Top 100 My Funeral Quotes
#1. I ask a wreathwhich will not crush my head.
And there is no hurry about it;
I shall have, doubtless, a boom after my funeral,
Seeing that long standing increases all things
regardless of quality.
Ezra Pound
#2. Yesterday I fell in love,
today feels like my funeral,
I just got hit by a bus,
shouldn't have been so beautiful,
dont know why I gave my heart,
gave my trust,
gave everything.
Chris Brown
#3. When I die, nobody cry at my funeral, in fact let's all have a party; I've lived the life of ten men. I lived all my dreams and more.
Robbin Crosby
#4. You are thirty minutes late."
"Yes."
"Would you be thirty minutes late to a wedding or a funeral?"
"No."
"Why not, pray tell?"
"Well, if the funeral was mine I'd have to be on time. If the wedding was mine it would be my funeral.
Charles Bukowski
#5. Wouldst thou find my ashes? Look
In the pages of my book;
And as these thy hand doth turn,
Know here is my funeral urn.
Adelaide Crapsey
#6. I can't think of a more wonderful thanksgiving for the life I have had than that everyone should be jolly at my funeral
Lord Mountbatten
#7. Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men.
Quintus Ennius
#8. Hey, listen,' I say. " Fascinating as this is, we've got to go now. I have to collect the invites for my funeral."
That shuts them up. Fiona looks astonished." Really?
" Yeah." I grab Zoey's arm. "It's a shame i can't be there myself - i like parties. Text me if you think of any good hymns!
Jenny Downham
#9. As I'm lying there at my funeral I would hope to hear somebody say, Look, he's still moving!
Peter Costello
#10. One important thing about life : At my funeral, my living dream and my lived days must be in synchronism.
Myself
#12. It's not what I'd want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie.
Neil Gaiman
#13. I want that at my funeral," said Pam. "I want to be carried out on the shoulders of six stalwart young men. Preferably in loincloths.
Leslie Meier
#14. If I fall and break my neck, will you say something nice at my funeral?"
"Like 'Kyler was usually more graceful?
J. Lynn
#15. I want them to play Britney Spears at my funeral. This way I won't feel so bad about being dead, and everyone there will know there is something worse than Death.
Gary Numan
#16. I want to give [my records] all away before some fool plays disco at my funeral, and then the record gets stuck, and nobody can tell, and the service goes on forever!
Robert Patrick
#17. I was fantasising about my own death, I started thinking what my funeral would be like and what music would be played, I was at that level of insanity.
Billy Corgan
#18. Well, if the funeral was mine I'd have to be on time. If the wedding was mine it would be my funeral. I was always quick with the mouth. I would never learn.
Charles Bukowski
#19. To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral.
Spike Milligan
#20. If at my funeral they're talking about my boxing stories, I'd be disappointed because this is just a springboard for when I'm finished. It's just a game. It's pretty silly when you think about it: two grown men punching each other in the face and taking it seriously.
Mark De Mori
#21. I order that my funeral ceremonies be extremely modest, and that they take place at dawn or at the evening Ave Maria, without song or music.
Giuseppe Verdi
#22. If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!
Stan Laurel
#23. Heaven and earth are my inner and outer coffins. The sun, moon, and stars are my drapery, and the whole creation my funeral procession. What more do I want?
Huston Smith
#24. Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.")
Adam Selzer
#25. I expect my immortality will last about six seconds after my funeral.
Donald Hall
#26. Whenever I can't sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I've been assassinated. I've found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I'm in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.
Chuck Klosterman
#27. My legacy to me is-when I drop dead and they're at my funeral - I want my three kids to get up and say, 'He's an awesome dad'.
Dana White
#28. What do you think of the old boy?" said Jean.
"He's got a strangely sunny view of ten years of defeat", said Locke, "but if I get killed in the next six weeks, I want him to speak at my funeral.
Scott Lynch
#29. [That] my body be buried as cheaply as possible and no speeches be permitted at my funeral.
Charles Bradlaugh
#30. My ghost is the only soul who ever comes to cry on my grave ... Only the skies cried sincerely on my funeral.
Simona Panova
#31. When I can no longer go forward, even by an inch, I lay my head on the ground and wait to die. I'm too tired to be frightened. Above me is blackness, and all around me is blackness, and the forest sounds are a symphony to sing me out of this world. I am already at my funeral.
Lauren Oliver
#32. Why can I not stop talking? Livia watched as Cole set the dripping candles on a small table. If I die of embarrassment, they can have my funeral right here.
Debra Anastasia
#33. If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.
Stan Laurel
#34. But you know what? When I die, everybody is invited to come take a selfie at my funeral. Except for my enemies. They're not invited to the funeral, period.
Ezra Koenig
#35. 'I shall have heaven and earth for my coffin and its shell; the sun and moon for my two round symbols of jade, the stars and constellations for my pearls and jewels; and all things assisting as the mourners. Will not the provisions for my funeral be complete? What could you add to them?'
