Dark Humor Death Quotes

#1. As Bonaparte would sigh centuries later, it takes very few defeats to unmake a self-made man.

Derek Leebaert

#2. Dream like a child, think like an elder, work like a youth.

Matshona Dhliwayo

#3. I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.

Laurie Notaro

#4. The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.

Oprah Winfrey

#5. If it turns out to be a hit, well, good luck dealing with fame. And if it's not a hit and you can still survive and make music you believe in, well, then you're truly blessed. I think that's where we are now.

Edie Brickell

#6. It all jibed, and the books would close on Jasper as death by misadventure. Unofficially, Eve labeled it death by stupidity, but there wasn't a place on the sheet for that particular observation. - Lt. Eve Dallas on a drunk fall off the roof

J.D. Robb

#7. For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)

Frankie Boyle

#8. In politics we presume that everyone who knows how to get votes knows how to administer a city or a state. When we are ill ... we do not ask for the handsomest physician, or the most eloquent one.

Plato

#9. This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.

Erin Mitchell

#10. Two creative spirits in a relationship, I don't think that's the best way to go.

David Letterman

#11. In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

#12. I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#13. I honestly think I was an Indian living in the time of the Trail of Tears. Something like that. Every time I read books about back then, I get so devastatingly sad, so, so ... I feel such a deep connection to it.

Q'orianka Kilcher

#14. Mind you," said Ponder, "the universe does have a rhythm. Day and night, light and dark, life and death - " "Chicken soup and croutons," said Ridcully. "Well, not evert metaphor bears close examination".

Terry Pratchett

#15. It's not your status as an orogene that bothers them. It's that you haven't yet proven yourself.

(It is surprising how refreshing this feels. Being judged by what you do, and not what you are.)

N.K. Jemisin

#16. You don't owe me forever right now, but God, I hope you'll give it to me willingly some day.

Elizabeth Finn

#17. All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.

Gasmaskman

#18. Any time there's a lot of pressure, it's life and death, you go toward this very dark kind of humor. Soldiers do it. Cops do it.

Ronald Perelman

#19. Misa: I can't even imagine a world without light!
L: Well yes, that would be quite dark.

Takeshi Obata

#20. The Angel of Death is always a young person, or a group of young people, you'll begin seeing them left and right soon.

Benjamin R. Smith

#21. all that was needed was a feeling of primitive and as simple as that of love

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

#22. Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#23. In happy operating procedure, the breathing is like fresh air through the body. In unkind operating procedure, the fresh air is gone sad."
Fresh air gone sad is a beautiful way to describe the death process.

Eric Garcia

#24. Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Ellen DeGeneres

#25. We used to send whole flocks of birds shooting out of our mouths and never managed to grab them by their wings.

Henning Mankell

#26. I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

Alan Bradley

#27. (So I heard the boom of my fathr's rifle when he shot my best friend.) A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that.(14)

Sherman Alexie

#28. God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're evil. I highly recommend them."
"Heh. The cop is recommending evil," I said. "Too funny."
To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. "You've discovered my dark side.

Diana Rowland

#29. I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#30. The price for using dark magic is death, so that goes a long way toward deterring users.

Devon Monk

#31. Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list.

Chuck Palahniuk

#32. The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights)

Warren Moore