Top 100 Claus's Quotes
#1. Tilli stroked her Chihuahua. Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo.
Tom Robbins
#2. My father managed shopping malls when I was a kid, and my high school job was to dress up in an elf costume and take photos of kids sitting on Santa Claus's lap.
Karen Duffy
#4. Many practitioners think there is some giant balance scale, where someone is keeping track, like Santa Claus, and that will determine your allotment of presents. That's a very exoteric understanding of reincarnation.
Frederick Lenz
#5. Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit ... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental.
Julia Sweeney
#6. Physically he was the connoisseur's connoisseur. He was a giant panda, Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant rolled into one. On him, a lean and slender physique would have looked like very bad casting.
Craig Claiborne
#7. Jake looked down at Mandy's face in the firelight. He didn't know if he believed in Santa Claus, but the soft glow of those blue eyes made it a lot easier to believe in peace on earth, good will toward men.
Sierra Donovan
#8. There's been fifty-million people that died since Sharon Tate died and I got everybody in Santa Claus land chasing me, trying to make me feel remorse for one psychotic episode of (Tex) Watson.
Charles Manson
#10. We have confused God with Santa Claus. And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus.
Harold S. Kushner
#11. I try not to repeat myself too often, but it's a gamble. 'Fred Claus' had three Oscar winners in it. No business - it was a bad movie.
Elizabeth Banks
#12. I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementary's school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5.
James Frecheville
#13. I decided to grow my hair out during college, and it's kind of stuck ever since. Even when I thought about cutting it or trimming it, common sense kicks in, and I don't think the fans would recognize me; people wouldn't know who I am. It would almost be like Santa Claus losing his powers.
Clay Matthews III
#14. With big folks, either people think you look mean or it's more of a jolly Santa Claus, 'Oh, he's just a pudgy little teddy bear pillow.'
The Notorious B.I.G.
#15. A true bubble is when something is overvalued and intensely believed. Education may be the only thing people still believe in in the United States. To question education is really dangerous. It is the absolute taboo. It's like telling the world there's no Santa Claus.
Peter Thiel
#16. It's easy to look like Santa Claus when you don't have to buy the groceries.
Claire Cook
#17. Look, at some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real.
Floyd Landis
#19. It's called the Santa Claus effect; the holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle.
Andrew Barrett
#20. We have domesticated God's transcendence. We often learn about God at about the same time as we are learning about Santa Claus; but our ideas about Santa Claus change, mature and become more nuanced, whereas our ideas of God can remain at a rather infantile level.
Karen Armstrong
#21. Reading is one of the best ways to bond with your child. Bond this Christmas with "It's Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus
Soraya Diase Coffelt
#22. She's saying Santa Claus doesn't come to our house."
Celia tensed a bit, realizing he had been listening. "He can."
"No, he can't."
"We have a chimney."
"If something comes down my chimney, I'm shooting it ... especially a fat man wearing a suit.
J.M. Darhower
#23. The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.
Jim Cornette
#24. there's no such thing as a fuck cure. a fuck cure is like the adult version of santa claus
David Levithan
#25. When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was rail thin, so it's not like I was a traditional Santa Claus even then. I had a square stomach; that was the shape of the sofa cushion that I had stuffed into my pants.
Tom Hanks
#26. His hands are caressing her skin, hips, thighs, and ass. One slips between her legs, gently stroking, opening her a little for him, and then he lifts his head and she feels it. His mouth, right there. Blair's eyes fall shut. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. She
Andrea Simonne
#27. Growing up, it seemed, was just a series of disenchantments. First you find out there's no Santa Claus; then you find out there's no such thing as happily-ever-after.
Jennifer Ziegler
#28. I remember being banned from other houses as a younger child during the winter holiday season; I was the only one who didn't believe in Santa Claus, and I was ruining everyone's Christmas.
Jami Attenberg
#29. Ronald has had bicycle safety and safety in the home. Yes, Ronald is McDonald's, second most recognised figure after Santa Claus, and there's an element of obviously benefiting your business.
Jim Cantalupo
#30. Christmas was gluing cotton balls to Santa's beard in Coke ads, sneaking candy canes off the tree daily (that my parents replaced every few nights), enough gift-wrap to wallpaper a room, the terror and delight of knowing a magical being would enter my home while I slept.
Thomm Quackenbush
#31. George Martin looks like Santa Claus, but he's got a wonderfully disturbed mind.
