Top 100 Business Law Funny Quotes
#1. I do see things that are funny on the net. I Googled myself the other day and found out that I was worth $250m, and that I was the highest-paid guy in show business! I wish so hard it was true. It is, of course, the complete opposite. I'm neither rich nor do I make a lot of money.
David Crosby
#2. When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
Lenny Bruce
#3. Currently we don't have plans on conquering the world.
Sergey Brin
#4. I found myself declaiming, full flower, for an hour on the "utmost importance and urgency" of Blogging, telling him in no uncertain terms that, especially in a high-end niche business, Blogging is "the premier way" to have "intimate conversations" with his Clients. Funny thing, I believe it!
Tom Peters
#5. For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business.
Tracy Morgan
#6. Medicine's a funny business. After all, dispensing chemicals is considered mainstream and diet and nutrition is considered alternative.
Charles F. Glassman
#7. What has been happening more lately - of course, I also put in my bio, I say I do the voice of Goliath, but some people go - you know, I say something, and it's a funny thing when you work in this business, people will talk out loud in front of you like you're not there.
Keith David
#8. The tagline behind "House of Lies" is funny, dirty, business. The show is a comedy satire about how big business operates. Most Americans that work in corporate America should be able to relate to this show.
Larenz Tate
#9. Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man's business card in his hand.
He looked like a dick.
Sarah Mayberry
#10. Even in fiction, I feel rigorous honesty applies. It doesn't apply to facts; it applies to what I think of as not telling emotional lies, which is a funny business.
Siri Hustvedt
#11. The doctor seemed especially troubled by the fact of the robbery having been unexpected, and attempted in the night-time; as if it were the established custom of gentlemen in the housebreaking way to transact business at noon, and to make an appointment, by the twopenny post, a day or two previous.
Charles Dickens
#12. I mean, I always want everyone to kiss me, but I also don't want anyone to ever even think about trying any funny business because I swear to God I will yell and run. It's sort of hard to explain.
Katie Heaney
#13. They have provided a system which for terse comprehensiveness surpasses Justinian's Pandects and the By-laws of the Chinese Society for the Suppression of Meddling with other People's Business.
Herman Melville
#14. Where are the dogs going? you people who pay so little attention ask. They are going about their business. And they are very punctilious, without wallets, notes, and without briefcases.
Charles Baudelaire
#15. By 1961, when I got my first copywriting job, 'my kind' were suddenly in demand. The creative revolution had begun. Advertising had turned into a business dominated by young, funny, Jewish copywriters and tough, sometimes violent, Greek and Italian art directors.
Jerry Della Femina
#16. Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business.
Ivan Stoikov
#17. Dani in front of me now is not the same person I'm dealing business with.
Of course I'm different. I'm not working now. I'm flirting.
Rin Ahmad
#18. Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
#19. Writing is a funny business. You sit in your room and listen to voices and write everything down. What kind of a profession is that?
William Kittredge
#20. Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast.
Robert Osborne
#21. I don't mean to sound - I don't want it to come out funny, but I don't like show business. I love - I love acting in films. I love it.
Gene Wilder
#22. More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give.
Gerry Geek
#23. I'm a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.
Dora J. Arod
#24. I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over.
Rick Riordan
#25. I'm just in the business of creating; creating new work inspires you to create new work. It's kind of funny.
Karen Walker
#26. I was never an actress in high school. I didn't start acting until I was in my twenties. I was just a funny cheerleader. I hadn't even seen a show until I was in my twenties, so I was very late getting into the business.
Debra Monk
#27. I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme a call, maybe we'll have lunch. If I'm lucky!
Mitch Hedberg
#28. Love is very funny business. And sex - well, let's face it, sex is hysterical.
Nora Roberts
#29. I know an actor who would play one type of part but could never get cast as tough. Once he got cast as tough, as a cop, he only got offered cop roles. It's a funny business in that regard. It's all about perception.
Paul Dano
#30. IN MY DEFENSE, I didn't mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn't just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business.
J.C. Nelson
#32. It is easy to launch a project if you have no clue about the cost and schedule.
Gerry Geek
#33. Basil Stag Hare tut-tutted severely as he remarked to Ambrose Spike, 'Tch, tch. Dreadful table manners. Just look at those three wallahs, kicking up a hullaballoo like that! Eating's a serious business.
Brian Jacques
#34. It's a joke in the zoo business, a weary joke, that the paperwork involved in trading a shrew weighs more than an elephant, that the paperwork involved in trading an elephant weighs more than a whale, and that you must never try to trade a whale, never.
Yann Martel
#35. Will Smith is a funny person, a very likable person, but at the same time he can be serious and really handle his business. I'll stay away from talking about his rapping abilities, though.
Colin Kaepernick
#36. No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain.
Ivan Stoikov
#38. I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things.
Steve Martin
#39. Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert
#40. A company is known by the people it keeps.
Will Rogers
#41. It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry.
Gerry Geek
#42. The tragedy is that Dell didn't win it - we lost it.
Steve Jobs
#43. I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.
Louie Anderson
#44. I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.
David Cross
#45. Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.
Moira Young
#46. It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don't. I mean, I don't want to put on sunglasses. That's why I'm in show business.
