Maureen Lipman Quotes

#1. What does a Californian make for dinner? Reservations.

Maureen Lipman

#2. You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

Maureen Lipman

#3. My idea of a good work-out is two hours spent worrying about the bags under my eyes.

Maureen Lipman

#4. I've discovered over the years that if my hair is all right, then generally speaking, so am I.

Maureen Lipman

#5. Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.

Maureen Lipman

#6. I suppose the nearest equivalent to a bar mitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.

Maureen Lipman

#7. Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.

Maureen Lipman

#8. Jewish Alzheimer's is forgetting everything except a grudge.

Maureen Lipman

#9. Are you sitting comfortably? Then get up. This is no time for sloth.

Maureen Lipman

#10. Acting requires absorption, but not self-absorption and, in the actor's mind, the question must always be 'Why am I doing this?,' not 'How am I doing it?

Maureen Lipman

#11. As for blondes having more fun, well, let me dispel that rumor forever. They do.

Maureen Lipman

#12. A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

Maureen Lipman