Top 100 Arse Quotes
#1. Jamie shook his head at me admiringly. "And here I thought I married you because ye had a fair face and a fine fat arse. To think you've a brain as well!" He neatly dodged the blow I aimed at his ear, and grinned at me.
Diana Gabaldon
#2. There's a funnel up his arse and a breeze between his ears. All the same I suppose his guess is as good as ours y'know? All he knows is 'shut up and keep going'. I mean, I for one, I can't make any philosophical advance on that. I mean, honestly - can you?
Ian Pattison
#3. Aye,Ware is your grandfather, though a more worthless arse I couldn't name.
Karen Hawkins
#5. I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
Billy Connolly
#6. He leaned in for a sniff. 'Smells like a horse's arse! I've got Ian!' -'No sniffing allowed! We never discussed sniffing! I cry foul!' Ian was outraged. 'I'm not giving you a shilling!' -'Give him a shilling! It's not his fault you smell like a horse's arse!
Julie Anne Long
#7. What an almighty balls-up. Who snorts a wasp? No sane person snorts a live wasp. It's like putting your hand up a tiger's arse. - Egg
Jamie Scallion
#8. The night didn't go so well because I broke his nose, which was an accident that happened when I hit him in the face because he touched my arse.
Cath Crowley
#9. Every writer has to make an emotional journey from artist sitting in attic to being part of a business. The writer of a film is like Tinkerbell. You are only there because people believe in you. The moment they dont, because youre a pain the arse, youve lost.
Julian Fellowes
#10. He was doing quite well until the last sentence, but if you bare your arse to a vengeful unicorn, the number of possible outcomes dwindles to one.
David Mitchell
#11. So, she said. You met your brother.
You know, said Fat Charlie, you could have warned me.
I did warn you that he is a god.
You didn't mention that he was a complete and utter pain in the arse, though.
Neil Gaiman
#12. Did you know, ma'am, that our mutual friend can say "kiss my arse" in six languages?
Liz Carlyle
#13. You will get such flattery as you deserve, and my foot in your arse the rest of the time.
Joe Abercrombie
#14. Happy St George's Day. Now kiss my beggar arse, you Puritans!
Jez Butterworth
#15. All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
Billy Connolly
#16. Oh, excellent," Ethan Stone said. "A way out. Good thing I was sure to be bitten by a radioactive spider so I can scale these walls and ceiling and shimmy my arse right out of here."
Will studied the wall shaft for a long moment. "I don't think that would work.
Courtney Allison Moulton
#17. There are two things you can be certain of: dying and getting the arse as a football coach.
Royce Hart
#18. Well if I ever stick a cape on an' start usin' ordinary human bein's to wipe me arse with, you'll know you were right to worry, won't you?
Garth Ennis
#19. That's like the dog calling the cat's arse hairy!
Marian Keyes
#20. I guess my tendency to say things as they are, without filtering, puts girls off. If you ask me how you look, and I think your dress makes your arse look fat, I'll tell you.
R.J. Prescott
#21. Years later when she was being eccentric, had shed her corset and let her arse spread unhindered by anything but her perpetual dressing gown.
Peter Carey
#23. Whether I fall on my feet or fall on my arse, I dunno. You've got to take those risks.
Ryan Kwanten
#24. You know what else I find really interesting?"
"What?"
His head lowered until I fellt his nose brush mine, and I tensed. "It's interesting how much I like waking up with my hand on your arse and my leg between yours."
"You were awake!"
He grinned. "Maybe.
J. Lynn
#25. It's interesting to see the dislocation between how people perceive a person visually. Apparently on the radio I'm blonde with a big arse.
Tamsin Greig
#26. What about Ding-Dong?"
"Detective Inspector Bell couldn't find his arse with both hands if you duct-taped them to it. Come on.
Stuart MacBride
#27. It doesn't always have to be my cock up your arse, Ben," Evander rasped. "But if you don't hurry, I swear to Christ and the angels I will throw you on your back and fuck you through the mattress myself.
Jae T. Jaggart
#28. I do ride a bicycle occasionally, but not those stupid stationary ones you see in gyms. I do have one of those, I must confess, but its quite literally a pain in the arse, so I dont use it.
Christine McVie
#29. The best cure for racism is to have somebody shoot at you. Man, it does not matter then what color the arse is that comes to save yours-black or white, you're ready to give it a big fat kiss.
Wilbur Smith
#31. I told him that without me he wouldn't be able to find his arse with his two hands,
Bill Carson
#32. I could be a bit of a pain in the arse. Since I've come out of my cancer, I must say I intend to be even more of a pain in the arse.
Harold Pinter
#33. That's the best thing I can think of. Having a good hold on your arse always makes me feel steady.
Diana Gabaldon
#34. So that I would have hesitated to exclaim, with my finger up my arse-hole for example, Jesus Christ, it's much worse than yesterday, I can hardly believe it is the same hole.
Samuel Beckett
#35. Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse
Alan Carr
#36. You're drunk."
"That's right I am. I'm fifty-three and I'm as wild as a Welshman with a leek up his arse. Fifty-three. Old slag Gail. What right has she to poke her nose into your shining armour? That's what you're thinking isn't it honey?
Jeanette Winterson
#38. After millions of years of evolution, we start stupid cults of celebrity and feed the egos of maniacs until they take our money, fuck us in the arse, and then cut our throats. We should be cutting their throats!
Adam Nevill
#39. Iss all regulated Simon, everything in this country is. Yow can't scratch yer arse without some cunt filling o form abaht it.
Wes Brown
#40. That was wonderful," Natasha lied.
"Not half; you are brilliant. Can I fuck you up the arse later?
D.M. Blowers
#41. What's with you all, anyway? You jam a stick up your own arse then preen at how tall and straight your standing.
Steven Erikson
#43. It was only a searing pain running from her coccyx that was giving her any trouble. She'd landed on her arse - which, thankfully, had enough padding on it to have saved her from anything more serious. Three cheers for fat-bottomed girls.
Debbie Johnson
#44. She had a face like a slapped arse and an arse like a bag of Doritos
Lisa McInerney
#45. Would everyone stop saying arse!" ... "I know, its called an ass, people. Ass
Samantha Young
#46. When you are up to your arse in shit there is only one thing to do. Attack.
Bernard Cornwell
#47. Well, spank my arse and call me Morgana.
Bex-chan
#48. Alone, my arse, he thought. I'll walk in alone, while my men sneak up behind them and destroy every last one of the bastards who took my woman.
Karen Marie Moning
#51. The only thing I can do is wipe my arse, brush my teeth, turn up and do the best work I can.
Tom Hardy
#52. Tony Abbott would do anything but sell his arse
Tony Windsor
#53. I'm at the age where i don't have to kiss arse or play nice!
Sharon Osbourne
#54. The word arse is as much god as the word face. It must be so, otherwise you cut off your god at the waist.
D.H. Lawrence
#55. Baby steps for your nerdy girl, she writes.
The girl clearly underestimates the power of her bum and a seductively minimal pose.
Nerdy my arse, I type back. All the cold showers in the world can't cure what u've done to me.
Cruel wife.
Wendy Higgins
#56. People think stage school is a little star factory but the truth is kids like me learned about being in a team situation and going out to work earlier than a lot of kids did. I don't know anyone from drama school who's now sitting on their arse doing nothing.
Amy Winehouse
#57. I eased back into the throne. Damn comfortable: swan-down and silk. Kinging it is pain in the arse enough without one of those gothic chairs.
Mark Lawrence
#58. Sir Falwick," said Geralt, not ceasing to smile. "If he draws his sword, I'll take it from him and beat the snotty-nosed little brat's arse with the flat of his blade. And then I'll batter the door down with him.
Andrzej Sapkowski
#59. I've just been livin' a normal life, going shopping, going out, gettin' pissed. I keep sitting on my arse doing nothing.
Lady Sovereign
#60. Sometimes being a Highland Laird was a royal pain in the arse.
Victoria Roberts
#61. I look up after the last chord and smile. I tell Antony Barellan to shove it up his arse, and I see Dad clapping his hands off. I give him a little wave to show him that it's okay to be happy. I give him a little smile to show him what it looks like.
Cath Crowley
#63. My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.
Wendy Higgins
#64. I said, I love you, you arrogant arse." She smiled. "I always have. You're my mate, Owen Breese MacLaren. The distance won't change that. It never has.
Elizabeth Morgan
#65. Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.
Helen Fielding
#66. He's only being polite. You should look the word up," Denise settled on.
Ian snorted. "And angels fly out of my arse when I fart."
First Drop of Crimson by Jeaniene Frost
Page 78
Jeaniene Frost
#67. An ample arse helps you to be weighed down and be grounded.
Pedro Almodovar
#68. I forget your name," I said.
"Most people spew shit from their arse," he retorted, "you manage it with your mouth."
"Your mother gave birth through her arse," I said, "and you still reek of her shit.
