Top 100 Elle Lothlorien Quotes
#1. Like your sweet, affectionate house cat, Alice Dahl is easy to underestimate. It's not until the songbirds in the yard show up eviscerated on the front porch that you realize you should've kept that bell collar on her - because those poor birds never even saw her coming.
Elle Lothlorien
#2. I don't think Australians ever use a couple of words when twenty will do just fine.
Elle Lothlorien
#3. Don't worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.
Elle Lothlorien
#4. Well, Faye, dear, I'm sure Harlow's sorry she didn't think to ask if you'd been eaten by a shark. That's totally on her.
Elle Lothlorien
#5. The words 'drink me' come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?
Elle Lothlorien
#6. Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.
Elle Lothlorien
#7. Right, 'the Queen of Hearts.' Sounds to me like you're just one bitch in a whole pack of cards, baby.
Elle Lothlorien
#8. Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal - all those places perfect for dying of exposure.
Elle Lothlorien
#9. I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on.
Elle Lothlorien
#10. Pretty great view. You think they'd do something about the sharks.
Elle Lothlorien
#11. Must be the hair then. And the name change. And your new piss-poor attitude. Because every once in a while, I look at you and I don't see a Baby Doll anymore. I just see Alice Faye Dahl, Poker Champion Badass. With obvious, heavy influences from Ronald McDonald, of course.
Elle Lothlorien
#12. No thanks ... Dodo, was it? I don't know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.
Elle Lothlorien
#13. Souris says you wanted to see me, so here I am. Talk quick before I decide to beat the shit out of you and throw your bloody carcass back across the International Date Line.
Elle Lothlorien
#14. I made sure to brush my teeth as soon as I was able. I even asked for a hair tie to pull my long, blood-red hair into a twist at the nape of my neck so I wouldn't have that 'freshly hospitalized' look.
Elle Lothlorien
#15. Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you've known for exactly two days if she'd be willing to get into a car with you and take a road trip across the country was something I hadn't quite worked up to yet.
Elle Lothlorien
#16. I think I can say with confidence that it's a lot funnier if you haven't actually been attacked by a shark.
Elle Lothlorien
#17. Don't make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.
Elle Lothlorien
#18. Are we turning back? Because if you're just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I'm desensitized, trust me - that ship has sailed.
Elle Lothlorien
#19. You're in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you're asking 'why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS.
Elle Lothlorien
#20. Now see, if it were me, I wouldn't have led with that. I would've gone with something like 'G'day' or 'Wow, aren't you a little hottie?
Elle Lothlorien
#21. Don't take this the wrong way, but Australians have a LOT of bitches on their cashola.
Elle Lothlorien
#22. I think it would be prudent to advise you that due to extraordinary circumstances beyond our control, the original plan we had for participating in and extending the duration of the IPT Main Event has been drastically altered, specifically as it pertains to certain individuals competing -
Elle Lothlorien
#23. Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I'd feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it.
Elle Lothlorien
#24. For someone named Alice, you're really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia.
Elle Lothlorien
#25. Be a good little Alice and just follow the White Rabbit, okay?
Elle Lothlorien
#27. Remember that rabbit-proof fencing you told me about? You get that at a hardware store or is it special order?
Elle Lothlorien
#28. Let's put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn't bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you.
Elle Lothlorien
#29. I think it should be obvious by now that I'm not necessarily interested in reality.
Elle Lothlorien
#30. Have you thrown 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?' at her yet?
Elle Lothlorien
#31. Locals. They'll eventually get out. They're annoyed. Like when Americans go to the lake. And it's closed. 'Cause some kid pooped in the water.
Elle Lothlorien
#32. The question is: will I get used to a menu with kilojoules instead of calories? I mean, I don't think anyone even knows how many kilojoules are in a calorie. I had to break out a whiteboard this morning and do calculus just to figure out how many calories were in a glass of water Down Under.
Elle Lothlorien
#33. I'm good at being vague and unpredictable. It's sort of a hard habit to break.
