Top 100 Quotes About Penis
#1. I cough. "Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin." I fake cough again into my hand. "Poor patient. What will I ever do?" He shoots me a crooked smile and I begin to pant in torturous anticipation.
S.K. Logsdon
#2. Somebody's on a man hunt. And she's accepting all applicants with a big wallet, a penis, and a beating heart. Good luck with that.
Kim Holden
#3. Your boyfriend's penis is not an awkward string of spaghetti that has to be scooped up and sucked down. The Emperor of China once asked Lao-tzu: How should I rule the kingdom? To which Lao-tzu replied: Rule the kingdom as you would cook a small fish. A really good blowjob is the same.
Chloe Thurlow
#4. What is love anyway? From my new vantage point, I realize that love is nothing more than a messy conglomeration of need, desperation, fear of death and insecurity about penis size.
Charlie Kaufman
#5. Something girls never understood about poker night. The real point of the card play was to razz. Razzing calls forth unbridled farm-boy humour, earthy by some standards. The best quip involves belittling someone else's penis, or turning it back on the sayer, or both.
Allan Dare Pearce
#7. All to prove to her I'm not lying and I'm not sleeping around on her. She's a vagina with arms, and legs, and two faces. Do you know what it's like to have your penis ridden by a two-hundred thirty pound woman?" He stood now, looking traumatized.
Lucian Bane
#8. Honey, these aren't ordinary penis bones." "Not the kind you pick up at Walgreens, with a bottle of aspirin and a scented candle?
Cherie Priest
#9. Until Eric had explained that it was really just an excuse for a guy to rub his penis all over a girl and not get slapped in the face. After that,
Shayla Black
#10. I have it on good report that not only does Ambrose have a tiny, tiny penis, but he can only become aroused when in the presence of a dead dog, a painting of the Duke of Gibea, and a shirtless galley drummer.
Patrick Rothfuss
#11. She already has my heart. I would like for her to take my penis, too. Is that so much to ask?
Shayla Black
#13. Anyone want some of my foot long sub? It's huge! It's nearly half as long as my penis.
Jarod Kintz
#14. Harry leaned forward. You put your penis on the page.
Hanif Kureishi
#15. At least you are back to being normal size." She gave a strangled laugh. "If the size of a cucumber on steroids is normal that is.
Charlene Hartnady
#16. Nothing surprises me now, I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.
Augusten Burroughs
#18. Lawrence concluded that Alan's penis scheme must have finally found a taker.
Neal Stephenson
#19. You exposed your penis on national television, Max. What am I supposed to do?"
"I didn't expose it, Howard, it just sort of peeked out.
Augusten Burroughs
#20. As I recall, Drew made me take him to see a voodoo priestess he found in the yellow pages that week because he said the friend put a hex on his penis. For two weeks he slept with a two-pound package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts on his junk since he refused to sacrifice a live chicken.
Tara Sivec
#21. I really wish I could confirm to him
that you do in fact have a penis. A very
big and pretty penis," Blaire whispered.
I winced.
"Please, just call it big.
Don't call it pretty. That hurts its
feelings.
Abbi Glines
#22. Nonsense. The sword is worth far more than that. I'll throw in a pair of penis.
Brandon Sanderson
#23. Is the gun really necessary?"
"No," he admitted. "It's just fun to have one."
"Like an extra penis," I mused.
He smiled unkindly. "Something like that.
Karina Halle
#24. The first clear thought I have is that I have to stop thinking with my penis. It always points me into trouble.
Jonas Eriksson
#25. A recent survey of 2,000 male graduates of Harvard Business School
found that penis length & IQ were equally good predictors of annual
income.
from Eugene
Greg Egan
#26. Yeah, well, your penis seemed to really like someone else on Saturday.
Holly Bourne
#27. He has a light, fumbling brutality, which several times makes me think that this time it'll cost me my sanity. In our dawning, mutual intimacy, I induce him to open the little slit in the head of his penis so I can put my clitoris inside and fuck him.
Peter Hoeg
#28. Why Your Penis is a Gift
Think of the past as your left pocket,
the future as your right pocket ~
which leaves your penis as the present.
Beryl Dov
#29. Like the worthless dogs that are his countrymen, my husband believed that his penis was wasted if he was faithful to just one woman. - At the Sound of the Last Post
Petina Gappah
#30. No way that was a act. She really is that gullible. She really is dumb as a sack of moondust."
"Yet very sweet."
Eve rolled her eyes toward him. "I think you have to have a penis to get that impression.
J.D. Robb
#31. If somebody asks if you tweeted your penis and your answer is anything other than "No," you tweeted your penis.
Bill Maher
#32. Lord, she really hoped that was his penis and that Greek gods didn't pad their briefs.
