Broke Up Funny Quotes

#1. I'm at a very frustrating point in my career because I'm not a millionaire. Like, people assume because you're in movies or TV, you're rich. I'm not rich, but I'm far from broke. I'm what you call a 'thousandaire.'

Aries Spears

#2. We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did.

Emma Chase

#3. Remember. Make him cry uncle.
Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#4. Inner state. You need to be extremely alert and absolutely present to be able to detect them. Whenever you do, it is a moment of awakening, of disidentification from the mind. Here is one of the most common negative states that is easily overlooked, precisely because

Eckhart Tolle

#5. The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

Henny Youngman

#6. Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ...

Fabolous

#7. I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it

Elle Kennedy

#8. No one broke his finger and got away with it.

Sarah Masters

#9. My heart broke and my mind opened, tragedy works in a funny way like that ~ what once tore me apart was actually what was setting my truth free.

Nikki Rowe

#10. I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

Steven Wright

#11. Artemis: I am not buoyed by that.
Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized.
Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.

Eoin Colfer

#12. Umm thanks for the phone. I think I already broke it ...

Robert Pattinson

#13. Lassiter came in alone, likely because Doc Jane had returned to the Pit. And the angel was naked as a jaybird ... and just frickin' fine. No bullet holes, no scars, no contusions.
You keep looking at me like that and you'd better buy me dinner afterward.

J.R. Ward

#14. I'm a serial monogamist and would never dream of being as predatory as some of the women I've played. I can actually be a bit shy.

Natalie Dormer

#15. Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

Dave Chappelle

#16. How did you not know they broke up? You usually monitor his social media like he's al-Qaeda and you're the CIA.

Heather Cocks

#17. It was funny actually because that was still during the time we were dating. He would get all these calls because supposedly before we broke up, we had already broken up in the trades, in the rags or whatever.

Rosario Dawson

#18. Go to the doctor, get a checkup, and get Pap smears regularly. Cervical cancer is very preventable, and if you catch it early, there are tons of ways to treat it as well.

Mandy Moore

#19. Nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

Curtis Sittenfeld

#20. It's hard to steer a parked car.

Jim Elliot

#21. Loneliness is the standard that separates life from death.

Sorin Cerin

#22. Well, I don't know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.

J.K. Rowling

#23. But the funny thing is, I broke my finger not on set doing kung fu. I broke my finger when I fell down the stairs prior to going on set.

Jaime King

#24. Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back.

J.R. Ward

#25. I think I have a clue how much you love me now, Hop," I told him when he broke the kiss.
"Good to know, baby," he said through a grin.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"So far from a hardship, it isn't funny, lady, but you're welcome.

Kristen Ashley

#26. I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn't figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren't so different after all.

Dora J. Arod

#27. Speaking of the motto of the New York Times, "All the news that's fit to print:" It is hard to think of any group of seven words that have aroused more newspaper controversy.

Gerald W. Johnson

#28. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money.

L. Frank Baum

#29. The vibration of his cell phone broke his reverie. "Doucette," he answered. "Meet me at the Lamothe House," Sassy replied. "Sassy, I told you I'm not that kind of girl." "Very funny, Mr. Smart Ass. Looks like we have another body." "I'm almost there," Michel said quickly, then hung up.

David Lennon

#30. I walk into the clubhouse today and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the 7th inning he'd already drunk it.

Tommy Lasorda

#31. My friend says she's smart. She reads a book to fall asleep.

Nicholaa Spencer

#32. It's received wisdom that the English are uniquely child-unfriendly.

Julie Burchill

#33. My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

Rodney Dangerfield

#34. I cannot be a character in a bad movie. I can't be.

Robert McKee

#35. The eligibility for food stamps has widened and widened; welfare has been widened - unemployment insurance and disability insurance. These are all incentives not to work.

Lawrence Kudlow