Top 62 Oral Sex Quotes
#1. An anagram of Axl Rose is oral sex. Why do I know? Because when I'm not playing music I love solving erotic jumbles.
Slash
#2. The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing).
Paul Rudnick
#3. You know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn't want to do it,
Don Lemon
#4. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a vegetarian." Mia lifted her glass and took a sip.
"Hm. Does that mean no oral sex?"
She nearly spat her wine
Ava Gray
#5. The disconnect between what's going on in schools and what's allowed to be shown in movies has gotten really bad because girls in junior high are having oral sex and getting bracelets for it, and in movies everybody's got to be 30 years old to have sex. It's very bizarre.
Amy Heckerling
#6. Self-administering oral sex is not my cup of tea, but you have to hand it to him for his ruthless determination to enjoy himself.
Justin Halpern
#7. I did large drawings of couples having sex! Men and woman enjoying intercourse and oral sex in a Madison Avenue Gallery? That was the first time I broke a barrier that made me think, some idiot is going to blow my brains out for sure.
Betty Dodson
#8. What I've learned is that love is made up of three ingredients: consideration, spontaneity, and [whispers] oral sex for guys and women.
Damien Lemon
#9. Warning: This book contains graphic language, sex, lies, intrigue, clowns, kleptomania, anal sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, bad driving, good cooking, and the missing head of a Justin Timberlake statue. Not for the sour of disposition.
L.B. Gregg
#10. She was giving me oral sex, and she got carried away ... So I choked her.
Arthur Shawcross
#12. How would you know a Cork footballer? He's the one who thinks that oral sex is just talking about it.
John B. Keane
#13. You can go down on me tomorrow or something, when I'm less tired." Great, now I'm passing up oral sex in exchange for brushing a man's hair? I must be tired. Or insane. Something.
Ruby Dixon
#14. Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
Barbara Bush
#15. I watched Daryl swirl, sniff, sip, swish, chew, swallow, and sometimes spit his way through countless glasses of Bordeaux and all I could think was that someone who spent so much time and care on all the oral and olfactory acrobatics involved in wine tasting should really be more adept at oral sex
Inara Lavey
#16. Oh, boy. Now you see what you've done, Monica Lewinsky, you stupid, stupid tart, I thought. Because of you, I have to explain to my Nana, while she's in a hospital bed with an enlarged gallbladder, what oral sex is. Do you see the damage you've caused? Do you see where your sinful path has led?
Laurie Notaro
#17. my oral sex skills are off the chart. I know all about getting dirty down under. Let me show you, pretty please?
Kylie Scott
#18. I can't believe we just did this. I'm such an asshole, I said. Note to self, women don't really want to hear this after you just shared oral sex with them
J.D. Holmes
#19. Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
#20. So far as I knew, Hallmark didn't make a "Sorry I Interrupted Your Oral Sex" card.
Joanna Wylde
#21. My personal feeling is that oral sex is against nature.
Pat Robertson
#22. I once read a book by a former alcoholic where she described giving oral sex to two different men, men she'd just met in a restaurant on a busy London high street. I read it and thought, I'm not that bad. This is where the bar is set.
Paula Hawkins
#23. North Carolina is temperate and populated with well-meaning people; therefore I will engage in oral sex with another man.
David Sedaris
#24. I like everything you do to me."
"In that case"- he flipped her onto her back again, spread her thighs- "I think we should explore the concept of oral sex." Her brain hazed over. And stayed hazed.
Nalini Singh
#25. What did ye talk about with the ladies?"
"Lots of things," she replied " The Three step rule, oral sex-"
"Holy Christ Almighty" He pressed a hand to his brow. "They were supposed to teach you how to shampoo yer hair, no' give you instructions on oral sex!
Kerrelyn Sparks
#26. Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.
Eugene Mirman
#27. We continue to think of virginity as first intercourse. That ends up minimizing and marginalizing other things kids are engaged in, like oral sex. And it's not going to feel particularly good for girls as the big marker of adulthood.
Peggy Orenstein
#28. I was Cery's best pupil, but only in certain subjects. Oral sex and improvised weaponry, for example, though rarely in conjunction.
Kit Rocha
#29. You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.
Maureen Lipman
#30. Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.
Stewart Francis
#31. Only the French, I thought, could attain orgasm by listening to themselves. It was self-inflicted oral sex. A DIY blowjob.
Stephen Clarke
#32. It was informational. About how to perform oral sex on men. You know, one man teaching another. It was really fascinating and I've always wondered about the techniques he discussed - ow. Ow! You're squeezing a little hard, Van Holtz."
