Dishwasher Quotes

#1. Remember when Japan was cool? We used to run around with 'Mr. Roboto' on our Walkmans, 'The Karate Kid' in our Betamaxes and wore T-shirts embossed with the characters for 'storm sewer' and 'dishwasher.'

Jen Lancaster

#2. When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Sam Ewing

#3. I got fired when I was a dishwasher at Denny's. That set me back a little bit. You don't realize how important dishwashers are until you do the job.

Kelsey Grammer

#4. The governing ideal was not merely to keep up with the Joneses, but to be the Joneses - to own the same model of car or dishwasher or lawn mower.

Chris Anderson

#5. Does being forced to sit in time-out ever make little kids stop putting cats in the dishwasher or drawing on white walls with purple marker? Of course not. It teaches them to be sneaky and guarantees that when they get to high school they'll love detention because it's a great place to sleep.

Laurie Halse Anderson

#6. People want to imagine that I have this amazing life. That I never change nappies, unload the dishwasher or have to wait in for the plumber, and that's OK, but the reality is I do do all these things!

Jade Jagger

#7. Sneaked another glance at myself in the mirror. For the first time, I did not see a dishwasher.

Jean Kwok

#8. If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the nearest appliance store and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about them.

Bryan Q. Miller

#9. You're only as much as you settle for. If they settle for being somebody's dishwasher that's their own f***ing problem. If you don't settle for that and you keep fighting it, you know, you'll end up anything you want to be.

Janis Joplin

#10. I don't have a dishwasher, and I hate washing dishes.

Kristanna Loken

#11. Q: Why did the bride wear white? A: Because the groom wanted his dishwasher to match his fridge and oven.

Various

#12. Japanese chefs believe our soul goes into our knives once we start using them. You wouldn't put your soul in a dishwasher!

Masaharu Morimoto

#13. I don't like when people put their dishes in the dishwasher without scrubbing them properly because it comes out with those little white dots and then you can't get those out. And you have to rewash them.

Britt Robertson

#14. I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

Scott Adams

#15. I got a job as a dishwasher in Oakland, and I would draw all day. It was nice because the lady who ran the boardinghouse where I worked let me live there for nothing if I gave her some drawings every week - mostly park drawings of birds and such.

Claes Oldenburg

#16. The society, is, a dishwasher, where all the water, is, dead chipmunk blood. God I'm brilliant.

Thom Yorke

#17. If you have had the same dishwasher for 10 years or more, don't bother repairing it. The average dishwasher is expected to last nine years, and you've most likely squeezed as much life out of it as you can.

Jean Chatzky

#18. I have never really cooked, don't know how to use my dishwasher, and subsist mainly on prepared deli takeout. I don't even eat in restaurants much.

Jerry Saltz

#19. I was a coat checker, a dishwasher, a waitress, and those were some of the happiest times of my life because I still got to do my writing. You're lucky when you can work and then do your art.

Sophie B. Hawkins

#20. Music [is] the third rail of life. You grabbed it to shock yourself out of the dull drag of hours. To feel something. To burn with all the emotions you didn't get to experience in the ordinary run of school, TV, and loading the dishwasher after dinner.

Joe Hill

#21. I have to admit that I'm one of those people that thinks the dishwasher is a miracle.

Clarence Thomas

#22. I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

Aziz Ansari

#23. I have to clean my room and unload the dishwasher, wash the pans, and feed the dogs.

Jackie Evancho

#24. As soon as I saw the three-bin stainless steel pot sink, exactly like ours, I felt instantly at home and fell into peeling potatoes and scraping plates for the dishwasher like it was my own skin. And that, just like that, is how a whole life can start.

Gabrielle Hamilton

#25. She turned the water on again, rinsed a dish, put it in the dishwasher. "I know you didn't have jewelry." She listened. "Yes, Mother, other women would love what I have, but that's not the point. The point is that a gift lacks something if I have to dictate exactly

Barbara Delinsky

#26. But most men regard their life as a poem that women threaten. They may not have two spondees to rub together but they still want to pen their saga untrammelled by life-threatening activities like trailing round Sainsbury's, emptying the dishwasher or going to the nativity play.

