Top 35 Humor Atheism Quotes
#1. All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent
Tennessee Williams
#2. The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
Bill Hicks
#3. The sight of her made him understand why he'd lost his faith in God.
Sarah Langan
#4. I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.
Ricky Gervais
#6. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
#7. Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?
Lewis Black
#8. To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
Woody Allen
#9. I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned.
George Gordon Byron
#10. It's possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it?
Martin Amis
#11. You know, people always talk about how Jesus came down to Earth as a human being. He became a human being, But no one ever takes into account what that means.
David Javerbaum
#12. Religion + Good Works = Good Works
Solve for Religion.
Dan Barker
#13. If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.
Christopher Hitchens
#14. The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.
Richard Pryor
#15. Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.
Scott Dikkers
#16. All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.
Voltaire
#17. I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.
George Gordon Byron
#18. So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you're saying?
Jim Butcher
#19. I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen
#20. A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Ricky Gervais
#21. After Hiram Bingham built the first church on Oahu the student recalls, When it was completed some of the natives said among themselves, 'That house of worship built by the haoles is a place in which they will pray us all to death. It is meant to kill us.
Sarah Vowell
#22. A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'!
Kathy Griffin
#23. On the sixth day god created man,
on the seventh day man created god.
Now we are even.
A.J. Beirens
#25. Did god make man too perfect,
So that a piece has to be removed
through circumcision?
A.J. Beirens
#26. The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
Al-Ma'arri
#27. My name is Matt Besser, and I'm an Arkansas Razorback. My father is a Jew from Little Rock, Ark., my mother was a Christian from Harrison, Ark., and somehow I'm an atheist now living in L.A. I am a Razorback living in the Razorback diaspora.
Matt Besser
#29. Thus, though I dislike to differ with such a great man, Voltaire was simply ludicrous when he said that if god did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. The human invention of god is the problem to begin with.
Christopher Hitchens
#30. God seemed to have become a brand, a packaging, and people purchase this trusted brand with such faith and devotion that they no longer care who the vendor is.
Justin Villanueva
#31. The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.
M.J. McGuire
#32. I liked making people laugh, and I decided I was an atheist early on. My Dad was all right with that. We argued about it all the time, but it was good-natured. He was the most open-minded human being I've ever known.
Dave Barry
#33. A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.
Scott Dikkers
#34. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
#35. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
George Carlin
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