Rosanna Leo
#33. But she was well used to stubborn patients, the majority of which were always of the male persuasion. She figured it had something to do with carrying a penis around all the time.
Jill Shalvis
#34. Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain.
Tayeb Salih
#35. I'm off to an island nation where formal wear consists of a leaf tired around a penis.
J. Maarten Troost
#36. You arrogant, selfish, egotistical, medieval, despotic, swollen-headed, dumb, idiot penis owner!
Christine Warren
#37. In his mind he saw them standing with the tips of their organs pressed together ejaculating into each other's penis.
Dean Koontz
#38. Do you think the penis ever gets tired?
Whose?
Anybody's. I mean anybody with one. Does the penis ever just think: for God's sake pal, give it a rest? Or is it all: Woo-who!! Here we go again!
J.D. Robb
#39. We flew to Los Angeles, where I secured a new passport. The picture in my stolen one wasn't half bad, but in the new one I look like a penis with an old person's face drawn on it.
David Sedaris
#40. Ship, lady. This here's a ship," he said defensively, as if she'd told him, "Your penis: I find it minuscule.
Kresley Cole
#41. When we were in bed, the only part of me she touched was my penis, because it was the most detached.
Anatole Broyard
#42. I bet he has a very nice penis. I bet it's glorious, like his stupid perfect face, and gorgeous eyes, and muscled body. I bet if he entered his penis in a competition, it would win "Best in Show" and he could walk around with a giant blue ribbon stuck to his crotch.
Leisa Rayven
#44. One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#45. After using a paint chart from a local DIY superstore to identify the skin tone of his penis as midnight chocolate, Miriam stayed down on one knee and offered him the citizenship he had always wanted and the middle-aged white woman he would grudgingly accept.
David F. Porteous
#46. Cody was both ashamed and astonished to learn that it was actually possible to break a penis.
Evan Gilbert
#47. The car was some kind of Porsche and the door stood open and beckoning, like a gold embossed invitation to sin
If she could survive a ride with angel-lips in his penis car then surely she'd be immune to him in any situation?
Amy Andrews
#48. You're my friend who happens to be pretty and female. You do realize being your friend doesn't mean I don't have a penis?
Cindi Madsen
#49. Are you ready for my love gun?" he says.
Uh-oh. "What's a love gun? Is that a sex toy?"
"No," he says. "I'm talking about my penis."
"Oh," I say. "Then yes. Fire away
Fanny Merkin
#51. Well, fuck me. I was expecting someone-"
"With a penis and a deep voice? Sorry to disappoint.
Samantha Towle
#52. It's a penis not an introduction to the president.
K. Webster
#53. She'd wear shades of lipstick you'd expect to see around the base of a penis.
Chuck Palahniuk
#54. As if adult males were completely self-sufficient beings, as if a penis and a five o'clock shadow were all they would ever need to get by.
Tom Perrotta
#55. I don't think we have properly met," Faye said as we danced together. "So you're the penis that's been inside my best friend's vagina."
Well, that's one way of putting it. "And you're the highly inappropriate best friend.
Brittainy C. Cherry
#56. Three girls until, at last, their baby boy. As I sipped my bourbon and cracked peanuts, I pondered the growing desperation the Nashes must have felt each time a child popped out without a penis.
Gillian Flynn
#58. To become straight, you have to transform your cock into a phallus, that well-washed instrument of power The asshole can remain dirty, but you've got to sew it up, forget the half of the penis that joins it, favor external part and confine orgasm to that part
Tony Duvert
#59. I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.)
Jarod Kintz
#61. I had acquired an undeniable mystique - if only to the Bancroft butt-room boys. Don't forget: Miss Frost was an older woman, and that goes a long way with boys - even if the older woman has a penis!
John Irving
#62. Holy crap. Is that an elephant penis?
Lexi Blake
#63. You're pretty sexy when you're domestic." I told him, running a hand up the back of his thigh.
"If you think this is hot, you should see me change a diaper."
"I have, actually: why do you think I married you? That and your accent. Oh and your giant penis.
Christina Lauren
#64. Not exactly like that." She pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek. "The wind kind of pushed the penis toward my mouth first." "OH MY GOSH, FAYE!
Brittainy C. Cherry
#65. They get this little nubbin of a penis," Dr. Karpman said. And no one, he said, likes having a nubbin.
Sarah Varney
#66. I hope his penis falls off. I hope it rots and falls off inside of Miss Teen USA, therefore causing her perfect, twenty-two-year-old vagina to rot and fall out of her thong when she sneezes.
Tara Sivec
#67. Hey, how 'bout those Cubs'"-the bad male impersonation was back-" 'let's play some golf, smoke some cigars. Here's my penis, there's yours-yep, they appear to be about the same size-okay, lets's do some deals.
Julie James
#69. At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned out to be almost as painful.