Alan Bennett

#27. A good apprentice cook must be as polite with the dishwasher as with the chef.

Fernand Point

#28. George is the best little dishwasher in Texas.

Barbara Bush

#29. As for money - when I have it, it's great. When I don't, I go get some. I've been a dishwasher, a gardener, a cleaner.

Gil Scott-Heron

#30. Water doesn't hurt a vinyl record. Put it into a dishwasher and you're fine.

Billy Gibbons

#31. Do you hear, darlink, what the new dishwasher wants to be called? An 'underwater ceramics engineer,' already! Abu doesn't believe his ears. He doesn't realize what a big shot he used to be in the kitchen. Ha!

Tom Robbins

#32. The mass of the rich and the poor are differentiated by their incomes and nothing else,and the average millionaire is only the average dishwasher dressed in a new suit.

George Orwell

#33. I'm not a dishwasher anymore. But I'm still from Sangamon Street.

Blake Edwards

#34. I don't function well in chaos, whether it be my sheets or the dishwasher.

Gabrielle Union

#35. She could surely rise to a dishwasher, but she prefers to use her children. She believes that a row of children chopping vegetables is a better thing than a machine.

Barbara Trapido

#36. I worked at car washes - two or three different car washes. I worked at McDonald's and Wendy's, I worked as a dishwasher and as a telemarketer in two or three different places. I sold windows door-to-door and never once sold a window.

Joseph Bruce

#37. Cooking can be rewarding when it is a choice and no longer the onerous duty of the housewife, and when a dishwasher can lighten the load at the other end of the process.

Julian Baggini

#38. I live in, literally, the same home when I was swiping my first bank card and wondering if I'd have to put back the Charmin. We still don't have a dishwasher. My mom has done all these gardens so now my house looks like the garden shack in the middle of Versailles.

Rachael Ray

#39. Its not that he didn't appreciate his dishwasher. There was something about washing dishes by hand that was therapeutic, as if he could wash away the regrets of the past and photos he wanted to wipe out of his memory forever.

James L. Rubart

#40. But [The Internet] is amazing in the same way a dishwasher is amazing--it enables you to do something you have always done a little easier than before.

Marshall Poe

#41. YOU are using a frisbee as a plate."
"Uh, what? I'm not using a
oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird."
Victor glared at me.
"Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.

Jenny Lawson

#42. You can make sure your kids make their beds and hang up their clothes and put their dishes in the dishwasher when you're the one calling the shots. So, parenting alone, for me anyway, I think is almost easier, being single.

Jane Kaczmarek

#43. I was 18 when I first started working at a restaurant. I was a dishwasher. I only got the job because I wanted to go to Ibiza for vacation, and washing dishes was the only job I could find.

Ferran Adria

#44. You emptied the top rack of the dishwasher but not the bottom, so the clean dishes have gotten all mixed up with the dirty ones - and now you want to have sex?

Lorrie Moore

#45. By the time I left the bar, I was 30. I was a dishwasher. They call it a bar-back, but essentially, I washed dishes for a living. I had no high-school diploma, I had no agent, and my literary successes were non-existent ... but it was the only thing I ever wanted to do, so I did feel trapped.

Patrick DeWitt

#46. No man wants a woman who dresses like a dishwasher.

Jhumpa Lahiri

#47. When you turn from one room to the next, when your animal senses no longer perceive the sounds of the dishwasher, the ticking clock, the smell of a chicken roasting - the kitchen and all its seemingly discrete bits dissolve into nothingness - or into waves of probability.

Robert Lanza

#48. When I get home I'll still have to unload the dishwasher and clean my room. Last night my mom got so fed up of my messy floor in my room she picked it all up off the floor and put it on my bed so I would have to clean it up before I went to bed!

Stacie Orrico

#49. Maybe Michael left a candle burning. Maybe be forgot to turn off his iron, or the oven. Maybe he left his dishwasher running and it was flooding the place, or a thirsty plant desperately needed water.
Maybe I was way out of line.

