Top 100 Writer Humor Quotes
#1. W. P. Kinsella, who was born on a farm near Edmunton, Alberta, has earned wide recognition for his wild imagination and rash humor as a writer.
Gerald Vizenor
#2. Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Steve Martin
#3. Only a person with the true heart of a dictionary-writer would be lying in bed, three days after being stabbed in the gut, worrying about his P's.
Kristin Cashore
#4. ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.
Ambrose Bierce
#5. So it happened at last: I was about to become a thief, a cheap milk-stealer. Here was your lash-in-the-pen genius, your one story-writer: a thief.
John Fante
#6. Writer's block' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't feel like doing any work today.
Meagan Spooner
#7. A writer should not review a book. A reviewer should not write.
Bhaskar Sharma
#8. As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again.
Michelle M. Pillow
#9. I'm a busy author with a sense of Humor, so hang, it's a bumpy ride"!
Marilyn Fowler
#10. Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales was expected to clock in at anywhere between 100 and 120 chapters. Unfortunately, the dude only managed to finish 24 tales before he suffered an insurmountable and permanent state of writer's block commonly known as death.
Jacopo Della Quercia
#11. Because I was a television writer for many years, I write very conversationally. I put things straight, and with a lot of humor.
Tracy McMillan
#12. If I could split myself into five people, I would still be behind on my writing schedule. I see now why James Patterson cloned himself so many times.
Peter James West
#13. Never let anyone use your toothbrush or your pen. -Author Wllm Worth
Wllm Worth
#14. Jane Austen may not be the best writer, but she certainly writes about the best people. And by that I mean people just like me.
Anna Quindlen
#16. Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
Garrison Keillor
#17. Sure, it will be hard, but all you need to be a writer is perseverance, a low-level alcohol dependency, and a questionable moral compass.
Anna Kendrick
#18. If you haven't heard a rumor by noon, make one up. If you're a writer, make sure it's a full page of the book you're currently working on.
Lamont Tanksley
#19. Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#20. Writing something new is an effective way to get rid of writer's block. Or you can observe the people around you and fantasize like I do.
B.A. Gabrielle
#21. The writer's Queen Victoria is his public, and he would do well to keep a bust of the old Queen on his desk with the legend "We are not amused" hanging from it.
Henry Watson Fowler
#22. My imagination was running amok again. Twice in one night. This never happens when I'm sitting in front of a typewriter.
Gary Reilly
#23. A realist writer might break his protagonist's leg, or kill his fiancee; but a science fiction writer will immolate whole planets, and whilst doing so he will be more concerned with the placement of commas than the screams of the dying.
Adam Roberts
#24. She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature
that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
Christopher Moore
#26. If I never received a bad review then I wouldn't be a real writer, but I much prefer the good ones
Charity Parkerson
#27. Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?
A: Explaining what that is.
Christy Hall
#29. Writer's Block is just an excuse by people who don't write for not writing.
Giando Sigurani
#31. If my penis were a writer/director, it would be Woody Allen - small, neurotic, and, frankly, hit or miss.
Matthew Norman
#32. [August] Derleth tried to prevent any other (non-Derleth-approved) writer from writing Cthulhu Mythos stories.If Lovecraft had wanted bad writers to avoid Cthulhu Mythos stories, he wouldn't have written back to August Derleth.
Kenneth Hite
#33. I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.
Jen Lancaster
#34. When your heart starts to feel full again. I love FREE refills, and if a restaurant tries to double charge me, I refuse to write a love poem on their Yelp page.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#35. Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
Justin Halpern
#36. No. No, it was a lonely writer I met one stormy day in Laguna Beach. He had a poem about Thelonious Monk that he sealed in a tin can and labeled Campbell's Cream of Piano Soup. Later I hear he killed himself to avoid the draft.
Tom Robbins
#38. I don't experience writer's block, I only have periods of severe writer's diarrhoea; an incoherent mess of unfitting words placed in random sentences. Luckily, I can usually separate the shit from "the shit" later on.
Kevin Focke
#39. If I could do it all again, I would start three hundred years ago, and write twice as fast.
Peter James West
#40. In accordance with the terms of the Clarke-Asimov treaty, the second-best
science writer dedicates this book to the second-best science-fiction
writer.
[dedication to Isaac Asimov from Arthur C. Clarke in his book Report on Planet Three]
Arthur C. Clarke
#41. Proceed with caution when you befriend a writer, for if you fall out of their good graces they have the delightful capability of doing any number of dastardly things to you upon the written page.
Bonnie Daly
#42. If I can't be remembered as one of the greatest authors, why not be remembered as the sexiest writer...
Hans Lindor
#43. Words to a writer is like notes to a musician, both know when they are off key.
June Davidson
#44. I'm a writer. I'm a Christian. I like sex. But I haven't had it. I believe in waiting until marriage. But that doesn't mean I want my characters to.
Michelle N. Onuorah
#45. A good writer can fake being an expert in anything - even men's underwear.
Greg Dybec
#46. Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician.
Eugene Ionesco
#47. We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?
Gian-Carlo Rota
#48. Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A Writer's Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can't Get Enough.
Kelly Creagh
#49. Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.
Don Roff
#50. Come on brain, think of things
Come on brain, think of things
Come on brain, be so smart
Lin-Manuel Miranda
#51. I'm very confident that Nick Hornby always gets it right as a writer. He has the vernacular and passion. He is adroit and dry, and balances humor with the humanity of life.
