Top 100 Two Year Old Sayings
#1. I was a twenty-two-year-old single white female alone in a strange country where my sister had been killed.
Karen Marie Moning
#2. What made him imagine he could have a dialogue with them?" "He's Sokrates," I said. "He's like a two-year-old sticking pencils in his ear," she said.
Jo Walton
#3. Take any two-year-old through a car wash and their skulls are blown. FLAPS! FOAM! ROLLING THINGS! It's the closest they'll ever get to being inside a working spaceship.
Drew Magary
#4. Think of fear as a 2-year-old child who doesn't want to go grocery shopping with you. Because you must buy groceries, you'll just have to take the two year old with you. Fear is no different. In other words, acknowledge that fear exists but don't let it keep you from doing important tasks.
Jack Canfield
#5. If you give a five thousand dollar diamond ring to a two year old child, sooner or later, that child is going to lose the treasure. Even though you could have meant well, yet the child would misplace the diamond. It is obvious because that child doesn't know the value of a diamond ring.
Sunday Adelaja
#6. I hope his penis falls off. I hope it rots and falls off inside of Miss Teen USA, therefore causing her perfect, twenty-two-year-old vagina to rot and fall out of her thong when she sneezes.
Tara Sivec
#7. I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong..
Ray Romano
#8. In 1910, eighty-two-year-old Leo Tolstoy flees from his wife and dies in a railway station of exposure.
Jon Winokur
#9. Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic.
Robert Scotellaro
#10. Untuck your shirt, wipe, retuck. No one will see. Otherwise they're gonna crust on your hand like wood glue." This is Booger Training 101. Every two-year-old who doesn't have a taste for them has to learn how to properly dispose of them.
Mick Bogerman
#11. If you have ever seen a four-year-old trying to lord it over a two-year-old, then you know what the basic problem of human nature is - and why government keeps growing larger and ever more intrusive.
Thomas Sowell
#12. Sometimes, you'll watch the news and you'll see two-year-old boys in South Africa, wearing 'Spider-Man' t-shirts. It's such a global phenomenon.
James Vanderbilt
#13. Physical growth is a function of time. No two-year-old child has ever been six feet tall. Intellectual growth is a function of learning. Spiritual growth is neither a function of time or learning, but it is a function of obedience.
John Bevere
#14. Her eyes narrowed, but she wasn't yelling.
I think she liked me ... kind of. The way a mother would like an annoying spastic two year old who belonged to someone else.
Robyn Peterman
#15. Morgan threw tantrums that would impress a two-year-old.
Chloe Neill
#16. Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
#17. A ninety-two-year-old man has to open a lot of locks to recall a day when he was nine years old.
Robert McCammon
#18. It was like being around a particularly irritating two-year-old.
Charlaine Harris
#20. Yeah, well, I'll be glad to birth it if it means I can name him something normal. (Zarek)
Yeah, yeah. This from a man who whines like a two-year-old when he stubs his toe. I'd like to see you survive ten hours of childbirth. (Astrid)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#21. I'm like a twenty-two-year-old kid in a new band trying to get noticed and break through, because the vast majority of people have never seen me play live.
John Fogerty
#22. Don't. It's like playing against a two-year-old who can blast your soul right out of your body. Last time Demon played a human who beat him, he sliced him open from asshole to appetite. (Phobos)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#23. I'm not complicated at all. I say raps that your two-year-old son can learn.
Snoop Dogg
#24. I think I need a little break. I've got a two-year old. I'll be part of The Leisure Class for a while.
Lauren Ambrose
#25. Scary mommy confession #80920
I invited you into my home as a guest. And you brought my two year old permanent markers and play-doh. next time I visit you, I'm bringing your teenage daughter condoms and crack.
Jill Smokler
#26. The only thing we'll be handing you is your head. (Fraser)
Ooo. Scary. Have you ever thought of making up children's tales? You might actually succeed in frightening a two-year-old. (Sin)
Kinley MacGregor
#27. Ugh! Why couldn't anyone ever trust her? She wasn't a two-year-old. If her kindness killed her, then she was better off dead than living a cold, unfeeling life where she misered up all her feelings and possessions.' (Sunshine)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#28. Hanging out with Sam or any two-year-old is basically one big suicide watch. Their mission is to find one new way after another of offing themselves - piss in an electric socket, lick a pit bull's nose, chase an ice cream truck into traffic - and your job as a parent is to step in before it happens.
