Top 100 Comedy Show Sayings
#1. You come to my comedy show to be entertained.
Bill Cosby
#2. They are two very different people. It's almost a modern-day 'Odd Couple,' if I had to characterize it, with the two of them portraying pretty close to who they are, which is why it's a hybrid of a reality and a comedy show.
Dawn Ostroff
#3. When you do a good comedy show, you have to understand that if you don't have drama or sad moments, then the comedy turns into a clowning kind of situation.
Jaime Camil
#4. Every movie I do, or when I'm on the sketch comedy show, I don't really get into it until I have an outfit or something funny with my head or face or something.
Kel Mitchell
#5. I would never bring a kid to a comedy show myself, but I have noticed that I can't stop other people from bringing their kids.
Kristen Schaal
#6. I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way.
Kevin Eubanks
#7. Theo does comedy now, and he's traveling around the country doing comedy, and I actually just saw him, he's from Louisiana, and I just saw him when I went home to visit my family in Louisiana. I saw his comedy show and he was brilliant.
Trishelle Cannatella
#8. I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.
J. B. Smoove
#9. You can't get all of your news from Jon Stewart, especially since it's a comedy show.
Joe Klein
#10. People talk, 'Oh your father's a misogynist, look what he said about women,' like, on 'Howard Stern.' When he gets with Howard Stern, who's a friend of his, he'll joke around, because it's a comedy show. He's allowed to have a personality.
Donald Trump Jr.
#11. Dave brought a knife and a gun to a comedy show. Because of a disagreement about whether or not comedy clubs are safe for women. Because the way people talk onstage has no bearing on how they behave in real life. It's
Lindy West
#12. I was ballet dancing at four, playing piano by six, and doing commercials by 12. When I was 21, I was on the number one live comedy show in Puerto Rico. I told my parents, 'I'm going to New York to become a performer.' And I left.
Roselyn Sanchez
#13. My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
Aziz Ansari
#14. 'Community' is a comedy show, and one of the characters happens to be a Christian. I do think they have been very careful to make sure everyone is the butt of the joke for various reasons.
Yvette Nicole Brown
#15. One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp.
Matt Labash
#16. I just saw a clip of Maria Bamford. She has a comedy show that was filmed and performed from her bed - the whole thing supposedly takes place in her bedroom at her parents house in Duluth, MN. I thought it was great and really strange - to have a comedy special without having to leave your bed.
Dana Schutz
#17. I started off first doing a TV series called 'Boston Common.' That was my first big job, and then I went on to do another half hour comedy show, and that was with Tom Arnold, called 'The Tom Show.'
Tasha Smith
#18. If you look at any successful skit comedy show, ever, there is that format of introducing you to the player in the beginning, and then going on to see those sketches.
Keegan-Michael Key
#19. All of comedy at some level is trial-and-error, whether it's a stand-up trying out jokes or a comedy show trying stories.
Michael Schur
#20. What is there to say about ChUC other than it's a comedy show done the right way in the right space. Fantastic comics, welcoming audience. Always great.
Kyle Kinane
#21. There's a lot of different parts to me, so it makes total sense to me that I would do a big TV show or studio movie and then do a free comedy show the next day. They both feel equally important to me.
Jenny Slate
#22. I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to do a whole comedy show about swimming in the loathsomely cold waters of Maine.
John Hodgman
#23. I think people tune in to watch a football game because they want to watch a football game. If they wanted to watch a stand-up comedy show on HBO, that's where they'd go
Dan Dierdorf
#24. I do an act, and I've been doing an act for 50 years. I do a variety show, which is a musical comedy show. I do comedy, and I do singing, Broadway show tunes and different songs that I like. Been doing it for many, many years.
Debbie Reynolds
#25. I'm not a big comedy show-watcher, but I love Ricky Gervais' stuff and Sacha Baron Cohen's things. But I'm not an expert on them. I've seen them once.
Chris Lilley
#26. I used to dream about presenting a comedy show and also about directing films.
Joe Cornish
#27. My show is an adult comedy show, but it isn't offensive. Your kids could listen to it, even though I hope they wouldn't 'get' most of it. But I get a lot of fan mail from soccer moms saying 'I love having your CD because I can listen to it with my kids in the car.'
Henry Cho
#28. If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences.
John Oliver
#29. People come to my shows on purpose as opposed to coming to a 'comedy show.' Which was always my goal.
Mike Birbiglia
#30. Whenever I do a comedy show I still just read poems, some of which are intentionally funny and some of which are just bizarre. The mix seems to work well.
Aaron Belz
#31. Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons.
Todd Barry
#32. I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it.
Joe Rogan
#33. I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.
Drew Carey
#34. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.'
Bob Newhart
#35. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.
Kendall Ryan
#36. Have four things going. I have stand-up comedy, two television shows and I'm working on a play. I like to work, and I fear that something could fall through. You know what they say: 'The show must go off.'
