Bloke Quotes

#1. The problem is a lot of people don't think. The general bloke just goes through life, gets a job, gets married and all that, and that's it.

Paul Simonon

#2. I just don't get it. You've been in love with this bloke since you were a kid, and he's never once got his hair cut short enough that it doesn't poke him in the damn eye.

Kristina Adams

#3. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Tim Vine

#4. My dad was a different bloke to me and not very nice to my mum, although I never judge him. If you did, you'd become one of those people who is all-consumed by a fault in their past. And I haven't got the time for it.

Martin Clunes

#5. He's the type of bloke you would want to have on your side. When you see an Indian side with Ganguly in the line-up, you know it's game on. You don't have to like or dislike him. You have to respect him.

Steve Waugh

#6. That's fine," he said. "Now ring that bloke of yours to tell him you're staying out all night, then have another drink. In fact, have six. It would please me no end to see you get hammered on Alicia's father's bill.

Jojo Moyes

#7. I'd rather be the bloke laughing at other people. I don't need to make people laugh. I surround myself with funny people. I laugh all the time.

Jennifer Garner

#8. Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

Jeremy Clarkson

#9. I don't like rats any more than the next bloke, but they ain't wicked and cruel like people can be. They're just ratty in their habits.

Philip Pullman

#10. Why is there always one bloke in these boy bands who looks like he came to fix the boiler and somehow got bullied into joining the group?

John Connolly

#11. I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos. I kept records in the record rack, tea in the tea caddy, and pot in the pot box.

George Harrison

#12. Look, I've always been a confident bloke. I'm grateful to my mother for that.

Bryan Brown

#13. Maybe he talks through one of those devices. Like that scientist bloke. The one on The Simpsons.

Jojo Moyes

#14. Christ
the quickest way to send a bloke mad is to let him go on re-fighting his war till he gets it right.

M.L. Stedman

#15. Yvan's a very tolerant bloke, which of course, when it comes to relationships, is the worst thing you can be.
Yvan's very tolerant because he couldn't care less.

Yasmina Reza

#16. Wild!" Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. "I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again ... and again ... and again ...

J.K. Rowling

#17. If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine

David Lloyd

#18. I am good in bed - I don't snore. I don't take the duvet. I just lay there and go straight off to sleep. That's all you want out of a bloke.

Len Goodman

#19. There'd be no point trynna blackmail a bloke everyone already knows is a cunt, would there?

Garth Ennis

#20. This was banter, all right - pointed and spiky, the kind he'd expect from a bloke. A blunt tongue in an angel's body: it was the devil's own recipe to enamor him.

Meredith Duran

#21. Who was Hitler" demanded little Tracy
"He was this bloke in World War Two" explained Ben.

Jackie French

#22. How did it feel, Fliss? Knowing I was watching that little tosser taste you? Knowing I was watching when you wrapped your lips around the that Sam bloke's cock?

Sibylla Matilde

#23. I think that the ordinary bloke has an instinctive sense that it wouldn't be too bad if the weather warmed up.

Nigel Lawson

#24. Bloody Jackson - he can land it on a 20 cent piece. Trouble is, it's usually in a bloke's pocket in the grandstand.

Craig Coleman

#25. The poor bloke must have been besotted. Now me, I'm just in love.

Sally Wentworth

#26. Oh shut up,' I said. 'It's still Dan. He's hardly the father of my children, is he? He's the bloke you call after you've been to the doctor to ask if he's the reason you're itching.

Lindsey Kelk

#27. I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'

Bill Bailey

#28. When a bloke takes you out for a meal You'd think sex would be part of the deal Not a pat on the head And a cold lonely bed When he leaves without copping a feel

J.L. Merrow

#29. You want to be appreciated for all your work as opposed to one performance, but I'll always be 'that bloke from 'Lock, Stock'.' You've got to embrace it.

Nick Moran

#30. I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.

Jo Brand

#31. member of the upper crust. He's a working class bloke, born with a tin spoon in his mouth. In our

Magda Alexander

#32. To act for a living is a gift, and understanding you're a lucky bloke keeps your feet on the ground.

Michael Socha

#33. There is no such thing as 'social gambling.' Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it
or you're a sucker. If you don't like this choice
don't gamble.

Robert A. Heinlein

#34. So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Tim Vine

#35. You conquered me, got to this Special Forces bloke well and truly." His voice husky and low. "You could betray and kill me now and I wouldn't give a shit as long as you'd stay close until I died.

Marquesate

#36. My father was an old - fashioned bloke, and he actually told me one day, "I'm not your friend, I'm your father. My job is to bring you up, give you values for life and to ensure that you carry those values through."

