Top 100 Humour Life Quotes
#1. Where death gives you a sense of humour, life gives you a sense of love.
Athan Fletcher
#2. Again and again, I learn how much friendship enriches my life, bringing warmth, assurance, humour, inspiration, a sense of security. It depends on honesty, trust, loyalty. It's about giving. It's for sharing the good times, but also the tough times, hurt, grief, sadness.
Quentin Bryce
#3. We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
Douglas Adams
#5. When I was in my early twenties I didn't have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series of wants and whims. But recently I had felt overwhelmed by longings that seemed to lunge out of me in the most awkward situations.
Tyne O'Connell
#6. Not sweet like fruits, the heart of a maiden is a little sour.
Bunjuro Nakayama
#7. I don't "lol". I tried it once but it just didn't agree with me.
R.D. Ronald
#8. The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.
P.G. Wodehouse
#9. All young people worry about things, it's a natural and inevitable part of growing up, and at the age of sixteen my greatest anxiety in life was that I'd never again achieve anything as good, or pure, or noble, or true, as my O-level results.
David Nicholls
#11. Try patting them on the back or shoulder and telling them everything is going to be fine. Lots of times when girls cry, they don't want you to fix the problem, they just want to be consoled.
Kiera Cass
#12. The old who refuse to die merely on principle live on forever, to hate life and complain of all the things they could have been spared had they the good sense to die young.
Michelle Franklin
#13. Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Honeya
#15. So what we are right now is a pair of dickweeds in a hotel room in Sydney. My life is royally fucked up right now and from where I'm sitting, your life is even bloody worse.
Dave Gorman
#16. But now you're unhappy," he pointed out.
"And?" I challenged.
"That doesn't seem fair." He shrugged, but his eyes were still intense.
I laughed without humour. "Hasn't anyone told you? Life isn't fair."
"I believe I have heard that somewhere before," he agreed dryly.
Stephenie Meyer
#17. Never try to swim through a sharp rock.
Go around! Go around!
Peter James West
#18. I don't talk ill about people I don't know," said Bartleby. "I only disparage them in silence and hope they die.
Michelle Franklin
#19. Sasha snorted. "I have never in my extremely long life seen anyone take so long to answer a question. It's like you went into your brain and got lost. you need a bread crumb, buddy?" He made a noise like he was calling his pet. "Here Lassie, here. Come back girl.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#20. Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate with mocking laughter.
George Gissing
#21. Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
#23. With humour, there is life.
JR
#24. Sharks don't eat seafood because they like it, but because chicken can't swim.
Michael J. Sullivan
#25. If the colour of life turns grey turn the palette the other way
Benny Bellamacina
#26. Life cannot purely rely on thoughts. Action is required with better sence of humour.
Kishore Bansal
#28. When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top
Benny Bellamacina
#29. I ain't scared to lend a hand
I ain't scared to clench it either
Mie Hansson
#30. Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
Christina Scalise
#31. I am aware, of course, that many men do hate the sight of their wife and children. Doctors even have a name for these people: 'anglers'.
Jeremy Clarkson
#32. If you're going to buy a castle, make sure you get on the property extension ladder.
Benny Bellamacina
#33. Some people have great ideas maybe once or twice in their life, and then they discover electricity or fire or outer space or something. I mean, the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world.
Some people never have them at all ... I get them two or three times a week.
Neil Gaiman
#34. When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.
Carla H. Krueger
#35. When you walk into a chocolate store, suddenly the most difficult decision you will ever have to make in your life, is which chocolates to pick! It is pure torture! Especially when you are in Belgium surrounded by Belgian chocolates!
C. JoyBell C.
#36. I swiftly discovered that there are few things in DIY (and possibly life) that can't be solved with a large mallet, a bag of ten-centimetre nails and some swearing.
Monty Halls
#37. They all agreed, that I could not be produced according to the regular laws of nature; because I was not framed with a capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes in the earth.
Jonathan Swift
#38. I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#39. People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.
Sachin Tendulkar
#40. Does that girl work here?' Robbie asked, gesturing at the screen behind which Mary had disappeared. 'All her life,' Sir Giles said. 'You remember Mary, Thomas?' 'I tried to drown her when we were both children,' Thomas said.
Bernard Cornwell
#41. Sadly, like many times in life, including winning the lottery, we don't always get what we wish for.
Adele Rose
#42. The Robespierre women (as one tended to think of them now) were all on display. Madame looked actively, rather intimidatingly benevolent; it was her aim in life to find a Jacobin who was hungry, then to go into the kitchen and make extravagant efforts, and say, "I have fed a patriot!".
Hilary Mantel
#43. I Was Fool Iam Fool But Don't wanna B Fool For My Entire Life ...
Akshay Dubey
#46. Forget it," I said. "Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he'd still be preferable to listening to the two of you.
John Zakour
#48. Humour is ... the all-consoling and ... the all-excusing, grace of life.
C.S. Lewis
#49. Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self
Amrita Sarkar
#50. So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date.
Steven Wright
#51. Facing the backside of the future is the only way to move forward
Benny Bellamacina
#53. Here is a story in the worst way. I have no business being anywhere in it. It comes between me and the life I have coming.
Gary Lutz
#54. People always say humour helps to avoid the dark things in life. I think it's the opposite. Humour helps us understand and partner with the sadness and beauty of life. And sometimes, because we're bathed in laughter, we are protected. Or at least, humour can help us see the world differently.
Bruce McCulloch
#55. Never worry if you're excluded from the circle, sometimes it's full of squares.
Benny Bellamacina
#56. Lord! when you sell a man a book you don't sell just twelve ounces of paper and ink and glue - you sell him a whole new life. Love and friendship and humour and ships at sea by night - there's all heaven and earth in a book, a real book.
Christopher Morley
#57. Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she replied. With unexpected politeness he bowed, thanked her, and said, likewise.
Carsten Jensen
#58. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.
Noelle Oxenhandler
#59. Reframing your past painful experiences and seeing them in a humorous light takes away the power and emotional charge attached to the memory of the hurtful event.
Miya Yamanouchi
#60. The sun doesn't live in England; it comes here on holiday when we're all at work.
Benny Bellamacina
#61. At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned out to be almost as painful.
Matt Rudd
#62. Colorful characters are the odd shaped pieces that fill the holes in life's puzzle.
Richard Stephens
#64. Life is a circus: you go in, bow, run around, bow again and leave.
Storm Petersen
#65. I had wasted my life in the pursuit of a career, romance, financial independence and the best heels in town when it seems I could have done more for my self esteem with a .38 calibre handgun
Tyne O'Connell
#68. My father had a good sense of humour about a lot of things, including life, which I think I inherited.
Brian Dennehy
#69. I may not hate al of the people all the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.
Kathy McCullough
#70. She's become a Russian again, he thought. When something works, she's grateful. When it doesn't work, it's life.
John Le Carre
#71. Life is really very fantastic, and one has to have a peculiar sense of humour to see the fun of it.
[Virtue]
W. Somerset Maugham
#72. We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
Douglas Adams
#74. Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand.
Benny Bellamacina
#75. It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
Jimmy Carr
#76. Having had virtually no contact with the outside world for the last few weeks, Evan had temporarily forgotten the social norms governing shopping conduct or approaching celebrities in public.
Zack Love
#77. Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes
Benny Bellamacina
#78. When I am alone in the forest at night-time and jump from one tree to another, I often think that life is so strange.
George Mikes
#79. You ask me why I write. You might as well ask me why I breathe. I need oxygen to feed my body and ink to feed my soul.
Bryce Main
#80. The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one."
"Don't vote. It just encourages them ...
Billy Connolly
#82. Shigure: G'morning.
Tohru: Good morning!
Yuki: Um, Shigure, it's night. Why don't you get a normal sleep pattern?
Shigure: I became an author so I wouldn't have to.
Natsuki Takaya
#83. [ ... ] What's wrong with her?"
"Chronic competence, I should guess. She's been so successful in life that she has unrealistic expectations of others.
Brandon Sanderson
#84. When an artist friend of mine explained she was working her way up the creative ladder, I asked if she would kindly paint the front of my house on the way up.
Benny Bellamacina
#85. The world has seen more believers in times of troubles than in peace and joy.
Deepak Rana
#87. It struck him that how you spent Christmas was a message to the world about where you were in life, some indication of how deep a hole you had managed to burrow for yourself
Nick Hornby
#89. Her computer's fan whirred to life, blowing warm air onto her fingers. Two flame-red slits glowed from the monitor. The speakers boomed. "I lived! I died! I live again!"
Olivie had dealt with blue screens, frozen hourglasses, and even the odd hardware conflict back in the day. This was new.
Choong JayVee
#90. Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#91. I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
C. JoyBell C.
#92. -I'm a girl, I'm his friend and I'm attractive too, so don't just ignore me like I was a pile of squid guts! She felt like saying back to them.
Andrew James Pritchard
#93. Darling, whose book is this to be?"
"Ostensibly yours, my sweet"
"I see
rather like my life since I met you?"
"Yes darling
John Wyndham
#94. Once you have perceived that life is very cruel, the only response is to live with as much humanity, humour and freedom as you can.
Sarah Kane
#95. It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.
Terry Pratchett
#96. You can't spell American without "I can.
A.D. Aliwat
#97. Sometimes you feel amazing about life and other times you just feel fat and depressed, so I think it's good to be honest about that and to make light of it, I think humour is important, nobody's perfect.
Marina And The Diamonds
#98. If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#99. Christmas comes but once a year, starts in August ends in July
Benny Bellamacina
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