Top 100 My Christmas Quotes
#1. My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.
Milton Berle
#2. I give out Atlas Shrugged as Christmas presents, and I make all my interns read it.
Paul Ryan
#3. At the age of 12, my parents gave me a chemistry set for Christmas, and experimentation soon became a consuming passion in my life.
John Vane
#5. Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!
Sincerely, Greg
Jeff Kinney
#6. My grandson sees me as Lois on TV every Christmas, and that scores me points.
Margot Kidder
#7. Accounts of eating Christmas sweet potatoes baked in ashes and jackrabbit stewed with white flour dumplings are testaments to pioneer resilience and pleasure - and they help inspire my own best scratch cooking.
Isabel Gillies
#8. Faster!" Shane yelled. Eve hit the gas hard, and whipped around a slower-moving van. The firing ceased, at least for now. "You see why I didn't want you to stop?"
"Okay, your father is officially off my Christmas list!" Eve yelled. "Oh my God, look at my car!
Rachel Caine
#9. A footman approached bearing a tray of sparkling wine. Lord Sheffield motioned the footman away before he could offer them a glass of champagne. "Forgive me," he murmured in Amelia's ear. "I cannot wait another moment to have you in my arms.
Erica Ridley
#10. When I first started shooting 'Sharpe,' back in the early 1990s, I'd kiss my two elder daughters goodbye at the end of August - Evie wasn't even born then - and I wouldn't see them again until Christmas. That was tough. They were hard times.
Sean Bean
#11. In my adolescence, I think I felt very outcast; I felt lonely. I felt great loneliness, and sometimes I wouldn't partake in Christmas, and I would go off and wander in the streets of Melbourne.
Michael Leunig
#12. Your puny worm god weapons are useless against my superior Christmas Kung Fu.
Christopher Moore
#13. My family background is Mexican, and I was born in Chicago. It's pretty much family tradition every time we get together for Christmas and major holidays to sing. Our family time is centered around the food and a little bit of performing for one another.
Ailyn Perez
#14. I have loved you from the moment I heard your voice. Thank you for coming here, and being my Christmas miracle.
Alexa Riley
#15. My uncle Ernie didn't believe in God.
At least that's what he said. But he always
Went to church on Christmas. Which I thought
Seriously compromised his atheism.
Eugene H. Peterson
#16. I used to sleep in the T-shirt I wore during the day and whatever ratty old gym shorts I could find on the floor. But one year for Christmas, someone gave me a very chic, comfortable pair of pajamas from Brooks Brothers, and I realized the error of my ways.
Derek Blasberg
#17. My favorite traditional Christmas movie that I like to watch is All Quiet on the Western Front. It's just not December without that movie in my house.
Tom Hanks
#18. The book felt wonderful in my hands. I held it up to my nose and drank in its aroma. I think I'm addicted to the smell of books. It's as comforting to me as Christmas.
Syrie James
#19. I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
#20. My mother accidentally gave me food poisoning. She fed me baby carrots for a snack before Christmas dinner - but they had expired in June! I threw up for the next 24 hours.
Busy Philipps
#21. I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!
Charles Dickens
#22. 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' is my number one biggest influence artistically in every way.
Amy Lee
#23. One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
#24. This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
Anthony Jeselnik
#25. I was talking to one of my aunties at Christmas and she said she didn't think it was ever in my nature to go against the grain, that I was always a good boy. I think she was right - I did always want to be good.
James McAvoy
#26. I huddle in the dark with a mass of burnt matches strewn at my feet. And yet, for all of those matches I've not been able to light a single candle. And huddled in such deep darkness, I've somehow yet to realize that Christmas made both matches and candles forever obsolete.
Craig D. Lounsbrough
#27. My first publication was a haiku in a children's magazine when I was 9 years old. I received one dollar for it! I gave the check to my dad for Christmas, and he framed it and hung it over his desk.
Linda Sue Park
#28. My garden in England is full of eating-out places, for heat waves, warm September evenings, or lunch on a frosty Christmas morning.
Mary Quant
#29. I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
#30. Several years ago, I was creating a Christmas present for the family, a self-published cookbook featuring recipes my grandmother had collected and created over decades. While interviewing her for the biographical section, she began to talk about her courtship with my late grandfather.
Kristina McMorris
#31. Like the Earth, the Web is a less appealing place than it used to be. If I want attitude and arguing and meanness and profanity and wrong information screamed at me as gospel, I'll get in a time machine and spend Christmas with my family in 1977.
J.R. Moehringer
#32. I would like to go back and spend a Christmas with my family and myself when I was five years old and just see what that dynamic would be like. Observe it. I think it would be a magical gift.
Sharon Lawrence
#33. For the millions of Americans, like my family, who believe that there is a creator God who can be known personally, Christmas is a celebration of Jesus' offer of love and forgiveness for all people.
James Lankford
#34. Seriously, isn't there enough holiday cheer around here? You all don't have to invade my office." I glared at my coworkers, decked out in their fancy Christmas finery, complete with Santa hats and jingly socks.