Warren Mundine

#37. Congratulations to Thierry Henry on a truly wonderful career. One of the great footballers of our time and a top bloke. Bonne chance.

Gary Lineker

#38. Once you don't smile on film, they say, 'Let's have that bloke who doesn't smile.'

Richard C. Armitage

#39. Fortune favors the bold," he said. "But she'll only fall for a bloke who's got an ace up his sleeve.

Courtney Alameda

#40. A good education gives you confidence to stick up your hand for anything - whether it is the job you want, or the bloke. And the more you stick up your hand, the better your chances are that you will get what you want.

Kate Reardon

#41. The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.

Les Dawson

#42. Just smashing for a girl's confidence, that was. Nothing like having a bloke's attention wander when you were doing your best to divert him.

Kady Cross

#43. [he] had become the bloke in the joke: the last man on earth

Zadie Smith

#44. His dad had always told him that the red-faced were blusterers, not to be taken seriously. 'But if you see a bloke who's pale and shaking, son,' Bert's father had instructed, 'then run like blazes, because he might flamin' kill you.

Kerry Greenwood

#45. I was just an average bloke. It was the media that tried to transform me into a heroic figure. But I've learned through the years, as long as you don't believe all that rubbish about yourself, you can't come to too much harm.' - Sir Edmund Hillary

Greg Mortenson

#46. I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

Tim Vine

#47. There was no question that Andrew was the most fantastic bloke she had the good fortune to go out with.

Chris Manby

#48. I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

Tim Vine

#49. Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

Johnny Vegas

#50. Some bloke came up to me in Tesco a couple of years ago at 11:30 pm and said: 'Excuse me, would you mind telling my son here that you're Uncle Vernon?' I said: 'Get a grip. It's 11:30 at night - what's he doing out of bed? I'm not here to entertain people at this time of night.

Richard Griffiths

#51. I could have stayed holding on to Masimo and riding round forever, round and round, like that bloke on that doomed phantom boat, The Flying Dutchman. Of course there are differences - he was not on a scooter, and I don't have a beard and I am not Dutch.

Louise Rennison

#52. Had a broad education. He'd been to the School of My Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a postgraduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me.

Terry Pratchett

#53. Where I come from," said Archie, "a bloke likes to get to know a girl before he marries her."
"Where you come from it is customary to boil vegetables until they fall apart. This does not mean," said Samad tersely, "that it is a good idea.

Zadie Smith

#54. You could kill a bloke with rules, Tom knew that. And yet sometimes they were what stood between man and savagery, between man and monsters.

M.L. Stedman

#55. The average bloke ... hates and fears all freedom, not only for others but for himself, and stamps it out wherever possible.

Robert A. Heinlein

#56. There's nothing the British like better than a bloke who comes from nowhere, makes it, and then gets clobbered.

Melvyn Bragg

#57. There was something in his gaze that told her he liked how she looked in his clothes. It had to be a bloke thing, because she certainly wouldn't want to see him wearing hers.

Kady Cross

#58. One of the reasons why I don't leave Northampton is that the people don't treat me like a celebrity. I've been here for years; I'm just that bloke with long hair.

Alan Moore

#59. It's ironic, really, isn't it? Nineteen-year age gap, and it's the old bloke who comes in his pants, and the twenty-something with performance issues.

Jay Northcote

#60. I do pool exercises, like weightlifting but underwater. I walk, I swim ... I'm pretty fit for an old bloke.

Eric Idle

#61. At some point Zania nods off, still bent over, and her head ends up on Kope's thigh. Hahahaha, the bloke is frozen as stone, trying not to be affected.

Wendy Higgins

#62. A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Tommy Cooper

#63. If a bloke gave you a hundred quid for a book you can bet your life it's his way, but if all the poor and suffering people raise their hats to you for writing it - that's different; it makes it worthwhile then.

Alan Marshall

#64. Australia has always encouraged the little bloke to have a go, the Aussie battler to get up.

Andrew Forrest

#65. I've worked really physically hard, and I was never afraid of working hard as younger bloke.

Matthew Nable

#66. Businesses are made by people. We've proven time and time again that you can have wonderful shop, and put a bloke in there who's no good, and he'll stuff it up. Put a good bloke in, and it just turns around like that .

Gerry Harvey

#67. I'm not the sort of bloke who spends a long time in the bathroom. I've never used a face cream in my life and I don't like it when I go on TV and they offer me make-up. I tell 'em, 'No thanks.'

Ray Winstone

#68. You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.

Johnny Vegas

#69. When I made a breakthrough as an actor, people started to say, 'Who's that bloke with the funny name?' They advised me to change it, saying it would never be put up in lights outside theaters because they couldn't afford the electricity. But I would never contemplate changing it. It's who I am.

