Still Waiting Funny Quotes

#1. James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

Will Ferrell

#2. Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.

Bauvard

#3. What's purple mean?"
Adrian put his hand on the door. "Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting

Richelle Mead

#4. He opened the door wider. "He's waiting." He gave me what was probably meant to be a significant wink, but a corner of his mouth moved more than his eye did and the result was a fairly startling face.

Dashiell Hammett

#5. I've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the
sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.
"Fuck."
Ellie giggled.
I squinted an eye at him. "Is that a good fuck?"
He grinned. "Well you're that too, babe.

Samantha Young

#6. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.

Jim Carrey

#7. I'm in no condition to drive ... wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

Yogi Berra

#8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

Billy Connolly

#9. Who doesn't love Game of Thrones? Sons of Anarchy is funny and thug-ish. I love Shameless. I just sit with my hat tipped, waiting for something to happen, more than going out after the shows.

Gavin Rossdale

#10. Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

Frank Carson

#11. This isn't funny. She was almost killed.'
'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.'
'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting ready to kill someone.'
'I just need a name.

Derek Landy

#12. Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.

Jerry Coleman

#13. Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#14. It was funny, when I thought of it afterward, how Ruth and Gehrig looked as they stood there. The Babe must have been waiting for me to get the ball up a little so he could get his bat under it.

Carl Hubbell

#15. It's so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can't believe how insufferably boring it is. Waiting around and doing these lines over and over and finally having to go in and loop the lines and dub them.

Al Pacino

#16. Well, then, Otter, of course I don't like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don't see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?

T.J. Klune

#17. Ask her to wait a moment I am almost done.

Carl Friedrich Gauss

#18. Funny how you can live your whole life waiting and not know it ... Waiting for your real life to begin. Maybe the most real thing the end. To realize when it's too late. I know now that I loved him more than anything on earth or off of it.

Peter Heller

#19. If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.

Bill Cosby

#20. I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.

P. Anastasia

#21. I'm just getting to know myself. I'm no wherwhere near to being concise about it yet. I can't define myself. Wait a minute - I'm angry, I'm funny and I'm trying.

James Marsters

#22. Something funny certainly happens when palladium and platinum come into contact with hydrogen gas; it's one of the great mysteries still waiting to be solved on the periodic table. But it's quite a leap from 'something funny' to cold fusion.

Sam Kean

#23. I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

Lynda Barry

#24. A choice is like a jigsaw puzzle, darling troll. Your worries are the corner pieces, and your hopes are the edge pieces, and you, Hawthorn, dearest of boys, are the middle pieces, all funny-shaped and stubborn. But the picture, the picture was there all along, just waiting for you to get on with it.

Catherynne M Valente

#25. In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed.

Allan Sherman

#26. When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

Rodney Dangerfield

#27. I went to New York for Fashion Week and girls showed up waiting to see me. It's funny because there's a group of girls who I actually recognize because they always show up. It's nice and I'm like, 'Hi girls! I recognize your faces!' It's just like a feel-good experience.

Katie Cassidy

#28. Funny how you can live a whole life waiting and not know it.

Peter Heller

#29. Um ... " I mumbled, "We wait."
"What? Wait? Do you expect them to just come up here to the beach to get some moonlight?" He sneered as he took another bite of the eagle.

Grace Fiorre

#30. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Will Rogers

#31. My Date was waiting for me at the kitchen door, ears perked, tail wagging and bits of wicker clinging to his nose and mouth
Abby Shaw, Sucker Punched

Sammi Carter

#32. Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

Craig Ferguson

#33. It's funny how fast a book goes, but how slow the wait appears.
the book may end, but the mind still thinks ... waiting for that book
see? I became a poet!

Nandanie Phalgoo

#34. Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

George Carlin

#35. Men can beat each other to a pulp and still walk away friends. With a woman, once an enemy, always an enemy. Women will sit like a spider, for years, waiting for the chance to strike. They never forget and seldom forgive.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#36. A funny thing happened post-diagnosis. They put him on drugs, things went up and down, but he lived. He lived. It was like a waiting room where they kept not calling your name.

Garth Risk Hallberg

#37. It is my turn to wait. Funny that in all these months we have been meeting, it was always she waiting for me.

Melissa De La Cruz

#38. Sometimes I feel like there are people just waiting for me to fall. The funny thing is, I can't give them anything. I have just never been a partier, even in school.

Jordin Sparks