Top 100 Girl Humor Quotes
#1. What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
Cassandra Clare
#2. How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds.
Gina Barreca
#3. I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen
#4. Wow, put the girl through a couple of days of high-level stress, dress her in black leather and give her a gun, and suddenly she went all Xena: Warrior Princess.
Julie Ann Walker
#6. Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It's like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It's like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
Chetan Bhagat
#8. If a girl doesn't have a sense of humor, then what would you have to talk about?
Josh Hartnett
#9. Miss Bennet was therefore established as a sweet girl, and their brother felt authorized by such a commendation to think of her as he chose.
Jane Austen
#10. Sense of humor. A girl who doesn't take themselves too seriously. And someone who is spontaneous. They're the three things for me that really attract me to a girl.
Christopher Egan
#11. He'd actually hit me! It didn't matter that hitting me wasn't really like hitting a regular girl and I'd be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I'd just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
Darynda Jones
#12. And what am I to do?"
"Well, that depends. Do you like the girl?"
"Like her? I don't know. How do you know if ... ?"
"It's very simple. Do you look at her furtively and feel like biting her?"
"Biting her?"
"On her backside, for example.
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
#13. My eyes are not sparkly! I'm not a sparkly sort of girl ... I go around with dirty knees and slay dragons in my spare time, for the love of ... oh!
Marc Secchia
#14. I like girls with a good sense of humor.
Tyler Posey
#15. Well, let's see. Guardians spend all their time watching out for
others, risking their lives, and wearing bad shoes. Me? I have great
shoes, am currently massaging a pretty girl, and sleep in an awesome
bed."
I made a face. "Let's not talk about where you sleep, okay?
Richelle Mead
#16. Yes, she'd made a mistake ... but she wasn't going to be bullied. You couldn't let boys go around raining on your lava and ogling other people's watercolors.
Terry Pratchett
#17. Really not much sense of humor, though. Well, there were worse failings. Grabbing a girl's bosom when she wasn't expecting it might be one of them.
Stephen King
#18. Okay, this might sound vague, but do you know this one girl with hair like this?
Bryan Lee O'Malley
#19. I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.
Hailey Abbott
#21. I feel like I'm going to die,' he says.
'Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?'
'Only if you do it quietly.'
'I met this girl last night. I need your advice.'
'Come back later.'
'No. You might be dead.
Doug MacLeod
#22. When a man says he wants to meet a girl with a sense of humor, he means one who will laugh at everything he says while her breasts jiggle.
Cheri Oteri
#23. Whence comes this idea that if what we are doing is fun, it can't be God's will? The God who made giraffes, a baby's fingernails, a puppy's tail, a crooknecked squash, the bobwhite's call, and a young girl's giggle, has a sense of humor. Make no mistake about that.
Catherine Marshall
#24. He's quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].
Ewan McGregor
#25. But I don't care what Megan Fox or Jessica Biel say: There are definite advantages to being the hottest girl on the planet. Number one was that I got paid for it. A lot.
Meg Cabot
#26. I thought that one was going to hit me," I said, watching the disappointed girl stalk off into the crowd. "Being your girlfriend is dangerous."
"What can I say? I'm a magnificent specimen of manhood. Of course they all want me. But I do appreciate you protecting my honor.
Kylie Scott
#27. I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
C. JoyBell C.
#28. That's my girl," he murmured.
"I'm not your girl."
"Well," he said not bothering to hide his smile from her sightless eyes, "the good news is that the honey gave you back your sparkling personality."
"And the bad news?"
"The honey gave you back your sparkling personality.
Larissa Ione
#29. Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn't seem to care.
I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma's a bitch.
Darynda Jones
#30. You ought to sue."
"I don't know how to sew. I tried it once and I almost put my eye out."
If there is one thing Sahara Soto and Kerry Thompson have in common, it's their complete idiocy. In the girl's case, it's endearing.
Rose Christo
#31. Keep your southern fried bullshit to yourself. And know this, Charlie is the sweetest girl I've ever met and if you hurt her, or infect her with some kind of disease, you will die. Slowly.
Eve Dangerfield
#32. Good." She seemed relieved, "They're here." She stood up and
walked to the front of the parking lot just as four beautiful, tricked-out Choppers, all manned by women, pulled in and halted next to the girl.
"Check it out." Angelina elbowed her friends, "Lesbians. In Texas .
Shelly Laurenston
#33. He looks like a runway model. How in the world am I going to be able to reject that? The world is so unfair. Seriously, it's like turning Brad Pitt down for a date. The girl who could actually do it should win an award for idiot of the century.
