Top 100 Stand Up Quotes
#1. Stand up to your rights to protect your integrity.
Emily Bilman
#2. Stand up for what you believe in, because you can fall for anything.
Les Brown
#3. My old man says when it's time to be counted, the important thing is to be man enough to stand up.
Robert A. Heinlein
#4. Robots should stand up for themselves and not try to be humans. They should either utterly destroy us or protect us from aliens. And vampires. And pirates.
Daniel H. Wilson
#5. It's also that comedians don't have the kind of narcissism that actors have. They're writers who perform their own material. It's more interesting. And they're sexy because they risk more. Stand-up comedians risk more than anyone.
Rachel Weisz
#6. When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class.
J. B. Smoove
#8. Love and I once had a great relationship, but I fear we've broken up. It cheated on me, wrecked my heart, and then went on to date other people. A lot of other people. And I can't stand to watch it, since love's going to cheat on them too.
David Levithan
#9. The airline business is it is mostly run by a bunch of spineless nincompoops who actually don't want to stand up to the environmentalists and call them the lying wankers that they are.
Michael O'Leary
#10. I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you.
Dylan Moran
#12. I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor ... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.
Steve Carell
#13. Have four things going. I have stand-up comedy, two television shows and I'm working on a play. I like to work, and I fear that something could fall through. You know what they say: 'The show must go off.'
Joy Behar
#14. I don't care what I do - act, stand-up, write, direct - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being creative and it's good work.
Jeff Garlin
#15. An absolutely necessary part of a writer's equipment, almost as necessary as talent, is the ability to stand up under punishment, both the punishment the world hands out and the punishment he inflicts upon himself.
Irwin Shaw
#16. Part of what my music represents is to stand up and be the voice of those who feel like they are not heard and want to be treated with respect regardless of race, color, orientation - android, cyborg, whatever.
Janelle Monae
#17. On the stand, I asked the witness, "What's your occupation?"
"Make-up artist."
"Objection!" I replied, "Lack of foundation.
Natalya Vorobyova
#18. I stand up for what I believe in and a lot of the time that can be against people's opinions.
Rihanna
#19. We in Los Angeles, who have ourselves been helped to stand up - to recover and rebuild after a disaster - want to help the families and communities of the Gulf Coast,.
Antonio Villaraigosa
#20. I love revolutionaries who have the courage to stand up against the status quo. They're always misunderstood, but they're the ones who are standing up for human rights.
Richard Hatch
#21. The way we're going to win elections in this country is not to become Republican lite. The way we're going to win elections in this country is to stand up for what we believe in.
Howard Dean
#22. As women, we must stand up for ourselves. We must stand up for each other. We must stand up for justice for all.
Michelle Obama
#23. If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny.
Judah Friedlander
#24. I believe the ones who stand up for what we say, which is stay inside the Eurozone, try to fix some things in the memorandum and try to help Greece get out of this mess without leaving the Eurozone, without leaving Europe.
Eva Kaili
#25. Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.
Denis Leary
#26. I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
Bo Burnham
#27. I may not be loud but that doesn't mean I'm not strong within myself. My mum and dad instilled in me to stand up for what I believe in - and I do.
Leona Lewis
#28. When you stand at the bottom of the mountain and look up at the mountaintop, the path looks hard and stony, and the top is obscured by clouds. But when you reach the top and you look down, you realize that there are a thousand paths that could have brought you to that place.
Roz Savage
#29. What are the differences between me and you, I stand up and continue you just stay down and don't move and you think that nobody will touch. But when you are down, you always easy to be attacked - You will find down "IT" :D :D
Deyth Banger
#30. New York State is giant and has some of the most beautiful landscape on the Eastern seaboard. There is so much history in New York State, from the Erie Canal to the Catskills, the birth of American stand-up comedy.
Adam Savage
#31. I am very careful about what I eat, and I exercise pretty much every day, whether it be rock-climbing, running, Muay Thai, yoga, horse riding, stand-up paddleboarding, or plain and simple working out.
Sebastian Roche
#32. I'm always thinking I'm messing up. I did a lot of classes. I can't stand being on stage or the only one talking in a room, so class really helped me deal with that. It doesn't really get any easier, but it helps you focus on the acting.
Travis Fimmel
#33. And now he was mine and I said we should not let our love be threatened.
We should not let the family fall apart.
We should not accept an evil we can change.
We would stand up against it, would we not?
Yes. We should.
We would be heroes, even.
E. Lockhart
#34. What's profound and exciting is the way young people are taking advantage of the fact that the Internet enables everyone to have a megaphone. It enables everyone to stand up and say, 'I deserve to be heard, and I demand that you listen.'