Michael J. Fox
#29. That cat is like a two-year-old with four-wheel drive.
Jack Canfield
#30. My heart goes out to the grieving parents who lost their two-year-old or their newborn.
Elizabeth Edwards
#31. I have a two year old. Just turned two a couple weeks ago, and he is my main man, he is my shadow. Every spare second, I am hanging with him.
Rodney Atkins
#32. Seventeen years ago a fiery car crash in Seattle, Washington claimed the lives of David Stranson and his two-year-old daughter. The mother, Camilla, survived with severe injuries. Attached to the police
Karpov Kinrade
#33. If you've ever hauled a 28-pound two-year-old around New York, you'll find that men fold at the knees a lot quicker than women.
Anthony Bourdain
#34. I just made it official. I'm a twenty-eight year old married woman with a twenty-two year old boyfriend who lives twenty minutes from a husband he doesn't know exists. That God I started believing in a few minutes ago is sending me straight to Hell.
Chrissy Anderson
#35. He sent Zuckerberg a letter proposing Viacom would pay $1.5 billion to buy the two-year-old company.
David Kirkpatrick
#36. I've watched two-year-old humans with interest for centuries. They're miserable. They rush about, fall down, and scream almost constantly. They hate being human! They know already that it's some sort of dirty trick.
Anne Rice
#37. The problem is that nobody talks about what they make. It's shame disguised as humility. Screw that. I'm a thirty-two-year-old assistant and I make $30,000 a year.
Camille Perri
#38. I have a two-year-old boy. Being his mom feels like I have a present I get to spend the rest of my life opening.
Jewel
#40. When I was a young mother at home with a two year old and a five year old, living on the Eastside in one of those neighborhoods where all the houses look the same, where all the cars look the same and the lawns look the same, I was writing in secret.
Deb Caletti
#41. I myself despise "Macarena," and yet I have been humming it for the past three days and my two-year-old daughter is now humming it and I'm pretty sure she will never stop.
Steve Almond
#42. We're like a two-year old playing with fire ... we're messing around with something really dangerous and don't really understand what will happen.
William F. Laurance
#43. No symphony orchestra ever played music like a two-year-old girl laughing with a puppy.
Bernard Williams
#44. A lot of people talk to kids like they're idiots. When I'm telling my two-year-old that you don't throw a dish on the floor, I explain it as if they're a 25-year-old that hasn't quite figured it out yet.
David Walton
#45. It's just that the nature of being a director is being incredibly overwhelmed with getting the shots right, dealing with the locations, and then there's a two-year-old in the scene, and all that stuff - you know, there's a lot of kids in scenes ...
Jay Duplass
#46. When I get loose, Cabarro, your ass is the first one I'm kicking." "Oh good. Hope you get out soon. Been awhile since I had a good ass-kicking." Bastien made a kissy face at him. "Says the man who's so bruised, he looks like a two-year-old banana." "Now that's just mean and hurtful.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#47. A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
#48. Some people with Tourette's have flinging tics- sudden, seemingly motiveless urges or compulsions to throw objects ... (I see somewhat similar flinging behaviors- though not tics- in my two year old godson, now in a stage of primal antinomianism and anarchy)
Oliver Sacks
#49. April is the two-week-old kitten, the month-old lamb, the six-month-old heifer, the two-year-old girl. Too young to know it has either past or future, it wears the ribbon of the fleeting present as part of itself ...
Gladys Hasty Carroll
#50. Being defiant is a two-year-old who doesn't want to go to bed when he's tired. Being resolute is standing one's ground even in the face of opposition. It's a man's virtue, not a toddler's vice.
Minisinoo
#51. The female attention I have to struggle hardest with is from my two-year-old daughter.
Dan Stevens
#52. I block the internet because I'm a two-year-old and have no self-control. I don't even look at email or hop on the internet. Once I'm down that rabbit hole, the day is lost. Again, I'm two.
Darynda Jones
#53. What I do remember is visualization of the sound of music, seeing bodies in movement in relation to how music sounded, because my mother practiced at the keyboard a lot and I also went to her lessons. As a two year old, three year old I remember seeing things in movement.
