Top 47 Farted Quotes
#1. Your mother didn't give birth to you," I told hint, "but farted you out of her shrivelled arsehole."
"Frightened or not," Asser said, "you've taken Peredur's silver, so you must fight them now."
"Say one more word, monk," I said, "and I'll cut off your scrawny balls.
Bernard Cornwell
#2. The old man was in agony because of gas. He farted tremendously, and then he belched.
Kurt Vonnegut
#3. He had followed the calendar, the years, time-
Bird farted.
And it came to me, as though it were riding one moment of the gusting wind, as though bird had had it in him all the time and had passed it to me in that one moment of instant corruption.
James Welch
#4. She arched and farted like Mona Lisa if you really looked at her and for good fruitarian measure.
Joseph McElroy
#5. Mom stopped reading, closed the book, and started laughing her ass off. Behind her a bunch of old dudes reading newspapers looked up at her, all disapproving, like she'd just farted or something.
Walter Sorrells
#6. That moment, the music screeched to a halt. There was an ungodly collision of brass, reed, and percussion - trombones and piccolos skidded into cacophony, a tuba farted, and the hollow clang of a cymbal wavered out of the big top, over our heads and into oblivion.
Sara Gruen
#7. The chairs and tables, decorated with runners of Italian silk, were Disney-movie themed, because Kelly ate, breathed and farted Disney.
Heidi Cullinan
#8. What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked.
Janet Evanovich
#9. A girl was riding the elevator down to the lobby. The elevator stopped on the tenth floor and a totally cute boy walked in. She farted. Thinking fast on her feet she said, "Cool ringtone, isn't it? Want me to send it to you?
Scott McNeely
#10. I had two beady brown eyes that, no matter how hard I tried to look mysterious and cool, always seemed to say "It wasn't just me who farted.
Brian Katcher
#11. He wished Heath would have burped or farted. Anything to break the spell he had cast over Theo.
Scotty Cade
#12. He levered himself upright and swung his legs out of bed, put both of his warm feet, into the strategically placed slippers, stood up, yawned, stretched and farted.
Keller Yeats
#13. Humbledrum farted mournfully, three distinct notes.
Lev Grossman
#14. My job had nothing to do with Irish mobsters. I didn't need the Feds crawling up my ass every time someone farted in my direction and certainly had no interest in the framework of gang leaders and soldiers. I was a lone wolf,
L.J. Shen
#15. Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.
Caroline Rhea
#16. There are moments when my kid can be the most compassionate person I've ever met. He's always
worried about hurting the feelings of those he loves. I hope he never loses that.
"I accidently farted in class today."
"Aaaand we're back to being twelve,
Kristen Proby
#17. With a bassy thump and a smell like burnt sulfur, Shitload farted himself far into the air.
David Wong
#18. Bolts of energy swirled in the air and streamed into Dave's butt. Dave sneezed ... No. He farted through his nose.
Fred Barnett
#21. Our camels plodded along. Katrina tried to kiss, or possibly spit on Hindenburg, and Hindenburg farted in response. I found this a depressing commentary on boy-girl relationships.
Rick Riordan
#22. My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.
Carl Barron
#23. But it was no ordinary fart. It was the Rainbow Fart Of Power. Who farted? Hoof Hearted did, that's who. All the colors of the rainbow shot from his butt and propelled him forward in the Cosmos.
Daniel Mega
#24. There are too many people writing about whether they just farted or not.
Mick Hucknall
#25. However, neither occasion quite matched the levels of hilarity that ensued on the day Mr Miller sat on the corner of his desk and farted it to pieces.
Simon Pegg
#26. She tried discreetly to squint and instead came off looking as if she had discreetly farted.
Alessandra Torre
#27. The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the farts would slide up my back, shoot out the top of the girdle, and make my hair fly off the back of my beck.
Mollie Gross
#28. I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.
David Cross
#29. We've got DNA tests; we can convict someone by his saliva. Hell, if the killer had farted in that house the forensic team would probably have some gadget that could pick it up. How can the crime scenes be so clean?
Chris Carter
#30. How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
Bill Engvall
#31. Some of my cousins are so rich and stuck up. I fear they will one day have a heart attack when they realize that nasty smell was them as they farted.
Mark A. Cooper
#32. Someone has farted; no one knows just who, but this isn't like a normal adult place where everybody coolly pretends a fart didn't happen; here everybody has to make their little comment.
David Foster Wallace
#33. I panicked.
I farted.
I shrieked in humiliation.
Elle Casey
#34. That's how real men settle their differences, through reasoned discussion and a dispassionate analysis. He farted as I reached the inner door, a sign, I decided, of his respect. Alexander
Ben Aaronovitch
#35. But then Denny, who was standing in front of her, did the sweetest thing. He farted at her.
Suzanne Wright
#36. The masters thought they were loved until one day one of their favorites farted loudly while serving dinner and the next day was gone. The very first manifestation of the classless society is the disappearance of the servant class.
John Kenneth Galbraith
#37. He doesn't seem that nervous to me," Parker said.
Oreo farted audibly.
Zoe fanned the air. "See? Nervous."
Parker laughed. "My guess would be he's eaten some of your cookies.
Jill Shalvis
#38. When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts ... er ... keep it to yourself.
Kingsley Amis
#39. I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
Janet Evanovich
#40. My brain has farted so hard it might've pooped a little.
Belle Aurora
#41. It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.
Demetri Martin
#42. I trusted providence to prevent a sneeze, refused to worry, declined to dwell on negative possibilities, and I did not sneeze, did not sneeze, still did not sneeze, but then I farted.
Dean Koontz
#43. I bet in the All-Time History of Dating no girl has ever told a boy who has just asked her out that she has fleas-and then farted!
Zoe Sugg
#44. like a bunch of mimes trapped in an invisible box within which one of the occupants has farted.
Jonny Nexus
#45. Just imagine what it was like growing up here," he replied. "Every time I farted, the maid sprayed air freshener.
Nick Wilgus
#46. I have never farted in front of a guy I fancied before - I was so embarrassed!.
Rebecca Loos
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