He Said She Said Funny Quotes

#1. Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?
"Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones.

Derek Landy

#2. He smiled, surprised. 'This is for me?'
'No,' she said, 'it's ... ' She couldn't think of anything funny to say. 'Yeah, it's for you.

Rainbow Rowell

#3. You! she said, stepping forward with a vehement expression and her finger pointed. Heart pounding, I pressed into Al. Funny how he seemed so much safer now. (Newt, Rachel and Al)

Kim Harrison

#4. Whew," he said. "You clean up good. You don't look like the same girl."
She frowned right before she laughed. "Do women usually thank you for saying things like that?

Robyn Carr

#5. I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana's country were about as big as a tree could get," he said, "but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon's tummy when she goes by.

David Eddings

#6. You should have seen him," she said. "A real ladies' man. Stuff in his hair. Dark glasses. Fancy shoes. He had no idea how funny he looked. I much prefer men with ordinary shoes and honest trousers.

Alexander McCall Smith

#7. Remind me to show you the latest e-mail from Courtney," he said now, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk. "You won't believe how many different incorrect ways she spelled hors d'oeuvres within the span of a single paragraph.

Aimee Agresti

#8. Your eyes shine," he said. "How do they do that?"
"Blood," she said.

Aimee Bender

#9. What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll.
"It's called the Scream," I said.
"I know that, but what us it?" Dad said.
"Maybe she sleeps with it," I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm.
"Then no wonder it's screaming," he said.

Douglas Rees

#10. I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

Frank Carson

#11. You might be the scariest girl I've ever met," he told her.
"Let's not be dramatic," she said drily. "I'm the only girl you can remember ever meeting.

Sherry Thomas

#12. He's an idiot," Harry said again. "One who doesn't deserve to lick your feet. You'll thank me someday."
"I have no intention of allowing him to lick me anywhere," she retorted, then turned utterly red when she realized what she's said.

Julia Quinn

#13. I think so," she [Claire] said. "Just watch your back, okay?"
"Nah, Michael's got mine." He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.
"I've got yours.

Rachel Caine

#14. A lady named Maude let me in the back,' he said. 'She's a firecracker, that one. Told me she's knitting trivets as a wild change of pace from scarves. If you're keeping score, that means changing from a rectangle all the way to a square.

Heather Cocks

#15. Irene gasped. "Have you taken leave of your senses, Stuart?" she hissed. "Have you?"
Stuart closed his eyes.
"No," he said. "Au contraire." It was strong language for the Edinburgh New Town, but he had to say it.
"Don't au contraire me," said Irene.
But it was too late. He had.

Alexander McCall Smith

#16. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' he screamed.
'So that's Sara,' I said.
'Yes.'
'She seems nice.

John Green

#17. I'm not going to touch her," he said "She's not mine.She never will be."
"Indeed." Bruiser rolled his eyes and dusted off his hat. "Definitely no years of pent-up lusting there. Glad we have that sorted.

Tessa Dare

#18. What shall we do now?" he asked.
"Something very dreadful," she said,her voice sour."Ask Arlow Bowlerham for the name of a dressmaker.

March McCarron

#19. It's funny how they thought we were dating," Colin said, glancing over at her.
"How's that funny?" she asked, holding his gaze.
"Um," he said. Distracted from the road, Colin watched as she gave him the slightest version of her inimitable smile.

John Green

#20. No, it's fine. I know you're late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I'm going to be in and out all day."
"That's what he said," she purred.

Dannika Dark

#21. Have you forgotten," she said in a furious whisper, "that he nearly killed us? That he threw my quiver in the stream, and threatened to snap my bow?"
It was unclear which she considered worse: threatening them or her bow.

Michelle Paver

#22. They'd be complaining about having to walk, and screeching at me to 'do something, Freddy, do something!'"
"But what could you do?" she said, puzzled.
"Carry them, probably." He gave her a hopeful look. "Do you want me to carry you?

Anne Gracie

#23. Is it true you shouted at Professor Umbridge?'
'Yes,' said Harry.
'You called her a liar?'
'Yes.'
'You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?'
'Yes.'
Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, 'Have a biscuit, Potter.

J.K. Rowling

#24. You certainly do heal fast. But you'll still have some impressive bruises, so if I were you I'd avoid your father for the rest of the night."
"I'll just tell him you abuse me," Helen said with a shrug. She jumped off the examining table.
"And I'll tell him you like it," he teased back.

Josephine Angelini

#25. She stopped at the desk and held up a can for his view. "This looks like an ordinary hairspray can, right?"
"Of course." he said though he had no idea what hairspray was.

