Top 100 This Week Quotes
#1. This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet. It's being translated into English.
Bill Maher
#2. I had a dream that I would be here this week, receiving something from the president, but I thought it would be the front door key.
Bob Dole
#3. We are seeing at the Republican National Committee a phenomenon that is worth noting this week; maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe Wednesday, we will have a million first time donors since the president took office.
Ed Gillespie
#4. This week or last week, I don't really care about it anymore. I write myself this later, I tell myself you let me go.
Sara Quin
#5. This week, many will be reminded that no explosion of atoms generates so hopeful a light as the reflection of a star, seen appreciatively in a pasture pond.
E.B. White
#6. The bodies of two murdered women have been found this week. For the record, I didn't kill either of them.
Val McDermid
#7. This week I was proud to join with my colleagues to help pass two important, common-sense pieces of legislation that will limit the frivolous lawsuits by trial attorneys and personal injury lawyers that clog our courts and hurt our small businesses.
Bob Ney
#8. If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!
Bill Maher
#9. We have a country to turn around. This week you will nominate the most experienced executive to seek the presidency in 60 years in Mitt Romney. He has no illusions about what makes America great, and he doesn't confuse the presidency with celebrity, or loftiness with leadership.
Artur Davis
#10. The Supreme Court is expected to rule this week whether banning cross burning by groups like the Klu Klux Klan violates the first amendment. The outcome could affect the entertainment at Trent Lott's Christmas party.
Tina Fey
#11. You guys get up too early for one thing, you should get up a little later. And your practice is too grim. I have just two instructions for you this week. One is to breathe, and one is to smile.
Thich Nhat Hanh
#12. 'm thrilled to be joining the incredible team at ABC News. Being asked to anchor 'This Week' and the superb tradition started by David Brinkley, is a tremendous and rare honor, and I look forward to discussing the great domestic and international issues of the day.
Christiane Amanpour
#13. Earlier this week - this is crazy - the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over.
Conan O'Brien
#14. In Afghanistan this week, outnumbered Northern Alliance rebels on horseback defeated Taliban forces armed with tanks. Experts say the victory is just like the story of David and Goliath and David's friend, the Stealth Bomber.
Tina Fey
#15. It was an emotional roller coaster - going from Christmas, then your aunt dies, and then all the stats come out and you might get all these records. I've been asked, 'How do you feel' Tired. I'm really blessed we do have this week off where I can kind of grab a hold back to reality.
Shaun Alexander
#16. I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
Dane Cook
#17. A Pew survey released this week found that 57 percent of Americans favor allowing same-sex marriage, while 39 percent oppose it. Just five years ago, only 42 percent of Americans supported same-sex marriage, while 48 percent opposed it.
Anonymous
#18. Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?
Pawan Mishra
#19. The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.
Conan O'Brien
#20. Farms and food production should be, I submit, at least as important as who pierced their navel in Hollywood this week. Please tell me I'm not the only one who believes this. Please. As a culture, we think we're well educated, but I'm not sure that what we've learned necessarily helps us survive.
Joel Salatin
#21. Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, Science.
Ricky Gervais
#22. Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren't deciphered until this week.
Conan O'Brien
#24. John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
David Letterman
#25. Dear Emily, This week I went to the library. I got Black Beauty. It is about a horse. It is the best book I ever read. I read it three times. I have to go now. Write soon. Yours truly, Muriel. P.S. Mama sends her love.
Beverly Cleary
#26. I must admit, even my fans everywhere I go in the world - just this week I was in London and Glasgow and the week before I was in Des Moines - my fans all look the same in all those cities - they look great!
John Waters
#27. I'm not a nosy person, but I'm always thinking 'I wonder why he did that? I wonder why this week he was this much better than last week?' I'm always wanting to ask questions of people. I think my advice would be get involved locally and see where it takes you.
Jill Douglas
#28. I turned around to see Jim standing in the aisle with a smirk and a box of tampons in his hand.
Very funny asshole. Looks like you're on the rag this week. Make sure to get yourself some Midol and a copy of Terms of Endearment so you can have yourself a good cry.
Tara Sivec
#29. It's still National Library Week. You should be especially nice to a librarian today, or tomorrow. Sometime this week, anyway. Probably the librarians would like tea. Or chocolates. Or a reliable source of funding.
Neil Gaiman
#30. We all knew the exam we were going to sit this week.
Paul McGinley
#31. Peer pressure is when you decide to lob a few warheads at this week's Nazi because CNN told you to.
Nick Cole
#32. I tell you, Becker," Henry said, "if you make me eat mutton one more night this week, I will have someone shot."
"He doesn't really have people shot," Alma reassured Mr. Pike, under her breath.
"I had figured that," her guest whispered back, "or else I would be dead already.
Elizabeth Gilbert
#33. The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them - we're going to bring them democracy.
