Top 53 I Am A Joke Quotes
#1. I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.
Ian MacKaye
#2. The school crossing guard is a zombie?" screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. "I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?" "Take it easy, dear," says Aunt Smiley. "It's just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?
James Patterson
#3. In a flash, at a trumpet crash, I am all at once what Christ is, since he was what I am, and This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, patch, matchwood, immortal diamond, Is immortal diamond.
Wesley Hill
#4. When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around.
M.F. Moonzajer
#5. TEXAN: "Where are you from?" HARVARD STUDENT: "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." TEXAN: "OK, where are you from, jackass?" - Variation on an old joke
Ammon Shea
#6. I have some bad feet. But really, my main fault would probably be my personality. A lot of times, I am not serious enough. I joke around too much sometimes.
Tim Hudson
#7. I am aware that by many persons, it is considered in the nature of a joke to to become a candidate and to be elected as a member of the Legislature.
Samuel Ealy Johnson Jr.
#8. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer.
Scarlett Brukett
#9. I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond of a joke, and I am suspicious of those who aren't.
Alfred North Whitehead
#10. I used to do this big rant at the end of some gigs with Ben Folds Five. The band broke into this big heavy metal thing and I started as a joke to scream in a heavy metal falsetto. I found myself saying things like: Feel my pain, I am white, feel my pain.
Ben Folds
#11. This isn't a joke. This is life or fucking death, Lily. I am trying to save you."
"Save me from who?"
"From me, darlin'.
Teresa Mummert
#12. It's the old elephant hunter joke, where a guy asserts he's the local elephant hunter, you respond that there aren't any elephants around there, and he, of course, says 'Yeah, see how good I am?
Ryk E. Spoor
#13. I don't say things straight into the other person's face. I kind of like to make a joke or a remark and make it digestible or just give a little comment that voices my concern, but is not meant to be a critique, but just a comment so that he understands that I am thinking.
Christoph Waltz
#15. My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have it be a joke. I start the lyric in a male-register and a whole coloratura up into a soprano. And other points in the show ... like the guy who likes to be treated like a baby and wear a diaper!
Max Von Essen
#16. Here's my formula: I usually start with a joke or story to catch the audience's attention; then I tell them what I am going to tell them, I tell them, and then I tell them what I just told them.
Ronald Reagan
#17. I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.
Peta Wilson
#18. Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.
Louise Rennison
#19. I tell you it's no joke to paint a portrait. I wonder that I am not more timid when I begin. I feel almost certain that I can do it. It seems very simple. I don't think of the time that is sure to come when I almost despair, when the whole thing seems hopeless.
William Morris Hunt
#20. It's almost a joke how good I am at charades. Not to pat my own back, but I'm literally - I'm kind of unstoppable.
Wilson Bethel
#21. Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it's funny. You're just sitting there like, 'Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?' It's such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.
Todd Phillips
#22. I rarely joke unless I'm in front of a camera. It's not what I am in real life. It's what I do for a living.
Christopher Guest
#24. I am so happy that I married a comedy writer. He's never not without a joke. No matter where we are.
Christa Miller
#25. And I know I'm sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I'm giving you my heart anyway because being with you feels like home, and I know you won't break it.
Shauna Cross
#26. I am one of those guys who could do the most emotional scene and crack a joke instantly. I'm lucky. I'm just like an idiot savant. I have one enormously enjoyable, pleasurable - for me - talent, which is being able to act.
James Woods
#27. I am a fan of whatever makes me laugh my ass off. If it happens to be a Jew joke, then it's a Jew joke.
Alex Borstein
#28. I sometimes joke that I am the first writer of historical fiction who can look out his window and point to the objects in his novels. I have a view of the entrance to the Bosporus, the old city, Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque.
Orhan Pamuk
#29. The human animal ... is ... neither male nor female ... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing, I have a joke that is not altogether irrelevant: nothing resembles a male cat on the windowsill more than a female cat.
Marie De Gournay
#30. There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that maybe I am not cute, but I am beautiful.
CeeLo Green
#32. I am, I believe, a young man on whom a grand joke is being played, fated to live one century, perhaps a second, perhaps a third, only to be scrubbed and rescrubbed from the record, to exit, if I ever do, as if I'd never existed at all.
Daniel Kraus
#33. As the old joke goes, I have all the sins together. I am a woman, a Socialist, separated and agnostic.
Michelle Bachelet
#34. I can take a joke," she tells me, sounding insulted.
"Yeah? When?"
"When it's not being delivered by a childish jackass who thinks he's God's gift to women."
"I am not childish." God's gift on the other hand? My record speaks for itself.
"Oh, bite me."
I wish.
Emma Chase
#35. I am not asking you to understand, Papa. I'm asking for you to accept."
"Accept what?"
Me. Accept me, Papa. "My decision to live my own life as I see fit."
It is so quiet that I suddenly wish I could take it back. Sorry, it was only a terrible joke. I should like a new dress, please.
Libba Bray
#36. I am a pacifist, but be aware that I also carry a gun.
M.F. Moonzajer
#37. Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.
Carrie Fisher
#38. God made a real good joke
but I am the Best Jokejacket:
Petra Hermans
Petra Hermans
#39. I don't want people to leave the show being upset. So if I am trying to do a new joke, and sometimes I will talk about things like gun control or hostile massacre and I notice people being upset I will change the direction.
Jim Jefferies
#40. I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.
Gary Shteyngart
#41. I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it's not a joke. I'd rather walk, or even run, than take the car out myself. I like to be driven around. Yes, I like fancy cars, and fancy bikes, too. It's my dream to learn how to ride one myself, but for now, I am content being driven around.
Bipasha Basu
#42. I am a commercial artist and author, who loves my family, a good joke, a sunny day, cheeseburgers, hockey and the Beatles.
Stooart
#43. I am still capable of feeling used. I am still capable of having a sexual experience that makes me feel like my entire life has been a mean joke.
Charlotte Shane
#44. "What a joke: Tiny living entities crawling on a little planet and are thinking, "I am Great". "
Radhanath Swami
#45. I'm infamous, a joke. It doesn't make me feel good, because I'm a genuine person, but I don't let it get to me, because I am who I am.
William Hung
#46. The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.
Candace Bushnell
#47. You know Anne,' he said quietly, 'when I am with a Hmong or a French or an American person, I am always the one who laughs last at a joke. I am the chameleon animal. You can place me anyplace, and I will survive, but I will not belong. I must tell you that I do not really belong anywhere.
Anne Fadiman
#48. I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with every person.' I am an Indian woman and I'm a kind of double minority in this world.
Mindy Kaling
#49. Who am I? It seems like an easy question. And then I realize.. Maybe what I said to those cops wasn't a joke. Maybe the name belongs to whoever has the courage to fight.
And so I tell them.
I tell them who I am
You can call me Ms. Marvel. And if you cooperate, I won't throw you again.
G. Willow Wilson
#50. An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I'm going to make a joke, I'm going to blow something up, or during the worst peril, I'm going to have someone give someone a kiss - it's just going to happen.
Joss Whedon
#51. My family and I have a little joke that if I'm feeling particularly blue, and nobody cares about me, I should just go to the airport! That is where I am most recognized.
Maggie Wheeler
#53. Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.
Dave Pelzer
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