Ken Dodd Quotes

#1. Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.

Ken Dodd

#2. Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

Ken Dodd

#3. I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Ken Dodd

#4. Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

Ken Dodd

#5. If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute - I've got to have them.

Ken Dodd

#6. Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

Ken Dodd

#7. I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist's dummy, I'd perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.

Ken Dodd

#8. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Ken Dodd

#9. I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Ken Dodd

#10. My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.

Ken Dodd

#11. The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.

Ken Dodd

#12. Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.

Ken Dodd

#13. My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'

Ken Dodd

#14. Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Ken Dodd

#15. Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

Ken Dodd