...
"Well, if you're willing to be my test subject - ack!
Shelly Laurenston
#33. You know what we need? We need to get jobs, get the fuck out of that crazy house,' Natalie said, dipping a McNugget into her sauce.
Yeah, right. Jobs doing what? Our only skills are oral sex and restraining agitated psychotics.
Augusten Burroughs
#34. When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
Adam Carolla
#35. 5% of women have true multiple orgasms only through intercourse and these women typically find oral sex uncomfortable.
Gail Saltz
#36. If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.
Ray Romano
#37. Is a BJ adultery? What? Did I miss a day of school? Of course it is! Oral sex is adultery like Curling is an Olympic sport. The only thing is, oral sex should be in the Olympics because it's much harder than Curling, and if you're good at it, you DESERVE a medal!
Lewis Black
#38. I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help.
George Carlin
#39. My panties were still on but he didn't let that stop him, nosing them out of the way and tonguing my sex, making low, growling noises in his throat like a big cat purring with pleasure while it devoured its prey.
Emme Rollins
#40. I haven't slept with him, Mom." I whispered, lying through my teeth. I just didn't want to discuss my sex life with her. She would probably critique my oral skills or something.
"I should have known. You don't sleep with anybody. That's why you can't keep a man.
L.D. Davis
#41. Just because I like to suck cock doesn't make me any less American than Jesse Helms.
Allen Ginsberg
#42. Make no mistake: girls love getting head as much as giving head. Giving head is good for your health. Getting head is good for the soul.
Chloe Thurlow
#43. Don't spit, swallow: there is protein and other good stuff in male semen; it's an acquired taste and, once acquired, totally addictive.
Chloe Thurlow
#44. She pulled away from Eric's grasp, knelt before Brian and looked up at him.
"Let me suck you off," she said. "Please.
Olivia Cunning
#45. She leaned into me, and I could feel her hot breath against my ear. 'I want you to eat me,' she whispered. 'I want you to eat me like you're an angry Alaskan grizzly and I'm Timothy Treadwell.
Phillip Andrew Bennett Low
#46. My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
Chelsea Handler
#47. Eating the peach is a meditation. Your mind empties of all the must dos and should have dones. You are pure being. Your lover's tongue is the key that turns the lock that opens the pleasure box. Life has few perfect moments; moments of cunnilingus score the highest on the sex blissometer.
Chloe Thurlow
#49. Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)
Eugene Mirman
#50. He tastes of rice with a touch of saffron. He says I taste of seafood. I guess we'd make a good paella.
Chloe Thurlow
#51. It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
David Sedaris
#52. I think the last thing you should do to someone willing to put your penis in their mouth is give them criticism.
S.A. Tawks
#53. His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.
Chuck Palahniuk
#54. I've given guys blow jobs just because I've run out of things to talk about.'
Oh, Rae. Who hasn't
Anne Lamott
#55. In the Garden of Eden, Eve wore a fig leaf, not to cover her moist parts, but to draw Adam's gaze to what lay hidden in the undergrowth. Extending the metaphor, the snake symbolizes Adam's tongue, the apple the rosy, blood-engorged bundle of nerve endings pulsing within Eve's clitoris.
Chloe Thurlow
#56. There is nothing more feminine than a blowjob. You naked on your knees. Your guy with his hand resting on the back of your head. A really good blowjob confirms some primal nostalgia. It puts the world in balance.
Chloe Thurlow
#57. Cunnilingus is a girl's best friend. Cunnilingus is life. Everything else is just waiting. An orgasm during cunnilingus turns you into an angel. You grow wings and glimpse paradise.
Chloe Thurlow
#58. Nowadays, you can do anything that you want - anal, oral, fisting - but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
Slavoj Zizek
#59. Ancient whore secret:
to give enjoyable head,
enjoy giving head.
Asa Akira
#60. As a woman still,
without the right kind of mouth,
my tongue's of no use.
Kristen Henderson
#61. Real sex is as much about reciprocity as it is exploration and if you need a reason to resent a man later on, just consider the guy who doesn't believe in cunnilingus ...
Roberto Hogue
#62. Your boyfriend's penis is not an awkward string of spaghetti that has to be scooped up and sucked down. The Emperor of China once asked Lao-tzu: How should I rule the kingdom? To which Lao-tzu replied: Rule the kingdom as you would cook a small fish. A really good blowjob is the same.
Chloe Thurlow
