Top 46 Death Is Funny Quotes
#1. Death is funny, when you think about it. Everybody does it, but nobody knows how, exactly how.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#2. Well, life is dark, isn't it? Mostly, it's dreadful. At the same time, death is funny too. I mean, look at the fuss we make of it.
Upamanyu Chatterjee
#3. Death isn't funny."
"Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it.
Robert A. Heinlein
#4. The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.
'YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,' it said inside Kin's head.
'Hell!'
'THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL CO-ORDINATES.
Terry Pratchett
#5. While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one's bowels.
Painful change just takes time.
Jessica Watts
#6. The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone's hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in your family, or your adoption as a child.
Wes Locher
#8. The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.
Anthony Jeselnik
#9. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
George Carlin
#10. It is not funny that a man should be killed, but it is sometimes funny that he should be killed for so little, and that his death should be the coin of what we call civilization.
Raymond Chandler
#11. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov
#12. I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#13. The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town.
Kyle Baker
#14. Glaring at the Gasman, ter Borcht said, "Your time is coming to an end, you
pathetic failure of an experiment. Vhat you say now is how you vill be
remembered."
Gazzy's blue eyes flashed. "Then you can remember me telling you to kiss
my-"
"Enough!" ter Borcht said.
James Patterson
#15. There's a saying, isn't there, that when you've had a near death experience, all you want to do is have sex?
Kirsty Greenwood
#16. MFA in a Box is designed to help you to find the courage to put truth into words and to understand that writing is a life-and-death endeavor - but that nothing about a life-and-death endeavor keeps it from being laugh-out-loud funny.
John Rember
#17. Nothing is impossible to kill. It's just that sometimes after you kill something you have to keep shooting it until it stops moving
Mira Grant
#18. Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
Alice Walker
#19. Time rushes by and yet time is frozen. Funny how we get so exact about time at the end of life and at its beginning. She died at 6:08 or 3:46, we say, or the baby was born at 4:02. But in between we slosh through huge swatches of time
weeks, months, years, decades even.
Helen Prejean
#20. This is the way I want to die. Torn apart by angry fans who want me to play a different song.
Regina Spektor
#22. The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.
James Patterson
#23. Well, I'm not scared of death because I know where I'm going. And the funny thing is that the worst thing Satan can throw at you is death. So if I get death, I get heaven.
Colton Burpo
#25. You know, darkness is a funny thing. Little by little, it creeps up on you and before you know it, you can't escape it
Mackie Burt
#26. And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
Nigella Lawson
#27. The mother I'm completely over but the daughter I love to death. The mother I'd like to love to death." "Heh." "Don't do me any favors; only laugh if it's funny." "It is!
Ned Vizzini
#28. What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I will kill you.
Jackson Lanzing
#29. You know, it's a funny thing. You can smoke yourself to death, drink yourself to death, work yourself to death, and even eat yourself to death. But that's all acceptable. The only thing you can't do medically is screw yourself to death, and yet that's where they put all the obstacles.
Mario Puzo
#30. Man is born for uprightness. If a man lose his uprightness and yet live, his escape from death is mere good fortune.
Confucius
#31. Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.
Norm MacDonald
#32. God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're evil. I highly recommend them."
"Heh. The cop is recommending evil," I said. "Too funny."
To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. "You've discovered my dark side.
Diana Rowland
#33. To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
Bauvard
#34. There's a story everywhere. Being bored to death someplace is basically a funny proposition. What you have to watch out for is you don't write a boring story about a boring place.
Tim Cahill
#35. Rick to Herschel: My wife is pregnant. That is either a gift here, or a death sentence out there.
The Walking Dead
#37. I want to give kids that fall-off-the-bed-laughing feeling. Either that, or the sixth-grade feeling that life is hard - sometimes unbearably hard - and it is ultimately about death. But in the meantime, life can be really funny, too.
Kate Klise
#38. If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.
Katie Graykowski
#39. Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
Victor J. Stenger
#40. I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
Jo Brand
#41. It's funny: All my friends back home are always wondering why every television show I'm on is a drama, but all the comedy pilots I did died a slow and painful death.
Eric Ladin
#42. Um ... is that thing tame?" Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
Rick Riordan
#43. Such a funny thing death is for mortals. You cry. You morn. You grieve. You get angry. But death is not always tragic, dear one. Sometimes death is the ultimate expression of love.
R.K. Ryals
#44. When he is dissected after his death," a disrespectful interpreter said of a foreign dignitary, "a million predicates will be found in his stomach: those he swallowed in the past decades without saying them.
Kato Lomb
#45. Some years later, long after he and Megadeth parted company, Jay Jones was stabbed to death with a butter knife during-rumor has it-a fight over a bolonga sandwich. That's not funny, of course. But, if you knew Jay, neither is it particularly suprising.
Dave Mustaine
#46. Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
Darynda Jones
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