mom decides to put it in the dishwasher anyway and the cup isn't dishwasher safe. I keep telling my mom that my origami coffee mugs are hand wash ONLY. Handshakes are also hand wash only.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Karen Quan

#32. I would like to thank a world that never understood or accepted me, family and friends that never believed in me, and a God with one hell of a sense of humor. You have all made me what I am today. Let that weigh heavily on your consciences.

David Draiman

#33. [Phoebe Broome] 'Well,' she said at last. 'You've now met my father. At his worst.'
[Lord Vladimir] 'Being myself widely considered my family's most difficult member, I would not presume to comment.'
'That is ... gentlemanly of you.

Alison Sinclair

#34. Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as 'too long.

Wes Locher

#35. The ill-informed masses included her own family among their ranks, a family that specialized in being both inconvenient and asinine.

Gail Carriger

#36. ...only the dreamers of a dream are capable of translating their dreams into worthy practical endeavors that are devoid of haunting errors. After all, they are the ones who carefully observed the link between their dreams and reality; they are the ones who worked consciously to blend them into one.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#37. One thing my family has shown me is that having a sense of humor is everything.

Zoey Deutch

#38. No!" Amy said. "Dan, you're lucky it was only concussive. You could've wiped out the whole Holt family."
"And that would've been bad because ... ?

Rick Riordan

#39. My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane.

F.K. Preston

#40. Of all the gifts you can get, friends and family are the best!

Jan Britland

#41. Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

Chelsea Handler

#42. God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends.

Addison Mizner

#43. There are psychological repercussions to illness and we need a little more help to get through the effects not only on the afflicted but on the family. And I think there's even a place for humor in that.

Alan Thicke

#44. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Chelsea Handler

#45. Either way I don't come first, which for some stupid reason bothers hell out of me, having grown up with the notion that I always had to be number one. Family heritage, don't you know?

Erich Segal

#46. Izzy. Sweet, beautiful, but eternally strange Izzy.

G.A. Aiken

#47. Premeditated anger is a bitch. Instead of saying, "Next time he does this, I will ... ", say, "Next time he does that, I will show him more patience and more love. That's premeditative love. She's much sexier!

Ace Antonio Hall

#48. Do close your mouth. You look like a cow that's being artificially inseminated.

Nick Wilgus

#49. There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.

Terry Pratchett

#50. Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#51. Humor is essential to a full and happy life. It is a reliever and relaxer of pressure and tension, and the saving element in many situations.

Richard L. Evans

#52. I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, "Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together" and make me finish in front of everyone.

Christopher Moore

#53. It's great to be able to connect parents with children both emotionally and through humor. I look forward to exploring family entertainment once again and examining the specifics of our day-to-day lives against the backdrop of an extraordinary adventure.

Jon Favreau

#54. Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color or sexual habits, love life and your family.

Madonna Ciccone

#55. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

Matt Groening

#56. This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Karen Quan

#57. Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. Christ, how can our family be mankind's best hope?

Natasha Larry

#58. Infatuation is when you find somebody who is absolutely perfect. Love is when you realise that they aren't and it doesn't matter.

Sweetdreamer33

#59. That's the thing with Holy Moses: big as a house and scary as heck if you don't know him, but Charley Manson and his whole family could come parading through here and he'd give them you room key for a slice of sharp cheddar.
Ms. Fisher, The Last Stop

Kirt J. Boyd

#60. I've always had these fantasies about being in a normal family in which the parents come to town and their adult daughter spends their entire visit daydreaming of suicide. I'm here to tell you that dreams really do come true.

Sarah Vowell

#61. My mother is the antithesis of a typical Jewish mother, she is very soft-spoken and takes more naps that a cat. As a result, I've always longed for someone to really annoy the shit out of me.

Chelsea Handler

#62. I smile thinly, to make it clear that this will happen when hell turns into a family friendly summer resort.