Jay Leno
#47. It's funny but when young people say to me "what can I study to be a force for change, should I study law or biology or business?" My answer is music, drama, journalism, communications.
Paul Watson
#48. An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Sam Ewing
#49. Here for business or pleasure, Mr. Wheeler?"
"Redemption," Shane says.
Jess Walter
#50. I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.
Meg Cabot
#51. I would say I know nothing about the music business, in a nice sort of way. I totally forgot I was in that music video. That's so funny.
Zooey Deschanel
#52. Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency.
Mac Barnett
#53. I don't want any funny business, and above all I don't want to be dragged into other people's funny business. If it's to be my head on the block, I want to know that it's doing there, and not that it's some stupid things that other people have done.
Hans Fallada
#54. France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.
P. J. O'Rourke
#55. Posting dramatic charts or funny pictures is good and giving people smart reasons to believe what they already think is great.
Derek Thompson
#56. Don't make being a girl or a victim part of your stand-up act. If you encounter sexism in the business, don't bring it on stage; it's not funny.
Jen Kirkman
#57. Alek coughed politely, "If I promise to avoid funny business, could you perhaps remove this knife from my throat?
Scott Westerfeld
#58. I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect ... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!
Rodney Dangerfield
#59. I love making things, like software, and films, and laughter. And working with Gus Silber, to make the Funny Business book, has been a fantastic journey.
Ronnie Apteker
#60. You figure they cheat at the ballpark, they'll cheat on the golf course, they'll cheat in business, and anything else in life. Players may laugh about it and say it's funny, but right down in their heart, they don't think it's funny at all, and they have no respect for a person who cheats.
Bob Feller
#61. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. She should go far. The sooner she starts, the better. The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
Joseph Stilwell
#62. I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
Wanda Sykes
#63. And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
Robin Williams
#64. The higher you rise in the business ladder, the smaller your balls become.
Santosh Kalwar
#65. I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
Dave Attell
#66. Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it."
Bill Maher
#67. Business, like life, is funny. We all go through difficult times, and we all have to face curve balls and challenges, each and every week. And we need to laugh when things are funny.
Ronnie Apteker
#68. I'd even had business cards made up reading, ABIGAIL COOPER, P.I. with teeny-weeny little letters underneath in parentheses spelling out PSYCHIC INTUITIVE. Most people think I'm trying to be clever. The truth is, I'm a chickenshit.
Victoria Laurie
#69. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Mark Twain
#70. No funny business. I'll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears
Penelope Fletcher
#71. I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world ...
Whitney Gracia Williams
#72. He's always asking: 'Is that new? I haven't seen that before.' It's like, Why don't you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.
Michelle Obama
#73. I swallowed my own smile. I shouldn't be thinking this was fun at all; it was serious business. But I couldn't help it, if you couldn't look at the world when it fell apart around you and see the funny shit, you would end up hating everyone and everything.
Shannon Mayer
#74. Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar.
Alexis Ohanian
#75. I wanted to be in show business, and I was funny.
Tom Smothers
#76. I guess there are no real strict rules [in comedy], but I just learn to apply my philosophy about comedy which is, it's a serious business and the result needs to be funny, not the process.
Christoph Waltz
#77. If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business.
Barbara Kingsolver
#78. When he is dissected after his death," a disrespectful interpreter said of a foreign dignitary, "a million predicates will be found in his stomach: those he swallowed in the past decades without saying them.
Kato Lomb
#79. The business world and adult society only really made sense to me if they were supposed to be funny, but I didn't see many other people laughing, so I started inventing my own worlds where life seemed more how it should be.
Christian Cook
#80. Writing about why you write is a funny business, like scratching what doesn't itch. Impulses are mysterious, and explaining them must be done with mirrors, like certain cunning slight-of-hand routines.
Patricia Hampl
#82. Doing actual comedic material is just about the most joyful endeavor ever. That's the truth. The only time it's not funny is when business gets in the way.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
#83. I'd stand on the street corner and score a steak," Cas said.
I couldn't help laughing. "You know, you might be flooded with business."
His mouth stretched into a lecherous grin. "If you come with me we could be rich by morning."
"Very funny.
Jennifer Rush
#84. Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits.
Lewis Black
#85. I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business.
Jeff Dunham
#86. Teaching is a funny business; you want to share these glimpses of something real and profound, but half the time students want only to know their next assignment and what they will need to study for the test.
Azar Nafisi
#87. It's a funny business. I kind of compare it to baseball. I'm always looking for a home run.
Billy Mays
#88. Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
Victor J. Stenger
#89. It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.
Edward Hopper
#90. Why would they have gone to the trouble to hire the best comedy writers in the business to write funny material for us to play straight, if the children in our audience were the only audience.
Burt Ward
#91. What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?'
Meghan Markle
#94. It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
Lewis Black
#95. Any idiot can point out a problem. So, bosses do.
Gerry Geek
#96. Comedy is a serious business. It's frustrating when I can't find the right thing that makes the crew laugh. If I don't make them laugh, I get very disappointed in myself. You don't really have a live audience, so you just depend on the crew to let you know if you're doing something funny.
Allison Janney
#97. You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.
Colin Quinn
#98. It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host ... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it.
Mike Rowe
#100. You worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.
Terry Pratchett
