Top 40 Things Go Wrong Funny Quotes
#1. I had a terrible time hiring rich people. It sounds funny, but the problem is when things go wrong they can ask, 'Why am I doing this?' You don't ever want anybody asking that question. You want them to say, 'I know why I'm doing it, I need the money, let's go' or whatever it is that draws them.
Ben Horowitz
#2. Today I dialed a wrong number ... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?" ... They said, "Uh ... I don't think so ... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
Steven Wright
#3. He also gave me some advice that I follow to this day: Sing in the mirror. If it looks funny, it's wrong.
Renee Fleming
#4. Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
#5. It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, AND THE BLIZZARD WOULD HIT AGAIN!
Lewis Black
#6. Deep inside, she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind and often even
funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her
mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all.
Julia Quinn
#7. Pull the hair on my head the wrong way, and I would be on my knees begging for mercy. I have very sensitive follicles.
Benedict Cumberbatch
#8. Internet's been down most of the day [at work]. Doing research by just asking everyone what we remember to be true. What could possibly go wrong?
Rachel Maddow
#9. Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.
Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.
Terry Pratchett
#10. A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Mark Twain
#11. Objectifying is kind of a funny thing. Art is objectification, all art, because you're taking someone and making them into an object. But people can also talk back more to you when you're sketching them. They can look at you and say, 'Oh man, you got me wrong.'
Molly Crabapple
#12. Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Henny Youngman
#13. I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
#14. Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!
Russell Howard
#15. This may sound funny but somewhere in the back of my mind I thought the world would stop for my first day of JH. The day proved me wrong and I've grown to realize that nothing will be quite as I dreamed them up.
Latoya Hunter
#16. She stopped pushing but declared; Prentice, I know how this works. Sure, she seems fine now. But in fifteen years when she's standing on top of a clocktower with an automatic rifle mowing down innocent bystanders, dont't call ME asking what went wrong.
Kristen Ashley
#17. I slowly climbed the porch steps while wondering, what exactly did Elias know about my life in London; what precisely was wrong with his mind ...
And what was the heaviest item in my bag.
Jonathan Friesen
#18. I always think any circumstances can be funny. Not that I'm irresponsible, but when things go wrong, I always come up with a joke or think of something funny to say.
Brian Helgeland
#19. All good things ... must come to a beginning. What goes up ... may just go higher. Anything that can go wrong ... probably won't if you immerse within it.
Tom Althouse
#20. It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I'm not perfect. I'm a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I don't do well.
Nick Jonas
#21. Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.
Christine Feehan
#22. People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh. But if it's a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it.
Michael Patrick King
#23. Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.
Stephen Baldwin
#25. Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started celebrating the wrong planet. Now I have to collect all these stupid trademarked dog figurines that I distributed all of the yard. At least it's better than last year's mistake when I had butt statues everywhere.
Jessica Park
#27. I started off thinking Eminem was a flash in the pan, a kind of hip-hop Hanson brother. How wrong I was. Recovery is sometimes funny, sometimes terrible, always painfully honest. The matching of Eminem and Rihanna on "Love the Way You Lie" is pure genius. "Not Afraid" is pretty great too.
Stephen King
#28. Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#29. My father taught me a good lesson: Don't get to low when things go wrong. And don't get too high when things are good.
Robert Parish
#30. It's funny how a person can be right all the time and still be wrong.
Louis Sachar
#31. I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
Les Dawson
#32. And she didn't once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you live in a sin-free family with sin-free parents and a sin-free sister, well, you can't help but sin a little extra on their behalf.
Han Nolan
#33. It was time for the mirror pep talk.
"Okay, Maggie," I said to myself after my shower, wiping the steam off the medicine cabinet.
"You could eat these kids for breakfast. You won't, though, because that would be cannibalistic and
wrong.
Robin Benway
#34. Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.
Paul Reiser
#35. Something went wrong. It was correct when I studied it.
Eugene Ormandy
#36. They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won't arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There's a good chance they will. But the important thing is that I've done nothing wrong.'
'For once.
Derek Landy
#37. When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.
Mitch Hedberg
#38. Funny the way it is, not right or wrong, somebody's heart is broken, and it becomes your favorite song.
Dave Matthews Band
#39. It's because you're looking in the wrong place," Lassiter said.
"You can go now."
"Every time you say that, it brings a tear to my eye."
"Funny, mine too."
-Lassiter & Tohr
J.R. Ward
#40. In a funny way, when things went wrong in my life - and it is my fault that they went wrong, it is not anyone else's fault - and all the glittering outside things were taken away, I was left with the things of most value.
Kimberly Quinn
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