Twyla Tharp
#54. Exposure to a two-year-old boy was probably the best possible object lesson in the dangers of motherhood,
Diana Gabaldon
#55. Seriously, a thirty-something woman shouldn't be daydreaming about a fictional character in a two-hundred-year-old world to the point where it interfered with her very real and much more important life and relationships. Of course she shouldn't.
Shannon Hale
#56. Imagine a 15-year-old kid saying, 'I have two moms - it's cool.' I don't fear that at all.
Henry Rollins
#57. I don't remember not singing. I started when I was, I don't know how - what, two years old, or a year old or something like that.
Glen Campbell
#58. I can follow pretty much every programming language out there, I can make a two-hundred-year-old diary out of some really nasty ingredients, I can even make sense out of the instruction booklets that come with IKEA furniture, but I can*not* make heads or tails of this nonsense right here.
Keith R.A. DeCandido
#59. My very first acting job ever, the first time I got paid to be an actress, was in 2001, right between my sophomore and junior year in college, when I was just 19 years old. I got paid $250 every two weeks, 10 shows a week, to be in the Utah Shakespearean Festival. I was Calpurnia in 'Julius Caesar.'
Katy Mixon
#60. A letter to Dear Abby: I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting pretty expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.* (f)
Walker Percy
#61. If you do it in the bookies, it's a bet ... If you pay some 23-year-old in an Armani suit two hundred grand to go to the window for you, it's a derivative.
Paul Murray
#62. For everything I do, I think about a 6-year-old girl and her mom that I saw at my concert last night. I think about what those two individuals would think if I were at a club last night. I never want to be arrested, and I never want to get a DUI, those are my moral values.
Taylor Swift
#63. I see the mind of the five-year-old as a volcano with two vents: destructiveness and creativeness.
Sylvia Ashton-Warner
#64. When I was nineteen,
I told a thirty-
year-old man what a
fool I had been when
I was seventeen.
'We were always,' he
said glancing down, 'a
fool two years ago.
Donald Hall
#65. Well, I am becoming doddering and old but I have - I'm writing two books a year now. It's like 220,000 words or something like finished, and, honest to God, I can't do that. I really do need the help of, you know, other people working with me.
John Sandford
#66. It's certainly not easy having to spend a lot of time apart, and having a five-year-old child who's got to be at school. So we need to learn how to organize our time really well because for months we will be in two different countries.
David Thewlis
#67. Two dates in one night - not bad at all! Hannah's frown changed to a grin as she lifted the lid and dropped her very favourite five-year-old pair of Nikes inside.
Joanne Fluke
#68. I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard's summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him.
Chelsea Handler
#69. Two years ago, I was a twenty-nine year old secretary. Now I am a thirty-one year old writer. I get paid very well to sit around in my pajamas and type on my ridiculously fancy iMac, unless I'd rather take a nap. Feel free to hate me
I certainly would.
Julie Powell
#70. I remember vividly as a 15-year-old, in 1964, seeing Derry play Glentoran in the Irish Cup Final at Windsor Park in Belfast. Glentoran were one of the two big Belfast teams, along with Linfield. Any rural team playing them was up against the odds.
Martin McGuinness
#71. Hollywood's two polar types are the cynically drunken writer aggressively nursing a ten-year-old reputation and the theatrically self-conscious hermit who strides the boulevard in sandals, home-made shorts and a prophetic beard, muttering against the Age of the Machines.
Christopher Isherwood
#72. I was baptized Episcopalian when I was maybe two years old and we went to an Episcopalian church. When we moved to Georgia, we started going to a Lutheran church and I fell in love with the church there - Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd in Douglasville, Georgia. I really have a home there.
Elana Meyers
#73. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes think I'm getting old, but then I have two generations behind me so that helps puts things into perspective. I am a grandmother now, but at least my nine-year-old grandson Jude calls me Glamma and not Granny.
Stephanie Beacham
#74. Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
#75. He had to reduce his age on his bio data. Otherwise, he had little chance of getting a job. Why would an Indian company employ a forty-nine-year-old when it could get two twenty-four-year-olds for the age of one forty-niner?
Desmond Macedo
#76. I've got a group who can't play music, one bad comedian plus boyfriend, a nervous breakdown calling himself a magician, two coachloads of 70-year-old religious maniacs looking for a fight and a fancy-dress contest that nobody knew about.
Alan Bleasdale
#77. Pan took the joke good-naturedly, probably deciding it wasn't a good idea to argue with a fifteen-year-old who had just pulled two people up ten feet.