Chelsea Clinton
#35. There's a new television generation coming in every five or 10 years, and the classic stories stand up to being redone.
Rebecca Eaton
#36. I'm going to try really hard not to be bossy, but I've only done stand-up comedy and then my own show where you're the total boss of everything!
Rosie O'Donnell
#37. I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.
Wendy Liebman
#38. If the world is upside down the way it is now, wouldn't we have to turn it over to get it to stand up straight?
Eduardo Galeano
#39. Stand at the base and look up at 3,000 feet of blankness. It just looks like there's no way you can climb it. That's what you seek as a climber. You want to find something that looks absurd and figure out how to do it.
Tommy Caldwell
#40. There are self-awareness groups, to help you discover who you really are ... encounter groups, to help you deal with who you really are ... assertiveness training groups to help you stand up for who you really are ... Suddenly, the only way to become an individual is to join a group.
Cathy Guisewite
#41. RIDER FOR THE FUNERAL OF AMY SCHUMER: . . . The actual body of AMY SCHUMER should be propped up on a chair in the northwest corner of the room, wearing aviator sunglasses and her trusted snow hat that reads, 'No Coffee, No Workee," a motto in life that she will continue to stand by in the afterlife.
Amy Schumer
#42. I think we have to ask this administration, and the President specifically, about using their political capital now to stand up for the American consumer who is getting clobbered by these gasoline and oil prices.
Ron Wyden
#43. Stand-up is successful if they laugh. It's unsuccessful if they don't laugh.
Kumail Nanjiani
#44. I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
#45. Stand up and take your dissonance like a man.
Charles Ives
#46. We want to enable Start-Ups and make India no 1 in this field. Start-Up India and Stand-Up India!
Narendra Modi
#47. There are always a few who stand up in times of communal madness and have the courage to say that what unites us is greater than what divides us.
Geraldine Brooks
#48. Married people do stand up so for each other when you say a word, however they may fight between themselves.
Margaret Oliphant
#49. Reason doesn't always stand up to pain and come out the victor.
Amy A. Bartol
#50. I'm not a comedian, I'm not a stand-up and I don't come from a comedy background. I am an actor, but I've had a very fortunate foray into comedy, and it seems to have become a bit of a strength, and you can't complain when you become known for something.
Darren Boyd
#51. If Republicans are going in the wrong direction, I am still willing to stand up against them.
Steve Scalise
#52. I would say that I have a love-hate relationship with almost everything in my life, including stand-up.
Chelsea Peretti
#53. The drummer's always going to be there. They're the floor of the whole deal and everyone can stand up on you.
Ringo Starr
#54. Whoever is unable to stand up for an ideal with his person, his arm, his blood, is unworthy of that ideal, and no matter how intellectual one may become, what matters is that one remains a man.
Thomas Mann
#55. The awakening of the soul to its bondage and its effort to stand up and assert itself - this is called life.
Swami Vivekananda
#56. If I couldn't stand up for what I believed in, then I wasn't the person I strived to be.
Mariana Zapata
#57. Stand up for what is right, regardless of who is committing the wrong.
Suzy Kassem
#58. When I am in the Scottish Parliament chamber, I often feel the need to sit for the entire debate. It's only courteous to listen to what everyone has to say, although I often find myself desperate to say something but too scared to stand up in case I regret it.
Margo MacDonald
#59. I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.
Robin Williams
#60. Thank god there's no 48-hour race anywhere in the world, because chances are nobody could beat Porsche in a 48 hour race. They're probably the only cars in the world that would stand up for something like that.
Carroll Shelby
#61. Growing up, I was taught that a man has to defend his family. When the wolf is trying to get in, you gotta stand in the doorway.
B.B. King
#62. Love one another, Jesus said. Sometimes it took a lifetime to learn how. Sometimes it took someone to hit rock bottom to make someone reach up and grasp hold and be lifted from the mire to stand on a firm foundation.
Francine Rivers
#63. I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career - anything for a laugh.
Bob Uecker
#64. So it was a crossroads summer, when the universe seemed to stand perilously still like an egg wobbling on a precipice, a regular rite of passage summer that saw us traverse the hazardous divide between the illusions of boyhood and the far more pernicious deceptions of maturity, et cetera.
Sol Luckman
#65. We need to get our sons and daughters home and their responsibility for the security of Iraq needs to be assumed by Iraqis who will stand up and toe the line for their countries.
Jay Inslee
#66. [Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.
Doug Stanhope
#67. Small streams of hatred can quickly lead to unstoppable, horrific things, so [people] should stand up to any type of persecution or discrimination, whether bullying or malicious gossip.
