Top 100 Stand Up Quotes
#1. Because they weren't just fighting for their own honor. They were also fighting for the honor of six good men who could no longer stand up for themselves. Doing right by those men wasn't a choice, it was a duty.
Laura Kaye
#2. People love my honesty when it comes to parenting. I really struggled that I wasn't fitting in with the other moms at my kids' school and then one day I said screw it and became even more honest in my stand up and career. I still don't get invited to their parties but I have pretty fun life!
Heather McDonald
#3. With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.
Michael Ian Black
#4. I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.
David Spade
#5. Shane sat like a statue if a statue wore headphones and radiated angry coiled tension that made hair stand up on a person's arms. She felt like she was sitting next to an unexploded bomb, and given all of the physics she'd had, she understood what that meant. Talk about potential energy.
Rachel Caine
#6. I was bullied by a few people who were much older than me. I went to camp to learn boxing. I was 12, and my coach was 24. I felt like if I could fight him, I could stand up to anyone.
Liam Payne
#7. The Clinton administration brought 65 cases from 1995 to 2000 before the World Trade Organization. The Bush administration has brought twelve. Twelve cases. They haven't even been able to stand up for our jobs.
Jennifer Granholm
#8. With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out, book a venue, people will come, then film it. I do all that myself; I never have to answer to anybody.
Aziz Ansari
#10. I've been doing stand-up just about every night since I started in 1989. It's my home base. But I'm into doing comedy in all mediums, platforms and situations.
Judah Friedlander
#11. Stand-up comedy is a lot about amplifying emotions and situations; movie acting has a lot to do with mellowing things down and making them subtle. The transition was almost terrifying because of the magnitude of change.
Vir Das
#12. Your life was meant to be epic. Stand up for your best today.
Robin Sharma
#13. The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
George Bernard Shaw
#14. As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.
John Hodgman
#15. I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
Doug Benson
#16. Blimey, Neville,' said Ron, 'there's a time and a place for getting a smart mouth.' 'You didn't hear her,' said Neville. 'You wouldn't have stood it either. The thing is, it helps when people stand up to them, it gives everyone hope. I used to notice that when you did it, Harry.
J.K. Rowling
#17. Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none.
Jim Gaffigan
#18. A United Nations that will not stand up for human rights is a United Nations that cannot stand up for itself.
Kofi Annan
#19. Jews have always thought that having someone elevated with his head above the grass was not good for the Jews. I never felt that way. I believe that you have to stand up.
Ed Koch
#20. I started doing stand up when I was 19. Because I was underage at the time, at certain clubs I would be forced to wait outside until it was my time to go on stage. Then I would do my set, walk off, and be kicked out again.
Anna Akana
#21. Stand-up comedy is mine: it's my entity; it's my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it.
Kevin Hart
#22. These children that come at you with knives
they are your children. You taught them. I didn't teach them. I just tried to help them stand up.
Charles Manson
#23. Stand-up comedy had an interesting effect on me in terms of how I started to think about constructing things, because I really loved the interstices, the linkages, or lack thereof.
Mark Leyner
#24. But you really - I always think that a director has got to adapt to whatever the needs of the actor are. You know, so if you take someone like Eddie Murphy, who is not a big fan of rehearsal. You know he comes out of stand-up. He comes - it's all about capturing the moment - in the moment, you know.
Bill Condon
#25. You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'
Louis C.K.
#26. A man must stand up for what he believes in - especially in this culture war between good and evil.
Ted Nugent
#27. Now, why would a dead girl lie?
Hey! That sounds like a joke. Why would a dead girl lie? Answer: Because she can't stand up.
Jay Asher
#28. A jury is more apt to be unbiased and independent than a court, but they very seldom stand up against strong public clamor. Judges naturally believe the defendant is guilty.
Clarence Darrow
#29. You know what guys do? They stand up for people. You know why? Two reasons. It's right. And it feels good. Even if the person doesn't know what you did. Maybe especially then.
David Lubar
#30. Now I can stand up on the stage again like I used to after five years of sitting down while I sang.
Etta James
#31. Somebody's going to have to stand up to ISIS. It is a threat. When we have Americans beheaded, when we have people posing as refugees and become terrorists as in France, this is a scary time in the world.