Matt Rudd
#70. Aw, so he used you as a penis cozy and then left? Guys are pigs.
Thomm Quackenbush
#71. When a man I like touches my arm or my hair, I want to know if he'll touch the center of me, and whatever I learned in school
I went to school for a long time
I seem to believe that my center can be reached best with the tip of a penis ...
Alice Mattison
#72. You do know you're a woman, right?" I ask.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks with an astonished face. "I thought I had a penis.
Katelin LaMontagne
#73. Can you take me back into town?" I say. "I can't get my voicemails."
"Why don't you calm down, D-Dub. I know you're menstruating, but everything's going to be fine. Once we get inside, I'll explain all about maxi pads, personal hygiene and the feel of a man's penis.
Victoria Scott
#74. Jane Austen vs. My Penis [20w]
"It is a truth universally that a single man
in possession of a penis must be in want of pussy.
Beryl Dov
#75. Three year in prison and a dick is just another thing to put up your ass.
Marlon James
#76. May we not die premature deaths; instead, may our troubles be limited to pangs of hunger. A man with life will find food to put in the stomach. If death doesn't kill the penis, it soon eats bearded meat.
Okey Ndibe
#77. Let me put it this way. I wouldn't say she's a slut, but her favourite shade of lipstick is penis.
Kristen Proby
#78. You are aware that a healthy portion of the vagina-owning population wants to do you? Don't even get me started about the penis-wielding people, because there's quite a few of them into you as well.
Kylie Scott
#80. Thanks for the penis, God. I don't have the balls to be a woman.
Nick Pageant
#81. Eve rose stiffly when he strode out of the house. In silence, she watched Julia look after him. "The male ego," Eve murmured as she crossed the room to put an arm around Julia's shoulders. "It's a huge and fragile thing. I always envision it as an enormous penis made of thin glass.
Nora Roberts
#82. Seeing your friend's penis and riding it hard moved us beyond the point of no return.
Becca Lee
#83. Now I sit down at the desk, ready to begin.
I am entirely pure: nothing but a skeleton at a typewriter.
I should mention that sometimes I leave my penis on.
I find it difficult to ignore the temptation.
Then I am a skeleton with a penis at a typewriter.
Billy Collins
#84. I'm sure I'll have more to say about the penis word.
John Irving
#85. I never wished I'd been a man. I always felt like a woman and wanted to be a woman. I wanted to be fulfilled professionally and personally, as a woman. There are some who might say I had penis envy, but I only had penis admiration.
Bette Davis
#86. If you think girls are supposed to object to sex until they find themselves incapable of resisting your magic penis, fuck you.
Anna Kendrick
#87. Meat and two veg is your knob," I tell him.
He frowns again, looking confused. "Knob?"
"Dick," I say, "penis, cock, nob, chopper, dong, cream stick, one-eyed trouser snake, prick, tadger, willy, bell-end, or dobber. Take your pick.
Beckie Stevenson
#89. If a woman is old enough to push a ten-pound child through her birth canal, she can hear words like 'penis' and 'cervix.' These are medical terms, Miss Charingford, not obscenities.
Courtney Milan
#90. What it looks like is that you're having sex with one of my oldest friends in the linen closet of our reception hall. Unless, of course, she's lost something in her vagina and you were gallant enough to try and fish it out for her. With your penis. If that's the case, I suggest using a larger lure.
Christine Bell
#91. All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs; the rest sell what's between their ears.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#92. I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby.
J.L. McCoy
#93. The heart, said to be man's noblest organ, has the same shape as the penis, commonly supposed the most ignoble; the symbolism is not inappropriate, because the love which comes from the heart soon extends to the organ which it resembles.
Joris-Karl Huysmans
#94. Typically, the young male spreads his legs to show his erection - a sexual invitation - making sure that his back is turned to the other males or that, with his underarm leaning on his knee, one of his hands loosely dangles right next to his penis so that only the wooed female can see
Frans De Waal
#95. You're bored?" she says incredulously. "You have two hands and a penis. This shouldn't be a difficult equation.
Abria Mattina
#96. The researchers concluded that during intercourse in the missionary position, the penis has the shape of a boomerang.
Mary Roach
#97. A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment.
N.M. Facile
#98. Penis? Cock? Dick? Wood? Schlong? Womb broom? Clam hammer? Yogurt slinger?
Jewel E. Ann
#99. Then Hannah said, 'Look, either you're going to talk or I'm going to have to finish the story about the guy who chopped off his penis. Your call.
Brigid Kemmerer
#100. Which was your favorite? Living room, or bed, or floor, or bed, or wall, or mirror, or bar, or floor?"
"Shhh," I whisper, lifting my cup to take another, more careful sip of coffee. I smile into my mug. "You're weird."
"I think I need a cast for my penis.
Christina Lauren
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