Zhuangzi
#36. Bury me smilin' with G's in my pocket, Have a party at my funeral let every rapper rock it Let the hoes that I used to know, from way before Kiss me from my head to my toe, Gimme a paper and pen so I can write about my life of sin, Couple bottles of gin, in case I don't get in ...
Tupac Shakur
#37. At my funeral, if one said, 'Nick was a generous person,' trust me I won't be doing cartwheels in my coffin. Recognition from people is never and never will be a goal. Some people strive for that respect or honor. Living a life to just reach for the position and status is vanity and sin.
Nick Vujicic
#38. Absolutely no religious rites of any kind, relating to any religious faith, should be associated with my funeral
Arthur C. Clarke
#40. I want words at my funeral. But I guess that means you need life in your life.
Markus Zusak
#41. If you're dressed for my funeral, it's too casual. If it's just street clothes, then you must be scaring the tourists.
Laurell K. Hamilton
#42. Let no one pay me honor with tears, nor celebrate my funeral rites with weeping.
Quintus Ennius
#43. I tell my children now that they are older, 'If something happens to me ... don't make no big fuss over me. Don't make no big expense on my funeral. Don't put any pressure on the rest of the family. I've loved everybody, and I hope they loved me. But don't create this big expense for the family.'
B.B. King
#44. I could picture life - school and everything else - continuing on without me. But I could not picture my funeral. Not at all. Mostly because I couldn't imagine who would attend or what they would say.
Jay Asher
#45. I want Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D played at my funeral. If it isn't I shall jolly well want to know why.
Sybil Thorndike
#46. That afternoon my mother had brought me the roses.
"Save them for my funeral," I'd said.
Sylvia Plath
#47. At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
#48. A psychiatrist once told me early in treatment, "Stop trying to make me like you," and what a sobering and welcome smack in the face that statement was. Yet somehow, every day of my life is still a campaign for popularity, or better yet, a crowded funeral.
John Waters
#49. After you died I could not hold a funeral,
And so my life became a funeral.
Han Kang
#50. My own funeral, I'd like to be laid out in a coffin in my own house. I would like my coffin to be put in the double parlor, and I would like all the flowers to be white.
Anne Rice
#51. Did Gran go to a gynecologist? That is totally weird. I never thought about my grandmother's vagina before. I don't want to be thinking about my grandmother's vagina. Not here, at her funeral. In a church. While i'm doing a reading from the Bible.
Meg Cabot
#52. There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instance, making a huge profit out of their funeral, which is the normal custom in the civilized world.
Leonard Wibberley
#53. We were heading into the clumsy territory of my mother's funeral, stretched-out silences, wrong smiles, the place where words didn't work.
Donna Tartt
#54. I remember from my father's funeral that the minister kept using a metaphor about life of a prism. And I took that away like a cherished image.
Anna Deavere Smith
#55. Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible ketchup stains, I feel as though I'm wearing a Hefty trash bag. And it's last year's Hefty trash bag.
Dave Barry
#56. I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness.
Carl Hiaasen
#57. Should my decease happen in Newcastle I desire that my remains may be laid near the south porch in Saint Andrews churchyard near the remains of my dear wife, and that the least possible expence may be laid out on my interment. Charles Avison
Charles Avison
#58. I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.'
Matt Roper
#59. If you thought it was my goddamned fault, couldn't you have called me and told me he was gone? it would have been fucking plus to come to his fucking funeral, you bloodless whore - you ever think of that?
Amy Lane
#60. The introduction of the doctrine of polygamy was the first time in my life that I desired the grave, and I could hardly get over it for a long time. And when I saw a funeral, I felt to envy the corpse its situation.
Brigham Young
#61. To the solemn graves, near a lonely cemetery, my heart like a muffled drum is beating funeral marches.
Charles Baudelaire
#62. I checked myself out in that funeral parlour scene. I saw myself laughing, because there was a shot of Ed and I together and Mary was right in back of us. My head turned from the camera and I saw myself laughing, because Mary was absolutely brilliant in that thing.
Gavin MacLeod
#63. The tea tasted like a clear dark dripping from the past. My grandmother came back with it, in crisp black funeral silks,
Ross Macdonald
#64. Black funeral dress. Black heels. Black headband in my hair. Death has a style all it's own. I'm glad I don't have to wear it very often.
Courtney C. Stevens
#65. I don't like funerals, and a while ago I just stopped going to them. I think the ceremony is a form of denial, and when my wife died and my daughter, Cady, informed me that she was unaware of any instance where going to somebody's funeral ever brought them back, I just about gave it up.
Craig Johnson
#66. Growing up, I saw my mother cry exactly once. The morning of her brother's funeral. One long tear ran down her cheek through her make up until she caught it near her mouth and patted it dry with a tissue she pulled from inside her sleeve.
Kelly Corrigan
#67. So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?
Johnny Rich
#69. I've had to write a column an hour after I've come back from a funeral. A deadline is a deadline, I mean, that was just what my job was.
Laurie Notaro
#70. I knew I wouldn't get an invitation. I would be lucky to get an invitation to my own funeral, with my reputation.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#71. My biggest blast-off hit was 'You Raise Me Up.' If you ever have a wedding or a funeral, it's a good pick.