Joy Behar
#37. You wanted to show us ... a battle droid? The most incompetent droid soldier in the history of both the Republic and the Empire. A mechanical comedy of errors.
Chuck Wendig
#38. My dream is not Hollywood, but to perform my act in English to 30 people in a Soho comedy club, to show New Yorkers what they look like from the French point of view.
Gad Elmaleh
#39. Also, my humor is really dry-witted, Canadian humor, so some people get it and some people don't. I'd be great on "The Office." I would like to be on that show. And, I could see me doing romantic comedy films, and stuff like that.
Tinsel Korey
#40. I'm going to try really hard not to be bossy, but I've only done stand-up comedy and then my own show where you're the total boss of everything!
Rosie O'Donnell
#41. 'Saturday Night Live' was actually started with a show that Lorne Michaels and I did at a summer camp called Timberlane in Ontario when we were 14 and 15. We would do an improvisational show with music, comedy and acting.
Howard Shore
#42. I am actually working on The Neighbors sitcom. We are starting from scratch. I am also working on a comedy movie and a vampire movie. I also have the pilot for The Tommy Wiseau Show and of course The House That Drips Blood On Alex, which we are hoping to make a sequel.
Tommy Wiseau
#43. We sent a troupe to Edinborough, and then in Edinborough, there was a producer from the Melbourne Comedy Festival, so we went to Melbourne. So it's one of these shows that kind of organically developed and it started developing momentum way before I even thought there was a show here.
Brian Henson
#44. A solid base for any comedy is just honesty and truth, and it coming from a real place. As surreal as this show gets and is, ultimately, we're dealing with a character that most can't see the way that I can see it.
Elijah Wood
#45. Will Ferrell is a dangerous man. If he thinks you're in his way in show business, he will crack your head open. He's the Jeff Gillooly of comedy.
Tina Fey
#46. The great thing about 'The Office' and it being single-camera and the documentary style is that it's mostly a comedy, but 10 percent of it is, we get to show the existential angst that exists in the American workplace.
Rainn Wilson
#47. I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.
Carol Burnett
#48. I have a great management team and great agents that assist me, and I take roles in feature films that I hope will show my other talents other than just comedy.
Olivia Stuck
#49. But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.
Demetri Martin
#50. If you want good sketches, go pick up Sid Caesar. The best of Your Show of Shows. That's the greatest sketch comedy you'll ever see on television.
Jamie Farr
#51. I did an episode of a show called 'Mind Games,' which is no longer on the air, and it was an intellectual comedy-drama. It was just really smart TV.
Emma Dumont
#52. I eventually became an actor, starting with doing stand-up comedy in New York and then theater wherever they would let me. Finally, I moved out here to Los Angeles and got on a show.
Nolan North
#53. Comedy Central was a great network, but 'Chappelle's Show' took it to a completely different level. Other shows got bigger because so many viewers were watching the 'Chappelle' reruns. For BET, the 'Real Husbands of Hollywood' has that same potential.
Kevin Hart
#54. 'Birdman' is basically 'All About Eve' - the 1950 comedy about rehearsal rivalries in a Broadway show, and another Best Picture laureate - reimagined as a Batman suicide mission. The movie couldn't be actor-ier.
Richard Corliss
#55. I worked on this Showtime series called 'Beggars and Choosers,' this was like 2000, and Bea Arthur guest-starred on our show. I always loved 'The Golden Girls,' and thought she was a supreme comedy actress, supreme actress period.
Sherri Saum
#56. You can bring truth to anything, whether it's a dance movie or an incredibly poignant indie drama or a really broad comedy. As long as you show up to play, I don't think you can go wrong.
Josh Peck
#57. Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.
Jo Brand
#58. I didn't know that I could do a talk show. I didn't know that we could bring variety to daytime. I didn't know that people wanted to see singing, and dancing and comedy in the morning.
Wayne Brady
#59. I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
Bo Burnham
#60. I didn't want to write sketch comedy after 'Mr. Show.' I felt like, after 'Mr. Show', why would you want to go work at any of the other places that existed then?
Brian Posehn
#61. I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me.
Paul Putner
#62. I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
Dane Cook
#63. Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.
Chris Rock
#64. Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comedy clubs, to playing concert halls, and had an off-Broadway show with 'Sleepwalk With Me.'
Mike Birbiglia
#65. I'm gonna play this game the way I want to. It might be serious, it might be a comedy, it might be a dramedy, it might be variety, it might be a talk show, whatever. There's no box.
Mo'Nique
#66. 'Family Ties' was a very successful situation comedy. And, in almost every respect, it functioned on a day to day basis like a well-run, well conditioned basketball team. The show was performed live each week in front of a studio audience on Friday night.
Gary David Goldberg
#67. When I go back to the stage, I want to be able to do everything. I want to be able to do music and comedy and all that stuff and have a show like nobody ever had before.
