Top 32 Funny Oh Hell No Quotes
#1. You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell.
Jeni Decker
#2. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is.
Margaret Watson
#3. To be fair he is Lord Byron," Jane said. "I don't know many people who haven't slept with him at one time or another."
Jane Fairfax
Michael Thomas Ford
#4. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.
R.L. Mathewson
#5. I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog!
Matthew Lillard
#6. I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.
Paul Lynde
#7. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
Carroll Bryant
#8. Remember how he handled the Iran-contra Never Ending Scandal from Hell? He went on national television, the President of the United States, and said it wasn't his fault, because he was not aware, at the time, of what his foreign policy was.
Dave Barry
#9. I pull back. "I'm going to have to change my computer password."
"Oh yeah? To what?"
"I-love-Josh."
"4 eva, he replies."
"You cracked my password?
Sally Thorne
#10. She said several times that Malcollm was a fiend who was determined to destroy his children, and that I was the devil incarnate helping him. She hoped we would both rot in hell. (I thought devils and fiends might flourish there, actually.)
Dick Francis
#11. Barefoot and pregnant. After the ruckus last night, I suppose I wouldn't be all that shocked if you managed it," Elijah muttered as Stunt passed him.
Stunt was officially in hell. It was like getting caught by his parents having sex. Worse...kinky sex.
Lyn Gala
#12. Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit.
Cyn Balog
#13. Trying to be funny is one of the hardest things on the planet. I think that's tough for everyone. If you're just naturally funny it's a hell of a lot easier.
Doc Brown
#14. We passed by a few workers, who did double takes as we ran past. I supposed that the image of a hairless cat in a sweater being followed by a stressed-looking chick in stiletto boots could have been funny. I was too anxious to get the hell out of there to see any humor in it.
Jaye Wells
#15. Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way.
Tom Hiddleston
#16. Maybe it's some Bioterrorism test being run by the government. Don't drink the tap water or seafood until I do some testing." Bubba
"I don't normally drink my seafood Bubba, but" Nick
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#17. Sometimes you just gotta let sh-t go and say 'to hell with it' and move on.
Eminem
#18. Tino laughed with him and then asked, "What the hell is up with you? You acted like I murdered your mother today."
"Not funny." Chuito sobered. "Mafia doesn't get to make jokes about murdering my mother.
Kele Moon
#20. People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer, 'Well, he can be funny. But he is also very serious. He has insomnia and if we him up early, he would bawl the hell out of me'.
Arthur Marx
#21. Can you put your hands on my crotch?"
"Why, hell no, I cannot." I didn't remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.
Jennifer Echols
#22. Ish #303 It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.
Regina Griffin
#23. This was one of those non-glamorous parts about college that people never tell you about - worrying that the dilapidated apartment hosting a party would fall apart with you in it.
Alyssa Rose Ivy
#24. They would regret that they had not killed him; he would get out of that hole and find Juliana sooner or later, even if he had to pursue her to hell itself. "Oh, you won't have to go that far, we are on our way to California," Diego said in farewell
Isabel Allende
#25. Our foyer has a funny smell that doesn't smell like anyplace else. I don't know what the hell it is. It isn't cauliflower and it isn't perfume - I don't know what the hell it is - but you always know you're home.
J.D. Salinger
#26. Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub
Josh Stern
#27. I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.
Karl Pilkington
#28. Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends.
P.G. Wodehouse
#29. The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.
Robert A. Heinlein
#30. The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!
Robin Williams
#31. I still didn't know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking into a cage fight with a demon. Hell, she could open the door with a Glock 9 in her hand and put a bullet in my ear, or throw a cat at me, or call me a damn hippie.
Kevin Hearne
#32. His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I'm going to let him bite me? No way. It's too risky and way too guy.
C.C. Hunter
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