Bernard Cornwell
#69. Spinoza fucks Hegel up the arse! Spinoza fucks Hegel up the arse! Down with dialectics!
Laurent Binet
#70. If I could dance like the ladies can, it would have been my arse on your screens
Lily Allen
#71. We ought to call it something,' said Banokles thoughtfully. 'We can't just keep calling it "that big bastard horse". It ought to have a name.' 'What do you suggest?' - 'Arse Face.
David Gemmell
#72. Charlotte decided to change the subject. "You wouldn't believe what goes in these things." She offered her perfumed wrists. "Here, tell me which scent you prefer. Lilies and whale vomit, or lemon balm and beaver's arse.
Tessa Dare
#73. Is man a savage at heart, skinned o'er with fragile Manners? Or is savagery but a faint taint in the natural man's gentility, which erupts now and again like pimples on an angel's arse?
John Barth
#74. You fucking put those dick suckers anywhere near my woman again, and you'll be tasting your own arsehole, you got that?" Oliver snarled. "Now, fucking take your fruity arse behind the bar, and get me a fucking beer.
Kelli Jean
#75. Kiss me, I think. Go on, kiss me. At least grab my arse.
Cath Crowley
#76. People change, though, don't you think?" Hatsumi asked. "You mean, like, they go out into society and get a kick up the arse and grow up?
Haruki Murakami
#77. All thrones should be made of ice, I think.
Sit on that numb arse, sinking down and down, with the puddle of dissolution getting ever wider around you. Sit, dear ruler, and tell me all your grand designs.
Steven Erikson
#78. Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse but enough about Kanye West.
Stewart Francis
#80. I've played hockey most my life and I've never been badly injured ... Three weeks into curling I've got bone chips in both my elbows. I still can't lean on a table. I've even got curling injuries, believe it or not, just from falling on my arse.
James Allodi
#81. It is quite an achievement. People of liberal sympathies, stupefied by relativism, have become the apologists for a creedal wave that is racist, misogynist, homophobic, imperialist, and genocidal. To put it another way, they are up the arse of those that want them dead.
Martin Amis
#82. Tell your father he must come himself. I do not waste my time on fools and younger sons. I am old fashioned in this. I like to talk to the horse's head, not the horse's arse.
Joe Abercrombie
#83. Who was it recently invented some machine that will enable her to sign a book from 5,000 miles away? Margaret Atwood. Get off your arse, love, and sign it in person. Publishers and circumstance made you a bestselling author. Give a little back.
Nicholas Royle
#84. Everyone thinks I'm a smart arse who can solve any bloody problem. I'm not. I'm just a very old businessman and a very experienced businessman who made every mistake in the book and can recognise one when I see one.
John Harvey-Jones
#85. Destiny can sometimes be history coming back to bite you in the arse.
Hal Duncan
#86. It takes a bomb under his arse to make Hitler see logic.
Joseph Goebbels
#87. You'll be civilized or we'll leave your arse here." Johan ... "Vital Perception
D.L. Given
#88. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you...
James Joyce
#89. Yeah loads of bruises and welts, usually around the hip, arse, thigh region and elbows. Elbows got knocked up big time, but it was so much fun. I hadn't done a meaty action film in seven or eight years, so it was fun to explore that aspect of storytelling again.
Colin Farrell
#90. Defend the honor of your arse-munching couch.
Kevin Hearne
#91. You want a torch or a candle, maybe? You've got your head so far up your own arse, it must be dark in there. -Sam
Kady Cross
#92. Take it easy, I carefully suggested to a pale Jo. She was chugging a glass of Champagne so quickly I half expected the bubble to shoot right down to her arse and release tiny Champagne sparkle farts.
Becca Lee
#93. People are talking about immigration, emigration and the rest of the fucking thing. It's all fucking crap. We're all human beings, we're all mammals, we're all rocks, plants, rivers. Fucking borders are just such a pain in the fucking arse.
Shane MacGowan
#95. You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Rowan Atkinson
#96. Three lights should be fine." - Zachary
"Aye, well if it wis me, I'd want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin' oot o' my arse." - True MacDonald
Steve Alten
#97. Analytically speaking, Sigmund Freud talked out of his arse
Dean Cavanagh
#98. Look at you," he says, running his hand over my arse again. "Incredible, waiting for me to take you," he says, following its ample contours. "The way you take an order makes me wonder what I could get you to do.
Kerry Heavens
#99. You were born to find your purpose in life, not to sit on your arse and watch TV
Steven Aitchison
#100. A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have actually started a war if he had.
Terry Pratchett
