My Toddler Quotes

#1. Worst part of being a writer: having to tell my toddler that I can't play with her because I'm working. Keep in mind that working consists of me at home with a laptop on my lap sitting on the couch. It doesn't look like working. I don't have a hammer or anything.

Chelsea Cain

#2. Do I need fifty finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they're carefully chosen - and when they don't take up much room!

Gretchen Rubin

#3. I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it's for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.

Jim Gaffigan

#4. Diplomatic exchange combined the worst aspects of explaining things to a toddler and talking with a mother-in-law. It was dull, it was tedious, it was exasperating, and it was necessary.

Tom Clancy

#5. My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.

Roseanne Barr

#6. The basic idea that incentives can be used to motivate behavior is a powerful one. It works for employees, and it has a clear place in parenting, as anyone who has tried to potty-train a recalcitrant toddler with sticker rewards knows.

Emily Oster

#7. Your toddler will be "good" if he feels like doing what you happen to want him to do and does not happen to feel like doing anything you would dislike. With a little cleverness you can organize life as a whole, and issues in particular, so that you both want the same thing most of the time.

Penelope Leach

#8. I first got interested in music as a toddler by my childhood babysitter, Rosetta Atkins. She taught me how to sing by imitating the voices on the gospel radio station she listened to - both men and women's voices.

Wendy Starland

#9. A baby smiles between fifty and seventy times a day, and a toddler approximately six hundred times, according to research. I'm sure some of us have asked ourselves where that smile goes. What robs us of it? - GOLDIE HAWN, 10 Mindful Minutes

Joseph Emet

#10. When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

George Carlin

#11. He smiled with the benevolence of somebody watching an unlovable toddler walk under a table and bang their head painfully.

Jonathan L. Howard

#12. sometimes decided to be truculent and unyielding, like a grouchy toddler -

Hanya Yanagihara

#13. Common observation confirms that a mobile, exploring toddler learns faster and more efficiently than the child whose feet never leave the couch and whose eyes never leave the T.V. screen.

Gary Ezzo

#14. The only thing here was a long gray ribbon of road, stretched like tape stuck by a toddler onto a rolling carpet of green hills under a huge arch of blue sky. This is Virginia. My Virginia, anyway.

Beth Harbison

#15. Just because you can thrill a toddler by chewing with your mouth open doesn't mean you should.

Michael Nesmith

#16. Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

Dana Gould

#17. Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler.

Barry Lane

#18. I love India. I love the people, food and the environment. Yes, I am from London, but right from when I was a toddler, I've always lived between Mumbai and London.

Jiah Khan

#19. The sun was a toddler insistently refusing to go to bed: It was past eight thirty and still light.

John Green

#20. The fundamental job of a toddler is to rule the universe.

Lawrence Kutner

#21. America was a nation that refused to grow up. It was a perpetual baby, a vast, pink, fleshy toddler, now in possession of some terrible weapons it did not know how to hold properly, much less use properly.

Dan Simmons

#22. It's crowded," she murmured as her eyes laughed into his.
"The longer we're in here..." His thighs brushed against hers as a toddler wiggled up to the glass. "The fonder I am of snakes.

Nora Roberts

#23. Being the mother of a toddler, my emotions often changed like the channels on the television when my husband is holding the remote: Constantly.

Kathy Stock

#24. As soon as I could talk, I was bellowing at the top of my lungs. My parents couldn't get over how weird I sounded - like an old man when I was just a toddler! But no one was gonna shut me up.

Valerie June

#25. I was actually born in Chicago, and then when I was a toddler, my parents moved to Philadelphia.

Patti Smith

#26. My natural mother passed away from cystic fibrosis when I was a toddler, so I feel a great deal of empathy for people who are struggling with disease.

John Lloyd Young

#27. I was attacked by a dog when I was a toddler, and my injuries were so bad, I spent quite a bit of my childhood in and out of hospital. Books were absolutely my salvation during those years.

Kate Forsyth

#28. They congratulated themselves and went back out to their sodas and Chex mix, leaving me in front of the mirror, a toddler's fussed-over Barbie abandoned in the sandbox. I blinked back my tears and forced myself to look in the mirror. Looking

Janet Fitch

#29. I don't want to give the terrorists any ideas, but if I really wanted to cripple a city with biological warfare, my WMD of choice would have to be the toddler.

