Top 41 Witch Humor Quotes
#1. As my Sicilian grandfather used to say, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar, right?
Andrew Cuomo
#2. Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Beldevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Graham Chapman
#3. Everything that God brings into our life is directed to one purpose: that we might be conformed to the image of Christ.
Erwin W. Lutzer
#4. God is thus experienced as that bliss in which our natures have their consummation because that bliss is already, in God, the perfect consummation of the divine unity of being and consciousness: infinite being knows itself in infinite consciousness and therefore infinitely rejoices.
David Bentley Hart
#5. So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?"
"Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!
Diana Wynne Jones
#6. What do you think we should do about Sampson?" I asked.
"I would have to say ... stop him," Sam said.
"How?" I asked her.
"Someone who is as powerful and as smart and crazy as he is should do it."
"Okay, but who?"
"Well ... you should."
"So you think I'm crazy?" I asked her.
Jennifer Priester
#7. The fact that most kids aren't eating at home with their families any more really means they are eating elsewhere. They are eating out there in fast food nation.
Alice Waters
#8. The most important thing for a director is being able to communicate.
Kevin Hart
#9. No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives.
Cheryl Strayed
#10. I'm not superstitious. I'm a witch. Witches aren't superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.
Terry Pratchett
#12. The witch's words were cut off and Izzy stumbled back into the earth.
Izzy looked up at the dragoness standing over her. her grandmother smiled. "What did I miss? I sensed I was missing something!"
Rhiannon looked down at her claws, "Did I step in something? I feel like I stepped in something.
G.A. Aiken
#13. Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this eve -
J.K. Rowling
#14. How am I supposed to know what you want when you never ask for anything? You just give all the time, you're always there, and when I ask, you give. You give even when I don't ask. Jamie's response to Mark's news
Mari Donne
#15. Harry Potter: I know this witch with no nose.
Voldermort: With no nose? How does he smell?
Harry Potter: Terrible!
Harry Potter Fanclub
#16. Magic
Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself.
Shel Silverstein
#17. Please consult your child's Witch doctor before using this product. Diapers may cause severe allergies, internal bleeding, and irreversible sex change.
Kenya Wright
#18. No witch has ever claimed to own the Elder Wand. Make of that what you will.
J.K. Rowling
#19. Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn't do good for people, she did right by them.
Terry Pratchett
#20. A friend confided to me recently that she wasn't sure if it was the 'change,' plain old PMS, or just a slow shift toward embracing her inner witch that is causing her to become progressively more irritated by everything her husband does.
Celia Rivenbark
#21. How long have you been a Wiccan?'
'A what?'
'A pagan. A witch.'
'I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'
Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?'
'Wizard has a Z'
He looked at me blankly.
'No one appreciates me.' I muttered.
Jim Butcher
#22. When I was growing up, my mom used to tell my sister and me about a leprechaun with a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. But she never mentioned a Russian Neanderthal with a bag of diamonds at the end of a bloody trail in a train station
James Patterson
#23. Over time, I have realized that at 20, you can wear too much makeup and people assume you're a slut. Do it at 40 and they think you're a sea witch.
Melodie Ramone
#24. Don't listen to what people tell you because they'll try to bring you down. And don't listen to yourself, either, because yourself will try to bring you down even more so than anyone else. As long as you just put all your energy into one thing, it can happen.
Chris Colfer
#25. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
George Carlin
#26. When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers and usually there is always some wacko neighbor that wants to try out their new gun on an intruder.
Shannon L. Alder
#27. Katherine -I wondered if this was how Dorothy felt when she woke up in Oz with all the little people squawking ding dong, the witch is dead.
Lorraine Beaumont
#28. Giving a witch your body fluids is akin to slicing off a choice cut of your buttocks and offering it to a werewolf.
Kevin Hearne
#29. The despicable crone known as Mombi stands accused of high witchery, gross dishonesty, untold crimes against monkeys, outrageous trespassing, and general unpleasantness. Also, she is extremely unattractive. Miss Amy, do you speak for the witch?
Danielle Paige
#30. Amelia was sitting on the pavement in her lawn chair, a glass of wine in her hand.
When we emerged, she set the glass down very carefully on the ground and then looked us over from head to toe.
'Okay, don't know how to react,' she said, finally.
Charlaine Harris
#31. If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.
Richard Kadrey
#32. Fuckhead:
The name's MariKETA.
Go to hell,
The WITCH, doing a creepy spell somewhere right now.
Kresley Cole
#33. No matter how bleak, there is still chance of love in hatred but none in indifference
Kiran Joshi
#34. Any system described by a power law [ ... ] has several curious effects. The first is that, by definition, most participants are below average.
Clay Shirky
#35. You can stick your questions up your ass."
He slammed his tail in front of her. "I don't think I heard you,
little witch."
"You heard me just fine and stop threatening me with that thing!"
She kicked his tail.
By the gods, she was absolutely adorable!
G.A. Aiken
#36. [Cat] found a complete set of the works of Edgar Allan Poe, with little tabs of paper sticking out. The were scrawled over with the witch's comments to herself, "Fun!" "Try this, but with exploding feathers!" and "Gotta love him
deeply sick.
Gregory Maguire
#37. That's quite the specific search ... 'Sadistic Old-Bag-Murdering Witches' - I can't even begin to imagine what that involves.
Stacey T. Hunt
#38. What if winning the gold medal at the Olympics wasn't the end?
What if ... it was only the beginning?
Amanda Dubin
#39. The Tanakee are thought to possess strange, almost supernatural powers.Their eyes are described as large and hypnotic. From Tribe of the Teddy Bear
J. Joseph Wright
#40. When we persue happiness for it's own sake, it's like chasing the end of a rainbow. It will always elude us. It is when we're committed to some higher purpose that happiness somehow breaks through and comes to dwell with us.
Lawana Blackwell
#41. If your mom's a witch, what does that make you? Harry Potter?
Kendare Blake
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