High School Humor Quotes

#1. There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.

Frank Portman

#2. Famous at high school is like being employee of the month at the sanitation department.

Orson Scott Card

#3. Amy let him lead her to the dance area. She gasped when he immediately tugged her body against his. Clearly Erik had not learned the dance rules taught at St. Francis High School. He didn't leave room for air, much less a holy presence.

Ana Blaze

#4. [That] was the cruelty of fate, whether you were dying at sea or simply trying to get through high school. Sometimes fate kissed you. Sometimes it snubbed you. Sometimes it passed you a love note, and that note was a lie.

Kathy Hepinstall

#5. Warthogpox High School was the worst school in the city of Wyvernwing, and Harry Hames Moffer was its most infamous student.

Jacquel Chrissy May

#6. School sucks. I'm dropping out and becoming a truck stop waitress. I think i'll change my name to Flo and get a really bad perm. Flo the truck stop waitress with a bad perm doesn't need high school. She lives off the knowledge of life.

Tammy Blackwell

#7. I always think the best thing about high school is that it's so many years ago.

Kaye Morgan

#8. If the story had been about anyone else, it would been dismissed as laaf, that Afghan tendency to exaggerate
sadly, almost a national affliction; if someone bragged that his son was a doctor, chances were the kid had once passed a biology test in high school.

Khaled Hosseini

#9. High School. Society's bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.

Chris Colfer

#10. Can't you just like a girl who likes you back?'
'None of them likes me back. I may as well like the one I really want.

Rainbow Rowell

#11. According to Sarah, who had gone two years ago, prom was famous for being an overpriced disappointment where most people had no fun.

Cammie McGovern

#12. So I told the lady Biology and high school were useless crap, I was going to get a job, and I was never coming back to school.
And I didn't.
Yeah, I sure showed them.

Diana Rowland

#13. I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society.

G.G. Silverman

#14. Just like any other high school dance, the theme was crepe paper in the gym

Heather Hildenbrand

#15. Prison is like high school with knives.

Raegan Butcher

#16. In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Tina Fey

#17. What is your collective GPA for this year?"
"Not as high as I'd like it to be."
Freud steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. "What about your parents?"
"I don't know. They haven't been in school for a while.

Nenia Campbell

#18. Yoh: Being popular with guys isn't something you can just stitch together!

Haruna: What?! I Can't?!

Yoh: OF COURSE NOT!

Yoh: Mixing coke, tea and orange juice would taste nasty, right?! That's exactly what you're doing!

Kazune Kawahara

#19. Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school.

Harlan Coben

#20. Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high school. 3. Spend time alone. 4. Don't take a comedy course. 5. Read other humorists but don't worship them. 6. Don't get your hopes up.

Bruce McCall

#21. You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.'
'Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.

Robyn Schneider

#22. I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee.

John Green

#23. It's not funny. How would you like it if your balls fled in fear? My balls haven't been this frightened since I dove into the icy water at the Polar Bear Plunge my first year of high school.

K.C. Faelan

#24. You're more romantic than a Taylor Swift song

Flynn Meaney

#25. I take one day off," he says, "and you almost get yourself killed."
"Almost being the operative word."
"Killed being the operative word. Almost is the word Killed used to beat up in high school.

D.D. Barant

#26. Either I had just made the biggest error of my high school career, or I had just avoided the biggest error of my high school career.

Suzanne Supplee

#27. I liked my face. Ethan liked my face. A lot of people liked my face. Besides, makeup was really just glorified face paint.

D.A. Paul

#28. My childhood, adolescence and high school days are unusually important. If there has ever been a time that I developed a uniqueness and sense of humor and the ability to organize, it was then. In those early days, I developed the skills that gave me a certain degree of success in American politics.

Lee Atwater

#29. Here's a newsflash from the only High Preistess you have left at this dang school: Zoey isn't dead. And believe me, I know dead. I've been there, done that, and got the frickin' T-shirt. - Stevie Rae

P.C. Cast

#30. I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.

Andrea Portes

#31. Popular kids are just a powerful union of needy, insecure losers.

Jay Bell

#32. For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient.

Jess Rothenberg

#33. He exhaled in disgust. "High school is boredom punctuated by humiliation.

Katie Kennedy

#34. I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music' ... I make fight music, for high school kids.

Eminem

#35. On time for us was thirty minutes before actually started, because the half hour before the first bell was the highlight of our social calendars: standing outside the side door that led into the band room and just talking.

John Green

#36. You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself.
Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought ...

Janette Rallison

#37. THE AWARD CEREMONY is held at a high school in Hyannis. Though it's just a gymnasium (the scent of balls of both varieties is still palpable) and the ceremony hasn't started yet, everyone speaks in hushed tones, like it's church. Something important and literary is about to happen here.

Gabrielle Zevin

#38. A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.

Nenia Campbell

#39. On the first day of middle school I wore high-heeled shoes that you weren't allowed to wear. I remember being so embarrassed because in every class I went to they kept pointing out that I couldn't wear these shoes. I wanted to call my mom and have her bring me new shoes!

Emma Stone

#40. -The Lord says to forgive is devine.
-The Lord didn't go to high school with you.

Dakota Cassidy

#41. A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our back-to-school headquarters.

David Letterman

#42. In high school, she'd been the loner fat girl and I'd been the asshole jock. There had always been something between us; we had gotten on so easily. I remember being both confused and upset that when I'd finally experienced that thing everyone called chemistry, it had been with her of all people.

Rose Fall

#43. My senior year of high school, I was voted 'Wittiest.' So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

Barbara Park

#44. Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

Elizabeth Eulberg

#45. I knew she wouldn't remember me," Della said as she and Jordan once again sat at the table. "She had her head so far up her ass in high school, the only thing she could recognize was her own colon.

Carla Cassidy

#46. I turned into the Greenbrier High School parking lot with a singular mission: figure out a way to keep my brothers from chasing off every guy who seemed interested in me.

Chris Cannon

#47. I didn't really spend much time with anyone my own age during high school because I believed my true calling would be representing New Jersey in the U.S. Senate, and if that didn't work out, I could always fall back on becoming an Olympic pole vaulter.

Chelsea Handler

#48. Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

Flynn Meaney

#49. Since Stark had come back from the Otherworld, he'd been too weak and out of it to do much more than eat, sleep, and play computer games with Seoras, which was actually a super weird sight, it was like high school meets Braveheart meets Call of Duty.

P.C. Cast

#50. Jeremy seemed happy to move up in the world, if "the world" meant high school and "moving up" meant sitting in the center of the cafeteria.

Michelle Madow

#51. Got it. You're fourteen. I'm proud you can count that high. It's a testament to the modern American education system. But I should probable point out that you're not the only one. I'm told you go to a school with a whole class of-get this-kids who are fourteen.- Ash

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#52. I hadn't gone to one dance in my entire high school
career. I was six foot tall and a hundred and twenty
pounds. When I danced, I looked like a praying mantis
on fire.

Justin Halpern

#53. English and Gym. That's it. Look, do you know how difficult it is to write about being at school convincingly? It's been years since Stephfordy graduated, so it'll save us all a lot of time and effort if we just stick to two real subjects...

Stephfordy Mayo

#54. Did you meet your soul mate? That always happens on the first day of school, right?'

'Oh God, Charlie, she's letting you read again! You went straight to the paranormal section, didn't you?

Francesca Zappia

#55. Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"

Jim Gaffigan