Jim Gaffigan

#30. It remains a mystery why these three young men, veterans of the same training and the same crash, differed so radically in their perceptions of their plight. Maybe the difference was biological; some men may be wired for optimism, others for doubt. As a toddler, Louie had leapt from a train

Laura Hillenbrand

#31. In my previous life I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be- but that was before I'd been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art.

Jodi Picoult

#32. Taking a toddler to school is one of the most satisfying moments in my many years in public life. There is no better joy than laying the foundations of a strong future for these little children ... Friends, let us all become partners in this quest for ensuring education for all!

Narendra Modi

#33. I don't for one moment believe that these folks believe that it is better for an infant or a toddler to be in day care than to be home with Mom. I do believe that these folks feel guilty for not wanting to be at home, so they devise a new reality to compensate for their uncomfortable feelings.

Laura Schlessinger

#34. Whenever a toddler sees a pile of blocks, he wants to tear it down.

J.J. Abrams

#35. When I was little, when I was a toddler or something, I would watch 'Jason's Lyrica' lot.

Keith Stanfield

#36. In the beginning of my job, I had a look: toddler struggling with digestion.

Rosecrans Baldwin

#37. Once your baby starts to walk you'll realize why cribs are designed like prisons from the early 1900s. This is clearly because toddlers are a danger to themselves. The main responsibility for a parent of a toddler is to stop them from accidentally hurting or killing themselves.

Jim Gaffigan

#38. He'd removed his helmet, revealing a babyish face that didn't go with his military haircut or his big burly frame. He looked like a toddler who'd taken steroids and joined the Marines.

Rick Riordan

#39. that we recommended. If you enjoyed Baby Discover Dogs book I am sure that you will really enjoy these as well.

Toddler Books

#40. It's all because of the video cameras. Standard issue in daycares these days: twelve cameras (six in the baby room, six in the toddler room), all strategically positioned so any concerned parent can watch their child all day long via streaming video if they want to.

Catherine McKenzie

#41. The only thing weaker than a toddler's handshake is their immune system.

Jim Gaffigan

#42. Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them!

Jen Kirkman

#43. Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor ... and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.

Jim Gaffigan

#44. Motherless mothers with a history of caretaking experience, usually for sick mothers or younger siblings when they were still children themselves, said that the round-the-clock nature of infant and toddler care sometimes brought up familiar emotions from the past.

Hope Edelman

#45. Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

Jim Gaffigan

#46. Tell me why it is that a toddler will gag over a perfectly wonderful breakfast of ham, eggs, biscuits, juice, and jelly. But then he will enthusiastically drink the dog's water and play in the toilet. Truly, he is his mother's greatest challenge ... ; and her most inexpressible joy.

James Dobson

#47. America is a country that seems forever to be toddler or teenager, at those two stages of human development characterized by conflict between autonomy and security.

Anna Quindlen

#48. The cell phone has become the adult's transitional object, replacing the toddler's teddy bear for comfort and a sense of belonging.

Margaret Heffernan

#49. In 1979, when I was toddler, the Russians invaded Afghanistan, and my whole family fled to Vienna, Virginia. Far from home, my parents were determined to raise my two sisters and me according to Afghan traditions.

Azita Ghanizada

#50. I learned that buying expensive furniture with toddlers around is pointless.

Nicole Polizzi

#51. With her toddler playing on the floor by her feet, his widow now nursed her new baby on the porch of her homeplace, attended by comforting women who sat with their knitting and embroidery and spoke only of happy things.

Lois Lowry

#52. My mother told me when I was a toddler and in the crib that they would have music playing, and the thing when I lit up was boogie-woogie or something out of the Louie Jordan period of sometimes big bands, and then all kinds of things.