Pete Postlethwaite

#70. This Jackson bloke was the ruddy Scarlet Pimpernel, here, there and everywhere, always one step ahead of Barry. And everywhere he went, women were disappearing.

Kate Atkinson

#71. The husk could be some useless bloke or losing myself and changing my DNA with bottomless grief.

Beth Orton

#72. As we passed a bloke playing a saxophone underneath one of the arches, he put down the sax and started doing a juggling thing with his hands. It was a bit peculiar, though, because, as I said to Jas, He hasn't got any balls.

Louise Rennison

#73. Spending all this time fretting and fawning over a bloke just wasn't her. If this was what infatuation did to a girl she'd take herself off to a convent in the morning.

Kady Cross

#74. A bloke's bowling at 150kph trying to rip the fingers off your arms or probably even worse. It gets your blood going and the adrenalin pumping. You are in a fight. And to me that's what Test cricket is all about.

Justin Langer

#75. Oi didn't loike that bloke, Captain. Bastard, 'e were, but Oi s'pose rules is for them yer don't loike. Yer won't 'urt them as yer do. In't that what God's about, been fair to them as rubs your coat all the wrong way?

Anne Perry

#76. I was never a good-looking bloke. Not by a long chalk.

Rod Stewart

#77. I am going to become a writer for Cosmo - you don't have to make any sense at all. Or maybe I'll be a bloke, they don't have to make sense either.

Louise Rennison

#78. I'd like to be seen as an average Australian bloke. I can't think of ... I can't think of a nobler description of anybody than to be called an average Australian bloke.

John Howard

#79. I do revel slightly in the fact that I am what I am - an English, middle-class, public-school-educated bloke. There is a reputation with that of being slightly stiff, but whoever gets to know me will see some other element - whether it be vulnerable or silly or camp.

Elliot Cowan

#80. So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

Tim Vine

#81. After you've had Alain Prost and Ayrton Senna as team-mates you don't give a **** who the next bloke is

Damon Hill

#82. The most beautiful country in the world, the bloke said a few times, but I knew that lots of people tell themselves things like that but there is no country that is the most beautiful country.

Catherine Lacey

#83. God, he loved being a bloke. He loved it so much. He wouldn't be a woman for all the money in the world.

Dave Franklin

#84. What do we care, if the world is a joke? We'll give it a big kiss, we'll give it a poke. Death wears a big hat cause he's a big bloke.

Elvis Costello

#85. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Tim Vine

#86. I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that's embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It's the end of your life.

Eddie Izzard

#87. They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

Jasper Carrott

#88. You know that bit in the Bible when they're all like, 'Yo Peter, do you know this Jesus bloke?' and he's like, 'Hell, no.' It was like that, but even worse." "My word.

Alexis Hall

#89. We're naked under our clothes; we both know what it's like to need to fart and hold it in, or not be able to get a hard-on, or worry that a bloke across the room might be looking at your bird and you might have to fight him but he looks well hard.

Russell Brand

#90. I go through money like a bloke with three arms.

Anton Du Beke

#91. Oh, fatherhood has a very humanising effect on a bloke like me in the military. As a dad, you become absolutely aware of your own human frailty and a need to be nurturing and compassionate and fatherly

Peter Cosgrove

#92. Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

Billy Connolly

#93. I was there that first night her called you. I've seen how he looked at you in pictures. Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you.

Stephanie Perkins

#94. Fucking hell, Livy. If you're going to nab a decent bloke, then you need to be a little more enthusiastic." She's

Jodi Ellen Malpas

#95. Tiny little bloke, my dad was. By the time I was six I could lift him up an' put him on top o' the dresser if he annoyed me. Used ter make him laugh ...

J.K. Rowling

#96. Darby, sir, but Janus they call me," the seaman said, "on account of a surgeon we shipped in the Sophie, a learned bloke, saying I saw both ways like some old Roman cut-up by that name.

Naomi Novik

#97. I have met Jackie Chan about 6 times up 'til now ... and even though many people think we are natural enemies, I personally think he is a cool bloke and would honestly love to work with him in a film one time - that would a well brilliant movie!

Jet Li

#98. 'Anna Karenina' is just a story about a woman falling in love with a bloke who is not her husband. It's gossip, rubbish - on the other hand, it's the deepest story there could be about social transgression, about love, betrayal, duty, children.

Hanif Kureishi

#99. One day he (Einstein) said that the only mechanical force more powerful than steam, electricity and atomic energy is will. That Alberto bloke was not stupid. With will you can achieve things.

Jose Mourinho

#100. People presume just because you're a bigger bloke that you wouldn't be physically fit or up for the fight, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Nick Frost