I should have been expecting this - it was a week before Christmas. -- Erica
Candice Gilmer
#35. If I want to put a Christmas tree in my yard, or three crosses for the crucifixion story, that's fine. But if I try to use public property or a public school as a way to impress my religion on other people, I think that violates the constitution.
John Shelby Spong
#36. And when you are being kissed like this, you are Christmas Day; you are the moon shot; you are field larks. My shoes were suddenly worth a million pounds, and my breath was the ethyl in champagne. When someone kisses you like this, you are the point of everything.
Caitlin Moran
#37. I long to look at my holiday season with eyes that see the Christ in Christmas.
Ann Marie Stewart
#38. I grew up as a photo nut. Every Christmas I would get a new camera. It's a huge part of my life.
Kevin Systrom
#39. I'd just got back from filming my role as Flo in 'Kidnap & Ransom' when I got the news that Channel 4 had re-commissioned 'Fresh Meat,' so I think it was the first Christmas I could actually relax knowing that I had three months' work sorted. As an actor, that's always a good feeling.
Kimberley Nixon
#40. I have to confess I can't have the holiday season without "Hard Candy Christmas". For some reason, it makes me think of the sticky ribbon candy bowl my mid-western grandma always had.
Hank Stuever
#41. I love the smell of a real Christmas tree - also, my mum's Christmas pudding with brandy sauce.
Mallory Jansen
#42. This was a bad idea," I whispered.
"It was probably the smartest idea you've ever had."
I rubbed my palms on my hips.
"It's going to take a lot more
than Thanksgiving dinner and a Christmas tree to get laid."
"Damn. There goes my whole plan.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#43. For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
Rodney Dangerfield
#44. My very first acting role was Tiny Tim in 'A Christmas Carol.'
Leland Orser
#45. I love Christmas tree bulbs, and I started putting them in my paintings. You've got to plug this painting in, and it's got a rig in the back, so that each one can be replaced if it burns out.
David Lynch
#46. You know, I started my career in politics in 1967. I'm not new to this. I did not just fall off the Christmas tree. I understand the world is complex. I know that there are people out there who want to hurt other people.
Dennis Kucinich
#47. I feel like a lot of time my writing is like having about twenty boxes of Christmas decorations. But no tree. You're going, Where do I put this? Then they go, Okay, you can have a tree, but we'll blindfold you and you gotta cut it down with a spoon.
Carolyn Chute
#48. I stone got crazy when I saw somebody run down them strings with a bottleneck. My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and I said that I had to learn.
Muddy Waters
#49. My family makes these vinegars - out of everything from grapes to peaches and cherries. We go through the whole process with the giant vat and drainer, label them, and give them as Christmas presents.
Mario Batali
#50. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Obama, Thank you for sending me Christmas and New Year greetings yet again. Welcome back to India ... Would have loved to host you at my concert in Baroda on the 26th!
A.R. Rahman
#51. My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Dave Barry
#52. My family has a Christmas tradition: Every year, they kill my mom.
James Aquilone
#53. On Christmas morning, before we could open our Christmas presents, we would go to this stranger's home and bring them presents. I remember helping clean the house up and putting up a tree. My father believed that you have a responsibility to look after everyone else.
George Clooney
#54. Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
#55. My son, Rob ... said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
Dave Barry
#56. I spent 250 to 300 days of every year on the road. But in the end, I felt something was missing. I needed to be anchored so I could concentrate, so in 2000, I established a new methodology - the one I use today. I spent the week in my office and travelled every weekend, even at Christmas.
Hans Ulrich Obrist
#57. Every time I get a script in my inbox, it's like a little Christmas present. It's so exciting to see what they've cooked up.
Amanda Schull
#58. There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
#59. To me, the most important thing is to wear something that I love and feel comfortable in, and Christmas is a great opportunity to get one of my old favourites out.
Amber Le Bon
#60. My mother would give my brothers and me a pile of catalogues and let us pick what we wanted for Christmas.
Kary Mullis
#61. My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
#62. Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000.
Trey Parker
#63. My family know not to get me any tech for Christmas. I can never get it to work, and it all becomes very tearful and pressurised.
Peter Capaldi
#64. Music is my thing. It's my thing; it's what I love. It's what I do. It's football to me; it's Christmas to me; religion to me; poetry to me.
Ryan Adams
#65. I remember when I was working at Sprint, I'd work on my birthday, New Year's Day, and even Christmas Eve. I'm just used to working on my birthday, so I'll be celebrating it afterward.
Prince Royce
#66. I remember as a child, my mother loved Dean Martin. Every Christmas, about the only Christmas album that we were able to listen to was the Dean Martin Christmas album.
Michael Spradlin
#67. He is the same chap who informed me that there are unusually high numbers of Mennonites who suffer from depression but nobody knows why. I said, Well, thank you for that! As cheerfully as if I was accepting a plate of homemade Christmas cookies from one of my students.
Miriam Toews
#68. Of course, my Christmas is (so much more) gorgeous and romantic (than Germany's)!! And unlike the rest of the world, we leave wine behind for Santa Claus!"