Colleen Houck
#34. I like subversive humor, freckles, women's knees and long hair, the laughter of playing children, and a girl running down the street.
Rene Magritte
#35. I don't want to be stinky poo-poo girl, I want to be happy flower child.
Drew Barrymore
#36. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#37. She raised an eyebrow. "I thought I sensed something oddly human about you. From the moment I though it was simply residue from your recent and ill-advised horizontal romp with that girl"
"What makes you think we were horizontal?" Darrack's lip twitched
Michelle Rowen
#39. Any moment now ... " The girl [Calypso] stared out at the water.
No magical raft appeared.
"Maybe it got stuck in a traffic," Leo said.
Rick Riordan
#40. Why do I have to do the sewin'? 'Cause I'm a girl? Is that it? It ain't fair, I tell ya!
Sean Cullen
#41. I hate girls that giggle all the time ...
You hate any girl that David looks at.
Audrey Hepburn
#42. This predilection of bright women to twist themselves into bizarre submissive postures from which only humor can release them is something die-hard feminists will never address. But Iris and I were in agreement: there is nothing that warms a smart girl's heart like the smile on the face of a sadist.
Emily Prager
#43. Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
Sarah Silverman
#44. You can't just bring a regular human here! What if the girl runs and tells the whole world on that Twitter thing about us?
L. Taylor
#45. Lollypop
... the passion contained merely kisses
placed upon lips, neck and cheek
these young lovers of the castle
of which our fairytale speaks ...
Muse
#46. When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.
P.G. Wodehouse
#47. The girl leaned forward and kissed Thomas on the cheek. You're sweet. I really hope we don't end up killing you, at least.
James Dashner
#48. How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences.
Martin Luther
#49. I don't think I've ever met a girl with a bazooka for a pet." Hunter looked both amazed and slightly frightened.
"That's Kitty," I said, pointing to the large weapon. "I got her for my tenth birthday.
Ada Adams
#50. If the girl of my dreams want a man with a hairless chest, I better dream of another girl
Haresh Daswani
#51. All of Dragos's sentinels were mean and barbaric and sexy. Even that weird harpy-bitch Aryal, who she might have a teensy girl crush on. You know, in a totally hetero kind of way.
Thea Harrison
#52. This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#53. Ed? Are you alive?'
'Yes..and that's genuinely surprising
since your bike went over me about
halfway down. You're a very dangerous
girl to date.'
'We're not on a date.
Cath Crowley
#54. Lillian looked around the room.
"Where are the others? The Prescott girl and the good-looking one?"
"Baby," said Rusty, "I'm right here.
Sarah Rees Brennan
#55. Jake leaned on the horn, swearing loudly. Gina covered her eyes. Doc flung his arms around me, burying his face in my lap, and Dopey, to my great surprise, began to scream like a girl, very close to my ear ...
Meg Cabot
#56. [Looking like a straight girl] means wearing clothes that seek and destroy comfort. These are garments designed by gay men to attract heterosexual men. The straight girl is simply the hanger for an inside joke.
Mary Dugger
#57. When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Phoebe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life.
Annette Curtis Klause
#58. Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.
Shelly Laurenston
#59. If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.
Richard Kadrey
#60. Haydn snorts. "Only gullible, lovesick fools spout that mushy crap." Thank the stars that his tone is teasing, because I can sense Logan's patience waning.
"When you find the right girl, I'm so going to make you eat your words. And I'm going to thoroughly enjoy rubbing your nose in it.
Siobhan Davis
#61. I could only approach girls half my age, so I never brought any girl home. Mom thought I was disciplined, but the truth is that I was deprived.
Nick Nwaogu
#62. Bellamy brought his hands behind his head and tilted his face towards the sun, exhaling as the warmth seeped into his skin. It was almost as nice as being in bed with a girl. Maybe even better, because the sun would never ask him what he was thinking.
Kass Morgan
#63. I think I killed a girl who looked like this once.
Kendare Blake
#64. Many a man inlove with a dimple makes the mistake of marring the whole Girl
Stephen Leacock
#65. 6th grade. My dog, Katie, is hit by a car and killed. A mean girl during recess says it committed suicide because it didn't love me. I cry and swear revenge on mankind.
Eugene Mirman
#66. You messed with the wrong white girl, motherfucker! Tyler shouted.
Jeaniene Frost
#67. Were you always such a stubborn, blind, obtuse girl?"
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"Yes, but in a more poetic way!"
"Well, here's a poem for you. Get lost!
Colleen Houck
#68. Sweetly, albeit hoarsely and with a burr, the girl started singing something scarcely comprehensible, but, judging by the women's faces in the stalls, very seductive:
Guerlain, Chanel no 5, Mitsuko, Narcissus noir, evening dresses, cocktail dresses..