Grace Anthony
#78. I knew Marilyn over a two-year period. I met her first on a movie called 'Let's Make Love.' I photographed her at that time on and off through the time of her death. I was 22 years old and she was 34 or 35.
Lawrence Schiller
#79. You want to have two guys making out in front of your 4-year-old? It's OK with them. A guy smoking a joint, blowing the smoke into your little kid's face? OK with them. And I'm not exaggerating here. This is exactly what the secular movement stands for.
Bill O'Reilly
#80. You're a sleazy defense lawyer with two ex-wifes and an eight-year-old daughter and we all love you.
Michael Connelly
#81. Once upon a time there were two seven-year-old boys named Bruce and David. They both had mother s who loved them very much.
Each boy's day began differently.
Elaine Mazlish
#82. Two phrases I hate in reference to female characters are 'strong' and 'feisty.' They really annoy me. It's the most condescending thing. You say that about a three-year-old. It infantilises women.
Helen Mirren
#83. What did he say? You can't always pick your friends. Well, he's damn right there. I have two friends here: a fifteen year old who sees people in colours and a salsa-mad Dutch woman. I didn't pick them, they just turned up in my life, and I'm really glad.
Kirsty Eagar
#84. At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
#85. They weren't a centuries old hunter and a seventeen year old girl, sitting here at the edge of the world. They were just two people, Bonnie and Damon.
L.J.Smith
#86. My voice softens. 'How old are you?'
'I'll be eleven next year.'
I grin. 'So you're ten years old?'
He crosses his arms. Frowns. 'I'll be twelve in two years.'
I think I already love this kid.
Tahereh Mafi
#87. I'm trying to find a man to share my life with, but it's not been easy. I'm a 35-year-old woman with two small children.
Nicole Kidman
#88. I've been gone on the road for the past three years; maybe I've been home for two or three weeks in a year. I literally live - it's like one of those old movies where they show a train, and pages of a calendar are peeling away like leaves, and then there's a picture of me with gray hair.
Chris Isaak
#89. How old are you? Twelve?"
"Fourteen & three quarters."
His eyes sparkled. "You're kind of little for fourteen and three quarters."
"Am not," I replied indignantly. "I'm a sophomore this year. How old are you?"
"Seventeen and two fifths."
Hardy Cateses & Liberty Jones.
Lisa Kleypas
#90. When Chelsea was 9 months old, I was defeated for reelection in the Reagan landslide. And I became overnight, I think, the youngest former governor in the history of the country. We only had two-year terms back then.
William J. Clinton
#91. Life is short. I'm 47 years old. I've got 10 years to go where I can be the best I can be. I want those 10 years to be precious, not like before, cranking two or three movies a year. I've made a ton of movies in my life, but so what?
Jean-Claude Van Damme
#92. I have two sons, ages 38 and 25 in Texas, and my wife and seven year old daughter here in Nashville. On New Year's I'd rather be with them.
Delbert McClinton
#93. True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of eighty is left in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens.
Woody Allen
#94. When I was in my first year of college at Logan, Utah, I bought an old car for a hundred dollars. I was eighteen and thought that I knew all about driving. It was Christmastime, and my parents were living on a ranch in Wyoming. I picked up my two grandmot.
F. Burton Howard
#95. You can't live like a monk if you have two five-year-old twins. That ain't happening. Just the opposite, actually.
Scott Ellis
#96. I've decided being eaten alive by anything is my last choice of causes of death." "What's first choice?" "Kicking it at two hundred and twenty, minutes after being sexually satisfied by my thirty-five-year-old Spanish lover, and his twin brother." "There's something to be said for that,
J.D. Robb
#97. You're awake." I hold my breath when I hear Brantley's scratchy just-waking-up voice. How is it that even that's sexy? My morning voice sounds like an eighty year old woman who's smoked a pack a day since she was two.
Ra'chael Ohara
#98. I left Cuba when I was two years old. They took away my country, they stole the most intimate thing a human being can have. How could I forget that Fidel Castro was the person who did me so much harm?
Gloria Estefan
#99. One of my dreams is to become sufficiently famous that I can play this charity match that happens every year or two with celebrities at Old Trafford, at the house of Manchester United.
Demian Bichir
#100. It has taken us two million years to elevate politics from the level of a monkey squabble, to a level comprehensible to a six year old child.
Peter J. Carroll
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