Its Joke Time Quotes

#1. Did you?' the producer said. 'He's so clownish on the surface, all joke and dazzle. How in the world could you have seen it?'
'But I did. The moment I met him," she said. "A fucking supernova. Every day since.' She thought, but did not say, almost.

Lauren Groff

#2. It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!

Chris Tucker

#3. I have never fit into this town, this marriage, this skin. I am the child who was picked last to play tag; I am the girl who laughed although she did not get the joke; I am the piecemeal part of you that you pretend doesn't exist, except it is all I am, all the time.

Jodi Picoult

#4. The only time when i realize that i use a car, which is a "Luxury", is when i go to the fuel station to refuel it.

Honeya

#5. Tell me my little children, what crime has this lizard committed that it must die this evening?" There was silence. In raising my head like a joke, I tried to laugh. That was the same time I realized that grandma was dead serious with us.Pg.26

Obehi Peter Ewanfoh

#6. I had no job at the time and was living off the cruel joke I referred to as my savings.

David Sedaris

#7. Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.

Patrice O'Neal

#8. If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.

Chris Hardwick

#9. History: the first time a joke, the second time a badly translated joke.

Aleksandar Hemon

#10. I speculate that the genesis of the chicken-joke lies in some situation such as the one illustrated above, but over time the original context of the joke was lost, which left the chicken sadly decontextualized.

Ryan North

#11. Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Eoin Colfer

#12. Over at the Olivia Pope & Associates set, we're like middle school children. Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around; there's show tunes and fart noises.

Darby Stanchfield

#13. Politicians have such large egos that it usually takes them an inordinately long time to grasp when they've become a pathetic joke.

Timothy Noah

#14. I've never really been a big fan of comedy songs, frankly. I think I enjoy the emotional payoff that the best music achieves to want to waste too much time turning good music into a joke.

Keith Murray

#15. Mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unused one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.

Ezra Taft Benson

#16. All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either [Satan] or God will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specially of each man.

C.S. Lewis

#17. You can be merry with the king, you can share a joke with him. But as Thomas More used to say, it's like sporting with a tamed lion. You tousle its mane and pull its ears, but all the time you're thinking, those claws, those claws, those claws.

Hilary Mantel

#18. The police force in America pledge to "protect and serve." That would actually be dandy if it were happening. Bill Hicks used to joke that he'd like to hijack a typically unpunctual plane and force it to go to its scheduled destination on time.

Russell Brand

#19. I remember as a boy when the conversation on civil rights was won in the South. I remember a time when one of my friends made a racist joke and another said, 'Hey man, we don't go for that anymore.'

Al Gore

#20. Chance could share shit like that with his brother. Chance shared everything with his brother. To him, Quinn was some sort of superhero who occasionally got knee-walking drunk, told great stories, could crack a joke, and pissed him off from time to time.

Alex Morgan

#21. In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.

Anthony Jeselnik

#22. There was no joke I could make that was too offensive. I can actually remember at least one time where my mother told me something that, I was like, 'whoa!'

Seth MacFarlane

#23. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.

Peter Matthiessen

#24. Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.

John Krasinski

#25. There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to my wife. She'd be talking to me about something very serious and then I would just look at her and go "Where are you from originally?" And she would go "Humphhh! C'mon. That's terrible!"

Stanley Tucci

#26. I haven't had television since 1991, and it definitely influences me. As a child of the 1970s, I couldn't hold a narrative in my head; I was lucky if I could hold a joke in my head, because every time you turn on television or radio, it wipes the slate clean - at least in my case.

Chuck Palahniuk

#27. I felt I should have been the happiest person in the world. But I looked inside, and that happiness was only on the surface, not so deep. Beneath it was hollow. Up until that time, I had been thinking meditation was a joke, a fad and a waste of time.

David Lynch

#28. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything.

Harlan Coben

#29. I knew at the time my haircut was pretty damn god-awful, so I was just hoping that I wasn't one of the joke ones. And they put me through to Hollywood and I thought, "Well okay, maybe I'm still one of the joke ones but at least I'm not terrible?"

David Cook

#30. Perhaps you are Coyote in disguise and have chosen a spectacularly inappropriate time for a joke.

Brandon Nolta

#31. Yeah, man. It's time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government's a joke. All dey wan' is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can't smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit', God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb.

Bob Marley

#32. But for me to have the opportunity to stand in front of a bunch of executives and present myself, I had to hustle in my own way. I can't tell you how frustrating it was that they didn't get that. No joke - I'd leave meetings crying all the time.

Kanye West

#33. Leo: "So ... giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter."
Piper: "Is that another joke?

Rick Riordan

#34. There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren't so tragic.

Richard Dawkins

#35. Why can't a 'bania' play hockey or football for India? Because every time he gets a corner, he opens a shop! - Old Indian Joke

Ashutosh Garg

#36. Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.

Henry Ward Beecher