Rick Scott
#32. I think Democracy is threatened in a way it hasn't been in two hundred years, and if America doesn't stand up, we're in big trouble.
Rosie O'Donnell
#33. If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.
Patton Oswalt
#34. I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin
#35. I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
#36. A stand-up's job is to hold the mirror up to society and to look at what we're afraid of. That's why we had shows like 'All in the Family' and 'The Jeffersons.' We made fun of ourselves then.
Tracy Morgan
#37. What's the point of having beliefs and values if we don't stand up for the former and live by the latter?
Colleen Patrick-Goudreau
#38. There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone.
Marcus Brigstocke
#39. you pinned
my legs to
the ground
with your feet
and demanded
i stand up
Rupi Kaur
#40. I think a lot of people get into stand-up to be the center of attention, which is perfectly legitimate. But I think I got in there to be heard.
W. Kamau Bell
#41. My show is not just a cop hosting a talk show - the two are completely different. My show is about helping people stand up to the bad guy.
Steve Wilkos
#42. Allah's the Arabic term for God. Stand up for God, fight for God, work for God and do the right thing, and go the right way, things will end up in your corner.
Muhammad Ali
#43. I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not.
Garry Shandling
#44. A fact is like a sack - it won't stand up if it's empty. To make it stand up, first you have to put in it all the reasons and feelings that caused it in the first place.
Luigi Pirandello
#45. In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian.
Bobcat Goldthwait
#46. I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.
Dane Cook
#47. I will never stop doing stand-up; that's my career, but I will do movies in Hollywood.
Russell Peters
#48. To stand up on the stage is to say to many people: Look at me. How can you do that without speaking the only truth you know? There is no such thing as an uncommitted actor.
Judith Malina
#49. A lot of stand-up comedy is embarrassing: too many idiots doing it in orange neckties against brick walls. I find most sitcoms embarrassing, too, because they seem so forced.
Tracey Ullman
#50. When love is our guiding light, we can break through barriers to be of loving service to the world. Gaining the courage and confidence to stand up for what you believe in is not always easy, but it's fully within your reach.
Marianne Williamson
#51. It takes a strong person to stand up to his or her fate and overcome the obstacles that stand in the way of freedom and success, but I believe in you.
Pax Prentiss
#52. There's nothing nicer than getting a round of applause for turning up for work. It's amazing! You start work, and people clap. Do you know what I mean? And then they stand up and clap at the end.
James Corden
#53. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
Joan Rivers
#54. Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it's for a check. It's not what I want to do. Comedy's my thing. Stand up's my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.
Gabriel Iglesias
#55. I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.
Billy Gardell
#56. It's a hard thing when you've got guns pointed at you, to still stand up for what you believe in. Jimmie Lee and his family did that, and several others.
Keith Stanfield
#57. It required a strong heart to stand up against such talk, but I urged my people to be quiet and not to begin a war.
Chief Joseph
#58. Popularity isn't the end-all, be-all. What matters far more is that you stick to your principles, that you stand up and you live a life of integrity.
Ted Cruz
#59. In ourselves, we are sinners, and yet through faith we are righteous by the imputation of God. For we trust him who promises to deliver us, and in the meantime struggle so that sin may not overwhelm us, but that we may stand up to it until he finally take it away from us.
Martin Luther
#60. Kelsey laughed and the sound moved through him, made the hairs on his arms stand up, made his
heart beat faster
Maisey Yates
#61. Stand up for Truth, even if you stand alone.
Suzy Kassem
#62. For those who sit on the stairs, a good quote is a strong invitation to stand up and to go up the stairs!
Mehmet Murat Ildan
#64. Identity is a concept of our age that should be used very carefully. All types of identities, ethnic, national, religious, sexual or whatever else, can become your prison after a while. The identity that you stand up for can enslave you and close you to the rest of the world.
Murathan Mungan
#65. When you stand up there and do a press conference, it's a very preoccupied moment. You're standing in front of cameras; people are watching you; it's not so easy to be at ease.
Christine Quinn
#66. I like your mother. you have your mother's breasts."
"her breasts."