Sean Bean
#32. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie
#33. By holiday time, Buena Vista Street felt like Bedford Falls, with its vintage lights and decorations, and a classic Santa Claus listening to children's holiday wishes at Elias & Co. Cocoa clutching---Guests in scarves and parkas filled the streets and shops.
Leslie Le Mon
#34. Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.
Truman Capote
#35. Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!
Louis Sachar
#36. You never realize how much your mother loves you till you explore the attic - and find every letter you ever sent her, every finger painting, clay pot, bead necklace, Easter chicken, cardboard Santa Claus, paperlace Mother's Day card and school report since day one.
Pam Brown
#37. You remember when you were a kid growing up, and believed in Santa Claus? There's not much difference between Santa Claus and me today, you know. We're two overweight lovable guys that kids really enjoy.
Bobby Knight
#38. The New Nordic diet originated in 2004, when the visionary chefs Rene Redzepi and Claus Meyer called a symposium of regional chefs to address the public's increasing consumption of processed foods, additives, highly refined grains, and mass-produced poultry and meat.
Kate Christensen
#39. Ty's grin died and he muttered, "Fuck , what I do not need is another fuckin' problem." "Well, now you're makin' me feel like Santa Claus.
Kristen Ashley
#40. So you say there is no Father Christmas, You say there is no Santa Claus Reindeer cannot fly, it's all a grown-up lie...
M.C. Frank
#41. Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It's time for Santa to get serious.
Michael Diack
#42. You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain.
David Letterman
#43. I'm concerned about my daughter because she will not believe in Santa Claus. No matter what I say to her, she just doesn't buy it, and she's 2. I refuse to give it up. I say, 'There is a Santa Claus,' and she says, 'Okay, Mommy. In pretend world, right?' She really doesn't believe.
Salma Hayek
#44. The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff.
Criss Jami
#45. We half-eat cookies and drink the milk, we leave notes, all so kids will believe in something that isn't true. Kids try their best to scientifically determine whether Santa's real and our whole culture feeds them false evidence. We dupe them.
Thomm Quackenbush
#46. Garris had pet names for all of them. Mahler was the Mad Doktor. Franz Liszt was Son of Lovecraft. Mendelssohn was Santa Claus Meets the Hell's Angels. Beethoven was the High School Principal.
Chet Williamson
#47. God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
Bil Keane
#48. The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus,
Jude Wanniski
#49. Of course, my Christmas is (so much more) gorgeous and romantic (than Germany's)!! And unlike the rest of the world, we leave wine behind for Santa Claus!"
"So Santa-san is delivering gifts to children while driving under the influence ... ?
Hidekaz Himaruya
#50. Prayer is not adult letters written to Santa Claus, and God is not some parent-like figure up in the sky who's going to take care of us.
John Shelby Spong
#51. Grandmother's knee is a wonderful place to learn about the Bible, ghosts, and even Santa Claus, but a mighty poor place to learn about history.
L.B. Taylor Jr.
#54. All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes.
Maud Lindsay
#55. Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means.
Andrew Smith
#56. My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely - a creature they'd known for centuries - because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus.
Kevin Hearne
#57. Who the hell wants to be the one to tell a kid that santa claus isn't real. it's the truth, right? but you're still a jerk for saying it.
David Levithan
#58. You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy ... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better ... Something just a shade more friendly ... "
"How about 'Dear Fatty'?
Charles M. Schulz
#59. It brings back a long-forgotten memory of Christmas, the year I turned six. I was supposed to be in bed, but I was up waiting and watching for my father or Santa Claus, whoever came first.
Carolee Dean
#60. It's better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it.
Terry Pratchett
#61. Basher shook his head. "No, we climbed in through a ground-floor guest bedroom all ninja-like. Snuck up the back stairs."
"Then you might be the cavalry," said Tom, "but I'm Santa Claus. Let's go downstairs and open some presents.
Jonathan Maberry
#62. Human life [is] ... a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait.
Eric Berne
#63. In spring they lie flat at the first warmth, they ruin my summer and in autumn they smell of women.
Hugo Claus
#64. Santa Claus was white and everything bad was black. The little ugly duckling was the black duck, and the black cat was the bad luck. And if I threaten you, I'm going to blackmail you.I said, 'Momma, why don't they call it 'whitemail'? They lie too.'
Muhammad Ali
#65. I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.