Myra McEntire

#50. Richard got married to a figure skater, and he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator.

Joni Mitchell

#51. Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.

Demetri Martin

#52. I discovered the miracle that all things that sound are music, including the dishes and silverware in the dishwasher, as long as they fulfill the illusion of showing us where life is heading.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

#53. Everything important I learned, I learned as a dishwasher.

Anthony Bourdain

#54. My coolest job was when I was 12 and I was a dishwasher at the Three Pigs Bar-B-Que for $2.50 an hour. All the fleabags and stoners worked there, so that's where I wanted to be.

Jared Leto

#55. Dishwasher safe, debit only, Deborah produced from the arsenal of useful English words for immigrants, with barely a pause for thought.

Sorin Suciu

#56. I was dishwasher, then promoted to chef in a local kitchen in a restaurant in Seattle, and I was working on a building site as well, putting in insulation and painting houses, and then doing some classes at a community college nearby.

Alexis Denisof

#57. Farrukh, tonight you have won a dishwasher

Paul Torday

#58. I'm a very good dishwasher. I'm a terrible cook. I'm an awful cook.

Sinead O'Connor

#59. I go home and don't get treated any differently. People have known me all my life and are interested and very supportive but because they have known me forever I don't get any diva treatment. My mum still tells me off if I haven't loaded the dishwasher for her.

Katherine Jenkins

#60. If you come over to my house, I've had a lot of people be like 'Hey ... did you mean to put these in the dishwasher?' And I'm like, no they're actually supposed to be in the freezer because I use them to get rid of under-eye bags when I wake up early in the morning.

Shay Mitchell

#61. I'd be at work, where people respected my opinions," said Nick. "And then I'd come home and it was like I was the village idiot. I'd pack the dishwasher the wrong way. I'd pick the wrong clothes for the children. I stopped offering to help. It wasn't worth the criticism.

Liane Moriarty

#62. My family keeps me pretty grounded. Like if I try anything diva, they're like, 'Oh shut up. Go and do the dishwasher.'

Rebel Wilson

#63. If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

Jeff Foxworthy

#64. What happens if one day we're standing in a kitchen, dishwasher empty, oven and air full, you're washing and I'm drying, and the ring slips down the drain and flushes out to sea?

Darnell Lamont Walker

#65. Between finishing emails, loading the fridge, unloading the dishwasher, getting our son to eat his chicken nuggets and my dog to swallow her pill, it takes approximately 32 days for my husband and I to complete a discussion and 46 to wrap up a fight.

Emma McLaughlin

#66. My husband is old-fashioned and kind, he does the greatest Sinatra impression, and I'd never have written anything if he hadn't read all those bedtime stories and unloaded the dishwasher while I slaved over chapters.

Allison Pearson

#67. Several years ago my dear wife went to the hospital. She left a note behind for the children: "Dear children, do not let Daddy touch the microwave" followed by a comma, "or the stove, or the dishwasher, or the dryer." I'm embarrassed to add any more to that list.

Thomas S. Monson

#68. The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer.

Pat Buchanan

#69. ** The fall semester will offer such classes as Learning When to Shut Up, Asking for Directions, Chick Flicks 101 and The Art of Loading the Dishwasher (Lab Fee Extra)

K. Larsen

#70. I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.

Dana Gould

#71. I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them first. I think that's stupid because I don't go out in the back yard and hose off before taking a shower.

Bill Engvall

#72. I've got washboard abs. Go ahead, get rid of your dishwasher.

Jarod Kintz

#73. Ninety-eight percent of the singing I did was private singing - it was in the shower, at the dishwasher, driving my car, singing with the radio, whatever. I can't do any of that now. I wish I could. I don't miss performing, particularly, but I miss singing.

Linda Ronstadt

#74. I hate when I'm not done with my cup but my mom decides to put it in the dishwasher anyway and the cup isn't dishwasher safe. I keep telling my mom that my origami coffee mugs are hand wash ONLY. Handshakes are also hand wash only.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Karen Quan