Bill Maher
#34. But he's grinning at her. She grins back. "You've made quite the new best friend," I say. His expression turns to regret. "Children do have questionable taste." I laugh. It's the first time I can remember laughing this week.
Stephanie Perkins
#35. Give up on the guesswork. Decide what you're going to do this week, not this year. Figure out the next most important thing and do that. Make decisions right before you do something, not far in advance.
Jason Fried
#36. Well, this week for example, I was just in Los Angeles making a documentary for German television on whales. They had tried to get me in England where they missed me.
Wavy Gravy
#37. I missed you every minute this week and I don't want to spend another day without you. If my mom disowns me for being with a vampire, then that's her decision, but I've made mine, and I won't apologize of back down from it.
Jeaniene Frost
#38. This week a group of activists, known as Anonymous, hacked the Twitter account of the KKK. The KKK is furious. They said Anonymous is just a bunch of cowards who don't have the courage to show their faces.
Conan O'Brien
#39. South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
Dennis Miller
#40. Stani walks in later, glaring at them both.
"Bloody bastards. One minute punching each other, next minute reading poetry. What's wrong with everyone this week?"
Tom can tell that
Melina Marchetta
#41. A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.
Jay Leno
#42. This is the Middle East, where every week you have something new; so whatever you talk about this week will not be valuable next week.
Bashar Al-Assad
#43. Mitch's Pizzaria ... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free.
Mitch Hedberg
#44. I'd like to say I'm one of the tight ends here and I hope this week helps me show that I do have the talent to be considered that.
Maxx Williams
#45. Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it' ... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.
Dennis Miller
#46. My friend and coach reminded me this week that there is a moment when the acrobat lets go of one trapeze and is completely suspended in mid-air before she catches the incoming rung. You have to let go to get there.
Danielle LaPorte
#47. This week the Obama administration warned China to remove its secret agents from the U.S. Then in the middle of Obama's announcement a plant behind him got up and walked away.
Jimmy Fallon
#48. Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney once did a photo op at a zoo. That was a big mistake, because he stood next to the chameleon, and HE changed colors.
Bill Maher
#49. Rick Perry told reporters this week that he has a permit to carry a concealed handgun. He also has a concealed vocabulary, concealed knowledge of the issues, concealed tolerance ...
Jay Leno
#50. Just this week, Syria broke off all relations with the United States military and the CIA.
Ed Markey
#51. This week, Iranian-backed Houthi rebels seized control of the Yemeni government, heretofore pro-American. In September, they overran Sanaa, the capital. On Tuesday, they seized the presidential palace. On Thursday, they forced the president to resign.
Charles Krauthammer
#52. That's basically the cherry on top of this week's sundae of suck.
Seanan McGuire
#53. Looks like Madison Estates isn't going to get built; my husband and I bought property there, but someone called this week to say they're refunding us our deposit because they didn't presell enough houses to finance the project. Another paper town for KS!- Marge in Cawker, KS
John Green
#54. Each time you come in contact with someone this week , notice and engage that person in conversation. Realize that his or her job is not just to bag your groceries or take your complaint over the phone, but that this is a real person with a history and a life.
Holly Sprink
#55. I don't know how this hopeless boy weaseled his way into my life this week, but I know i'm definitely not ready for him to leave.
Colleen Hoover
#56. In the wake of newly-alleged prisoner abuse this week, Senator John McCain said that continued mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners is hurting the nation's image. Also hurting the nation's image: letting people drown when it rains.
Amy Poehler
#57. This week's winner for best comedy line about the war is New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer. Referring to - well, it doesn't really matter what he was referring to ...
Ann Coulter
#58. Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Dennis Miller
#59. Here's your enemy for this week, the government says. And some gullible Americans click their heels and salute - often without knowing who or even where the enemy of the week is.
Charley Reese
#60. I just really just try to get better as a player every week, just focusing on the team we have to play this week, and just trying to do whatever is best for the team that week.
Rob Gronkowski
#61. Last week I did a piece for Style on advice to Laura Bush about how to help her husband. This week it's religion. It just depends on what I find interesting at the moment.
Sally Quinn
#62. I turn the tables and challenge our people, our scouts, and they respond. We had a meeting with our scouts this week and told them [we] will use and value their opinions. That perks them up.
Doug Melvin
#63. African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They said a hoodie is too scary for Congress. Too scary? Have you ever looked into Michele Bachmann's eyes?
Bill Maher
#64. Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week.
Carl Costanza - Hot Six
Janet Evanovich
#65. There's too much of everything - too many bands, too many albums, too much information all the time. You're seeing fewer album releases treated as big events, because of the influx. It's almost a "here this week, forgotten next week" thing.
Matt Smith
#66. Whatever money you may need for the next five years, please take it out of the stock market right now, this week.
Jim Cramer
#67. The name 'Boss' started with people that worked for me ... It was not meant like Boss, capital B, it was meant like 'Boss, where's my dough this week?' And it was sort of just a term among friends. I never really liked it.
