Funny Excuse Me Quotes

#1. Excuse me, but where do you think you're going?" I asked.
"I figured I'd put my underwear in with yours. That way they could all get to know each other." One brown eyebrow lifted. "Unless you want to make some formal introductions right now?

Michele Bardsley

#2. Called her a whore and attacked her walls, tearing down her posters and throwing her books everywhere. I found out because some whitegirl ran up and said, Excuse me, but your stupid roommate is going insane, and I had to bolt upstairs and put him in a headlock.

Junot Diaz

#3. Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"

Lewis Black

#4. Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

Charles Dickens

#5. Excuse me," she said, her voice tight. "But if I'd known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it!

Tara Janzen

#6. I'm one-half Cherokee, one-half Irish, one-half Turkish, one-half Australian and one-half Korean." "Excuse me, but that's five halves," said Maggie.

Cuthbert Soup

#7. Who's your daddy?'
Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. 'Excuse me?

Rachel Caine

#8. I shook my head. "Not Interested" I said.
he straightened up. "Not interested in what?"
In you." I couldn't be more blunt.
Excuse me, miss, but I was going to ask if you would like to sign up for karaoke.

Karen E. Olson

#9. What? Do you expect me to ask every woman I meet, 'Excuse me are you a goddess, because you look like one to me?' Because frankly, that is cheesy. Even for me.

C. Gockel

#10. Excuse me, Tex, the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits.

Eoin Colfer

#11. You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

Ellen DeGeneres

#12. Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.

Janet Evanovich

#13. I threw my hand over my mouth and blurted out the first best excuse I could come up with, Morning breath!

Melissa Aragon

#14. Excuse me, your attention please."
He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was fully engaged.
"For the record, Claire Marsden and I are not having sex.

Sarah Mayberry

#15. Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~

Lucian Bane

#16. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go out and greet those wonderful creatures and say a few nice words in a language invented by Tolkein. I've practiced, but I sound like Chewbacca making a New Year's speech.

Nina George

#17. She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask.

Carrie Jones

#18. Why is she afraid?" he asked. "She's not Anjin-san. Just a little nervous. Please excuse her. She's never seen a foreigner close to before." "Tell her when the moon's full, barbarians sprout horns and fire comes out of our mouths like dragons.

James Clavell

#19. Excuse me for a moment, will ye. I think I have to talk to the river,' he said unsteadily and flopped over the side-rail.

Ian Livingstone

#20. Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

Elizabeth Eulberg

#21. The seer crow was outraged. "Mangiz does not forget an insult, hedgepig."
Ambrose smiled cheekily. "Good, then here's a few more for you to remember, you pot-bellied, cross-eyed, feather-bottomed excuse for a duck.

Brian Jacques

#22. Yes, Max is very hot." "Excuse me?" She laughed. "He's the knight, and you're the noble gentleman, silly. You're both hotties." Ethan snorted with a laugh. "On with the tour you noble hotty you." "You're a funny girl, but also quite hot." "Thanks." Ethan

Cheri Schmidt

#23. I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was 'excuse me'.

Bauvard

#24. I'm going to need to save you."
"Excuse me? No one needs-"
"I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful.

Kelley Armstrong

#25. We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn't have enough time to have sex with me.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo