Top 81 Dark Humor Love Quotes
#1. To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#3. My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#5. She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#6. You're very naive and innocent, and don't understand a lot of things yet.
Olga Goa
#7. I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#8. Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#9. I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#10. I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#11. I have not looked at Carlos since the meeting ... Being around him is like walking around with the flu ... The need to lie down in a darkened room and let my hatred of him run through me is almost insurmountable.
Kathleen Maher
#12. In the end, we all die for what we believe in... mostly because we all die.
Nazareth Bergeron
#13. Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#14. We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#15. If your parents left you, it doesn't mean that other people will also do it to you.
Olga Goa
#16. It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli
Laurell K. Hamilton
#17. Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint
Brent Weeks
#18. I cannot believe that you're still a girl. Your kisses don't seem that innocent. They are driving me crazy.
Olga Goa
#19. ( ... ) it seemed to me exceedingly peculiar that a man should love flowers as well as opium - and yet I see now that there is no contradiction in this, for are they not perhaps both a means to a kind of intoxication ? Could it not even be said that one might lead inevitably to the other ?
Amitav Ghosh
#20. We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#21. Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint
Brent Weeks
#23. He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies.
Kresley Cole
#24. Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#25. Don't go looking for boys in the dark
They will say pretty things then
leave you with scars.
Do go looking for boys in the park
For that is where the true gentlemen are.
Anna Godbersen
#26. The words of men cannot be trusted, especially men like you!
Olga Goa
#27. I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me.
Elena Satine
#28. Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful lovers. So you have to get used to this.
Olga Goa
#29. The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#30. Don't love the job kid. The Job is a whore, and she won't love you back.
James J. Kavanaugh
#31. She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#32. I love the movie "Titanic." It's my favorite romantic comedy!
Troy Bisson
#33. Across from us, Lia eyed our hands and then brought her own to her forehead in a melodramatic motion. "I'm a dark and angsty profiler," she intoned. "No," she countered in a falsetto, bringing her other hand up, "I'm a dark and angsty profiler. Ours is a star-crossed love.
Jennifer Lynn Barnes
#34. I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#36. Please, please be some sex-starved nutcase who wants to kidnap me and make me your love slave, I begged silently.
Cate Tiernan
#37. The idea of one's normality is delusional fact of the reality.
J. Limbu
#38. I love dark humor. I love things that are so grounded in life, but just happen to be just a little bit twisted because my sense of humor is a little bit twisted. I love jokes that shouldn't be funny, but are. Those types of things just really make me laugh.
Rockmond Dunbar
#39. Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#40. And you haven't got a 'pause' button, have you? You are just uncontrollable!
Olga Goa
#41. Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#42. I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#43. I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#44. As if reading her mind, he leaned into her again, pupils dark, irises glowing like a forest caught in the last rays of sun before dusk ... "Do you want me to make you come?"
"Is that a trick question?
Dianna Hardy
#45. You can't push me away, mio cuore. You can't!
Olga Goa
#46. I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#48. Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me.
Olga Goa
#49. We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#50. Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#51. I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#52. The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
Ashly Lorenzana
#53. She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#54. I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay.
Olga Goa
#55. We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn't have enough time to have sex with me.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#56. Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#57. ...I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn't know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the skin of my ankles.
Jason Porter
#58. Ariadne made an impression on you, and that's great. But life is not literature. Sooner or later, the spell wears off, the romantic feelings disappear, and you're left watching somebody's body disintegrate. You start with a love story, you end up manacled to an hourglass, watching the sands run out.
Paul Murray
#59. I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#60. I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself.
Olga Goa
#61. I'm afraid that if we move on to such topics, I won't be able to let you go safe and sound.
Olga Goa
#62. If you go on touching me, I'll catch fire before your eyes.
Olga Goa
#63. I could lose myself forever in that dark hair and those sweet love handles.
Vera Brosgol
#65. I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#66. I think the word 'pleasure' is unknown to you. More precisely, its practical meaning.
Olga Goa
#67. I need only you, Milano, not your money.
Olga Goa
#68. His dark eyes searched her face. "But you love me," he said finally.
She had no reason to deny it. Ileni lifted her shoulders. "I'll recover.
Leah Cypess
#69. If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you.
Olga Goa
#70. Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#71. Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#72. Forget everything that surrounds you. Think that there's just you and me in this wide world.
Olga Goa
#73. If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#74. Alan shrugged. "I love the CBC, really, but being voted its president - " "Co-president," Sputnik corrected. " - is kind of like being declared King of Nerds." "Co-king," Sputnik asserted.
J.M. Richards
#75. Stop smiling as if I've been acquainted with you for ages!
Olga Goa
#76. I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#77. I really love middle-grade. Middle-grade books have a little more of a magical, light-hearted feel. You can be a little bit more quirky, you can have a little more humor. It doesn't get so dark and deep.
James Dashner
#78. My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#79. It's just like in a Brazilian serial! Destiny has brought us together.
Olga Goa
#80. I'm giving pleasure to you. Don't interfere.
Olga Goa
#81. If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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