Bruce Springsteen
#68. Never underestimate the difference YOU can make in the lives of others. Step forward, reach out and help. This week reach to someone that might need a lift
Pablo
#69. Faith may have removed mountains way off somewhere, a long time ago, but it won't remove a wart at home this week.
E.W. Howe
#70. Employees today want to know, "What do you want from me today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year? And what do you have to offer me in return today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year?
Bruce Tulgan
#71. As if this whole thing isn't confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with the letter R, then W, then Q. You know, even Sesame Street is laughing at California now.
Jay Leno
#72. This is the greatest week in the history of the world since the Creation, because as a result of what happened in this week, the world is bigger, infinitely.
Richard M. Nixon
#73. Email, Facebook, Twitter - all those false prophets of contrived importance - they can wait. Any urgency they have is artificial. Besides, I've had my fill of cat videos this week.
Peter Cawdron
#74. The camp was going to be attacked on that day, something about a big bad goddess named Gaea, and an army, and Death being unleashed. You're telling me that day is this week?
Rick Riordan
#75. Happy birthday to former First Lady Barbara Bush, who turned seventy-seven this week. Unfortunately, where her granddaughters helped blow out the candles on her cake, it exploded.
Craig Kilborn
#76. Well this week's all about Seattle, so we've been doing our best to prepare for the Seahawks. I'm doing that, our team's doing that and we'll be ready to go Sunday. That's our focus.
Bill Belichick
#77. But earlier this week on a wooded path,
I thought the swans afloat on the reservoir
were the true geniuses,
the ones who had figured out how to fly,
how to be both beautiful and brutal,
and how to mate for life.
Billy Collins
#78. Grant me the strength to focus this week, to be mindful and present, to serve with excellence, to be a force of love.
Brendon Burchard
#79. John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'
Jay Leno
#81. Am I more than you bargained for yet?
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Fall Out Boy
#82. And the New Republic or the New-New Republic or the Republic We Got This Week will clamp down hard and then those people with the so-called better way will become the brave rebel alliance and the Republic will become the enemy and the wheel will turn once more.
Chuck Wendig
#83. Man, Coach Brown, he's so relaxed. We've seen that guy dancing this week at practice and he's dancing in the locker room. It brings tears to guys' eyes and brings happiness to everybody.
Vince Young
#84. And this week, I am proposing legislation to strengthen our Open Records laws to make public access to our public records surer, faster, and more comprehensive.
Roy Barnes
#85. If I were rich, I would buy him a new black suit ... If I had next week's allowance and had not spent this week's on three Cherry Flips ...
Mary Francis Kennedy Fisher
#86. Tell me what has happened in this week that you've been absent from my window.
Anne Mallory
#87. Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he's done the same this week.
Jeff Stelling
#88. I am pleased that the President has signed an Executive Order this week requiring federal agencies to disclose information about prices and quality of healthcare services.
Timothy Murphy
#89. This week, the world gathers in Beijing for the 2008 Olympic games. This is the extraordinary moment China has been dreaming of for 100 years. People have been longing for this moment, because it symbolises a turning point in China's relationship with the outside world.
Ai Weiwei
#90. Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump's winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine.
Jimmy Fallon
#91. When you get pregnant, you start reading pregnancy books. Everything has been pretty textbook. It's amazing how they can say, 'This week, this might happen,' and it kind of does. I had typical nausea the first trimester, which was no fun. And extreme tiredness.
Anna Silk
#92. Just this week, my husband proposed a plan for schools and libraries to develop their own plans to keep children from finding indecent material on the Internet as an alternative to a Congressional proposal that would require a federally mandated solution.
Tipper Gore
#93. This week I've travelled more than 15,000 miles from America to China to Burma to Australia. I have no idea what time it is right now.
Barack Obama
#94. I don't think I'm going to let you wear knickers again this week." The man was lethal. This was all a big game to him, and he was a world-class player.
Kitty French
#95. I look forward to hosting an Iftar dinner celebrating Ramadan here at the White House later this week, and wish you a blessed month.
Barack Obama
#96. They would all reach the next wells alive, said Master Suresh, so long as grown men didn't sit and weep, boo hoo hoo like some sad whore, her six best boys lost this week to marriage. We must do now as she did then: dry the tears, and hustle!
Kai Ashante Wilson
#97. After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama's golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, 'Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?'
Jimmy Fallon
#98. This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush's new book '41.' Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said 'You two are hilarious' by telegraph.
Jimmy Fallon
#99. Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'
Bill Maher
#100. This Osama bin Laden, now they say he has had plastic surgery. They say he sneaked across the border into Pakistan, which by the way is the place to go to have plastic surgery. He looks great. A tourist came up to him earlier this week and said, 'May I have your autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?'
David Letterman
