Top 100 Pun Quotes
#1. Live like the Kennedy's, above the law.
Big Pun
#2. Would I laugh?"
"Matter of fact, you would," says Zeb. "Heart like shale. What you need is a good fracking.
Margaret Atwood
#4. I liked, as I like still, to make words look self-conscious and foolish, to bind them by mock marriage of a pun, to turn them inside out, to come upon them unawares. What is this jest in majesty? This ass in passion? How do god and devil combine to form a live dog?
Vladimir Nabokov
#5. Standing, I turned to face my father. "It's the same as the scent on Moore. It's definitely a foreign cat, but it's ... more, somehow." Ethan snickered at my unintentional pun, but I ignored him.
Rachel Vincent
#6. It's my world, I demand my respect. Give me your girl or get slapped in your neck.
Big Pun
#7. In the pun, two strings of thought are tangled into one acoustic knot.
Arthur Koestler
#8. There's a lot of me in Captain Jack and there's a lot of Captain Jack in me. And there is no pun intended.
John Barrowman
#9. I'd like my super power to be puns; I'd like to be great at puns: pun power. Then I could go on loads of panel shows and live off that forever.
Chris O'Dowd
#10. You would do well to turn from Chapter XXXVI to Chapter CXXXIII without further delay, thus saving nearly a hundred chapters without anybody's knowing the difference if you keep quiet. After all, Ahab isn't the only one entitled to be a skipper.
Richard Armour
#11. Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.
Aniruddha Sastikar
#12. Red?" I asked.
"I've decided I'm going to call you Red from now on."
"All right, I'll bite - no pun intended. Why?"
He snickered in a very masculine way and lowered his voice. "'Cause I like the idea of the big bad wolf visiting you and Grandma.
Linda Robertson
#13. In person, if possible, Anubis was even more drop-dead gorgeous. [Oh ... ha, ha. I didn't catch the pun, but thank you, Carter. God of the dead, drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, hilarious. Now, may I continue?]
Rick Riordan
#14. Snorting cocaine is like feeding pork to the brain.
Big Pun
#15. A pun, like champagne, loses its sparkle when too long drawn out. Its flash is its savor.
Harriet Hosmer
#16. My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial
James Joyce
#17. I feel like America would enjoy this pun about me... and closets.
Kelly Thompson
#19. My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.
Alexis Hall
#20. I- I. Sorry. This is what my father would call a fucking unfortunate image.
Erin Bow
#21. It is. If it's too late for me ... Well, I'll be damned - no pun intended - if I'll let them keep you out, too.
Stephenie Meyer
#22. God knows why - no pun intended - but every time I write a song, I feel a need to touch on religion.
Martin Gore
#23. Scholars, street knowledge, Carter kids stuck in the projects.
Big Pun
#24. We're all well-acquainted with depression, we all know what the low moods are, but the mania was not something I knew much about. I didn't know that it would make someone dress extravagantly or start to pun, and to stay up and drink.
Jeffrey Eugenides
#26. You know, being bitten by a vampire one week before prom really sucks.
No pun intended.
Mari Mancusi
#27. In Men in Black, it was a very small character, no pun intended.
Verne Troyer
#29. I'm a living abortion.
Big Pun
#30. If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.
Tim Vine
#31. Never we sleep, a thug doesn't rest,
Cause a wise man said: it was a cousin of death.
Big Pun
#32. What I'm going for with the string arrangements for my Antarctic symphony is a pun here.
DJ Spooky
#33. A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.
Charles Lamb
#34. I blow my own mind like Nirvana, and go the whole nine like Madonna.
Big Pun
#35. 'Nip/Tuck' did make me very comfortable in my own skin, no pun intended. I had to be stripped down a lot, and you're kind of in front of the whole world, and it teaches you to accept yourself and be comfortable with yourself real quickly.
Kelly Carlson
#36. It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.
Arthur Baer
#37. Apollo is hot, no pun intended.
Courtney
#38. If a UFO did land, and invite me onboard, I'd love to have the balls to go in. So, I search the skies for extra testicles.
Kelli Jae Baeli
#39. I hate puns. And, I'm tired of pardoning them.
Mark Lowry
#40. The Good and Great must ever shun
That reckless and abandoned one
Who stoops to perpetrate a pun.
Lewis Carroll
#41. A first edition of Peter Pan appeared gift-wrapped on my bed - Lucy admitted that Asher had drafted her to help deliver that present.
Corrine Jackson
#42. I like the old wisdom
puns, riddles, spells, proverbs.
Mason Cooley
#43. Human beings are more or less formulas. Pun intended. We are not any one thing that is mathematically provable. We are more or less than we are anything. We are more or less kind, or more or less not. More or less selfish, happy, wise, lonely.
Adi Alsaid
#44. While sitting on the hopper, in a blissful state of belieflessness, the Universe sent me this silly pun: Arrogant know-it-alls actually know nothing,
while humble know-nothings seem to know everything...
Maximus Freeman
#47. Brody's not gay. But then he kisses a boy. So he might be gay? No, Brody's not gay. But he loves this boy. So after much delaying, debating, and waiting, the answer comes clear ... nothing is ever perfectly straight. It's slash.
Dart Gray
#48. My poetic aspiration
Is to become,
A Jack of all styles
And a master of pun.
Clive Blake
#49. I know these dirty cops that'll get us in if we murder some Wop.