Mikhail Bulgakov
#69. You would do the same for me. He smiled a big toothy smile before he hopped off my car and walked away, leaving me wondering what was up with the guy in the girl jeans and why I couldn't get him off of my mind.
Magan Vernon
#70. He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.
'How do I look?'
'Like the ugliest shanky girl I've ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.'
'Thanks.
James Dashner
#71. Do I look like a shallow Summer girl to you?' She tossed her silver hair, offended. 'I'm a Winter Court royal. I kill silly Summer flowerlets with frost when I yawn.
Vicki Keire
#72. I - though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment - was my usual dignified self.
Jonathan Stroud
#74. I think a sense of humor will help get a girl out of a dark place.
Twyla Tharp
#75. My last girlfriend was a Showgirl - But we eventually broke up because she wouldn't Tell me anything. Now I'm dating a girl who looks exactly like my grandma, only my girl older.
-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz
James Lee Schmidt
#76. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer.
Scarlett Brukett
#77. You know, most boys enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl.
Veronica Roth
#78. Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
Adam Ferrara
#79. And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.
Kristin Hannah
#80. You guys are not leaving me out there. They're going to talk books and sex. And the books are about sex. Who knew women were so damn chatty about sex? Men don't do that. We just look at a girl, announce we did her, and everyone moves on.
Lexi Blake
#81. Dear God,how can I live a vanilla life when I'm a strawberry girl?
Lorna Seilstad
#82. Some girl named Eva has him convinced that you put out after one beer."
"What?" My voice was as shrill as the ringing tardy bell
"I personally don't believe it" he went on blithely, "and I have a Porsche. Not as much leg room as a Beamer, but so much hotter, I'm told.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#83. Girls want to be with guys who have a sense of humor-it makes them far more attractive to us.
Drew Barrymore
#84. Don't profane yourself, or the Biodag Dubh.
Oh, Mary Ann. Me and the Beedak Doo are just fine.
Kendare Blake
#85. Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those
big, comfy granny panties she's got on.
Simone Elkeles
#86. I wondered how a man ever got an English girl into bed. What did they do with her hockey stick?
James A. Michener
#87. Erin: We get to beat the shit outta guys in those big puffy suits!!! I've always wanted to really kick the crap outta some guy's nuts. Now I can do it guilt-free!
Me: You're a sick girl.
Erin: Guilty as charged.
Tammara Webber
#88. Don't be stupider than you need to be, I remind myself. Remember Calease? The last glowing girl you talked to tried to kill you.
Erica Cameron
#89. He made the country down in Illinois, and He made the Missouri", the little girl continued. "I guess somebody else made the country in these parts. It's not nearly so well done. They forgot the water and the trees.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#90. If [his] peace of mind depended on me promising to be a sweet and careful little girl, he'd be smart to get used to chaos.
Sharon Green
#91. A chuckle escaped Meredith's lips as Cassie swung from sleepy little girl to sympathetic confidante to vengeful angel all in the course of a single minute.
Karen Witemeyer
#92. We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down - locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don't hinder running. Erin's suggestion of "Avoid assholes" was popular.
Tammara Webber
#93. Morganith snorted and didn't lower her weapon. "One girl can cause alotta trouble, Hari. You and I are proofa that.
Ash Gray
#94. There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
#95. Quaint and picturesque, though I didn't voice my opinion out loud. Keirran and Annwyl were faeries, and Kenzie was a girl, so it was okay for them to notice such things. as a card-carrying guy club, I wasn't going to comment on the floral arrangements.
Julie Kagawa
#96. If you took everything I'd ever found hot in a girl and piled them into a corner, you'd get Cricket Hunt standing in a corner.
Fisher Amelie
#97. Goodness, a girl steps out of the office for a couple days and the whole world ends!
A.J. Lauer
#98. Jane Austen would be so proud. Another girl trussed up for a fancy party."
"On the contrary, she'd be horrified. All that skin. You'd need about another five yards of material.
Mary Jane Hathaway
#99. Sasha snorted. "I have never in my extremely long life seen anyone take so long to answer a question. It's like you went into your brain and got lost. you need a bread crumb, buddy?" He made a noise like he was calling his pet. "Here Lassie, here. Come back girl.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#100. I looked where he was tapping.
"Local Girl Missing, Feared Dead"
Beneath it was a photo or me-my most recent school photo. "Oh no." My heart filling with dread, i took the paper from Mr. Smith's hands. "Couldn't they have found a better picture?
Meg Cabot
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