Pierce Brosnan
#53. Mounting anything on a plaque instantly transforms it from trash into an award. For example, a dry disposable pen goes from junk clutter to the first annual writer's award for dry humor.
Jarod Kintz
#54. Being a writer is 1% inspiration, 50% perspiration and 49% explaining you're not a millionaire like J.K.Rowling.
Gabrielle Tozer
#55. If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses.
Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn't have been possible.
You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they've earned it!
Himmilicious
#56. I escape disaster by writing a poem with a joke in it:
The past, present, and future walk into a bar - it was tense.
Kelli Russell Agodon
#57. I have so many people in my head, I can't keep up with the real people around me. But it's okay, I'm a writer.
Shannon Taylor Vannatter
#58. Writer's block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you should feel the need to say something. Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough.
Hugh MacLeod
#59. Miss Austen's novels ... seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer ... is marriageableness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#60. I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.
Dorothy Parker
#61. From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.
P.G. Wodehouse
#62. On Twitter at last, and can't think of a thing to say. Some writer I turned out to be.
Stephen King
#63. Since I became a knitting humor writer, I seem to be understood a little better - at least for the purposes of social discourse.
Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
#64. I'm a writer," she declared before she drained the glass. "I should learn about everything.
Mary Cox
#65. If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?
Jennifer Weiner
#66. If I behave like a good boy and take my Prozac ... then I won't be able to write anymore.
I'll have Writer's block from not being able to communicate with the characters in my mind.
Timothy Pina
#67. What an ornament and safeguard is humor! Far better than wit for a poet and writer. It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.
Walter Scott
#68. Nothing bad can happen to a writer. Everything is material.
Philip Roth
#69. The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged.
Andrea L'Artiste
#70. I realized I was officially a professional writer when all my plans began with "drink coffee" and ended with "take a nap.
Cassandra Duffy
#71. Each time we had a visiting writer, I asked what she thought of women and humor. By the end of the year, I had perfected my question and asked Adrienne Rich why there was so little written about women and humor. She looked at me right in the eye and said, 'You write it.' I took that as an order.
Kate Clinton
#72. Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post what it feels about dogs.
[Time Magazine, October 31, 1977]
John Osborne
#73. I'm suffering from "Hyper-analytical Social Media Posting Disorder", characterized by a compulsion to edit 5 minutes after posting a comment, augmented by a repeating pattern: (((Tremors))) - fix-it - relief!!!
Will this comment survive?
Andrew Neff
#74. There was hardly an eminent writer in Paris who was unacquainted with the inside of the Conciergerie or the Bastille.
Lytton Strachey
#75. If a writer rewrites an essay, people who read the new version are unlikely to complain that their thoughts have been broken by some newly introduced incompatibility.
Paul Graham
#77. Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren't insane, your characters are.
Nevea Lane
#79. I don't even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.
Shannon L. Alder
#80. (On her son) I've met writer's block. He is short, diapered and keeps unplugging my laptop. Good news: he can be conquered with a bottle and a nap.
Cyrese Covelli
#81. There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write.
Mignon McLaughlin
#82. It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
#83. A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.
William Faulkner
#84. Every writer scrounges for inspiration in different places, and there's no shame in raiding the headlines. It's necessary, in fact, when attempting contemporary satire. Sharp-edged humor relies on topical reference points.
Carl Hiaasen
#85. Part of my soul goes into each quote I write. A book of my quotes can be yours for just $19.99.
Ryan Lilly
#86. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing what I'm writing...
I'm just following these people around and taking notes.
P. Anastasia
#87. A writer's voice is not character alone, it is not style alone; it is far more. A writer's voice line the stroke of an artist's brush- is the thumbprint of her whole person- her idea, wit, humor, passions, rhythms.
Patricia Lee Gauch
#88. What surer sign is there that the creative aquifers are dry than a writer creating a writer-character?
David Mitchell
#89. Writing is not always a writer's playtime. It's actually a work in progress. Few understand this and mistakenly believe we're wasting time. But it's never a waste of time when doing what you love.
David Lucero
#90. Words--Midnight coined and daily spent. . .writer of the dream.
--Jim Ross Author, Rays: Wherever They Touch
Jim Ross
#91. Any writer of horror needs to at least have a good, solid love of the genre. Also, good horror writers need to have a slightly twisted sense of humor. Without humor, horror just isn't as good.
Alistair Cross
#92. The simple act of sitting here sipping this cappuccino is its own testament to my commitment to living the writer's life. Which is to say: doing nothing but doing it exceedingly well.
Sol Luckman
#93. BIO'GRAPHER: A writer of lives; a relator not of the history of nations, but of the actions of particular persons.
Samuel Johnson
#94. Cervantes is the most important Spanish writer. But he is not the most representative of the Spanish. His irony, his sense of humor - they are too subtle to seem Spanish.
Antonio Munoz Molina
#95. There is nothing harder to estimate than a writer's time, nothing harder to keep track of. There are moments - moments of sustained creation - when his time is fairly valuable; and there are hours and hours when a writer's time isn't worth the paper he is not writing anything on.
E.B. White
#96. But my mother was aglow. She had a continuing fascination with celebrities, and now she had one of her own. She was never moved by what I was doing (in an interview she said, "He writes his own material, I'm always telling him he needs a new writer") ...
Steve Martin
#97. IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the "great American novel" for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how "great" that simple book can be.
Shiree McCarver
#98. I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.
Peter De Vries
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