Lauren Beukes

#63. If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance

Daven Anderson

#64. Nothing makes sense, not that much of the world ever did."
Quote from the book: "UnHoly Pursuit: The Devil on My Trail.

A. White

#65. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin

#66. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

Andrea Fay Friedman

#67. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#68. They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!!

Neil Leckman

#69. I feel like I was born the day my kids were and that my life before was only there to gain wisdom for them. The point is you do your best. Your very best every day. You do it and you do it for them!

Drew Barrymore

#70. I do find the sibling connection endlessly fascinating, as I do all family dynamics. I like how siblings seem to create their own parentless mini-civilization within a family, one that has its own laws, myths, language, humor, its own loyalties and treacheries.

Jandy Nelson

#71. You are pregnant, with child, in the family way. People, some of whom you hardly know, will begin to comment on your belly size. They might even give it a rub, like you have strapped an animal of some kind in your front side and given total strangers permission to pet you at their leisure.

Amy E. Spiegel

#72. Feelings, rationale and values are the top qualities that make a person exceedingly human.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#73. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.

F.K. Preston

#74. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there.

Rhys Darby

#75. If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd.

Shannon L. Alder

#76. In the future if my mother tries to shame me with her disapproval, I will let her know in no uncertain terms that I reject her and all of her codependent baggage. I am Codependent No More.

Susan Juby

#77. Well, I've always wanted to call my son Barr."
"Like a tavern? Like a soap?"
"My father's name is Barr."
"Oh. And I love it!

Brian K. Vaughan

#78. New Rule: The Jacksons must trot out at least one family member who doesn't make us all ask, What went on in that house?

Bill Maher

#79. I think you're possessed."
"Old news."
"Huh. Anyone I know?"
"My dad. It's a family issue I'm working on.

Devon Monk

#80. There's life after divorce, Sarah,' my father proclaimed, not that he'd ever been divorced.

Claire Cook

#81. Death by family silver, I thought, before I could turn off that part of my mind.

Alan Bradley

#82. Celibacy is the Tesla family secret, passed down through the
generations."
"Celibacy, passed down through the generations?"Victor asked dryly.
I flushed. "Its efficacy is not disproved by its imperfect application,"
I muttered.

Vinnie Tesla

#83. The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies.

Erika Tamar

#84. In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible.

Doreen Orion

#85. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

Jimmy Carr

#86. Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial.

Jasper Fforde

#87. There was an omnivorous intellect that won him the family sobriquet of Walking Encyclopedia.

Eric Liu

#88. What makes a good family? Well, I suppose obviously love. Love lubricated often I think by humor. I think a family that can laugh at each other and tease themselves and who are able to be jolly with each other I think is the key.

Stephen Fry

#89. I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don't know or haven't made the effort to understand.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#90. All right people, listen up! If you've got a family back home waiting for you or if you just want to save your own skin, turn around and walk away. Also, women! I have no intention of fighting any women!

Hiromu Arakawa

#91. I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.

Doug Solter

#92. I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen

#93. The basis of love that most people share is the intimacy they developed with their partners, the intensity of their attraction, or the similarity of their thought patterns,

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#94. I don't know what's worse, being ignored or stared at.

Renata Suerth

#95. You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far.

Libba Bray

#96. If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.

Linda Sunshine

#97. And she didn't once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you live in a sin-free family with sin-free parents and a sin-free sister, well, you can't help but sin a little extra on their behalf.

Han Nolan

#98. [Jo to her mother] I knew there was mischief brewing. I felt it and now it's worse than I imagined. I just wish I could marry Meg myself, and keep her safe in the family.

Louisa May Alcott

#99. Honestly, you needn't think it's easy to be the "badly brought up" central figure of a hypocritical family in hiding.

Anne Frank

#100. Kindness is a source of relief to the soul of the giver, creating a sense of fortitude that is incomprehensible to those who do not know what kindness is all about.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando