Thanksgiving Turkeys Quotes

#1. Eight days ago, we were the toast of the town. Eight days later we're Thanksgiving turkeys.

Wayne Gretzky

#2. Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter's house - obviously, they'll have a turkey with all-white meat.

Chelsea Handler

#3. Any woman who votes for no-fault divorce is like a turkey voting for Thanksgiving.

Pat Robertson

#4. I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

Mitch Hedberg

#5. Turkeys are misunderstood. Once I adopted turkeys, I understood this large bird to be a great companion.

Linda Blair

#6. May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

Grandpa Jones

#7. Love iz a big fat turkey and every day iz thanksgiving

Charles Bukowski

#8. Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project.

Ellen DeGeneres

#9. It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

Phyllis Diller

#10. I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.

Greg Behrendt

#11. A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

Johnny Carson

#12. I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.

Kevin Nealon

#13. My mother is a great hunter - she usually shoots our Thanksgiving turkey.

Kirsten Gillibrand

#14. Detente - isn't that what a farmer has with his turkey - until Thanksgiving?

Ronald Reagan

#15. I love Thanksgiving turkey ... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

#16. Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Joan Rivers

#17. Radical historians now the tell the story of Thanksgiving from the point of view of the turkey.

Mason Cooley

#18. The turkeys that most Americans eat for Thanksgiving are turkeys - losers that are mass produced and bland.

Marian Burros

#19. There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.

David Letterman

#20. Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.

Mike Connolly

#21. We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

Bo Burnham

#22. I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

Rita Rudner

#23. On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.

George Carlin

#24. I've been giving back since I was a teen, handing out turkeys at Thanksgiving and handing out toys at toys drives for Christmas. It's very important to give back as a youth. It's as simple as helping an old lady across the street or giving up your seat on the bus for someone who is pregnant.

Queen Latifah

#25. It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

Russell Baker

#26. Times are hard in the ghetto, I gotta steal for a living;
Eating turkey-flavored Now & Laters for Thanksgiving.

DMX

#27. The arrogance of the young is a direct result of not having known enough consequences. The turkey that every day greedily approaches the farmer who tosses him grain is not wrong. It is just that no one ever told him about Thanksgiving.

Harry Golden

#28. It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.

Alistair Cooke

#29. Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Nicole Hollander

#30. Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

Redd Foxx

#31. THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

Mark Twain

#32. I really like Thanksgiving turkey ... it does not take only time in Houston that you look at natural breasts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

#33. The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'

Conan O'Brien

#34. We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

George Carlin