Would I Lie To You Funny Quotes

#1. Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.

Mark Lawrence

#2. To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#3. Well," Carole said, turning in her seat, "after being fingerprinted and being given a lie detector test, I'll never complain again about going to the gynecologist.

Stephanie Bond

#4. Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems.

Amit Kalantri

#5. Rhiannon's Law #22. You can't lie to yourself, so don't bother trying. Doing so only multiplies your douchebag level to the umpteenth power and confirms what others have been saying for years - that you are an idiot.

J.A. Saare

#6. I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga ... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."

Bill Cosby

#7. May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Tina Fey

#8. A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

Bill Cosby

#9. His lie ability is an asset

Alec Sulkin

#10. The drawings in 'Portal' were actually me scribbling that stuff ... I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten 'The cake is a lie' tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That ... that's odd.

Kim Swift

#11. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston S. Churchill

#12. It's funny how we don't recognize our own reflections, but the one thing about them is they never lie.

Jewel E. Ann

#13. By the way, don't think I forgot you tried to lie to me again."
"So, how long is it gonna take for you to turn into a wolf, so I can run the hell away from you?

Sarah Brianne

#14. Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

Adam Ferrara

#15. Do you recognise me?" he asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognise you.

Willie Pep

#16. My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

Chelsea Handler

#17. I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.

Becky Albertalli

#18. Funny how one lie leads to another and before you know it, your whole life can be a lie. I sit on the porch swing later, not even

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

#19. I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

Steven Wright

#20. Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.

Lois Greiman

#21. The business of lying is transacted in the abode of the gullible.

Michael Bassey Johnson

#22. Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.

Charles M. Schulz

#23. I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#24. When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark ... for hours ... and don't move ... I'm locking the door now.'

Dylan Moran

#25. I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.

Lyn Nofziger

#26. I'd like to say I'm not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie.

Lisa Daily

#27. Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.

Paul Reiser

#28. I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money.

Stephen Schneider

#29. I started off thinking Eminem was a flash in the pan, a kind of hip-hop Hanson brother. How wrong I was. Recovery is sometimes funny, sometimes terrible, always painfully honest. The matching of Eminem and Rihanna on "Love the Way You Lie" is pure genius. "Not Afraid" is pretty great too.

Stephen King

#30. You have buttered your bread. Now you must lie on it.

Beverly Rycroft