Josh Groban
#72. When I was 7 years old, I put on shows for everyone at my grandpa's funeral. I was always the little entertainer.
Natalie Portman
#73. They might ignore me immediately.
In my moon suit and funeral veil.
I am no source of honey
So why should they turn on me?
Tomorrow I will be sweet God, I will set them free.
Sylvia Plath
#74. I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case.
John Knowles
#75. I'll always remember when I bumped into Good Morning America's Robin Roberts on a flight to my mother's funeral in 1994, and how kind she was during that difficult time.
Gayle King
#76. How can so much beauty hide such a bruised and steely heart, and why must I love him, why must I lean in my weariness upon his irresistible yet indomitable strength? Is he not the wizend funeral spirit of a dead man in a child's clothes?
Anne Rice
#77. The people protesting to save these woods are right - these trees are almost untouched. His voice was different somehow. It was exactly the sound in his voice that I heard at the funeral of my great-uncle.
Ned Hayes
#78. The only time I have ever seen my father cry in my whole life was the day he watched JFK's funeral procession on television.
Margaret A. Salinger
#79. I remember in 'Pride and Prejudice' I had to do a scene where I broke down. And before we filmed I spent like three hours imagining my mum's funeral. Actually, she's very much alive, happy and healthy. It was really horrible.
Carey Mulligan
#80. I have passed the mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the firmament of Complete and unbounded freedom; I am in comfort, I am in peace.
Khalil Gibran
#81. Will read a poem by Sir Walter Raleigh at his grandmother's funeral.
"Pondering the joys we had, listen & keep very still. If the lowing from the hill or the tolling of the bell do not
serve to break the spell, listen: you may be allowed to hear my laughter from a cloud.
Lynne Branard
#82. My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.
Kevin Hart
#83. If I talk about my father's funeral, as I did when I was promoting the last novel, 'Being Dead,' I'm not going to tell any lies, but there are certain things I'm not going to tell you, and I'm certainly not going to tell my grief.
Jim Crace
#84. I was raised Catholic. Not just a little bit Catholic, like my wife, Catherine. When she was young, many Catholics in France already barely went to church, except for the big three: baptism, marriage, and funeral. And only the middle one was by choice.
Frans De Waal
#85. I am a born-again atheist, so there isn't going to be a funeral. I will be buried in a linen wrap in a cardboard coffin in my forest with an oak tree planted on my head.
Felix Dennis
#86. I wish to declare with all earnestness that I do not want any religious ceremonies performed for me after my death. I do not believe in such ceremonies, and to submit to them, even as a matter of form, would be hypocrisy and an attempt to delude ourselves and others.
Jawaharlal Nehru
#87. If my fans want to do something for me when that time comes, I say, don't waste your money on me. Help the homeless. Help the needy ... people who don't have no food ... Instead of some big funeral, where they come from here and there and all over. Save it.
B.B. King
#88. We looked as if we'd been cobbled together in Photoshop, the three of us, walking to my husband's funeral. One white middle-class mother, one skinny black refugee girl, and one small Dark Knight from Gotham City.
Chris Cleave
#89. My mum had 14 pregnancies - but only four of us survived. We had a little sister born for a few days and she died. There had to be a funeral.
Tyson Fury
#90. I am a corpse bored with my own funeral. I live like a gypsy, only with less gold and maybe more curses.
Pete Wentz
#91. I wanted to be at my sister's funeral, but my family has always had a complicated dynamic.
Nick Carter
#92. I'm riding beside my best friend, and I tell him, in the same offhand tone my mother had used, That's my grandfather's funeral, and he looks at me as if I'm insane.
Nick Flynn
#93. I'm a big Arcade Fire fan. I love the way they make records - 'Funeral' being my favorite.
Tom Odell
#94. Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend. But I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead.
Ian Bannen
#95. My first clue time travel could be possible was in the barber's chair the day before my girlfriend's funeral.
Timothy C. Ward
#96. Every morning I walk by a funeral home, and that's my productivity hack for how to make sure your to-do list is properly prioritized.
Anil Dash
#97. Put no inscription over the grave, except the date of my birth and my death; and, wherever I am buried, let the funeral be perfectly private, with as few persons attending, and as little show and expense as possible.
Isaac Butt
#98. But tonight was the night. Chloe and Jake were finally going to tell their parents. Tomorrow, I could be planning my boyfriend's funeral.
Kieran Scott
#99. I have experienced a murderer among my friends. Many, many years ago. At close range I have seen the impact of it. I knew the victim, I went to the funeral, I have been to the house, to the specific room where the killing took place, and I was stunned by it. It's such a blow.
Karin Fossum
#100. Please be SILENT and LISTEN.
I am the SCHOOLMASTER
and you are in the CLASSROOM.
Just like ELEVEN PLUS TWO equals
TWELVE PLUS ONE,
And even a FUNERAL can be REAL FUN,
You will find my DICTIONARY
is quite INDICATORY.
If you want to read my story, just look ...
THEN UNREAD.
Pseudonymous Bosch
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
