Top 33 Bird Humor Quotes
#1. You make me smile like the sun, fall out bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head. Spin like a record crazy on a sunday night. You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath, shine like the sun buzz like a bee, just the thought of you can drive me wild. Oh you make me smile. -Uncle Kracker-
Uncle Kracker
#2. I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay
David Wong
#3. At the age of six, the criteria for handsome was simply: "Is he not related to me?" and "Have I seen him on television?" That was it. By this standard, Larry Bird, Dick Clark, and Andy Rooney. All handsome guys.
Mindy Kaling
#4. EARLY BIRD
Oh, if you're a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
If you're a bird, be an early early bird
But if you're a worm, sleep late.
Shel Silverstein
#5. A bird in the hand was worth two in the bush, he told her, to which she retorted that a proverb was the last refuge of the mentally destitute.
W. Somerset Maugham
#6. whoa
I wasn't LOOKING at a bird
wow where is this even coming from
the BIRD
wouldn't stop LOOKING
at ME
Mallory Ortberg
#7. It's not the early bird that gets the worm, it's the one who knows to go outside after a rainstorm.
James Schannep
#8. Though I wondered what she ever made of my professed love for and intentions to marry Big Bird, the hottie of Sesame Street.
Wendy Delsol
#9. The kakapo is a bird out of time. If you look one in its large, round, greeny-brown face, it has a look of serenely innocent incomprehension that makes you want to hug it and tell it that everything will be all right, thought you know that it probably will not be.
Douglas Adams
#10. New Rule: A dog is the only animal that can get you laid. No offense, parrot guy, but it's not gonna happen. When women see you, they're not thinking, "I bet that guy is interesting," they're thinking, "That bird better not shit on my dress.
Bill Maher
#11. There was a bird whistle as Polly neared the hiding place. She identified this one as the sound of the Very Bad Bird Impersonator ...
Terry Pratchett
#12. She held up the arrow again and threatened the bird. You do anything, ignite a single spark, and I'm having Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner.
Chanda Hahn
#13. If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.
Lois Greiman
#14. He who knows all the answers, but none of the questions is like a large gobbling bird on Thanksgiving.
Jayce O'Neal
#15. I wasn't born an early bird.
It took three different alarms clocks blasting in my ear every morning to wake me up. And on special occasions when I'd sleep through the bird caws, beeping, and extreme drum solos, Stella would have the privilege of yanking me from my bed.
Joddie Zeng
#16. Hey," said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are."
The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes.
"Say 'Nevermore,'" said Shadow.
"Fuck you," said the raven.
Neil Gaiman
#17. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
#18. I flipped the good doctor the bird.
Snorting, Gideon caught my hand and pulled me back down the hall.
"What is it with you and giving people the finger?"
"What? It's a classic.
Sylvia Day
#19. WE APPROXIMATE THE BIRD'S BODY BY A SPHERE OF RADIUS 5CM, said Sib, I had no idea aerodynamics was so entertaining
Helen DeWitt
#20. Was he hitting some type of werewolf midlife crisis? First, he'd left Wolf Town, and now he was envisioning a mate. What next? Bird watching? Board games? Retirement homes?
Rose Wynters
#22. This is why I keep telling Ash to get you a cat or a bird. Guns aren't proper pets.
Andrea Cremer
#23. Bad weather's moving in," the old bird said, finally handing me a check.
Never seen so many tornadoes in my life.
We don't need no more of those," I agreed. "Last time one went through, the wind blew so hard I had to have my butt cheeks sewn back together.
Nick Wilgus
#24. Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.
Augusten Burroughs
#25. For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.
Jasper Fforde
#26. If you send someone a snarky Tweet, does that make you an Angry Bird?
Avram Ohm
#27. Facebook has been spreading across the continents faster than a highly contagious Asian bird flu!
Gemini Adams
#28. She reminded Juliet of the parrot the shopkeeper owned. Both the woman and bird belonged in cages, preferably the same cage, so the bird could poop on all that velvet and lace.
Jordan Elizabeth Mierek
#29. Be the Chocolate
What if I want to be the bird who eats the Chocolate?
No One
#30. She said she doesn't like your cooking. She said she'd rather eat a microwave dinner from the convenience store instead of something you cooked. Do you get it? Hm? Why are you being such a crybaby? Save the salt from your tears for seasoning.
Kanoko Sakurakouji
#31. The world needed changing - that I knew. Global warming threatened to give us all a lethal tan; war and poverty decimated whole nations; crops worldwide were shriveling; even our brethren beasts menaced us with their monkey pox and bird flu and mad cow disease.
Jeff Deck
#32. Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.
Lois Greiman
#33. Quinn wanted to make her see that people didn't live like this; but what was the use. No one was going to get her away from Bird Man out there.
Thomas McGuane
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