Quotes For Mother In Law

#1. I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

Henny Youngman

#2. I cut 'Diamond in My Crown' in my home in Georgia, because I wanted to use an old 1848 pump organ that my mother-in-law had gotten for Emory for Christmas one year. His mother would be proud to know that pump organ was made use of.

Patty Loveless

#3. A mother-in-law's praise says more in a woman's favor than anything else in the world.

Caroline Pafford Miller

#4. I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

Milton Berle

#5. Radheya has always been a rebel against caste and the social hierarchy,' her mother-in-law said, after a brief pause. 'He has constantly been cruelly reminded that as a sutaputra, he cannot aspire to more than he deserves, but he believes in his own worth.

Kavita Kane

#6. The phlegamtic female is a weepy, bug-eyed, fat, lumpy, fleshy German. She looks like a sack of flour. She is born in order to become a mother-in-law. That is her whole ambition.

Anton Chekhov

#7. Just because you're unemployed doesn't mean you're not doing anything useful. You are, for example, at least keeping your mother-in-law's wit sharp.

Marilyn Vos Savant

#8. My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

Les Dawson

#9. (Giving your mother-in-law a gift is a good idea, but paying her for a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner is not recommended, even if both gestures would cost you the same amount of money.)

Dan Ariely

#10. Since lack of room forced my mother-in-law to sleep on the couch in the living room, as soon as my husband would leave for work, she would come into our room every morning and climb into our marital bed, where she continued to sleep snoring loudly.

Susann Bosshard

#11. You know you've built a product that can hit the mainstream when your wife, your father, and your mother-in-law can get involved.

Josh Kopelman

#12. Davis leaned over his former mother-in-law, put

James Patterson

#13. Karma can be an ill-timed mistress who always calls when your Mother-in-law is the first to answer the phone ... . and it would be a completely sad story had it not been so surreally hilarious.

Josh Stern

#14. Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

Tim Heaton

#15. When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

Carla H. Krueger

#16. 6So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. 7. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and o his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down.

Anonymous

#17. I cook mostly vegetarian vegetable and bean stews. Quinoa salads. I make my mother-in-law's recipe for chicken and barley stew all the time.

Gail Simmons

#18. My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.

Lenny Bruce

#19. Damn it, Honor, what do I do with an Ancient mother-in-law who thinks I'm a bug?" One that had infested the life of Caliane's beloved son.

Nalini Singh

#20. Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.

Jay Leno

#21. I was thinking of murder, mutilation and dessert like Ignacia Sandoval's instructions for delectable empanadas made of minced mother-in-law's tongue (said to induce peace and harmony in your household), or the gonads of your cheating husband (a savory dish to add spice to your lovemaking).

Sandra Ramos O'Briant

#22. We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to be cremated." I said, "Alright, get your coat."

Dave Spikey

#23. If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that award.

Laura Schlessinger

#24. The mother of a trophy wife is not automatically a trophy mother-in-law.

John Grisham

#25. If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room.

Lyndon B. Johnson

#26. I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law.

George Gordon Byron

#27. There is no such thing as relationships in this world. It is really a self-created net. Do these cows-buffalos have any relationships? They don't have a mother-in-law, no father-in-law...

Dada Bhagwan

#28. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

Les Dawson

#29. Ay, wait," Rojer said. "Don't I get a say in this? All a sudden I'm intended, and have to live with my new mother-in-law?" "What's wrong with my mum?" Kendall demanded. "Nothing," Rojer said. "Corespawned right," Kendall said.

Peter V. Brett

#30. A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.

Francois Rabelais

#31. Upon the death of her mother-in-law, Elearnor Roosevelt said, It is truly a tragedy of life to have spent 35 years with someone and upon her death, not to give it a second thought.

Eleanor Roosevelt

#32. Don't get me wrong. I love my mother-in-law. It's her daughter I can't figure out.

Malcolm Gladwell

#33. To have one's mother-in-law in the country when one lives in Paris, and vice versa, is one of those strokes of luck that one encounters only too rarely.

Honore De Balzac

#34. My mother-in-law's from Norway, and she's always liked old-school remedies.

Lindsey Vonn

#35. You can put a girlfriend on a motorcycle, yes, but what about your children and your bridesmaids, and your mother-in-law?

Anne Fortier

#36. When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something.

Lou Gehrig

#37. I've booked a few sessions to make it look like a genuine getaway but now I look at my programme, I wonder how to fit in murdering my mother-in-law." Cressida Barker-Powell (Criss Cross)

Caron Allan

#38. Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.

Harriet Lerner

#39. The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

Les Dawson

#40. RBG often repeated her mother's advice that getting angry was a waste of your own time. Even more often, she shared her mother-in-law's counsel for marriage: that sometimes it helped to be a little deaf.

Irin Carmon

#41. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other.

Tori Amos

#42. Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

Voltaire

#43. I find it beautiful when we're in Italy that everybody sits down at the table together. My mother-in-law is like, 'It doesn't matter what's going on in the house, who is fighting, who is upset, who has appointments, you sit down at that table at one o'clock.'

Debi Mazar

#44. My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she'd never speak to me again, and I smiled and gave thanks for the little miracle God worked in my life.

Jarod Kintz

#45. A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.

Vladimir Zhirinovsky

#46. A bride who is bullied by her mother-in-law will herself become a bad mother-in-law.

Sin-Itiro Tomonaga

#47. Scrum is like your mother-in-law, it points out ALL your faults.

Ken Schwaber

#48. My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

Phyllis Diller

#49. On the whole, a woman isn't keen on her mother-in-law if she's controlling, disapproving, or interfering. Mine is a triple major in the "ings" and took extra night classes in calculating just for kicks. The woman is a hate nerd.