Gena Showalter

#26. When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Anthony Jeselnik

#27. They drove towards the city and Dan handed Lyssa a loose Hermes scarf.
'Yours?' she teased.
'Mum's,' he answered as Lyssa tied it over her eyes. 'You look very sexy like that.'
'And you sound really creepy right now,' Lyssa said, laughing.

Kate Forster

#28. So what do you think the physical effect was?"
Roman Laughed. "Buddy," he said, "she was tripping.

Jodi Picoult

#29. A director recommended me for the role on 'Soap.' They said, 'She plays heavy roles, murderesses and the like.' He said, 'On stage, she could be very very funny.'

Katherine Helmond

#30. Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she replied. With unexpected politeness he bowed, thanked her, and said, likewise.

Carsten Jensen

#31. I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

Adam Carolla

#32. You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.

Derek Landy

#33. Listen to me," he said, pulling off his coat. "You need to stay awake."
She almost laughed, a shallow chuckle cut short by pain.
He tore the lining from the Colton jacket. "What's so funny?"
"You're a really shitty monster, August Flynn.

Victoria Schwab

#34. George was captivated by her. She was a pip, as George's father might have said. But what he saw quickly, what he was sure Noah was oblivious to, Ellie was very like Noah's late wife. She was unique, confident, funny and impossibly positive. Noah

Robyn Carr

#35. Shepley stomped into the apartment and slammed the door behind him. "She's fucking impossible!"
I kissed Travis on the cheek. "That's my cue."
"Good luck," Travis said.
I slid in beside America, and she huffed. "He's fucking impossible!

Jamie McGuire

#36. Her philosophy was, if it had a pulse, it could be killed. I didn't really have a philosophy, but I could see how talking with the school director would be difficult for her. If he said something she didn't like, chopping him to tiny pieces wouldn't exactly help me get into the school.

Ilona Andrews

#37. Who's there?"
"The scratcher of your itch," he said.
She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. "Was that supposed to be romantic?

Jill Shalvis

#38. Or maybe I work at Starbucks," he said. She snorted. "Really?" "Really," he said, still smiling. "Someday you'll need health insurance, and you won't think working at Starbucks is funny.

Rainbow Rowell

#39. Do you think ladies' eyebrows can communicate as well?" she asked.
"No, they don't have sufficient thicketry," he said with authority.
"Thicketry?"
"Yes, that is the official term.

Anne Gracie

#40. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.

R.L. Mathewson

#41. She said he looked hot in uniform.

He said she looked hot without clothes.

She said he did, too. He agreed.

Angela Verdenius

#42. Are we going to be stupid?" she whispered.
"Define stupid."
"Anything that involves either one of us exposing our favorite body parts." Or their hearts ...
"I want to hear about your favorite body part," he said. "In great detail.

Jill Shalvis

#43. Wow," she said. "Do you realise how wonderful you sound?"
"Yes, I do," he said with a firm nod. "And I think I'm underappreciated.

Robyn Carr

#44. Tex looked at Duke "She's got spunk," he said.
"Where I come from, we call it sass," Duke replied.
"Where I come from, we call it attitude," Smithie put in.
"Oh for the love of God, whatever you call
it, are you in or are you out?" Jules clipped.

Kristen Ashley

#45. You should have been born a poet," she whispered as she pulled away.
"Screw that," he laughed as he placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'd rather be a porn star," he said

Amelia Hutchins

#46. In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. "Oh! You have a KitchenAid."
"If you're planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode," he said from behind her.
Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. "That would be awkward.

Jamie Farrell

#47. You have better luck than you think you do," Cian said firmly.
Turning back toward him, she said, "Yeah? Prove it?"
You found me."
Yeah, and awakening your inner vampire, scaring the shit out of your
girlfriend, and screwing up your life."
Then that's my bad luck," he corrected her.

Rhiannon Frater

#48. She laughed. That didn't mean what he'd said was funny. It just mean they were still in that early phase of a romance, the part where you laughed, funny or not.

Marshall Thornton

#49. Are you mad that he's here?" Marie whispered in my ear.
I shook my head while I prepared two vodka tonics.
"Well, you look mad." She laughed at me. "What's wrong?"
"I'm allergic to whores," I said under my breath.

Tina Reber

#50. She didn't realise it, for a long time, and it wasn't until they were having dinner one evening that he said something that she found funny and she looked at him and thought, Yes. I know you. I know you

Harriet Evans

#51. Whenever he looks at me with those big brown eyes, I feel like giving him a nut, she said. She even started calling the squirrels running around in the park Mr. Whitmans.

Kerstin Gier