Top 66 Humor Sports Quotes
#1. Success at sports is the province of the almost empty head.
Jonathan Franzen
#2. someone like Grace. Someone exactly like Grace, with her Ted Bundy rants
and her calming presence and - hello, irony.
Elle Kennedy
#3. I've spent the last fifteen years of my life railing against the game of soccer, an exercise that has been lauded as "the sport of the future" since 1977. Thankfully, that future dystopia has never come.
Chuck Klosterman
#5. I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them.
John Green
#6. One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.
Mitch Hedberg
#8. I don't get it. Basketball is so supremely boring. I can't understand the point of watching ten giants running from one end of the field
court
to the other throwing an orange ball through a hoop in the air. I guess it's better than golf, but so is watching paint dry.
Carter Quinn
#9. I don't want to sound condescending, so I'm not going to say anything else, except that it is literally impossible to imagine a thing dumber than sports.
Jesse Andrews
#10. I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and
regardless of their political or cultural differences
accuse each other of cheating.
Dave Barry
#11. And I would be the first to admit that probably, in a lot of press conferences over the time that I have been in coaching, indulging my own sense of humor at press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit.
Robert Montgomery Knight
#12. Wisdom of the Ages "Assault and Battery" Weather forecast for the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in Seattle.
Matthew D. Heines
#13. The roof was torn off the gym. God's way of telling the jocks that they'd better remember who's really charge.
Dana Reinhardt
#14. Cartooning is preaching. And I think we have a right to do some preaching. I hate shallow humor. I hate shallow religious humor, I hate shallow sports humor, I hate shallowness of any kind.
Charles M. Schulz
#15. I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it
Elle Kennedy
#16. Sports have nothing to do with fair play. They are bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence
George Orwell
#17. The woman serving me was wearing a white sports bra that looked like it had been mauled by tigers
desert isle chic.
Dave Eggers
#18. Striking up conversations with strangers is something like extreme sports for autistic people.
Kamran Nazeer
#19. I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes.
Mitt Romney
#20. At least watching dirty movies can be kind of fascinating if they aren't too horribly strange. And even the horribly strange ones are still more interesting than televised sports.
Merrill Markoe
#21. His eyes are a hazy swirl of
gray, like a thick mass of clouds gathering before an impending storm
Elle Kennedy
#22. Let's talk about the homoerotic undertones in sports," she said.
Paul thrust his head forward as if he hadn't heard right. "Excuse me?
Deirdre Martin
#23. Buck ambles out of the locker room with a towel draped across his bare shoulders and his hockey pants on, thank the Lord. The amount of fur he sports makes him resemble a matted yeti.
Helena Hunting
#24. 'Why are you yelling at the television when you know they cannot hear you?'
'You wouldn't understand,' said Asher, his gaze locked on the screen. 'It's a human thing.'
Rowan McBride
#25. Chuck Parson did not participate in organized sports, because to do so would distract from his larger goal of his life: to one day be convicted of murder
John Green
#26. I have never seen a wrestling match or prize fight, and I don't want to. When I find out a man is interested in these sports, I drop him.
Hedy Lamarr
#27. It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron
#28. Wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?'
As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#29. The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.
John Bingham
#30. I'm not sure who invented dodgeball, but I can almost guarantee you that it wasn't the shortest kid in the class.
John Bingham
#31. I never understood how men could remember all those details about sports but, yet, were incapable of remembering where they set their car keys or wallet.
Tina Reber
#32. They aren't the brightest crayons in the box
-Max(saving the world and other extreme sports)
James Patterson
#33. Princess, the contents of your shoe closet would break the budgets of a lot of third world countries - Jake Malone
Mackenzie Crowne
#34. Soccer forces life to move on. There's always a new match. A new season. There's always a dream that everything can get better. It's a game of wonders.
Fredrik Backman
#35. I don't let birdies and pars get in the way of having a good time
Angelo Spagnolo
#36. Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.
George Carlin
#37. Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.
Chuck Klosterman
#38. Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys
either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
Eugene Mirman
#40. When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen
#41. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.
Ricky Gervais
#43. Yeah, because off the ice the only language Stephanie speaks is fluent Bitch.
Jennifer Comeaux
#44. Reggie, you wrapped your sports car around a telephone pole after drinking a bar."
"Yeah... But I was wearing my seatbelt.
Daniel Younger
#45. I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes.
Leo Durocher
#46. I've got a Don Baylor," J.T. said.
"California sucks this year."
Ralph snickered. "I wouldn't use a Baylor card to scrape dog shit off the street.
Jodi Picoult
#47. I've fallen in love with baseball.
Nick Jonas
#48. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
#49. In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass me the ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried to take advantage of my weakness. I happily stayed out of their way.
Stephenie Meyer
#50. The guys who play it [soccer] are kinda dumb. Why don't they just kick the crap out of the guy in front of the net? Then they could score all they want.
Tite Kubo
#51. Goodreads sports some of the social awkwardness of middle school. If you are looking for a friend, I promise no matter your background or book preferences I will be your friend.
Red Phoenix
#52. I love seeing other channels counterprogram the Super Bowl. PBS: DAMN RIGHT we're airing a new 'Masterpiece Classic'! Fuck off, sports!
Tara Ariano
#53. There's something about sports. You can be setting fire to cats and burying them in your backyard, but as long as you're playing team sports, people think you're okay.
Polly Horvath
#54. The problem with winter sports is that
follow me closely here
they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
#55. You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.
Cynthia Hand
#56. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
#57. Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
Dave Barry
#58. And all those things you listed right now, they're
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett.
Elle Kennedy
#59. My conception of New York City came from rap music. I envisioned it as a place where people shot each other on the street and got away with it; no one walked on the streets, rather people drove in their sports cars looking for nightclubs and for violence.
Ishmael Beah
#61. The Blue Hose of Presbyterian College and the Ichabods of Washburn University are perhaps the most amusing nicknames in collegiate sports; Blue Hose refers to stockings, not to melancholy courtesans.
Gregg Easterbrook
#63. Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barry
#64. One thing led to another. That was the only way to explain how Arnold Brinkman, who considered both professional sports and young children unjustifiable, had ended up at Yankee Stadium with a nine-year-old boy.
Jacob M. Appel
#65. A peaceful refuge in which to rediscover each other, we thought,, not realizing that, while golf and fishing are Scotland's most popular outdoor sports, gossip is the most popular indoor sport.
Diana Gabaldon
#66. Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing.
Criss Jami
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