Susan Pollack
#68. What Jeremy likes about showers is the way you can stand there, surrounded by water and yet in absolutely no danger of drowning, and not think about things like whether you fucked up on the Spanish assignment, or why your mother is looking so worried.
Kelly Link
#69. Grow taller than your failures; never give up. People who are content with where they are will never be passionate about making greater accomplishments in their lives.
Israelmore Ayivor
#70. You are well within your rights to stand up, interrupt everyone around you and say, 'This is not who I am. This is not what I want. I'm sorry, but you've mistaken me for somebody else.
Iain S. Thomas
#71. No country should deny people their rights because of who they love, which is why we must stand up for the rights of gays and lesbians everywhere.
Barack Obama
#72. Sometimes it just feels so amazing to finally stand up for yourself. I highly recommend it. Life is too short to be taken for granted.
Demi Lovato
#73. What we need is some people to stand up with the courage of their convictions, to do what they promised when they ran for election, and fight to stop Obamacare.
Jim DeMint
#74. Mum would have a panic attack if she had to stand up and give a speech around a table.
Lily James
#75. I was a rule-follower. I obeyed all forms of authority. I had never before encountered a situation where the authority was clearly wrong and I had to stand up for what was right.
Linda Kage
#76. If you can look at somebody and say, 'I never loved you, you were a mistake,' that's one thing. But if you look at him and say, 'You were everything and I poisoned it because I wouldn't stand up for myself,' that's hard. That's too hard ...
Jennifer Crusie
#77. Is this a generation of orphans who are going to the improv to do stand-up?
Mindy Kaling
#78. Looking back, I remember my family laughing a lot. We were never the kind of people that dwelled on hard times. My family laughs when things are tough. Growing up like that, I got used to making jokes about things that were difficult. So when I started doing stand-up, that's what I went towards.
Cristela Alonzo
#79. Just what is it that academics have to fear if they stand up for common decency, instead of letting campus barbarians run amok?
Thomas Sowell
#80. Mostly actors are progressive because we are accustomed to all the nuances of human life, whereas dictators just try to flatten it all out. So we usually try to stand up to dictators like, well, we won't mention names.
Jane Fonda
#81. Always stand up for what you believe in. Always defend yourself and your beliefs.
Carol Alt
#82. I did stand-up for a good number of years while I was still living in New York, and those people primarily knew me as 'the kid stand-up.'
Samm Levine
#83. At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
#84. Mortal through I be, yea ephemeral, if but a moment
I gaze up at the night's starry domain of heaven,
Then no longer on earth I stand; I touch the Creator,
And my lively spirit drinketh immortality.
Ptolemy
#85. John Green has written a powerful novel - one that plunges headlong into the labyrinth of life, love, and the mysteries of being human. This is a book that will touch your life, so don't read it sitting down. Stand up, and take a step into the Great Perhaps.
KL Going
#86. I'm not going to freeze under the pressure. I'm hoping I can stand up to it.
Carly Rae Jepsen
#87. Engaging with creativity in a serious way is a shamanistic activity, and by extension when you choose to follow a mystical path you cannot have a "normal" life within the community. Your job is to stand outside the community and hold up the mirror.
Kevin Keck
#88. It does not do to use it with forms whose origin is intimately bound up with a specific material simply because no technical difficulties stand in the way.
Adolf Loos
#89. It's not about going around trying to stir up trouble. As long as you're honest and you articulate what you believe to be true, somebody somewhere will become your enemy whether you like it or not.
Criss Jami
#90. You can't just carry everyone else's hopes and fears around in your backpack and expect to stand up straight.
David Kirk
#91. If I can sit down for freedom, you can stand up for children.
Rosa Parks
#92. Courage is contagious: When one person of courage stands up, others are affected and stand up with him
Nora Raleigh Baskin
#93. It is precisely the presence and help of Christ in times of suffering that makes it possible for us to stand up under pressure.
R.C. Sproul
#94. Will you stand up an fight? he wondered bitterly. Or do you intend to remain on your knees for ever?
Paul Stewart
#95. I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.
Johnny Vegas
#96. I feel like every time I go out, I want to do a good job. I want people to say that he's just as good at stand-up as he is in some of the movies I've seen him in, so I try to do the best every time I go out there.
Chris Tucker
#97. What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.
Aziz Ansari
#98. Hey, man, I toss a stick for a living. Gotta spice up that deal, y'know. Gotta stand out.
Breaux Greer
#99. Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to.
Bo Burnham
#100. My goal was to do something that incorporated all the stuff I do and have it feel like something new, like it was hopefully taking the stand-up special paradigm and turning it on its head.
Nick Kroll
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