Eddie Murphy
#68. I think probably the most difficult challenge was just the climb and rise in show business because I went through my entire twenties with some success as a comedy writer but not much as a performer. And you have to be kind of informed and naive at the same time.
Steve Martin
#69. 'The Bill Engvall Show' is a comedy about a middle-class family in the Midwest. It's a great family show to watch if you want to laugh and unwind.
Nancy Travis
#70. Comedy was something I picked up trying to perfect my art through spoken word. I got on YouTube just to show off my poetry, and then people thought I was funny, so I ran with it.
Spoken Reasons
#71. Presenting the Oscars was the most nerve-racking job I have ever done in show business. It's very much a live show: they have comedy writers waiting in the wings, and as you come off between presentations, they hand you an appropriate gag to tell.
Michael Caine
#72. The first show that my dad and my mom did together was for, was a comedy series, a short form that went in the middle of late-night news, and then through all of their career, it was always the "Ed Sullivan Show," it was a variety act, my dad was on the "Jimmy Dean Show" for a few years.
Brian Henson
#73. I did this Super-8 film at art school called 'Tissues,' this black comedy about a family whose father has been arrested for child molestation. I was absolutely thrilled by every inch of it, and would throw my projector in the back of my car and show it to anybody who would watch it.
Jane Campion
#74. I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny ... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
#75. Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny.
Seth Green
#76. If you're into comedy, you will know what the show is about. We have so many comedy geeks, comedy enthusiasts, fanatical people who go to comedy festivals and follow comedians, and really treat it like rock 'n' roll - which it can be, but more like the geeky rock 'n' roll.
Rhys Darby
#77. This is what my high school life had become - a horror show of epic, mind-fuck proportions.
G.G. Silverman
#78. I have a work-out regime; I am not a maniac. It sounds cliche, but stand-up comedy, doing a one-man show, helps keep me young, and yes, it is exhausting, but I don't collapse.
Robert Klein
#79. Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.
Robin Williams
#80. Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?
Godfrey
#81. Hosting 'SNL' was something I'd always wanted to do. The show allowed me to play to my strengths - mixing music with comedy seemed like a way into that world.
Justin Timberlake
#82. Obviously neither 'American Idol' nor 'Dancing With the Stars' is a variety show in the classic sense, but the way they incorporate elements of drama, comedy and suspense is moderately ingenious.
Tom Shales
#83. 'The Cosby Show' made an impact on comedy, television and culture. We rejected lowering the bar.
Bill Cosby
#84. I learned everything that I know about comedy and about show business and a lot about life from Carl.
Dick Van Dyke
#85. I like comedy a lot, and dramatics show how I can really act. Because a lot of people can do comedy - I'm not saying it's easy, but dramatics are very hard.
Cayden Boyd
#86. I am a big fan of the TV series 'Taxi' which combined comedy and pathos better than any other show I've seen.
Douglas Wood
#88. We actually did quite a lot of comedy on 'Xena'. The whole show was very tongue-in-cheek.
Lucy Lawless
#89. In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd just to stand there mute and play 25 banjo songs.
Steve Martin
#91. Hey, he's not using a holster," I said, glancing at Alex's on the dresser. He laughed out loud. "Yeah, I guess he must want something shooting off. It'd be so great if these things were true to life - the next scene would show him at hospital like, clutching himself in agony."'Angel - L.A.Weatherly
L.A. Weatherly
#92. Shake It Up is a buddy comedy based around dance. It's about two best friends Rocky and CeCe who live out their dream as background dancers on a show called Shake It Up Chicago. They have to navigate life as young teens going to school and dancing on the show.
Zendaya
#93. Yes, Trina. Really, I'll show up to help you. Really, I'll bring a friend. Really, I'm not a total dick. I just play one on TV.
Lisa Brown Roberts
#94. That title, is one of the things I fought for. A lot of people said 'But it's stupid, and it's the title of a comedy movie, and people won't take it seriously,' and I'm sure there are some people who still don't. But for the most part, people do see that we really have a quality show.
Joss Whedon
#95. I went from an unemployed actor's life to doing stand-up comedy, and that was fortuitous. It's not the usual way the crow flies, going from being in a TV sketch show to playing one of Shakespeare's finest characters, but, hey, that's the way it has happened.
Catherine Tate
#96. There was so long from when we did the pilot and then when the show was eventually picked up by Comedy Central - and, in fact, we had to shoot the pilot twice.
Thomas Lennon
#97. I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.
Rainn Wilson
#98. I experimented with my own one-man show a couple of years ago in Aspen when HBO used to have their comedy festival there. I called it 'A History of Me.'
Alan Zweibel
#99. That night's show was watched by ten million people, so I guess that director at The Second City who said the audience "didn't want to see a sketch with two women" can go shit in his hat.
Tina Fey
#100. It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.
Tommy Chong