Robbie Robertson

#53. I've been performing since I came out of the womb. I've been dancing and singing since I was a toddler. Acting seemed like a natural progression from that.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

#54. No one else seemed to feel this kind of passionate attachment to other humans. Not to a newchild, not to a spouse, or a coworker, or friend. She had not felt it toward her own parents or brother. But now, toward this wobbly, drooling toddler -

Lois Lowry

#55. And extracting one molecule's signature in spectral analysis from the rest of the signatures is hard work, sort of like picking out the sound of your toddler's voice in a roomful of screaming children during playtime. It's hard, but you can do it.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

#56. Being pregnant and having a toddler, as every parent says, is amazing. You're very tired, but it's so wonderful. God, it's emotional, but it's the best. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Drew Barrymore

#57. Grown-up people do very little and say a great deal ... Toddlers say very little and do a great deal ... With a toddler you cannot explain, you have to show. You cannot send, you have to take. You cannot control with words, you have to use your body.

Penelope Leach

#58. You need your rest to feel your best!

Brandi Russell

#59. I'd been beguiled by the new technology - a toddler crawling toward a gun.

Jon Ronson

#60. My son's full real name is Duncan Zowie Haywood. As a toddler, he was called by his second name Zowie. But it was such an identifiable name during the Seventies that if I called him loudly in public places, everyone would turn to stare, so I started calling him Joey to take the pressure off.

David Bowie

#61. I have slipped chile under your skin
secretly wrapped in each enchilada
hot and soothing
carefully cut into bitefuls for you as a
toddler
increasing in power and intensity as
you grew
until it could burn
forever

Carmen Tafolla

#62. My mother has told so many times the unbelievable story of how, as a toddler, I would demand raw onions and eat them like apples, I think that, at this juncture, it is a story that just has to be believed.

Alice Dreger

#63. He knew the truth. Yes, my dear child, he would undoubtedly tell a terrified toddler tremulously seeking succor, monsters are real. I happen to have one hanging in my basement.

Rick Yancey

#64. But the toddler mission is never mindless. They have two goals: find poison and find something to destroy. Toddlers

Jim Gaffigan

#65. I remember growing up always loving the guitar. I used to love to watch the people play on the Country Western shows on TV. My folks told me that when I was just a toddler, I used to pretend I was playing a guitar on a toothpick.

Carl Wilson

#66. When we sat down on the couch again, you curled up against my side, like you used to when you were a toddler.
What I wanted to say to you, but didn't, was this: Don't use me as your model. I'm the last person you should look up to.

Jodi Picoult

#67. When I was ten years old, I realized I'd been kidnapped as a toddler. Of course, I would have to have been a fairly dim child to miss the clues. Great big pink-elephant clues, trumpeting and lumbering and shitting through the house, ignored by everyone except me.

Augusten Burroughs

#68. Also, toddler judgment is horrible. They don't have any. Put a twelve-month-old on a bed, and they will immediately try and crawl off headfirst like a lemming on a mindless migration mission. But the toddler mission is never mindless. They have two goals: find poison and find something to destroy.

Jim Gaffigan

#69. Paradoxically, the toddler's "No" is also a preliminary to his saying yes. It is a sign that he is getting ready to convert his mother's restrictions and prohibitions into the rules for behavior that will belong to him.

Louise J. Kaplan

#70. It's perfectly possible to love your toddler but struggle to like them when times are hard.

Mariella Frostrup

#71. The toddler must say no in order to find out who she is. The adolescent says no to assert who she is not.

Louise J. Kaplan

#72. This kid has more mood swings than a toddler's birthday party.

Alexandra Bracken

#73. I've been watching Michael J. Fox since I was a toddler, basically. I watched all the 'Back to the Future' movies! I've been a fan my whole life.

Juliette Goglia

#74. It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#75. No child wants to fall off a jungle gym or slide. Accidents are an unfortunate fact of life, but to lower every last slide and jungle gym to a height that would only interest a toddler is doing our children a grave disservice.

Darell Hammond

#76. How awful it was, thought Tessa, remembering Fats the toddler, the way tiny ghosts of your living children haunted your heart; they could never know, and would hate it if they did, how their growing was a constant bereavement.

J.K. Rowling

#77. Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not- even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian- it's only a matter of time.

Chuck Klosterman

#78. Albert Einstein was never clear if he believed in time travel, but had he raised a toddler, he certainly would have.

Michael R. French