"So Santa-san is delivering gifts to children while driving under the influence ... ?
Hidekaz Himaruya
#69. But a sweater? I mean,that is so unromantic.It is the kind of thing I would get my dad - if he wasn't so in need of anger-management manuals,which is what I got for him for Christmas.
Meg Cabot
#70. In the oh-my-God-this-has-to-be-Christmas silence that followed, he struggled to reorder the last six months, to catch up with this reality they'd somehow missed. He wanted her. She wanted him. Was it true?
J.R. Ward
#71. I was sitting in my kitchen agonizing over my Christmas grocery list when I heard the noise.
R.J. Harlick
#72. I loved raising my kids. I loved the process, the dirt of it, the tears of it, the frustration of it, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, growth charts, pediatrician appointments. I loved all of it.
Jane Elliot
#73. I love Christmas. A time to slow down and enjoy life and be with my family and friends. In busy years, it keeps me sane. In bad years, it makes me feel whole again.
Mary Jo Putney
#74. I'm so excited for my son. On Christmas morning I want to see his face, to be there when he opens the gifts. I want the see what my assistants got him for Christmas.
David Letterman
#75. One thing I hear a lot is, 'Dude, my mom loves your record,' or 'I got it for my dad for Christmas.' I'm essentially doing dad rock. Which is great, because I love Steely Dan, you know? Nothing wrong with dad rock!
Mac DeMarco
#77. It's surprising to me how many of my friends send Christmas cards, or holiday cards, including my atheist and secular friends.
Christopher Hitchens
#78. Like my dad, I have a Christmas party most years. I like to celebrate and see as many people as possible.
Lauren Graham
#79. Christmas was really where I started coming into my own as a performer because I did all this stuff on my own, all this performing on my own, When other kids were outside playing, I was in my room conjuring characters and impressions and things like that.
Jim Carrey
#80. If I'm getting on an airplane or anywhere, really, I have a lunch box and stuff. It's a running joke with my friends and family - everyone gives me lunch boxes for Christmas.
Nikki Reed
#81. I don't know what's my first real memory. When you're little, you're always looking forward to days that are special, like Christmas, birthdays, the Fourth of July, and family gatherings. But I can't pinpoint my earliest memory.
Ice Cube
#82. This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
#83. I was thrilled one year when I was younger when not only did my brothers get hockey sticks for Christmas - but I did too!
Nancy Kerrigan
#84. Didn't think I'd find you here," he murmured.
"You scared me."
"Sorry. What'd you get?"
I smirked.
"Gingerbread?"
"Mmhm." I shuffled my feet, smiling. "We've got two each.
Shaye Evans
#86. The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.
Kiersten White
#87. My Christmas wish: To feel your arms around me, to have your lips on mine, and to hold you close one more time, while there's time.
D.S. Mixell
#88. I had sinus surgery the day after Christmas and it has been the worst surgery of my life. Very painful, and on top of it everyone of course thought I got a nose job. Which is so funny because if you know me I would have told you I got a nose job I'm not gonna keep it a secret.
Kaley Cuoco
#89. Say what's in your heart, Annie.'
'You're in my heart, Samuel.
Vannetta Chapman
#90. The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual.
Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
John Cleese
#91. Whatever reason, an evening nodding and unconscious in my bedroom at Hobie's had begun to seem like a perfectly reasonable response to the holiday lights, the holiday crowds, the incessant Christmas bells with their morbid funeral note, Kitsey's candy-pink notebook from Kate's Paperie with tabs
Donna Tartt
#92. Christmas was the one time of year when my brothers surfaced at home, when my parents and grandparents congregated to eat my mother's roast turkey.
Amanda Lindhout
#93. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning
#94. In my experience, those who make the biggest fuss about not spending much at Christmas are generally the ones who buy what they want and eat where they want 12 months a year.
Julian Baggini
#95. My boss at Christmas was a lot of fun: "I want you to look in your pay envelopes and you'll know that I keep the Christmas spirit around here. Because in each and every envelope you'll find ... snow."
David Ketchum
#96. We even had a different word for Christmas in my language, Bengali: Baradin, which literally meant 'big day.'
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
#97. I absolutely adore Agatha Christie; so much so that when I received a kitten for my Christmas present, I called her Agatha, and I already have a cat called Hercule!
Kimberley Nixon
#98. The tides here are too rough. I sink here, happy only when I hoard my little blue sleeping pills, stash the blades of my razor. I accumulate a drawer of drop-out devices, so by December I can escape to a Merry Christmas.
Stephanie Hemphill
#99. If everyone could feel as I felt at that moment, dressed in my preppy sweater and McGregor coat and about to set out on a little journey with my Bambi-eyed girlfriend on Christmas Eve, all conflicts in the world would vanish. Mellow smiles would rule the earth.
Ryu Murakami
#100. My Christmas was a sum total of the ministrations of adults, usually adults who wanted me to encourage my parents to buy something for me to consume and discard.
Thomm Quackenbush