"great stand-up tits." he said
Don DeLillo
#67. My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.
Lewis Black
#68. It's not whether you fall or make a mistake, it's what you do when you fall. And I say you stand up. You keep standing up. It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you stand up.
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
#69. It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been good to me.
Daniel Tosh
#70. The skill of a good actor is to make it always seem like you're in that fantastically spontaneous moment. Very often, a stand-up comedian has a different instinct, which is to reinvent. Once you've laid down some material, and made them laugh, you move on and find some new material.
Colin Firth
#71. In the path of compassion our patience, resilience and endurance are often challenged. Sometimes we may fail but we have to stand up again because ultimate joy of compassion is immeasurable for us and the whole world.
Amit Ray
#72. You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away and you can make your changes accordingly.
Michael Showalter
#73. I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything.
Norm MacDonald
#74. And there's another thing: a man should stand up to his bad luck, to his mistakes, to his conscience and all that sort of thing. Why--what else would you have to fight against.
Joseph Conrad
#75. I want every American to be free to stand up for his rights, even if sometimes he has to sit down for them.
John F. Kennedy
#76. Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it.
Jeff Dunham
#77. Don't forget, I've been fired by studios; I'm not the studio's guy. I'm a guy who can work with studios, but if you ask any studio, I stand up to these people.
Glen Mazzara
#78. When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
Sam Kinison
#79. She gets away with it. Everybody co-signs her bad behavior. It's like we all are co-dependent on Lindsay Lohan. When are we going to stand up to her?
Jane Velez-Mitchell
#80. Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.
Aziz Ansari
#81. Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
Norm MacDonald
#82. I just love the subversion of dialogue in sitcoms, stand-up is monologue and that is entertaining for a lot of people but personally I find it a bit trying, which is a weird thing to say as a stand-up! I love people aping normal conversation and twisting it so it becomes hilarious.
Doc Brown
#83. Stand-up used to be much more of a form combat. Heckling was much more common [in the '90s]. And I couldn't get stage time, and so I would go out to Pip's in Sheepshead Bay.
Jim Gaffigan
#84. Hence I have no mercy or compassion in me for a society that will crush people, and then penalize them for not being able to stand up under the weight.
Malcolm X
#85. Think about the adiamante." I was too tired to say much more. "It says more than I can." And it did - the hardest manmade substance, and it couldn't stand up to the souls of human beings.
L.E. Modesitt Jr.
#86. I've a belt that I have worn for every single stand-up comedy session since I was 19. I fear if I ever lose it, my career would crumble. That's my one OCD.
Vir Das
#87. Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage - it's your job.
Robin Williams
#88. I've been driving in the city for years because, as a stand-up in N.Y.C., you can perform at more comedy clubs a night if you have a car. Getting from club to club by subway is too slow at night and too expensive by cab. So, many comics live far out from Manhattan and drive in every night.
Judah Friedlander
#89. You don't need to be stable to be a stand-up comedian.
David Steinberg
#90. Stop crying; stand up and look around you; there is always a way out in life!
Mehmet Murat Ildan
#91. I've always been very interested in ensemble work. One reason why I don't go out and do a stand-up act is that I did it once and I found it unsatisfying. I don't really like being out there by myself. I like reacting with other people.
Paul Reubens
#92. I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.
Margaret Cho
#93. My goal is to forever do stand up.
Tone Bell
#94. Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.
Janeane Garofalo
#95. We wanted to do a crime that the world would have to stand up and take notice.
Susan Atkins
#96. These are tough times and under this Tory-led government many people in Manchester are suffering and getting left behind. If elected I will use all my energy, skills, experience and knowledge to stand up for our communities and get things done for the better.
Lucy Powell
#97. You can't stand up in a Cadillac, either.
Bill Lear
#98. I do not accept the belief that the United States of America and our government can't stand up to the ripoffs of the pharmaceutical industry which charge us by far the highest prices in the world for prescription drugs.
Bernie Sanders
#99. All the men in the joint raised me up, told me what to do, what was right and wrong, told me when to sit down,
when to stand up, I just did whatever I was told.
Charles Manson
#100. Family values stand up to injustice and power outside the household.
Ralph Nader
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