Best Bartender Sayings

#1. I feel so fortunate and lucky I don't have to be a waitress or a bartender or a personal trainer.

Abbie Cobb

#2. I remember back in Detroit, I used to go to the Apex Bar every night after I got off work. The bartender there used to call me Boom Boom. I don't know why, but he did.

John Lee Hooker

#3. I was not a great bartender, but I did OK. I wasn't great at being efficient behind the bar, but I was pretty great at talking to people. I was a pretty good waiter. It was painstaking to get me to care about the clientele of some of these places I was working at.

Jack Falahee

#4. From the end of the bar, the bartender threw a sidelong look at him, so Clarence pulled out a broken Bluetooth headset and fixed it to his ear.
"I learned this trick while traveling with Mikey," Clarence told Nick. "Makes my brand of crazy the same as everyone else's.

Neal Shusterman

#5. For a while a person is a junkie and a bartender or a junkie and a father or a junkie and a thief, but after a while he's just a junkie.

Daniel Polansky

#6. There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.

Raymond Chandler

#7. Women, you overheated dipsomaniacs, never passing up a chance to wangle a drink, a great boon to bartenders but a bane to us
not to mention our crockery and our woolens!

Aristophanes

#8. Went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

#9. I got fired from being a lunch-shift bartender because I had a reading of a play.

John Krasinski

#10. What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar? The bartender said, "Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits here." ***

Various

#11. Finish your beer," he says then nods to the bartender. "Jack. Neat.

M. Leighton

#12. I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?

Karen Marie Moning

#13. Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain't much of a crime.

Larry McMurtry

#14. So, what's it gonna be, boys? We've got a new bartender to audition.
Cheers go up all around me. Olivia's got a fan base already. She's gonna make me a killing.

M. Leighton

#15. I wouldn't recommend being a musician to anyone. It's not glamorous. It's a lot of being dirty, not eating, playing for five people and one of them is the bartender.

Dan Reynolds

#16. So you're telling me that intoxicated cowboy is my best hope of getting to Paint River Ranch tonight?"

The bartender gave a sympathetic shrug. "Yep. And you'd better catch him before he starts drinking again.

Elizabeth Otto

#17. From 1965 to 1974, I served the best possible apprenticeship for an actor. I learned firsthand how a truck driver lives, what a bartender does, how a salesman thinks. I had to make a life inside those jobs, not just pretend.

Brian Dennehy

#18. Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

W.C. Fields

#19. (Mason) took a swig of his drink and shuddered. 'Whoa - little too strong there bartender.' He scrunched his face. 'Oh shit, I am the bartender.

Martin Fillmore Clark

#20. Joe!' he called. 'Hey, honey, can you get the pretty girl a Coke?'
'Only if you stop calling me *honey*,' the bartender, a bearded man in his thirties, replied. 'We've had this discussion before, Harrison.'
'Aw, Joe. It's so cute that you think I listen.

Kody Keplinger

#21. A bartender named Murphy once told me to be careful when I hit the road because sometimes the road hits back. He was right.

Patrick Thomas

#22. Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves, and a vampire walk into a bar. "What'll you have?" the bartender asks. "We were thinking him," the vampire answers, eyeing the doctor.
Okay, jokes weren't my strong point.

Kiersten White

#23. If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.

Richard Kadrey

#24. When I reached the bar, I ordered a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from the female Klingon bartender and downed half of it.

Ernest Cline

#25. I had a bartender friend once tell me about a $14.00 shot of vodka, this was years ago it's probably more now. I thought that was crazy. From what I understand, vodka has no taste. I think people like the taste of their money.

Ian MacKaye

#26. I am what I am," Ty said. "And what is that?" Ariane asked. "A bartender. Always happy to make new acquaintances." He nodded at Bard. "Or to provide guests with drinks. Anyone thirsty?

Neal Stephenson

#27. When someone asks whether they have bourbon, the bartender says smugly, 'Yes, of course, James Beam, very good.' " "James Beam. That is

Don DeLillo

#28. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

#29. This guitar is such a pal. It's a psychiatrist. It's a doggone bartender. It's a housewife. This guy is everything. Whenever I find that I've got a problem, I'll go pick my guitar up and play. It's the greatest pal in the whole world.

Les Paul

#30. John Boehner is a member of a country club in Ohio. It turns out that the bartender was plotting to poison Boehner. Now wait a minute. Isn't that the movie with Seth Rogen and James Franco?

David Letterman

#31. I'm the bartender. Everyone talks to the bartender, remember?

Riley Hart

#32. He thought of the Englishman at the bar in the lobby again. That's what had brought it all back - the Englishman remarking to the bartender that he'd just come from New Orleans, and that certainly was a haunted city.

Anne Rice

#33. A pretty bartender, chocolate skin and ebony eyes, gave him a broad smile and an "I'll be right there" wink as she poured a glass of wine for another customer.

Tiffany Reisz

#34. Few places are more charming than a quiet cocktail lounge in the middle of the day with the ice tinkling in the glasses and the starched look of a bartender's white shirt and the clarity of the beer in the glass with the bubbles drifting up.

Robert B. Parker

#35. in there," and the first guy says, "Watch." In he goes and orders a beer. "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here," says the bartender.

Various

#36. Maybe he really did have a very rich secret life," I suggested.
"Nah."
"Nah," sneered the bartender. "He was just one of those kids who made model airplanes and jerked off all the time.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.