David Cross
#66. More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.
Linda Sunshine
#67. He had a white beard and twinkly blue eyes, and all in all gave the impression of what Santa Claus would look like if he'd converted to Christian and gone without a good meal sine last Christmas.
Barbara Kingsolver
#68. Do some good to the ghetto, Mr. Kris Kringle.
Come and stay awhile, kick it with God's Angels.
Take and acknowledge my wisdom and understand
That Santa Claus is a black man.
Keith Murray
#69. It looks like you're mocking me as if I am a girl who still believes in Santa Claus. Emily says.
Pet Torres
#70. Sit peacefully in a church and think of church history: witchburning perhaps, or child abuse, genocide, the amassing of disgusting wealth, the repression of women, inquisitions, castrating child choir singers, the denial of Santa Claus and the support of fascists in power.
Kaz Cooke
#71. Santa is like a queen bee. All the elves are his drones, who exist to feed him royal jelly, which I guess would be milk and cookies. If an elf escapes and eats royal cookies, it will turn into another Santa. That's what all those mall Santas are. They're trying to start their own festive colonies.
Thomm Quackenbush
#72. [It's Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus,] is a fun read and a twist on Christmas, because it does involve Santa Claus and Jesus, and it doesn't say that Santa Claus is bad, but it's the child explaining to Santa Claus the true reason for the season is Jesus.
Soraya Diase Coffelt
#73. On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.
David Sedaris
#75. Now I admit that the notion of a warless world is a pleasant and attractive thought. But people who believe that there can be such a thing should ask it of Santa Claus, in whom they doubtless also believe.
Revilo P. Oliver
#76. I discovered that the real meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with you at all. It is about a very special gift. I want to you tell you about this gift.
Soraya Diase Coffelt
#77. We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
Andy Rooney
#78. You can't trick The Universe - it's like Santa Claus that way.
Tracy McMillan
#79. Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane!
Gene Autry
#80. I'd like to know if you're also responsible for Santa Claus, New York in the autumn, and the production and timely distribution of rainbows.
Christopher Grey
#81. A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset. Yes, there'll be more war ; and soon, I don't doubt. There always has been. There'll be deaths and disappointments and failures. When they come, you meet them.
James Gould Cozzens
#82. HOLLY KING is a symbol of the waning forces of Nature ... The Holly King is depicted as an old man in winter garb. His head bears a wreath of holly and he often carries a staff that is typically a holly branch. Some Santa Claus figures are actually Holly King figures.
Raven Grimassi
#83. Santa Claus is just a story," says Seth. "He's just the opening band to God. There is no Santa Claus.
Chuck Palahniuk
#84. Never deny the babies their Christmas! It is the shining seal set upon, a year of happiness. Let them believe in Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas; or Kriss Kringle, or whatever name the jolly Dutch saint bears in your religion.
Mary Virginia Terhune
#85. If I ever saw magic on television I would say: 'I want that. That's what I want from Santa Claus'. So the cupboard in my bedroom was full of boxes of magic tricks, cups and balls, cards and foam rabbits, all sorts of stuff.
Colin Morgan
#86. I wanted to ask a thousand questions, but there was no one to ask. Besides I knew that people only told lies to children-lies about everything from soup to Santa Claus.
Marilyn Monroe
#87. I think we have to believe in things we don't see. That's really important for all of us, whether it's your religion or Santa Claus, or whatever. That's pretty much what it's about.
James Caan
#88. You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Jeff Foxworthy
#89. Obama's gonna play Santa Claus with the minimum wage. He's got no successes to brag about. He cannot talk about a robust job market. In fact, the very fact he's talking about the minimum wage is evidence there is no robust job market.
Rush Limbaugh
#90. Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt.
Charles M. Schulz
#93. He reached up and traced her cheek with the outside of his fingers. "Guys like me look for reasons. We look for explanations. I've been trying for hours to make sense out of this, and I only know two things. When it comes to you and Santa Claus, 'sense' doesn't work. And I love you.
Sierra Donovan
#94. Santa Claus and all his little presents tend to get in the way of God's message."
"As can religion," Santa replied.
Brom
#95. I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs.
Thomm Quackenbush
#96. A born terror, a rebel without a pause ...
Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus?
Shyheim
#97. I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays.
Matthew Quick
#98. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Francis Pharcellus Church
#99. I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9.
Thom Yorke
#100. I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person.
Trey Parker