Stephanie Klein

#50. The ghastly mother-in-law is well represented by a little comedy film of 1952: No Room for the Groom, directed by Douglas Sirk, the fine German director more famous for his melodramas that humanely criticize American morals and values.

Jeanine Basinger

#51. The most dangerous flower is one that grows on a grave. Everybody in its vicinity is dead. That's why I hand-picked it for my mother-in-law.

Jarod Kintz

#52. I blinked slowly at that notion. "A honeymoon free of your mother-in-law." "Worth more than gold or jewels," Hades said.

Jim Butcher

#53. It's not that we didn't get along, it's just that my mother-in-law is very objective. She objected to everything I did.

Beverly D'Angelo

#54. But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.

Wanda Sykes

#55. I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Ken Dodd

#56. Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

Henny Youngman

#57. Yet you would not drive a car with your mouth unless you are my mother-in-law.

Jean-Louis Gassee

#58. I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Joan Rivers

#59. Nora had worked as a telegraphist at the Taunton Post Office and learned Morse code from her mother-in-law, accumulating valuable experience on the two common telegraphic instruments: the single needle and the

Neil McAleer

#60. He was glad that Pemberley was fifty miles from Longbourn and he hoped that his mother-in-law would not visit often.

Jane Grix

#61. Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.

David Letterman

#62. I think that what I do, in terms of how I craft my words rhetorically, is fairly simple stuff. I don't mean that to denigrate myself. I mean that in the sense of, when I write, the person that I keep in mind is my mother-in-law.

John Scalzi

#63. I know my mother-in-law would drive two hours to go see a movie that I'm in.

Melanie Lynskey

#64. Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

Jerome K. Jerome

#65. My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Les Dawson

#66. I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity.

Ayelet Waldman

#67. Peter remained on friendly terms with Christ notwithstanding Christ's having healed his mother-in-law.

Samuel Butler

#68. Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

H.L. Mencken

#69. The count came back to young Morcerf.
'Don't you think,' he said, 'on reflection that you were wrong to speak in that way about your mother-in-law in front of Debray?'
'Please, Count,' Morcerf said. 'I beg you, don't use that word in anticipation.

Alexandre Dumas

#70. I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

Les Dawson

#71. I think my mother found her mother-in-law entertaining, and in a person who entertains us, there is much we forgive.

Curtis Sittenfeld

#72. Maybe I shouldn't mouth off to the elemental I kinda hoped was my
future mother-in-law.

Kiersten White

#73. Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

Josh Billings

#74. My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

Les Dawson

#75. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Les Dawson

#76. The best compliment that has ever been given to me was, I was at the airport one day and a guy came in and said, 'Lionel, my wife loves you, the kids love you, my mother-in-law loves you, the family loves you.'

Lionel Richie

#77. In the case of maternal health care, you look at, well naturally, it's the mother who's the customer, who makes the decisions. But in truth, the mother in many areas, in certain parts of India, the mother has very little decision-making power at all. The real decision-maker is the mother-in-law.

Jacqueline Novogratz

#78. The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law.

Benjamin Walker

#79. My mother-in-law was with me during all four of my births and when she was sitting next to me holding my hand during the cesareans, well, I craved that.

Patricia Heaton

#80. Anyway, I heard you and your Mother-in-Law kicked ass! Shame his daddy'o wasn't around for the family reunion, although I doubted a battle is the right way to say 'hi,my name's Kiera and I am sexing up your son's man stick.

Stephanie Hudson

#81. Surely,' I said, 'you don't think that you are going to die because you dreamed you saw your old father; if one dies because one dreams of one's father, what happens to a man who dreams of his mother-in-law?

H. Rider Haggard

#82. ...and this is what grandmothers and mother-in-law and mothers do. They fight for the good.

Fredrik Backman

#83. What can you say about a man, who on Mother's Day sends flowers to his mother-in-law, with a note thanking her for making him the happiest man on Earth?

Nancy Reagan

#84. My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

Les Dawson

#85. I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

#86. My mother-in-law, Nanny, spent her working years as a bookkeeper at a medical office in Columbus, Ohio. Like so many Americans, she worked hard and paid into Medicare, knowing that one day she could count on having high-quality health care when she needed it most.

Ann McLane Kuster

#87. Diplomatic exchange combined the worst aspects of explaining things to a toddler and talking with a mother-in-law. It was dull, it was tedious, it was exasperating, and it was necessary.

Tom Clancy

#88. When a man marries, he should take a good look at his mother-in-law first, to understand where life will take him.

Ashok Ferrey

#89. Dodie: "Mama, Jamie's up on the hill and he's f***g a goat!"
Mama: "Well, it's Jamie's goat, ain't it?"
-Peter Manso illustrates the brash wit pervasive in the Brando family with this exchange between Dodie Brando, Marlon's mother, and her mother in-law.

Peter Manso

#90. Morning a week with her ex-mother-in-law. So she couldn't fault Rafe for keeping his regular stool at the diner she worked at, even if it

Zoe York

#91. Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said this guy has experience negotiating with the enemy. For gosh sake, he lives with his mother-in-law, you know.

David Letterman

#92. If it's not one thing, it's your mother-in-law.

Len Bailey

#93. What happens to the relationship you never had with your mother-in-law when your husband dies?

Taylor Jenkins Reid

#94. A guy wanted the vet to cut his dog's tail off. The vet asked why. Well, my mother in law is visiting next month and I want to eliminate any possible indication that she is welcome.

Karel Capek

#95. I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Les Dawson

#96. Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid.

Ian Botham

#97. Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

Mark Twain

#98. They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

David Mamet

#99. I feel emotionally conflicted. It's like when your mother in-law drives off a cliff in your new Porsche.

Leon M. Lederman

#100. My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

Phyllis Diller