Elle Lothlorien
#34. The car doesn't so much drive as float above the road, like we're making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.
Elle Lothlorien
#35. I like it because when people use a lot of poker lingo, it usually means they've been playing the game for a while. Which is why I immediately avoid those people.
Elle Lothlorien
#36. Congratulations, Mousey, you've managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.
Elle Lothlorien
#37. I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me.
Elle Lothlorien
#38. Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn't? I mean, I'm trying to figure out why I can't seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do.
Elle Lothlorien
#39. Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?
Elle Lothlorien
#40. This is from the queen? And you say it's for a mouse? I'm sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn't allow any pets except for service animals.
Elle Lothlorien
#41. Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.
Elle Lothlorien
#42. Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. So ... if you didn't hug your koala nice and tight before you got here to Sydney, you're going to be shit out of luck until we go back to Surfer's Paradise.
Elle Lothlorien
#43. Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny - like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.
Elle Lothlorien
#44. Just keep it simple, Alice Faye. Remember how you taught yourself. Nothing's different just because you're on a yacht, or wearing a fancy dress. Or because you appear to have dropped acid and are now in the mirror room at the fun house.
Elle Lothlorien
#45. Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?
Elle Lothlorien
#47. Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?
Elle Lothlorien
#48. After one and a half cocktails, finding the appropriate response is a bit of a challenge. I finally say, 'Thank you for inviting me,' and leave the less desirable 'Want to play strip poker?' in the unscrupulous part of my brain where it belongs.
Elle Lothlorien
#49. Yeah, well, when they say 'You know it's a long way, don't you?' what they really mean is: 'You know it'd be faster if you just rode a kangaroo, don't you?
Elle Lothlorien
#50. Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch.
Elle Lothlorien
#51. My help - it's not a light switch you can turn on and off. My help starts right now, and after this point you don't get to tell me that you don't want it anymore. Understand? You had a chance to walk away, Alice, and you didn't take it. Now it's time to play the game.
Elle Lothlorien
#52. Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something's worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people made huge bets on every hand - no matter what they were holding. People who play with everything on the line - for real - don't act like that.
Elle Lothlorien
#53. I try not to laugh too loud, afraid a bark-like noise will be mistaken by any great whites lurking in the area as the distress call of a juvenile seal.
Elle Lothlorien
#54. I've found that lifting the lid with your foot is the most thorough and least gross path to two minutes of peace of mind.
Elle Lothlorien
#55. Well, you played me, Rabbit. You played me, and it worked, and I'm not the kind of person to make the same mistake twice. Your whole life is a game, but you know what? I already have a life. Poker's nothing to me but a goddamn deck of cards.
Elle Lothlorien
#56. I grimace, thinking someone should come up with a new phrase for 'I left the ocean without a kiwi-sized chunk of my lower-left butt cheek' to replace the rather nebulous term 'exploratory bite.
Elle Lothlorien
#57. Faye, if you got eaten by another shark, would you please at least have the decency to say so? My time is kind of limited, if you know what I'm sayin'.
Elle Lothlorien
#58. Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.
Elle Lothlorien
#59. Oh, Alice, you haven't even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time's right I don't think I'll have to 'try' to have my way with you. I just WILL.
Elle Lothlorien
#60. Australians are descended from a boatload of English convicts, right? So two hundred years in isolation at the bottom of the planet is plenty of time for the language to evolve into some sort of double-speak prison slang.
Elle Lothlorien
#61. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel when I'm around you: confused, but still satisfied.' I freeze, trying to figure out how to cancel it out and replace it with something that sounds a whole lot less like sex and a candy bar ad.
Elle Lothlorien
#62. Be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn, In that case, you should always be a unicorn.
Elle Lothlorien
#63. I use the word "man" loosely. A better description would be "the most beautiful specimen of Homo sapiens sapiens with a set of XY chromosomes to grace the planet Earth at this moment, or any other era, epoch, or age in history.
Elle Lothlorien
#64. Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don't want to play me.
Elle Lothlorien
#65. Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn't against the law in any country.