Big Pun
#50. I think the play actually became bigger than me. No pun intended.
Camryn Manheim
#52. Pony eyed the pitcher of hot fudge sauce Nellie had placed on the table. "And if you pass that pitcher, I will reveal a nugget of information that will please you and instantly return me to your good goddess graces."
Nellie pushed the pitcher forward. "Spill. Not the fudge sauce. The info.
Jude Watson
#53. Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and -
Richelle Mead
#54. You set, Bones?"
"Ouch," McCoy said. "I assume that pun was meant to make me feel better, or else accidental.
Diane Duane
#55. Every poet knows the pun is Pierian, that it springs from the same soil as the Muse?a matching and shifting of vowels and consonants, an adroit assonance sometimes derided as jackassonance.
Louis Untermeyer
#56. Pick a side, Max. I feel like I'm living through some vampire romance where you can't be near me because my blood smells delicious.
Lucy Keating
#57. I was supposed to watch you, yeah. They thought it was weird that Atherton would send his own kid to Hecate, so we wanted to keep an eye on you. No pun intended. (Archer)
Rachel Hawkins
#58. Strip those clowns down to nudity, shove the chrome where they doo doo be.
Big Pun
#59. A pun, though despicable in itself, can be the noblest vehicle of an artistic intention by serving as the abbreviation of a wittyview. It can be a social criticism in the form of an epigram.
Karl Kraus
#60. Religion is the theological equivalent of a quick-buck insurance scam, where you pay in your premium year after year, and then, when you need the benefits you paid for so - pardon the pun - so religiously, you discover the company that took your money does not, in fact, exist.
Stephen King
#61. A good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellencies of lively conversation.
James Boswell
#63. A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
#64. I wanna cover more ground, get a bigger fan base.
Big Pun
#65. What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun!
Ana Claudia Antunes
#66. Do you know why they call this place the Rookery?" Elodin asked. I shook my head.
"Because it's where you go if you're a-ravin'." He smiled a wild smile. He laughed a terrible laugh.
Patrick Rothfuss
#67. The zoo lost its elephant again. It never forgets where to go. I found it in the middle of my room.
Brian Spellman
#68. I was confident, but I still loved a good stroking. Pun one hundred percent abso-fucking-lutely intended.
Laurel Ulen Curtis
#69. Thatsh prieshts for you," said the old man wetly. "Nothing by torc, torc, torc.
Terry Pratchett
#70. I never read Freud. I've never been attracted to anything he has said, and I think he's started a lot of nonsense with psychiatry and that business. I don't think psychiatry can help or has helped anybody. I think it's a big fraud (pun not intended) on the public.
Bob Dylan
#71. They are "sexcellent". That is a pun for you, you will find lots of puns on the internet! Also: blonde jokes.
Ryan North
#72. I never knew an enemy to puns who was not an ill-natured man.
Charles Lamb
#73. Life imitates art and art imitates life until both imitate imitation - Reality TV.
Brian Spellman
#74. I don't want to be considered 'the Latino rapper.'
Big Pun
#76. One spear to start a war, one spear to prime them. One spear to bring them all and into bloodshed bind them.
Alis Franklin
#77. Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding, if you'll excuse the pun.
John Glover
#79. The pun is the dung of the mind which soars. The jest falls, no matter where; and the mind after producing a piece of stupidity plunges into the azure depths.
Victor Hugo
#80. The greatest irony is that people with Rolodexes are no longer LinkedIn. And if that pun doesn't make sense, don't ask anyone in your Rolodex to explain it.
Ryan Lilly
#81. The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.
Arthur Smith
#82. Loki spoke, "I agree, we do need some leadership. But you've had your chance, Odin. I think it's time for fresh ideas, to get things going. Some Lokimotion, so to speak.
Dylan Callens
#83. Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire
Ambrose Bierce
#84. Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.
Elle Lothlorien
#85. I learned that it's okay to feel the way I do: that my life has no meaning unless I have a boyfriend. A real man is like the perfect vampire-boy and all the perfect guys in Twue Wuv.
Jess C. Scott
#86. Battery never dies, the ghetto keeps me wise.
Big Pun
#87. Actually touring solo is a little more difficult. It's more demanding than being under the "wing" of the band, no pun intended. It's more intimidating to sing in front of smaller crowds. The buck stops with me.
Timothy B. Schmit
#88. I'd rather sell reefer than do pizza delivery.
Big Pun
#89. Better to have loved and lost than to live with regret.
Big Pun
#90. I'll take Shadowhunter, then. Because from what I've experienced of vampires, you mostly suck. No pun intended.
Cassandra Clare
#91. Also not the kind of place to hide a server."
"Is that another pun?" She asked.
"No! I swear! I didn't mean that one."
~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5
Ridley Pearson
#92. Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
Jack Benny
#93. For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life.
Tim Vine
#94. We've arrived," Leo announced. "Time to Split."
Frank groaned. "Can we leave Valdez in Croatia?
Rick Riordan
#95. My trigger got no heart.
Big Pun
#97. It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
Lewis Carroll
#98. I think baseball - the baseball genre - is this mitt, to use a double pun there, to catch a whole bunch of themes.
Rachel Griffiths
#99. The old Monophysite sect declared that Christ had only the one divine nature. The new Monophysite sect declares that He had only the one human nature. But it is not a pun or a trick, but a truth, to say that the Monophysite is by nature monotonous.
G.K. Chesterton