Elle Lothlorien
#66. If one more person tells me how big this country is, I'm going to go kick a koala.
Elle Lothlorien
#67. I hear they're all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can't tell who's got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala ... tell me you're not shocked.
Elle Lothlorien
#68. And just so you know - that winter forest we walked into first? That was from Through the Looking Glass too. Hey, if you're going to saddle me with the blame for your overconsumption, at least get the book right.
Elle Lothlorien
#69. You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.
Elle Lothlorien
#70. I have a totally unhealthy and unrealistic fear of being eaten by a great white shark. This is because I belong to a very specific demographic called American Child Whose Parents Made the Ill-Advised Decision To Allow Her To Watch the Movie Jaws At a Sleepover During Her Formative Years.
Elle Lothlorien
#71. Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they're all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they're birthing the Grand Theory of Everything.
Elle Lothlorien
#72. In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dee's venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down the line of vulgarity, all the way to the touchdown of tastelessness.
Elle Lothlorien
#73. Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren't related, I would've left too. Actually ... is it already too late for me to leave?
Elle Lothlorien
#74. You can pay for whatever you want, but I just want to warn you that I prefer to stay at places that don't start or end with the word 'motel.
Elle Lothlorien
#75. I don't know what this is for anyway. I mean, let me tell you what I'm never going to say to any human being, ever: 'I had hunting season off-suit in the pocket, but I've had kicker trouble with that hand often enough to fold it.
Elle Lothlorien
#76. You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, 'Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.
Elle Lothlorien
#78. Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down.
Elle Lothlorien
#79. I don't think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.
Elle Lothlorien
#80. Enjoy your little run because there's no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.
Elle Lothlorien
#81. How do you tactfully spin the term "man-whore" to someone's sister?
Elle Lothlorien
#82. That's the thing you girls never get. It doesn't matter if you just woke up, or just got done bawling, or just finished your make-up. When a guy's all love-sick over a chick, she looks exactly the same to him all the time: perfect.
Elle Lothlorien
#84. I believe it went like this - and stop me if I'm wrong, Mousey: 'Listen, we may not be our own continent and everything, but we have a big country over in America too.
Elle Lothlorien
#85. Oh, I have plenty of problems with Rabbit, it's just that my comfort level with his name is standing in line behind about a hundred more important things.
Elle Lothlorien
#86. He's a guy. We're easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It'll take five minutes ... three if you wear something low-cut.
Elle Lothlorien
#87. If you ever pull a switcheroo like that again, Dee, I'm going to offer your boyfriend ten thousand dollars to make out with Alice for two minutes.
Elle Lothlorien
#88. I'll get you and your little dog too?' You say your girl can't pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift's just gonna keep right on giving.
Elle Lothlorien
#89. That's exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World.
Elle Lothlorien
#90. Didn't you read the invitation? There's going to be a game in a little while
the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.
Elle Lothlorien
#91. I'm not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.
Elle Lothlorien
#92. Are you referring to the day you instructed me to 'follow the white rabbit,' plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn't take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it?
Elle Lothlorien
#93. Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don't think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely.
Elle Lothlorien
#94. Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait - is that not what we're talking about here?
Elle Lothlorien
#95. I don't need to look at your primal, white-hot, mutant pirate eyes, big guy. Just forget that I'm there, and I'll try to block out the fact that I ever met you. Basically we'll just act like we do every day.
Elle Lothlorien
#96. When some smart ass asks you if you're driving, you say, 'Nope, just kicking the tires.' You have to make sure you actually kick them all on your way around to the passenger side. Otherwise it's like lying.
Elle Lothlorien
#97. So 'fatal' only kills you two out of three times these days? That's good to know.
Elle Lothlorien
#98. Alice? You didn't get this far without realizing that you don't have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that people are easily manipulated.
Elle Lothlorien
#99. Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?
Elle Lothlorien
#100. I slump in my chair, thinking how a narcotic party of one is no party at all.
Elle Lothlorien
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